


The Underground Alchemist of London

by Yani_Senpai



Series: Roelia Series [1]
Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-08-14 10:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 112,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20190610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yani_Senpai/pseuds/Yani_Senpai
Summary: Takes place season 3×02 thru comics era and further. Canon divergence throughout comics era and acts as a "season 5" to Victor and Henry's storylines.Roelia Deopham was a name Victor hadn't heard since leaving university, so when he entered a so called alchemist's laboratory, he didn't expect the woman seated at the desk to be the same chipper, confident woman from his early years into the sciences. Her assistance proves valuable, but her entanglements in the underground society of alchemists prove to be more than just visiting a friend for Victor.





	1. Reunion

The underground alchemist, a name that had been recently whispered around London, especially with the growing illness. The stories of a cure-all medicine always became popular among times of illness. An alchemist, all things considered, could be everything that Victor needed at the moment. One that was actually good at the practice, mainly. The morphine wouldn’t be necessary if this alchemist could provide him with a cure for his grief. He supposed that wasn’t the ailments that a philosopher's stone would cure, but the conversation of someone who understood his lust for revival may be good company, if nothing else. So to hear the shopkeep telling the man that Victor was now following of the alchemist hiding in the depths of London’s tunnels was a welcome distraction from everything that had happened. The man hadn’t noticed him following, and by the time he got to the entrance, and a small girl poked her head out of the doorway when he knocked, Victor was hidden in the darkness around the corner. The girl sniffled, then turned the man away. He grew angry, and then anguished. The small girl didn’t speak to him, just closed the door. His return footsteps were angry, but also stumbling and weak. A lot how Victor felt at the moment. He approached now, rapping on the door in the same way the previous man just had. The girl stared at him, not asking him anything. He shifted uncomfortably, then spoke. “I’d just like a word with the alchemist, if I could. I’m a doctor you see.”

The girl nodded him in, taking him through a weaving hallway, the lights growing brighter as they entered an even more ornate door than the first. In the middle of that spanning, cluttered room sat a desk atop structured levels, stair like circular platforms, and seated at that desk was a surprisingly familiar face. Someone who was not even in Victor’s thoughts since college. She didn’t look up at him, just kept writing in her journal. “How can I help you, good sir?”

“I’d just like a word with you.”

“The trick to being here is asking for my company, as it turns out. She’s turned away many this week. Must be something going round.” The woman looked up now, glancing at his face. He expected perhaps a warm welcome, due to their previous friendship, or perhaps to be immediately removed from the room due to his ostracization among the scholars who taught her. She just stared at him a moment, a silent hesitation hanging on her lips. After she didn’t speak, he offered a quiet response. “Do you remember my visage, or are you just in awe of my appearance?”

“You don’t look well.” She mumbled. “It’s not as if you’re the most handsome of men I’ve met.”

“It’s Victor--Victor Frankenstein? From college.”

“Yes, I know who you are.” She nodded. “But you do not look well. Full of regret and morphine, I assume.” Her voice wasn’t hard, persay, but it wasn’t comforting. 

“How have you been?” He watched her tip her head up from her writing, the same clip she’d worn years ago, metal molded into the crude shape of a butterfly still sitting on the back of her head, holding all of her dark strawberry blonde hair into a bun, a similar shape on her earrings, and the same animal motifs on the lace arms and shoulders of her lilac gown. 

“I have been here. I graduated from University top of the class. Once I didn't have Henry to compete with, the chemistry program was a breeze. I studied a long while as an apprentice, but my master died, and then his son, my master after he did as well. And to that, he left his studies in alchemy with me. All I did was continue them. I’ve come to be known as the underground alchemist. I make medicines, primarily, but I do more than that on my spare time.”

“May I still call you Roe, then?”

“Only if I’m allowed to call you Vic.” She flashed her first smile at him since he’d come in, but it faded quick as something rolled in the distance. 

“What was that?”

“Thunder from far underground.” She mumbled. “Sounds quite different.”

“You still don’t like them? Storms, I mean.”

“We fear even those things we understand, yes? They do not bother me near as much as they did before. Seen much more unnerving things than pressure in the clouds.”

Victor paused, looking her over. “You know--” He paused. “We frown on alchemy. It doesn’t work. It’s wrong.”

“Alchemy is just a precursor to Chemistry, yes? That’s what we learned in school? Didn’t we also learn that one cannot revive the dead?”

“Point taken.”

“And you succeeded in that?”

“I...would rather not discuss it.”

“Just a yes or no.” She shrugged. “Or neither.”

“Yes.”

“And so...” She shifted, pointing to the shelf straight across from her. “If you would like to learn what I have succeeded in that supposedly does not work, check the journal labelled 'Smear Laboratory--collaboration with Deopham'.” 

"I assume Smear was your teacher's name?"

Roe tipped her head at a bookshelf, going back to her work, nose back into her notes. “Watch the cage.” She said gently. “It’s not the most silent creature, but chimera can only be so quiet.” 

“You’re joking.” She didn’t respond, tucking a lock of hair back into her hair clip. “That can’t be less interesting than the book.”

“You will personally like the book more.”

Victor approached the cage, glancing into it, seeing nothing but the snout of a hunting dog, before looking back at the bookshelf. He plucked the journal she’d asked for from it, and as he turned around, a growl followed by a low groan emanated from the cage. Roe waved a hand at it, and the thing hushed. “Minds well.” 

“One of few. Likely because it used to be a dog.” 

“You used to treat animals with such care. Even the rats.”

“I still do. A chimera is nothing but a different animal. Some think they should only take human form but it would be illogical to start on humans when smaller, less complex creatures exist. That and it is forbidden.” 

“Why didn’t you join us? When we left school?” 

“I was still studying. I did not have time.” 

“You were fearful.” 

“You were resurrecting a full human being. The two of you were destined to be shunned.” 

“And what about that is different from what you do? Trying to build unhindered medicines, to find the trick to immortality. You are the same as I.” 

“I merely look for results.” She shrugged. “Being ignored for fallacy is better than being thrown out for your results.” 

“You seem to have gotten results of your own since we last met. Made a name for yourself.” 

Roe looked up now. “Roelia the pharmacist. Roe the chemist. The underground alchemist. Tell me, which one was it you heard?” 

“I already knew Roe and suspected Roelia.” He smirked, climbing the stairs to the desk and sitting across from her. “But I heard of the underground alchemist. I never would have thought it was you.” 

Roe didn’t look up, continuing her writing in silence as Victor flipped open the notebook, her handwriting still as delicate and flowing as he remembered. It’d been a few years since he’d even remembered the woman, but sitting in a dark laboratory with something boiling in the background and a dull hum of a generator in the distance brought back university memories. Roe’s research on herbal plants didn’t surprise him--her careful sketches and tiny notes, and as he flipped through he found it slowly turned to tinctures, and near the middle of the book, there was a long focus on plant stones, and a drawing of a bowl that sat on a table above the cage that had growled at him was on said page. He glanced now, and the bowl was filled with small stones of varying colors. He looked over at Roe, who didn’t look up from her notes. Soon, though, the stones turned to medicine, cures for things as small as a minor cough to as large as rehabilitations of lobotomy gone awry. Roe turned away as she yawned. It was getting rather late. “The advancements this would bring to medical science would spring it ahead years.”

“And yet, even if I were to bring it among our peers, they would ignore it. Science is shunned by the catholics unless it suits them.”

“Very true.”

“That, and medicine aims to make money. I aim to help others. If I give away my cures to those truly in need, the secrets stay with those who respect them.”

“Do you suggest that you aren’t in need of the money?”

“My family’s line is left with me.” She mumbled. “I never married. My parents are gone. The royalties of the plays that my father wrote will not dry up until well into my life, and by then, I’ll live however is appropriate.”

“I see.”

“And you?” She paused, finally putting her pen down. “How have you been?”

“Good, good.” He shrugged. 

“Well, I had hoped you would choose not to lie to me.” She shook her head. “I mean really.”

He paused, looking over at her. “I have...been far from well.”

Roe stepped up from her desk, careful of her skirts as she stepped down to a drawer, pouring a glass of some pink sparkling liquid and handing it to him, taking one for herself. “Don’t worry, it’s not poison. It’ll help you detox a bit. Help you to remember, to clear your head. The morphine clouds it, yes?”

“What’s in it?”

“Kratom and something called Buprenorphine. A good mix of your science and my alchemy, you think? It’s just additives, the rest of it is a very light wine.”

Victor shook his head. “I’m not sure I want to detox. It’s not particularly worth it.”

“Then it’ll bring you down from shooting up an hour ago. I don’t need you sober. I don’t need you at all, Vic. But if you’d like to talk, that’ll help.”

“And you’re taking it?”

“The chemicals were added to yours only. The Kratom is perfectly safe. A different high, but one that’s unnoticeable if diluted.”

“Fine.” He mumbled. “It’s just...not been easy.” She stood in the dim light and watched as he took the drink, something serene in her eyes as she flipped her notes closed, stuffing them into the desk, giving full attention to her drink at first, then turning to Victor as he was ready to speak. “Before I do...Have things been difficult for you, at all? Since college?”

“My parents died. It wasn’t in suffering...it was quick. Violent, but quick. An assumed robbery. I do not care, nor do I wish to know what it was that really happened. My original teacher died while I was out one night, and his son, my second teacher hung himself in this laboratory. I found him one afternoon, clutching our work. His hands settled around it like he wanted to ensure no one saw it when they discovered him but...I did, and he probably knew I would search him. His secrets were my secrets.” 

“A father figure?”

“No.” She shook her head, a chuckle emanating from somewhere in her throat. “He was much more versed in it, but he learned from his father from a young age, but when we met he was only a few years older than I.”

“I see. You were involved?”

She blinked at him, looking surprised. “Ah, no. Not involved, persay. I was fond of him, but not in any way you would be fond of a lover. His feelings toward me were of no consequence and I did not know them. The small successes were enough to create a cure for many things, but never a cure for sadness. He lived with much sadness and it killed him. It’s not good to wallow in grief and regret, and unhealthy to allow someone else's melancholy to infect you.”

“He had much of that, then?”

“He was unable to save his own father. A man who knew how to turn plants into their most basic of elements, to merge animals without losing their consciousness, and to treat ailments many believe untreatable still managed to die because my teacher was not a good enough alchemist to save him. His successes all came too late, and he grieved over every one. Whenever we made a breakthrough, he would wonder why it took him so long to get there. For that I became better at it than he. I like results. He liked regrets. I was a scholar. He was a scared boy. I think I spent more time with him as a confidant than he spent with me as a student.” She smiled gently. 

“So it’s not been easy.”

“It’s been far from it. But I try to keep my head up. No reason to let sadness linger. When you do, it seeps into all you are.” The small girl stepped into the room, and Roe looked up. She tipped her head at her, then nodded, as if they were communicating without words. “Go on then. He’s not exactly dangerous.” 

The girl nodded, opening the cage, pulling out a dog with a snake’s lower body, like a particularly ugly mermaid, carrying it out with her. “Who is she?”

“A girl with no family. I think she’s an immigrant who was hidden, her parents taken back to their country.”

That explained her complexion. “But you don’t know?”

“She was Don’s assistant.” She shrugged. “And now she’s mine. It gives her a place to call home.” 

Victor nodded, downing the rest of his drink. “You understand that human connection is difficult for anyone. But to create a human, and to see it unable to connect. That is difficult, more than one would think. To create life and have it torn to pieces in front of you. To create life and see it slip through your fingers despite how much you...care for it. To have it leave you on it’s own accord. The human connection is nothing is comparison.” 

“Having trouble keeping the connections you develop is worse than not making them at all.” She nodded. “If you create the person that connection should be with, I imagine it’s all the more dreadful. Like having children who do not trust you.” 

“Yes. Much like that.” He sighed. “I...made a mistake. I trusted someone I should have known better than to. Someone it hurt more to trust than it would have to let go.” 

“It happens to more than you think.” She nodded gently.

“Yes, but...it was my own work. I should have known. Of course, just as I betrayed the creature, the woman would betray me.” 

“It’s what people do, isn’t it? Betray each other?”

“Sorry?” She’d never expressed such an idea before. Roe was a kind person, not one to view people in a negative light.

“Has anyone in this world ever truly made a connection where there were no lies, no deception, no secrets, no terror?” 

“I could not speak on that.” 

“You’ve read enough Shakespeare to know.” She said. “Connections are all doomed to fail or destined to fly. There are no in betweens.” 

“Roelia...you’ve never been so--”

“Pessimistic? Yes well, when you have few friends and fewer by the day, it is hard to ignore the hard facts of life.” There was no spite or malice in her voice. Just a caution that he knew was directed at him. At his being here.

“I...appreciate your willingness to listen.”

“If you’d like me not to advise, I can stay quiet.”

“No, you’ve...you’re helping. I’ve never turned it down before.”

She tilted her head and stood. “Nina has gone to bed, and that’s a good sign it’s late. She’s been here a long while, so she has a better judgement of the day cycles.”

“I suppose it would make sense you do not also live here.”

“If it storms I sleep in the apartment to the left. If it doesn’t, I walk home.” She placed her glass in a sink across the room. “I do not mean to force your departure.”

“Not at all. I know where you are now. I trust I may be allowed to return?”

“Of course, Vic. Wouldn’t turn you away. That said, if you’d like to walk me home and continue this conversation, it’s the same place it was before.”

“So you’ve kept the family manor?”

“As I said, my father’s estate is still in my family.” She nodded. “And everyone employed to it. They do go back to their quarters at night and the large house can prove lonely.”

“Suppose I could accompany you. Not safe for one to walk alone nowadays.” Not of course, especially, now that he’d connected himself with her. Seemed everyone near him suffered. He followed her back through the hall, watching as she locked more than seven doors on the way out, a large keyring hidden away in the back of her exostyled corset. Her walk was as brisk as he’d remembered, reminding him of her rushing out of the library, shivering without a coat, far too busy carrying the fourteen books she had in her arms to care whether or not she was truly that cold. Here, as well, the night air was cold, and she wore no coat. Today there was no shivering, as if she’d gotten better at handling the night chill. The lights were still lit in the old manor. Weeds and vines grew around the brick walls. 

“You’ve not kept up the yard.”

“I don’t like people meddling in my space. If it looks as if a madwoman lives here, they aren’t interested.” She smiled, not sheepish this time, scheming. 

“Does it work?”

“Sometimes. Other times children think it abandoned and Sara must chase them off. Sometimes she likes to wear a mask.” 

“And you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you do any chasing? Wearing masks?”

“Standing in the window is usually scary enough.”

“Nonsense.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing scary about you.”

“How dare you.” She laughed. “I live like a mole! Surely my pallid skin and height is enough to make me look like some sort of monster or ghost. Oh! Perhaps I’m floating in the window, and that’s why I’m so far up. Pale from death.”

He shook his head, chuckling. “You don’t look like either. You do look as if you haven’t slept much.”

“You do as well.”

“We’ll both have to catch up on it.”

Sara, the woman who’d been her nanny when young, but now was simply a maid, met them at the door. “Roelia, where have you been?”

“Where am I usually?” She offered. 

“I don’t know, dear, but this working late is going to kill you--I swear, you’re just like your mother, locking yourself in rooms all day, never getting any sunlight, coming home smelling like flowers one day, chemicals the other, do you realize that--”

“Sara.” Roe laughed, waving a hand. “Company.”

“Ah--oh, I didn’t even see you, dear.” She tipped to look behind Roe at Victor, who nodded to her. 

“Ma’am.”

“Oh, don't you ma'am me. Sara, dear Victor! You remember me, yes?”

“I do. Surprised you remember me.”

She clapped her hands to her hips, frowning. “You foolish boy, Roelia used to bring you and Henry over once a week in college. Sitting in the study, talking theatre with her foolish father, science with her mother--really that’s so backwards, don’t you think? Women are hardly respected in the sciences--though, women are hardly respected anywhere--”

“Sara.” Roe laughed again. “If you would, I’m an adult. I can handle some cold weather and I’m home plenty safe.”

“Cold weather, as you said, though you’ve no coat to speak of, you foolish girl. You left with one yesterday!”

“I did, yes, but I gave it to someone.” She shook her head. 

“Charitable are you now?”

“I’ve always been charitable.” She shook her head. “You may go, Sara.”

“Go? By go, I hope you mean go draw you a bath.”

“Do I look filthy?”

“You smell of ink.” She putted, stepping upstairs. 

Roe smiled, sighing gently. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s good to see she hasn’t changed.”

“Boisterous as ever.” She nodded. “Thank you for walking me.”

“It’s no bother.”

“I apologize, I didn’t think I was being a flirt, but--I suppose it could be taken as offensive that you walk me home and I expect you to leave. You’re welcome to stay if you so wish.”

“Oh, it’s--no, it’s fine. If you wanted, I could, but--”

“Not at all. It’d be unheard of for a woman to ask such things.” 

“Sorry, I’m--not all that experienced. I’m unsure if you’re actually, mm, being flirtatious or not.” Had she ever been before? Surely not.

Roe turned on her heel, smiling gently. “I am cautious with my speech, like with most things. I am not flirtatious until someone already has me among the bedclothes, as it were. That said, you mentioned you were just coming out of something relating to the peels of romance--or at least that’s how it came across. I would not like to be a coping mechanism. It would probably be in your best interest to wait on starting anything else intimate.” She paused, stepping toward Victor, reaching to embrace him. “It has been good to see you, old friend. I hope you’ve the willingness to forgive yourself.”

“It’s...good to see you as well.” He nodded as she pulled away, giving a small curtsy before disappearing down the hall, toward the ballroom. Victor wasn’t quite sure why he’d asked if she were flirting. It hadn’t necessarily seemed like she had, no more than her playful jabs from college. He stepped out into the night just as it started pouring, and he wondered if Roe was still scared of the thunder like she’d been before. The question, so soon after the loss of Lily, stung. Was his type those that are scared of thunder? How strange.

And yet still, Victor found himself knocking on the door again, Nina leaving him at the doorway, rather than showing him the way.

Roe’s fingers were bloodied, as if she’d been sliced across her top knuckles, and holding her pen seemed painful. She didn’t look at Victor as he joined her on the other side of the desk, pulling out his own notes and finding his place again. “Good morning.”

“And to you.” She smiled. “Feel any better today? Any need to seek out the alchemist?”

“No, but perhaps I’d still like to seek out Roe.” 

“Oh, would you?” She smirked. “Well here she is.”

He smiled at her, nodding. “So it would seem.”

“Are you alright?” Roe started, dropping a salt into a flask. 

“Fine, why?” 

“You seem shaken. Moreso than just the morphine.”

“Just some odd occurrences lately.” 

“You know, the supernatural is just science we’ve not been able to study yet.” 

“That’s...a good way to put it.” he glanced at his notes to avoid her gaze.

“People would think my chimeras are supernatural. Just because they don’t understand them. All things in this world are naturally occurring. Some just more rare than others.” 

“Chimeras? Plural?”

“My darling friends.” She smiled. “Kind creatures, mostly.” 

“How often do you make them?” 

“When the need to see if a different method or different materials has the same result arises.” 

“How many do you have?” 

“Four, at the moment. Their lifespans are not always very long. The goal is to have one live longer than the current record of three years.” 

“Some would think it’s inhumane.” 

“The transmutation is painless, thanks to Don’s advancements. I would not take part if it hurt them.” 

“What about human flesh? Can you transmute that?” 

She looked up at him from the corner of her eye. “Human transmutation is not currently possible. We are very complicated creatures. Some suggest it is due to the soul of a human, but I think more likely it is that our brains are not easy to recreate or keep whole. You mix two together, or try to create a new one and you get no spark. Homunculi are possible, though not through sperm and a cow stomach. I’m sure even if you can successfully put one together…” She trailed off a moment. “...But they are cruel, tortured creatures. Not to be played with.” 

“Don’t they say they can guide you? Like a second conscious?” 

Roe snarled a touch. “Homunculi are not guides. They usually turn out barely alive. Even I have my limits, Doctor. Those limits often fall among the things not worth creating due to the risk.” 

“Risk? What risk is there in building a human from scratch?” 

She looked at him, something in her eyes akin to pity. “You do not bring things into the world to watch them suffer. The risk is not on me. The risk is on whatever life I bring to something that should not be.” She snapped her book closed, stepping down the stairs from her desk, reaching for a book on top of the shelf where Victor had found her medical notes. She practically threw it at him, slamming it on the desk, the book bouncing up and hitting his chest. “Page one, meet Andoniram Smear, Don for short, my teacher.” The venom in her voice was almost unnerving. She waited for him to flip open the book, a photo album. A tall man, not too much older than they, stood next to Roe, flasks and a cage sitting in front of them. Roe looked as she did in college, bright and full of a willingness to help. That willingness abandoned Victor and Henry when they asked her to join their experiments, but she had college to finish, and it was understandable. According to her mood, he suspected she was not willing to help Don through all of his experiments either. “Next, page seven, our first chimera. A rat and a squirrel. Not very exciting.” He flipped to it. Don seemed excitable, like he was far too into his work, and Roe looked like she was the one working, nose buried in notes. “Good, right, page thirty-two, the stone I’m holding was my first solo success. The stone he’s holding is...a much more important thing, but no matter.” She paused. “Page sixty-three.” He flicked there, frowning at the pile of minerals and chemicals sitting in a large flask. “All the ingredients for a miniature human being. Everything we are made up of according to alchemic texts. Don was sure it would work--after all, every alchemist he’d ever spoken to bragged about their homunculi.” 

“But it didn’t.” Victor glanced up at her. “They were lying.” 

“If they weren’t, they had meddled in things outside of alchemy. They’d given up on the scientific approach and moved into magicks. But what is the point of learning things if you cannot explain them? Recreate them? Accidents without research, accidents for results sake are not science and they do not gain anyone anything but a name. No, no, homunculi are secret because no one knows what they truly are or if they truly exist due to our own meddling.” She reached over, flipping the page. A small humanoid shape sat in the flask, face barely formed, mouth in a perpetual screech. No articulation in the fingers, just arms and legs and a torso and head. “It screamed until it died. It didn’t whisper secrets. It just screamed and clawed until it couldn’t breathe.” She exhaled, shaky and nervous. “And Don said to me, ‘maybe it needs to be bigger. Maybe it can’t exist this small, maybe it’s bones crushed it.’ I tell him perhaps it’s time to stop, but he doesn’t listen. Page seventy-four. Do you see that one scream? Can you hear that malformed creature, twisted amongst itself, bones in the wrong places, organs outside its body, screaming in your mind’s eye? Can you imagine the horror on my face as he brought this thing to life, this thing that should have never been alive in the first place, to listen to it scream? To be the one that had to splatter it’s blood onto myself so that the screaming could be silenced? 'But, Roe, there is research to be done and we cannot just kill it!' That thing that we brought to life just down the hall is a monster.” She jabbed at the photographs with each sentence, driving the point home.. “ _ That _ is why we don’t perform alchemy on people.  _ That _ is why we don’t try to invent flesh.  _ That _ is why we use existing creatures for science because building it from the ground up doesn’t work. Shortcuts don’t work. Life is meant to be made between two creatures, to be developed over time. Alchemy is all about shortcuts, but you cannot take shortcuts with flesh.” She frowned, deeper than Victor had ever seen, and sighed. “You bore flesh from already made flesh. Bringing life back into an expired body was not the same as this. This was like bearing a child in mere seconds of gestation. They’re not meant to live. They’re not meant to exist.”

Victor paused, shutting the book, considering his words carefully. “That’s what broke your bond with Don, then?”

“As I said, he was my teacher. Likely, yes, my upset and mercy created a wall between us that was not easily broken down. If Don felt any way about me, that would have ruined it. He was...understandably, I suppose, enraged when I killed that thing he made with his own two hands. That he distilled and put together until he was able to transmute it--there’s something scientific to transmutation, of course--it’s the method of taking the pieces that make each thing up apart to put them together differently, you see. You can take things that make up a thing and put them together, pressing them quickly into whatever it is that you’re making. The stones I make from plants are just pressed versions of them. Not many are cut out to alchemize--it’s not just chemistry and many would not understand the process. Many who study alchemy are not alchemists, do you understand?”

“Perhaps I would understand better if you were to show me.” Victor tried, and Roe stared at him a moment before standing and nodding, grasping a small box from a worktable across the room, bringing it back and opening it. She donned some gloves from the box. “This is a form of nightshade. You know this is poisonous, I assume.”

“Yes, of course.” He nodded. 

“I’m going to make a stone out of it that is poisonous to sleep with. Put it under any creature’s pillow and they’d die before the morning. The essence of the nightshade becomes the energy of the stone. Then I’m going to take it apart again, because violent things like this are easy to make but difficult to contain.”

“That does not sound like science.”

“As I said.” She shrugged. “The process is not the most scientific thing. I understand how it is done and I can explain it to you, but I cannot describe why it works or what it is that allows me to do so. Stitching can make a chimera, sure, but only certain people can do it without such things. To take things apart in your hand and remerge them in front of people’s eyes. There is a certain...what some would call magical quality to it.” She pulled her pendant away from her chest, opening the compartment, a small red stone dropping out of it. “This is a catalyst. It’s a stone filled with my energy, allowing for a transition between the two objects. Think of it like...” She paused. “The static shock when you touch certain fabrics. I just take that charge we all have inside of us and focus it here.”

“That’s why you wear the gloves.”

“It is. Other energies also exist within us that I use, and that’s what makes an alchemist special, the ability to do so. One who can transmute, at least. My teacher used to say it was the energy that the sun has, the reason it can warm us.” She paused, and a small light burst into the stone, and he watched as she dropped it into a flask, crushing the nightshade into a dust, before pouring that in as well. A quiet spark bursting from the stone, then a bright flash appearing inside the flask, leaving behind the catalyst and a smooth purple rock. She dumped both into her hand, handing the purple stone to him, placing the other back in it’s home on her neck. “Simple enough. Can’t doubt what’s in front of you, yes?”

“You’ve never had reason to lie to me.” 

She nodded. “I’m not in things for the name. I’m in it for the results.” She took the stone from him, pressing it in her hand, the thing returning to not it’s dust form, but as she opened her hand, it was the plant it’d been before. “Transmutation of simple things like plants have always been my specialty. I love my chimeras, I do, but the plants I can connect with.”

“I would not have believed this just a few years ago.” Victor paused. “But I’ve seen enough that it does no good to disbelieve it.” 

Roe nodded to him. “That said, these catalyst stones are difficult to use and very rare. Don made this one. Every alchemist typically has to make their own catalysts, and most are single use.”

“But you use his.”

Roe paused. "I use a secret.” She shrugged. “This is not a piece for others to know I have, or to know that together we managed to create it. A prototype philosopher’s stone. Closer than anyone else has gotten. I’ll ensure that no one will ever get closer if I can.”

“Seems selfish.” Victor frowned. “Not like you.”

“The stone is too much.” She paused. “It is a powerful catalyst that requires an immense focus to use. Something my teacher did not have. It enraged him, and then made him melancholy.”

“Perhaps you’re able to handle it because of your whimsy. The mercy you have for living creatures.”

“I’ve always been a stable person. I focus on my work and it enlightens me. I’ve never needed much else, and I’m happy in the place I am. If my focus is on something it is on it with the whole of my being in that moment. I’m no stranger to my abilities of focus.”

“I...once thought the same. Sometimes things change you.”

“And when they change who you are, you’ve given yourself away.” She said gently. “And once they leave you, you feel empty. Do you know why that is?”

He looked away. “Can’t say I do.”

“Because you’ve lost a part of you. They’ve taken it. Your vessel feels empty because it is inhabited by the creature you were before they came into your life. But take heart, Victor.” She smiled gently at him, a hand on his shoulder. “The you who was in that vessel is always there, waiting for it’s life to continue without the presence of whatever that other person gave to you. Sometimes it is a good idea not to let things change you. If people come into your life and you must change to become who they make you into, even if it seems for the better, they may only be right for the person you changed into. Sometimes the transmutation into a new thing is easy, but that does not necessarily make it correct.”

“I don’t understand.”

“If I turn a metal cup into a metal bowl,” She paused, plucking the stone from her necklace again, a bright flash going off as she did just that. “Tell me what changed.”

“It’s shape, of course. It’s still the same metal.”

“Yes. It’s still the same as it was. But it’s changed, yes? Alchemists seek to make gold from other metals, but you understand of course, that you’d have to add things to the metal to do so. Whatever makes up gold that is different from steel must be added in. So when people change you, they have to sprinkle things in.” She pressed a block of steel into the bowl, and it formed larger now, returning to its cup form. “To make it simple, I’ve added something into the makeup. It’s become more than what it was, but different in that the shape is no longer the same. See, the stem is longer, the base wider. It looks fine, yes, but it’s different.” The flash popped again, the bowl and block reappearing. She plucked the block away, setting it aside. “And after that thing has been taken from you, you see, of course, that you’re the same as you always were before. It takes you some time to return to it, like most things, but you will always return to who you were. The original cup, the original shape doesn’t go away, even when a thing changes completely, or is added to. It’s just a question of if those things added were enough of an improvement to stay.” She reformed the cup, pausing. “I myself prefer a cup to be small. The cup began small, and though it has grown with scars and rivets, it remained the size it was. It remained  _ who _ it was. Better to just be delightfully drunk than to be so slammed you cannot think.” She reached across the desk, pressing the steel block into Victor’s hand. “For your empty space. May the time it takes to reform into a cup be short.”

“Did you involve yourself in the study of mental health, then?"

“No.” She laughed. “That was all alchemy. Psychology teaches how the mind works. Alchemy taught me more about people than any time I spent with books about the brain ever could. I lost something once too, Vic. A larger part of myself than you’d believe. A fire took everything from me once, and in that, I was quick to return to myself--easy to lose when it’s gone forever. Don didn’t just hang himself. He tried to set the lab aflame in his own grief. You understand obviously, it was not this room, but the room where most of our work was done. But there was no body for a reason, and the flames far too hot to remove anything but the stone he clutched in his hands. For good, it was, truly, as he’d been so close to doing what it was he wanted most.”

“A working homunculus?” 

“...Of sorts.” She crumpled her face, then shook her head. “It was merely closer, not working. It was too far gone by the time the flames died down.”

“But you did study it? Take photographs?”

“I couldn’t.” She shook her head. “After I’d asked him to stop attempting such a sin...he continued. It was horrid. The room’s stayed locked since. You’re welcome to go look at the two charred skeletons, if you like,”

“You’re being sarcastic.”

“Not at all.” She shrugged, passing him a key. “By all means, you have the run of my lab.”

“I...appreciate that.”

“Nina?” Roe called out, and the girl stepped into the room, the dog with the snake’s tale slithering in behind her. It seemed comfortable in it’s dragging the back portion of its body behind it as it picked up speed with its front legs. Roe reached to pat Nina’s head, and then the chimera’s. “Can you show Doctor Frankenstein to the red room? He’d like to see it.”

The girl nodded gently, whistling and stepping out of the room. The chimera followed. Victor looked at Roe, who smiled gently at him, going back to her notes. He stood, following the girl. She led him down the hall, and nodded at him, waiting for the key to be placed in her outstretched hand. After she’d unlocked it, she pushed the doors open, shaking her head and turning around, so as not to look. He stepped in, noting the electrical lights installed. A skeleton was crumpled in the middle of the room. Victor approached it, noting the footprints he left in the ash on the floor. The room was entirely metal, so Roe would have been able to just let the flames burn until they were no more. This Andoniram was nothing but bones now, and a simple human. Victor was much more interested in the other pile of bones. Malformed, connected in the wrong places, but with a skull that was near perfect in the guise of a human. Now that he looked at it, all of the bones were right, just in the wrong places. And then something else. A stone much like Roe’s own, pressed into one of the eye sockets. It was sharpened, like a knife. Just by glancing around, he could tell this was the source of the flames. He wondered if Roe even knew it was here. He pocketed it, stepping out of the room, nodding at Nina, making his way back to the main office. 

Roe looked up. “Anything interesting?”

“A stone--like yours.”

“In the thing’s eye? Yes. He shoved it into her.” She shook her head. “It. Her. Does it matter? It brought sparks, set the room aflame, debilitated the thing long enough for him to shut the doors and to hang himself.”

“You say these things like they anger you.”

“He created a life and took it away. Not out of mercy, but out of fear. And then, realizing his mistake, killed himself. I wonder if I drove him to that. Made him realize he’d chosen to create monsters that could never truly have lives. Made it into his life’s work. Maybe it was my fault he couldn’t live with himself in such a way. I sincerely wonder if I hadn’t killed the second one, that maybe he’d still be here. When he tried to make a replacement, a friend, he stood against his reality.”

“And that was?”

“That when you create foul creatures, you become one yourself.”

Her words stung him, probably without intention. She was speaking of Don, creating things from scratch. She’d already told him that her opinions of his work was not the same. "It wasn’t your fault. You asked him to stop.”

“And if I had been given the opportunity, I would have held him as he passed. But he wanted that monster to die with him. He wanted it just as dead as he was.”

“You suggested it was female. Did you see it?”

“I did. And there was a terrifying resemblance to my own visage. It was distorted, but intentional. The mind’s eye is what decides the energy inputted into the stone, so...” She shifted, growing a bit disconcerted. “I don’t like to think about why he was trying to build something similar to me.”

“I’m sorry--”

“No, no. That’s just why it stays locked. I don’t go in there. He died in that chamber with his...thing. He can rot there.” She paused, sighing. “I’m sorry. I just tend to avoid bad memories. I don’t see them worth dwelling on.”

“And yet you keep them in the other room.”

“Make no mistake, Victor.” She smiled. “I left him there to rot because that’s what he wanted. Skeletons do no one harm.” He bit the inside of his cheek, stepping back up to the desk. He handed the stone to her, and Roe took it gratefully. “Thank you.”

“It rightfully belongs to you. I’ve no use for it.”

“Not many would hand over a near philosopher’s stone.”

“As I said, it gains me nothing. I am no alchemist.”

“I am no teacher. I would not guide you.” She mumbled. “Tell me, what time is it? Nina has yet to go to bed.”

He plucked his watch from his pocket, glancing at it. “It’s late. Past midnight.”

“So it’s early, rather.” She smiled. “You should head on home.”

“Are you going to do the same?” 

Roe looked up, around the room, the dim lights sparkling gently, casting an almost romantic light onto her face. “I’m staying here tonight. Too much to do. You understand.”

“Was walking you home last time not satisfactory?”

“The companionship is nice, don’t get me wrong. A small mute girl is not much of a conversationalist, but it’s better down here than at home. Bad memories lurk in many of those rooms as well. Worse ones than here. My parents were dear to me. Suppose everyone’s parents are dear to them.”

Victor thought, perhaps, there was something to that. Something to not going back to his flat, or Henry’s lab. “...May I stay?”

“Here? Overnight? I don’t have much in guise of a guest room.”

“That’s fine. I’ll take anything you can provide, be it a blanket on the floor, or worse.”

“Well I wouldn’t put you on the floor. You can take my cot. Just behind that door to your left.”

“And you?”

“I’m staying up.” She shrugged. “Won’t bother me.” 

Victor frowned. “Goodnight, then.”

She nodded to him, the same gentle smile creeping onto her face. “Sleep well.”

Roe’s bedchamber here was impressive in it’s size, but looked much more like her dorm than her room at the manor. Books and paperwork riddled the room, various dried flowers pinned into velvet next to pinned insects, butterflies mostly. She’d collected them, Victor remembered now. Quite the fondness for them. He plucked one from the wall.  _ Limenitis arthemis _ , read the label. The wings were so purple they looked black. He’d given it to her in college, a birthday gift that she’d told him over and over not to bother with, but...she was one of his and Henry’s only friends, and it seemed wrong to ignore a celebration of her life. He found himself surprised she’d kept it, even with the note on the back. 

_ ‘Does the black butterfly symbolize the same thing they usually do, transformation? Or do they symbolize death and such things black birds do? Does it even matter? May there be many more years of transformation and growth for you ---Vic & Hen.’  _

The memory was old, but something in it tugged at him. How much had changed between now and then? Was it too much for him to truly be able to make that connection with Roe return? Were they too different now from then?

Soon after he’d lay down, Roe knocked, entering quietly. “Hey, sorry, need something out of here.” 

“Of course.”

She nodded, stepping past the bed, opening a drawer and pulling a small bag out of it, turning to him. “You moved my arthemis.” Her voice was in jest. 

“Apologies. I was looking at it. You’ve kept it all these years.”

“It’s very special to me. I’ve never seen one quite like it. The size is unusual.”

“And the note.”

“The note, too, is unusual.” She smiled. “Though it’s signed from Henry as well, I think it’s pretty obvious you were the only one with a hand in it.”

He sat up. “It’s...true. Henry asked me to put his name on it after I was right ready to take it to you.”

“Just like the two of you.” She shook her head. “Still, it’s important to me. And very much so. I can’t tell you why, though.”

“Why’s that?”

She considered it. “Alchemists are masters of secrets, but women are moreso.”

“Not a very satisfying answer.”

She shrugged, smiling. “Tea? It’ll help you relax. I brew an excellent chamomile.”

“Do you do it with alchemy?” He chuckled. “Or the normal way?”

“Alchemy for a show.” She winked. “But it brews better the old fashioned way. Good things take time.”

That certainly did seem to be the theme of the night. 

Morning came quickly, and Victor was surprised to find Roe still seated at her desk, looking far past exhausted. She really had worked all night. Despite the quiet of his closing the door behind him, she jumped at the noise, sighing. “God, christ in heaven, I forgot you were here.” 

“You don’t believe in any of those things.” Victor smirked. 

“Yes, you’re right, and yet still you scared me into talking about them.” She took an angry bite at a piece of bread. 

“You didn’t sleep?”

She finished chewing and shrugged. “Can sleep when I’m dead, as they say.”

“Please don’t speak like that.” He paused, realizing what it was he’d just said. “Your health is important.”

“Alright, Doctor. I hear you, sleep is necessary. Anything else you want to discuss with me before I have a clean bill of health?”

“No. I...do have things I need to do today. Are you going to be alright here?”

“I was here before you came the first time, I’ll be here after you come the last.”

“You just...seem overworked.”

“And you seem like a morphine addict. But we all have our faults.” She smiled, voice gentle as always. Unjudging. “And if you’d like to help me overwork less, you’ll have to allow me to help you stop ruining your limbs like you are.”

He sighed. “Perhaps later, then.” 

“Sure.” She shook her head, smiling wider. “Lock up on the way out. That key you have is a master. You can come in and out as you please. I’m usually here.”

“You’ll see me again.” He nodded. “Good day, Roe.” 

“And to you.” 

Victor paused at the door. “I meant to ask. Your hand.” 

“My hand?” She paused glancing at them. “Ah yes. My hand. Cut myself on a machine in back. I’m fine.” 

“If you say so.” He nodded, stepping out of the tunnels, up into the pharmacist’s shop they were hidden in. 


	2. Old Friends

“I’ve remet Roelia.”

“Deopham?” Henry frowned. “As in the girl from University that you were madly in love with?”

He sighed. “You know I wasn’t--”

“Yes, yes. What’s she like?”

“You wouldn’t believe what she’s capable of.” Victor sighed. “She’s so different. Or perhaps, well, perhaps she’s the same, and we’re different.”

“Is she still in school?”

“Not at all. She’s doing pharmacy work.”

“A woman’s place in medicine when she doesn’t want to nurse.”

“She’s doing more than healing people and passing out medicine, though.”

“What’s that?” 

“It’d be easier if she explains to you.”

“So will you be abandoning Lily?”

“No--no.”

“Good. I’d hate to lose out on such a good experiment. So should we go then? To see Roelia?”

“I thought you might like to.”

“I suppose.” He shrugged. 

“Do you realize we took the same path in college?” Henry asked, looking around the room. “And yet, you work in caverns and I’m a doctor in a mental hospital.”

“That’s because you were always smarter than me.” Roe looked over. “At least better as a chemist.”

“Oh, don’t flatter me.” He shrugged. “Victor says you’ve done a lot to improve your work as well.”

“I have.” She nodded. “Is there a problem with that?”

“Not at all.” 

“I’m an alchemist.” She smiled. “It is almost a different field than chemistry, and with that freedom comes improvement.”

“An alchemist?”

“Transmutation in order to serve the people. I make medicines and chimera, personally.”

“Sorry? You’re speaking nonsense.”

She frowned. “Oh, what good faith you have in me. I work down here in the catacombs and help those who can seek me out. How’s that?”

“That just means anything you accomplish has to stay secret.”

“I like my work secret.”

“You always have.”

She frowned at him. “And again, you’d like to make a name for yourself with your cures. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s certainly not my cup of tea. I just want mine to do good.”

“So moral.” He laughed. “Fair enough.”

“I congratulate you on your success, though. You’ve done very well for yourself.”

“That’s why you stayed out of contact with either of us for over five years, yeah?”

“No. I was working.” She shrugged. “Aside, you could have reached out to me just as quickly. Though I assume Victor is the one who needed your help much more.”

“I wouldn’t have even left my apartment if it wasn’t for Henry.” Victor spoke up, glancing up from Roe’s notes. “I wouldn’t have found you here.”

“Did you need help?” Henry offered. 

“None of your profession.” Roe laughed. “I’m as stable as a tree trunk.”

“She keeps skeletons in the other room.” Victor smirked. 

“Roelia!” Henry snapped. 

“Come on, Vic, did you really--”

“That’s not a good way to grieve.” 

“Then take them away, by all means. I’m not the one here that spends all my energy on dead things.” 

“Not anymore.”

“The way you talk, Victor, you’ve no other choice. They don’t exactly leave you alone.” She smiled. 

“So is she to help you kill Lily as well?” Henry looked at him. 

“Henry, I--I’ve not spoken to her at length about it.” 

“I’m not killing anything.” She spoke up. “Not unless it attacks me first. Who’s Lily?”

“Oh, so she doesn’t even know.” Henry laughed. “She’s completely in the dark.”

“I told you, I’ve told her little.”

“Tell me now, then? Before Henry gives away all your secrets again.”

“Yes, you remember when I read your diary to her? She told me over and over she didn’t want to hear it but--”

“Enough.” Victor sighed, glaring at Henry a moment, turning to Roe. “I’ve...brought three people back. Just three.”

She put down her pen, kicking the seat across from her out. He climbed the stairs to sit there as well. “The first...I abandoned. It lived on, and now threatens me whenever it gets the chance. The second, it killed, though he was just starting to learn who he was. The third was...Lily, a woman that the first creature demanded I make for him--he wanted a companion, a wife. I...”

“What?”

“Well, we became involved.”

“The fallen romance.” Roe nodded, leaning back, plopping another grape into her mouth. “That’s Necrophilia, isn’t it?”

“That...she was more alive than most I’d met.”

“You built her, though. Did you build her to be a mate for you, rather than the creature?” 

Henry looked up. “She brings up a solid point.”

“I...subconsciously, perhaps. Still, she chose to leave. Chose to move from me, and to someone else. To a different path. One of destruction.”

Roe nodded. “And you’re slated? So you want to kill her? You’ve lost me.”

“No--I need her taken care of. I cannot let these things I have made continue to destroy and murder and run amok.”

“So I’ve suggested we tame her.” Henry nodded up at her, joining them, standing next to the desk. 

“You don’t tame a woman. Not truly.”

“I have developed a serum that’ll tame even the most violent of urges.” Henry frowned. “It’ll work.”

“It won’t.” Roe frowned. “If it works, is it worth it, Victor? If Lily is complacent and tame, is that truly a life that you want to lord over her with? Forcing her to continue with whatever treatments she’s given to keep her following orders?”

“You say this like any treatments I’d be giving are inhumane.”

“Is changing someone’s nature humane?”

“Is that not what alchemy is?” Victor looked at her. “Changing something’s nature?”

“I just told you not long ago.” She shook her head. “You do not change a thing’s nature. You change it’s shape, it’s form. This is more akin to what some foolish alchemists would consider a success. Changing steel to gold, with no additives. You’re changing what the thing is in it’s entirety, it’s nature. If I make a steel cup into a steel bowl I change it’s form. In a comparison you’ve made that would be like giving Lily surgery to make her look different, leaving who she is as a person. Even transplanting her brain into another body. Regardless, what you’ve changed is not her essence. What you’re intending on doing is taking away her ability to make choices of her own.”

“Her choices are those of violence. Shouldn’t we do our best to rehabilitate that?”

“Not for the reasons you want to.” Roe frowned. “You want her complacent and quiet, so that you can hold control over her once more. Consider why you were attracted to your own creation before you go changing her.”

“What do you suggest we do? Leave her be?” Henry frowned. “Or would you rather she was dead?”

“Oh, like you can talk. The serum was used for your own purposes originally, was it not?” Roe stared daggers at him. “Do you feel better, with those urges repressed? If so, would you have felt the same way if the urges were taken from you by force, without your permission? You wanted this.” She looked across the desk again. “Victor, if Lily were to tell you she did not consent?”

“At this point, it does not matter, yes? If she can be placated, no longer violent and murderous--”

“Does her consent not matter, Vic? In what other things does her consent not matter?” She steepled her hands, staring him down. “Does her consent not matter in the way mine did not when that young baron asked me to leave my studies? Trying to buy me off of my family and trying to take me with violence when my family said no? And when I said no? The two of you trying to comfort me in my dorm, despite the fact that if you had been found in the women’s building that late at night they would have expelled you, does that view of consent not still sit within you?” She frowned with her eyes, and probably her mouth, hidden behind her knuckles. 

“You accuse me of such things? Knowing me.” Victor frowned. 

“Why are you doing this? To punish her for her crimes or to have her back on your cock?” 

He tipped back in his chair, and Henry eyed both of them. Victor shook his head. “I--I can’t say.”

“If it’s the second, then leave and don’t ever come back here. If her consent does not matter because you are willing to place your wants over her sentience, then do not ever speak to me again.”

“After so much history--”

“You would be throwing it away, not I.” She paused. “Look. I understand the want to have Lily be a kind and gentle creature. You want to have created something, brought something back, that does not want to destroy. That doesn’t want to hurt you. And you are not wrong for falling in love with anyone. That is not something we control. When you fall for someone it is not something that fades quickly, nor is it something you choose. But you can choose to let someone go, even if you love them. Sometimes it’s better that way. Sometimes if it’s that or take everything about them, about who they are, to change their nature, it is better to do so.” She sighed. “Victor, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything. I just know with the utmost certainty, you should know exactly what you’re doing and why you’re doing it before you hurt Lily, or yourself, more than you feel you already have. Consider her. Everyone moves to the path they do because of something. Consider why she left you.”

“I...have seen Henry’s work. The serum is impressive, and it doesn’t appear inhumane. It fades quickly, but we’re working on that.”

“Yes, yes.”

“It repairs people. Calms them. Removes their violent natures.” Henry nodded. “It would not take her freedom, but clear her mind.”

“And if it only does that, how do you know her nature is not deranged?” She looked at Victor. “What did you see his work on? Someone like Lily, or someone who could have been more ill? Is Lily ill, Victor? Or is she just how she’s supposed to be?”

“She was different before.”

“Was your fallen creation different when he was born, before he started to remember who he was? Or the creature who hunts you, is he different now from when he was when he was first born? Are people not allowed to change, Victor?”

“Then what do you suggest I do, Roe?! Leave her to the path she wants to walk, even if it is dark and full of pain?”

“You do not cage people, Victor.” She shook her head. “You do not force them to do what you want because you are hurt. Much death lives here in London. It is not unheard of for people to--”

“She still loves me, Roe, I know it. I’ve spoken with her, and she told me not to follow her--but she only did so because she worries for me!”

“What exactly did she tell you?” She leaned back in her seat, looking at him with pity. “Did she tell you she loved you? Or did she tell you to go? A woman would not say both, and if they did, only one would be true.”

“If we can suppress the part of her that is what he shouldn’t follow, the other may still show through.” Henry frowned. 

“If you’ve already made your decision, that is to be expected. If she loses her memories, and you build her up again, you will build her to love you. If she loses her dark side, or what have you, you will build her to love you.” She shook her head. “But I would never prefer to be built into someone’s lover. As a woman who considers herself very self standing, the idea terrifies me. And eventually, as she grows into herself again, Lily will grow away from you again. Because you will cage her until she does not feel freedom, and she will not feel safe with you. Because you think she is your responsibility. You think she is something you’ve created, and therefore should build up into a good, wellstanding creature. Falling in love with her was a side effect.” She paused, a hand reaching to press into Victor’s own. “Vic, I know it’s hard. But you have to understand that bringing something into the world does not make you responsible for its actions. If a chimera I’ve made bites someone, it is not my doing. I set it amongst the world, and if the world punishes it for doing so by putting it down then  _ fine.  _ But it made it’s mistakes on it’s own.”

“Chimera are not the same. They are animals.”

“People, especially ones brought back from the dead are nothing more than animals, not really. You can love them, you can love Lily, but that does not mean it is your job to leash her.” She paused. “I do wish you the best, Victor, but I cannot take part in anything that would be akin to taking away every form of self control she would have. I do not wish to harm things, and to me, that is harming her. Is it inhumane? Perhaps not. But it’s not correct, either. If you truly love her, consider that she is a woman with the ability to make her own choices, even if those choices do not involve you.”

“I just...want to protect her from having to be punished by the world for something she has done. She could be safe if she were to refrain from it.”

“Then start saying that. Start saying you want to protect her. Stop telling yourself that it will cause her to love you again. Start telling yourself that she will be safe to do whatever she wishes, be it with or without you, with a clearer head.” She paused. “And I know you would rather she loved you. But there are others out there who will if she won’t. If you can help her make better decisions, help her to be herself, but also more well adjusted, then I wish you all the luck. I just want you doing so for the right reasons.” She paused. “And when she is safely adjusted, deciding for herself whether or not she loves you, then bring her here. I’d be happy to meet her either way.”

Victor pulled his hand away, shaking his head. “There is...no one who would be willing to love me like Lily had. I’ve had many friends, but no one but something I have had a hand in creating could cope with who I am. I am a monster, more than any of my creations. No one else could love that.” 

Roe paused, nodding slowly. “If that is how you feel, I will not be able to convince you otherwise. But it is not true. Victor, you are no monster. I’ve seen a monster, and it screams and swipes and does not much else. If someone else has convinced you that you are one, then I apologise on behalf of them. You have always been a wonderful man with much to offer. You are even still, the truest friend I have.”

“Still here.” Henry smirked. 

“You argue with me too much.” She waved her hand, sighing and leaning back in her chair again, humor returning to her voice. “And you put your names on gifts not from you.” 

“Hey, hey, I helped procure it.”

“Yes, but you only told me where I might buy it.” Victor shook his head. “The butterfly, I mean.”

“Not all the others you put your name on.” Roe laughed.

Victor smiled, feeling it fade quickly. Of course she wouldn’t fully understand his struggle. Her words weren’t misguided, and perhaps the advice was good, but...Victor didn’t like it. He didn’t want to hurt or trap Lily, she was right, but he couldn’t bear to lose her either. She was wrong. No one could love him--they’d all see who he was eventually. Lily was at least able to accept him because she’d experienced him wholly without fear. She’d trusted him, no matter what happened, up until she didn’t. He just wanted her back. That was the first step. They could figure out their lives together after. 

“Sometimes I do wish we could go back to those years in the dorms. You spent more time in ours than we did yours.”

“Yes, but I behaved.” She laughed. “I went to bed at a decent hour, back in my room by curfew.”

“We slept in your dorm a couple of times, after staying too long and missing the call. Why was yours more fun than ours?”

“I had that big radio, remember? Sure, we could smoke in yours, but the noise was fun.”

“Dancing was fun.” Victor nodded. 

“Says you two, who learned to dance when you were young.”

“I taught you, Henry.” Roe laughed. “What’re you complaining about?”

“You taught me one waltz. You two got to hang off of each other no matter the tempo.”

“Don’t say it like that.” She laughed, covering her face. “Makes it sound far more friendly than it was.”

“Are you saying it wasn’t?” Henry laughed. “Are you forgetting that time I went to answer the door and you two fell asleep on each other?”

“We were smoking, it makes me tired.” Roe shook her head. “Was nothing more friendly than offering a shoulder, right Vic?”

He looked up now, torn from his thoughts. “Hm?”

Her head tipped up a bit as she responded, her voice gentle. “Never mind.” She turned to Henry. “Obviously it was nothing but a shoulder, he doesn’t even remember.”

“We should get back to work, anyway. It was good to see you again, though.” Henry nodded to her. Victor stood, nodding to him. “I’ve...I’d like a word in private for a bit, before we go.”

“Nina will show you out, Hen.” Roe smiled at him. “You’re welcome anytime. Have a good day. And good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” 

“You as well, Roe.” He nodded. “I’ll meet you outside, old man.”

“Sure.” Victor nodded, waiting for him to go. “Do you...do you think Henry’s serum will work? Truly?”

“I think that depends on what you want it to do.”

“I want it to bring Lily back.”

“To who she was?”

“Yes.”

“Before or after you brought her back?”

“I...”

“Victor, who was Lily before? Your other creation regained his memories. So perhaps Lily had regained hers.”

“Ah...a woman named Brona. She was an Irish immigrant, a woman of the night.”

Roe nodded. “And after she was reborn, who was she? Who did you tell her she was?”

“I created her for the creature...so I told her she was my cousin, his fiance.”

“Quite a person to fall for. Your cousin.”

“I know, it’s--I should not have, but I did not intend to fall for her.”

“No matter. And you spent much time with her, I assume.”

“I...did what I could to mould her.”

“Were you moulding her into a cousin, or did you let her become what you like in a woman?”

He shook his head. “Roe, I--I didn’t make her into a slave to me, she came to me of my own accord the time she did so.”

“I’m just curious. I’m not accusing you of anything.” She paused. “And how did she leave you?”

“I...um...” He scratched his arm. “I took her to a ball at Dorian Gray’s estate. He...must’ve seduced her, I dunno.”

“And is she still with him?” She tipped her brow sympathetically. 

“Yes, she...she left, and I found her there. I told her she was to come home.” He paused. “But Roe, Dorian Gray is dangerous, he--”

“I know. We’ve met.” She nodded. “He’s a foul creature, but he’s many women’s cup of tea. I never was one for the pretty boys, but he did do his best to work his charms. His name is not surprising in this story.” She nodded. “But she didn’t come home.”

He could feel his breathing speed up. “You won’t believe the next bit. I shouldn’t even bother.”

“Bother anyway.” She smiled. 

“I shot him. Well, I shot them both. I do not remember which first. Lily threatened me. Suggested that they’d...it’s not important. Roe, Lily cannot die, but neither can Dorian Gray.”

“Immortality, then.”

“Yes. Something your profession seeks. And yet, something others are born with so easily.”

“Let me guess. Master race never dies.” She shrugged. “And that’s the trouble with Lily. She wants to rip and destroy until the world, scorched or not, is hers.”

“That’s...very perceptive.”

“I’m an alchemist.” She frowned. “We aren’t skeptical about much, and we wouldn’t seek immortality if we didn’t already know it was possible.”

“So you’ve met immortals?”

“Not me, personally. They say a true homunculus, one well put together is...never outlived and damn difficult to kill.”

“I see.” He nodded. “So I suppose I want Lily to...be like she was before she left to do all that. Before such violence was in her heart.”

Roe smiled. “That’s such a wonderful thing to want for her. So do I think Henry’s serum will work? I believe it has a chance. But in the same guise, it may bring her back to Brona. Before she ever knew you. It may destroy Lily as she ever was. Be careful of that.”

“If...that happens, we can deal with it.”

“I just don’t want your hopes up too far. They can only crash harder.”

“Did you mean what you said?”

“I’ve said much.”

“That you’d want to meet Lily?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She furrowed her brow, smile still lingering. 

“I dunno, perhaps I just thought...that would hurt you.”

“Why would it hurt me, Victor?” She shook her head. “I only want to see you happy. If Lily can make that for you, without losing her own ability to choose, I want it.”

“I suppose I just wondered if...you felt for me, in any sort of way.”

Roe paused, as if considering it. “Because of what Henry said?”

“Yes, mostly.”

“I think...” She paused. “...You should take care of Lily first. Whatever you choose, I will approve of, so long as you are happy with the choice. It is unfair of you to put more weight on your heart than is already there.”

“That sounds as if it could go either way.”

“Maybe that’s true.” She shrugged. “Maybe it could go either way.” She paused. “Know that I love you in the way I love every one of my friends. And you know that I have very few. Don’t go killing yourself, and I will feel that way for you at least.”

“I...appreciate that.”

“Lay off the morphine some more, if you could. Give your heart a chance to feel things while unclouded.” 

“Yes, Henry is keeping me plenty on track with that.”

She stood, stepping over to him, meeting him with a hug as he stood. “Take some Kratom with you. It’s the green stone in the cupboard there.” She pointed to the table she’d gotten their drinks from. “Under your pillow each night. Alchemist’s orders.” She smirked, pressing her lips to his cheek. “And do keep me posted.”

“Of course.” He pulled from her. “Thank you for understanding...and still offering honest input.”

“You’ve never come to me for lies, Victor.” 

“That’s...very true.” 

“Henry, did you...truly think there was something between Roe and I?”

He looked up, shrugging. “I mean, I suppose you two always seemed close. But Roe is a good friend to all those few she is friends with. It would be hard to tell if she was interested in anyone.”

“Do you think?”

“I can’t read her, can you?” 

Victor supposed that no, he couldn’t really. “No.”

“What did you think?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. 

Henry put down his notes, walking over to Victor, a hand on his shoulder. “Do you feel a certain way about Roelia?”

“I feel as if I’ve neglected our friendship for too long.” He sighed. “I feel she’s been very alone for seven years, and it’s frustrating to know that was our fault.”

“Is it?”

“I could have reached out, as could you.”

“Do you think that if you had stayed in contact you would have been involved with her?”

“Who’s to say?”

“Well, are you in love with her?”

Victor shook his head. “I don’t suppose I would know even if I were.”

“You’re overthinking things, old man.”

“Do you think?”

“Just enjoy an old friend’s company, and focus on your work.”


	3. Context

Roe was in a shop, just as Victor passed by. She seemed to be looking for something specific, speaking to the shopkeep. The shopkeep chuckled, and Roe chuckled with her, pausing a moment before nodding, then turning toward the window. They made eye contact, and Victor looked away. He felt humiliated. Having Lily tell him the same thing she had warned. “I’m not ill.” If she knew, would she scold him? Would she show him comfort? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Roe did not come to meet him on the street, and when he looked back in the shop window, she was back to her conversation, though it seemed more serious this time, and Victor started toward the entrance, opening the door and trying not to seem like he was eavesdropping as he approached. 

“I’ve no reason to think such things of you, Des.” Roe smiled at the woman. 

“Roe, hrm...how are you?” Victor stepped next to them. 

“Victor.” She nodded to him. “I’m well. This is Desdemona Smear. Don’s sister. Des, this is Doctor Victor Frankenstein.”

“Good to meet you. We were just talking about you not long ago.” Desdemona nodded. “Nothing bad, don’t worry. Just that you’d been visiting often.”

“Were you and your brother close?”

“He was a moron, wasn’t he?” She laughed. 

“Vic didn’t know Don. Out of my life before him and back in after.”

“As if he was never meant to.” Desdemona chuckled. “Don’t worry, Doctor, that’s for the best. Even Roelia and he weren’t all that close. He didn’t allow closeness. Thought it better to be sad than to let people love him. He left our family long ago.”

“I see.” He nodded. 

“Did you need something? I do tailor men’s clothing as well.”

“No, um...just saw Roe, thought I would stop in. I don’t see her in the daylight often.”

“Does anyone?” She laughed. “Roelia is far from a busybody. Keeps herself locked up all day and night rather often. Don once wondered if she was sickly, but it turns out she just--”

“Cares a lot about her work. We had teachers who said the same thing in college.” Victor nodded. 

“Well, feel free to look around. I must get back to a large order. There’s to be a wedding soon.” Desdemona curtsied and stepped around the corner. 

“How did your business go?” Roe asked, voice low. “You look hurt.”

“It was...unproductive.” He sighed. “I wish I could have accomplished more.”

“Did it not work?”

“We weren’t even able to test it. She...shooed me off again, as it were.”

“I see.” Roe nodded sadly. 

“You were right. She doesn’t think herself ill.”

“I do not think my own suffering makes me ill. I can see why she would think the same.”

“It’s particularly frustrating.”

“What is?”

“That you relate to Lily so much.” 

“I do not know her enough to relate to her. I only know what you have told me, and I know that I like who I am. She likely feels much the same.” 

“Yes well...who she is is a murderess. She’s creating a group of much the same.” 

“Then I do not relate.” She let a smile tip the corners of her mouth. “I believe in mercy and forgiveness, Vic. I’ve no reason to destroy those who have wronged me. It does nothing but sew grief into the stitches of one’s heart.” She turned to look at something on a mannequin. “And I think we all have enough of that already.” 

“Yes.” 

“Would you rather I be unable to see Lily’s point of view? Does it not benefit you to have different opinions?”

“I suppose I fear...you would take her side before mine.” Victor sighed. 

“I only ever take my own side, Victor. Sometimes it coincides with others, but others it leaves me outside looking in. But loyalty to self is much more valuable than loyalty to others.” She paused. “If you were to be clear in your story, I would be able to better tell you where I stand.” 

“I will come by tomorrow.” 

“Of course.” Roe nodded. “And by then, I’ll have a new dress.” 

Victor nodded slowly. “Let me pay for it.” 

“That’s not necessary.” She shook her head. “You know that.” 

“It’d be my pleasure, Roe. When was the last time someone gave you a gift?” 

She paused. “Two years. Not that I feel unloved. If you’re buying, would you like to help pick out materials and such?” 

“Wouldn’t know the first thing.” He shrugged. “I trust you to find something you’d like well enough yourself.” 

She stepped away, plucking a ream of blue fabric from the wall. “This, perhaps? I don’t wear much in dark colors.” 

“So why choose it?” 

She shrugged. “You’re paying. To honor you.”

Victor ruffled his brow. “How so?” 

“It’s the same color as your eyes.” She mumbled. “Always was fond of them.” She paused. “In as friendly of a way that can be taken.”

“I assumed.”

“Just like to make sure.” She turned to him. “I don’t want you to think there is anything you need to consider further with it. I wouldn’t mention it had you not asked.”

“I appreciate your willingness to leave me unclouded.” He sighed, the breath shaken. “I...cannot say your effort accomplishes much, though. I feel very clouded at all times lately.”

“Can I help in other ways?”

“I...do not think so.”

“Is the Kratom doing anything for you?”

“It...has helped, yes. It takes away the need for the narcotics, but not the craving.”

“Good to know. Did you need more?”

“Not at the moment. Thank you.”

She nodded. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure. Have Desdemona bill your order to me.”

“I may or may not.” She paused. “Though I think either way I’ll go with the blue.”

  
  


Victor excused himself from Henry’s lab, finding Roe in her quarters rather than the office. “Are you alright?” 

She looked up from the drawer she was flicking through, smiling at him. “Yes, yes. Just looking for something.” She stood up straight, brushing some dust off of herself. “Do you prefer here or the office?”

“Either is fine.”

“The office then. Better ambiance.” She nodded. She seemed upset over something, but Victor couldn’t place what. It must be substantial if he could read it on her. They stepped up to her desk, which before having been cluttered and messed, was now completely cleared. 

In fact, the whole lab seems to have been cleaned. 

“You’ve moved things.”

“You came when I was in a state of dishevelment last.” She shrugged, sitting, pressing her fingers to her temples. “But I cleaned, is all. You wanted to discuss things.”

“Yes...Um...how do I even start? With the creature?”

“Is that relevant to what you want me to know of Lily?”

“No, I suppose not. You know he asked for me to make him a mate. That was Lily. The entire time I told her that she was to be the creature’s fiance, she had no interest. But as time passed, she grew an interest in me, and I in her. Before the life I gave her, she was a woman of much pain, sick, angry. When I brought her back, she was kind and gentle. Eventually, we were...happy, I suppose. We spent all of our time together, teaching her to deal with social graces. She disliked corsets, actually. Thought they trapped her. She couldn’t breathe in them.”

“Can anyone?” Roe smirked. 

“Of course.” He shrugged. “But I told her she could do without. We went to tea with a good friend of mine, and she suggested that...perhaps I did feel something for her.” He paused. “And so I thought the ball at Dorian Gray’s estate would be a fun outing. I was worried she might not do well in such a situation, you know, a lot of stress, but she suggested I was caging her. I wasn’t doing so intentionally, of course.” He shook his head. “So I agreed we should go. She...did share a dance with me, but soon after, she abandoned me for Dorian. When it was time for us to leave, she refused, and continued to see him long after. The last I saw of her before she took her leave, she accused me of holding her again, and it grew obvious to me that she felt caged and was...growing away from me.”

“And so she left you for Dorian.” She nodded. 

“You said you’ve met him.”

“I have. Strange man. Tried to convince me we were similar souls, but there was not enough similarity to humor him. Think he just takes on ventures to waste time in his life. There’s a chance he’ll grow bored of her.”

“I did follow her there...and she told me she was changing, that she did not want to be with me any longer and that she was going to...” He shook his head, forcing back a sob. “I told you, I shot them. They lived through it. She told me they would make themselves into our masters, and that...she all but confirmed all of my insecurity.”

“But you loved her.” She nodded. “You can’t just let go of that, not easily. It takes a strength you did not have.”

“Yes. You understand. So I fell into addiction. It was weeks before Henry found me in that state. After he did, I seeked out other methods of grieving. I tried to forget her. I reunited with you, Roe, but nothing helps. I still want her by my side.” He took a long breath. “She met me outside on the street one evening, pushing me away for my own good. I intended to cure her, as you know, to make her better. So I sought her out, I went to Dorian’s estate and they took me hostage a while, a group of thirty or more slated women, all under Lily’s control. She...told me again, not to return. She let me go again. Why would she do that if she did not have some love for me?” Roe didn’t respond, so Victor went on. “Dorian has offered to help us to take her, to cure her. Roe, I know you don’t approve of it, but I promise you, it will all be worth it when she is...” He trailed off. “Well, you’ve heard enough to formulate an opinion.” 

“When she is calm and complacent.” She started, finishing his thought. “Everything she never wanted to be.” Roe sighed. “Please do not do this without considering her. If she is given the opportunity to speak, listen. I do not condone her actions. I do not condone her decisions. But people have to be allowed to make their own choices.”

“I...alright. You make a good point. Again. As always.” He nodded. “Thank you.” 

She smiled, short and pointed, tipping her head to stare at her hands on her desk. “Just happy to help.”

“I’ll...let you know how it goes.”

“Please do.” 

Just as Victor stood, a crash came from the other room. Roe didn’t move. “What was that?”

“It’s nothing.” She shook her head. “Nina is playing with the chimera again, likely.”

“What’re you working on at the moment?”

Roe glanced up at him, then back at her desk. “Not sure. Suppose nothing at the moment. Not had a lot of inspiration to work these days.” She paused, inhaling sharply as another crash came from the back. “I’m sorry. I should go check on that.” 

“Of course. I’ll leave you to it.” Victor nodded, stepping toward the door. He watched as she turned toward the back hall. “Ah, the color is good on you.”

“I thought it might be.” She said, but there was a lack of humor in her voice. “Good day, Victor. Tell Henry I offer my sincerest good hopes. And...Lily, too, if it suits you.”

“I will.” He waited for her to close the door behind her before making his own way out. Give Lily a chance to speak with him. That seemed fair as anything else. 


	4. Alchemic Basics

Roe wasn’t in her office at all when Victor stepped in, having come from Vanessa’s funeral. He needed someone to talk to about what had happened with Lily, and Roe may be the only one who would understand. After all, she seemed to read the situation without ever having met her very well. He expected to at least find Nina. A moment of panic set itself in him, realizing that many had died during the fog, and perhaps the city had lost its alchemist, as well. Roe burst through the back door, the knobs slamming on the walls beside it, grappling with something. She was quick to sweep it down, overpowering whatever it was, slamming it into the ground. “Nina, the chain!” She shouted, and the small girl appeared, locking something onto the thing’s wrists, and Roe climbed off of it, pulling on the chains, getting the thing to its feet. Victor hadn’t even realized he had his gun trained on it. “Get that thing back in the room! I will not have it behaving like that! I would rather slit its throat!” Nina nodded to her, dragging the thing back into the hallway as Roe slammed the doors behind her. “Christ.” She swept her bangs behind her head, groaning and taking the clip out, throwing it onto her desk as she climbed up to her chair, burying her head in her hands as she caught her breath. 

“What was that?” Victor asked, reholstering his gun and stepping up to meet her. 

“Nothing.” She snapped. “It wasn’t mine. I’m containing it here a short time.”

“A chimera?” 

“Of sorts. I didn’t know it was even alive. Was just supposed to be supplies while a fellow alchemist moved labs. Didn’t realize he was storing living creatures with said supplies.”

“Not everyone’s chimera are as good as yours, then?”

“What do you want? Pulling a gun you probably don't even know how to use on--” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. That...came out wrong. How can I help you?”

“You wanted the update on Lily.”

Roe sighed. “Yes. I suppose I did ask for that. What is it?”

“She...I gave her the chance to speak. As you asked me to.”

“And?” She leaned back in her chair, impatience fading as she calmed down. 

“I set her free. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t take her pain from her. It was wrong.”

“Yes.” Roe nodded. “I think so too.”

“I think it’s wrong of me to continue to love her.” He sighed, looking away, not wanting to see how Roe was judging him. “I don’t think she wants that anymore. You’re right. She has to give that to me by choice.”

“I’m glad you understand.” She shifted. “And I’m sorry that she won’t.”

“The problem, of course, is where does that leave me? I cannot very well go back to my work. I do not want to bring any more suffering into this world. There is nothing in my future.”

“You were always a physician first, weren’t you? The resurrection was just a side project.” She reached across the desk, two fingers on his chin, forcing him to look at her. “Whether it took over your life in the end or not, you’re a man of science. When things do not go the way we plan, we go back to the drawing board and start from the beginning. The beginning for you is wanting to cure people of the worst of ailments. Perhaps death is not the one you should focus on.”

“I can’t go back to that. Not after what I’ve been through.”

“But you can.” She shook her head. “Nothing is stopping you from just being a regular doctor. Changed, different, with more growth, but exactly as you were before.”

Victor reached into his pocket, fingering the small steel block. “Like the cup.”

“Like the cup.” She nodded, then made a face. “Oh, the fog! That’s why he hasn’t come to pick up his things! Cowardly bastard.”

“Yes, um...have you been down here the entire time?”

“Fog was too dense to go anywhere anyway, so I just stayed.” She nodded. “Why, did something happen?”

“Near seven thousand people in London are dead.”

“So it was a miasma.” She shook her head. “That’s horrible.”

“So, your friend may be less a coward, more not of this world anymore.”

“Great, so I get to babysit his thing?”

“I’m...sorry?”

“He was Don’s friend. Not mine. I think his work is excessively unskilled.” She paused. “I’m sorry. We weren’t talking about this before. Did you lose anyone else?”

“Else?” He looked up. 

“Aside from Lily.”

“Ah...um...yes. A good friend. Vanessa Ives.”

“I’m sorry.” She frowned. 

“She’s...better off now. Her life was very difficult.”

“Sometimes that’s just how it is.” Roe nodded. “Don’s death was more a relief than a sadness for him, I expect.”

“I’m sorry. A lot has happened. I mean, I suppose not much has, really.”

“The things that have happened are heavy, though. That’s okay. I understand.”

“Yes.” He shook his head. “...I don’t know why this was the first place I came to. I haven’t been home.”

“Do you just want to be here?” She offered. “Somewhere unconnected? No memories, just quiet and strange?”

“That may be it, yes.” He frowned. “I don’t want to cry to you. That feels wrong.”

She smiled, gentle again. “Because you’re a man? No, Victor. If you need to cry, you do so. You’re going to hurt, and then things will be alright. Before things get to alright, though, you have to get through the hurt. If you wish for me not to see, I’ll leave the room. But if you need to be held, I’ll do that, too.” 

“I don’t want to drag you into my own melancholy.” He sighed. “That’s...not what I want for you.”

“I will visit with you. Vacation in your melancholy until I can convince you to move out.” She stood, pressing her hands into his shoulders. “That’s what friends do. And you may be one of the very few I have left.” She stood straight, and he looked back at her. “That said, you have to give me a moment to check on Nina.”

“May I ask you...why is it this chimera is not as good as yours?”

“The method. Things born in fear and loneliness, as test subjects and results, tend to hate everything around them. They have no choice. They remain afraid. My chimera are usually made of animals who are already dying. They know their lives are at an end, and I give them a new lease on life. I don’t know if they have the capacity to...appreciate it, per say, but they certainly come into life happier than they went out.” She shifted onto her other foot. “Sometimes when things that are so scared and hurt are brought into this world, the most sympathetic thing you can do for them is to put them down. So we’ll try to help this creature that we’ve been handed off calm down, to help it be happy. But if that doesn’t work, we’ll do the merciful thing.”

“And destroy it.” Victor nodded. “Do you understand that...that was the plan for Lily?”

“I do.” Roe nodded. “But Lily is a person, Victor. And your motivations for placating her were not as pure as you like to tell yourself. These chimera, despite the way I talk about them, are nothing more than animals.” She disappeared into the back hall. Victor looked around, the room still as clean as it had been. She’d never lived in a clean abode, always cluttered with books and papers. Victor’s thoughts on Lily faded, wondering why he’d not asked his friend if she was okay, asked her what she was working on, like some unsympathetic fool, ignoring the signs of something upsetting her greatly. He’d seen this happen before, in college, when he and Henry both told her they were leaving. She’d cleaned her work up, focused only on her classes, not caring anymore about what her senior thesis was going to be like she had been for weeks. He had already told himself--he cannot force his love on Lily, and Roe was right--it would take time, and he would hurt, but he would feel better about it eventually. He needed to focus on other things, such as those he abandoned while he foolishly chased his creation to all ends of the city. Such as Roe’s frustrations and obvious distraction. 

She re-entered the room, many long minutes later, sitting at her desk silently. “That was not as quick as I’d assume.”

She didn’t respond at first. “Yes, well.” She shook her head. “It impaled itself on it’s cage trying to escape.”

“That’s...Roe,” Victor started, shaking his head.

“Just one more thing on top of all else.” She stood. “I’m sorry. I’ll be back in a few moments.” Victor watched as she started toward her quarters. 

“Roe.” He stood now, as well, stepping over to her. “I need you to tell me what it is that’s bothering you.”

“I just had a creature kill itself rather than be touched by me.” She snapped. “What do you think is wrong?” Roe paused, taking a deep breath and turning to him. “I’m so sorry, Vic, it’s just...been so much lately.” She shook her head again. “Now is not the time for you to try to comfort me. You are hurting far more.”

“Are we not allowed to hurt at the same time?”

“Not if I’m supposed to be comforting you.”

He nodded slowly. “Henry and I are no longer speaking. He was angry with me for letting Lily go.”

“Then let him be angry. I will appreciate what you did for her.”

“It would have been inhumane to force her.”

“I know.” Not agree. Know. Knew. He’d ignored her pleading with him the entire time, blinded by his want to have Lily back as she was. Blinded by a love that only hurt her. “Is it that I didn’t listen to you?”

“Partly.” She squeaked. “If you had done that to her...if you had caged Lily again...she would have hurt you more. The guilt would have killed you, after you realized what you’d done.”

“I suppose...we were far past listening to you.”

“Ganging up on me, even.” She laughed, scornful. “You and Henry both trying to tell me it wasn’t absolutely horrible to take away someone’s choices like that. Giving me the situation and asking for my opinion so that you could ignore it. Trying to convince me that placating a woman into your wife isn’t the same as pulling her into your home as a prisoner, drugging her until she can’t think.” Roe looked at him, eyes more pain ridden than sharp, swallowing hard. “Vic, I couldn’t argue with you. How could I? You’d already decided what you wanted. You asked me in hopes I would take your side, but if I had argued, if I had shown up at Henry’s lab like I so wanted to, taken Lily from the two of you to protect her...You understand, I don’t know her. We’ve never met. I don’t approve of her harming others, but it still would have been better to take her away from you two...if I had done that, I would have lost the both of you. Just as you understand now that if she were to love you, she’d need to love you of her own accord, if you were going to set her free, you would have to come to the decision yourself. Otherwise, what am I but a destroyer of progress? Again and again. The betrayal you told me you feared. Taking Lily’s side over yours. But you see, I was already doing that. I already wanted you to just leave her be.”

“I hadn’t realized it weighed heavy on you. I should not have asked.”

“Absolutely not!” Roe spoke quickly. “Do not keep secrets from me to protect my feelings. That is not the correct way to handle that.”

“I...of course.” Victor paused, shaking his head. “I didn’t think it concerned you that much.”

“How could it not, Vic?” Her composure broke, and he could hear it in her voice. “How could I not feel as if you were asking my permission to destroy a woman as she was, to break her into just the pieces you want? You can’t just have the little blocks, Victor, you have to take the whole cup. Especially if you molded the block with your own hands. I told you, as gently as I could, how I felt about it, but what could I do? Would you have accepted me fighting you on it with full vigor? Would you have let me speak without growing angry? Listened to me? If I had shown up in that lab and told you you were not to touch her, would you have rethought things? With Henry backing you up? What was it exactly that changed your mind?”

Victor looked at her, trying to read her in the way she read him. It didn’t work. Never did. “No. I would not have changed my mind if you were there. I would have felt you were betraying me.”

“Exactly.” She nodded, shivering, grasping her own arms. 

“She told me that...she’d had a daughter, who died. She begged me not to take those memories from her. I...couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been right.”

“She told you the exact thing I did. That people live with their scars and they make them who they are, and that it’s okay to be like that, jaded, hurt. It’s part of the human experience. The cup is not meant to stay unscratched. It’s meant to be passed around, served, dropped, scrubbed.”

“I know, and I should have listened to you.”

“Perhaps.” She shrugged. “But you had to hear it from her mouth. The fact that you listened when she took her consent away...that’s what matters. Because ultimately, I didn’t have to be there in that lab, talking you two away from destroying who she was.”

“But it scared you.” Victor bit his lip. “I understand.”

“I just couldn’t lose you two. Not again. I can’t...” She sighed. “I mean I can. I can lose anything. I don’t want to be close with people like I’ve been in the past. It does them, nor me, any good. I want to be available to help you, but...”

“So because of this, you do not want to be friends any longer?”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s just...I betray and hurt everywhere I go. I would have done it again if I had not reminded myself that losing the two of you was not an issue, but even more of a nonissue was what you would be doing to some woman I’d never met. I couldn’t take another thing away from another person.” 

“Roelia, I...wish you had.”

“Wish I had what?” She shook her head. “Stormed in there? Stopped you two from doing something you were going to hate me for stopping?”

“I wish you had betrayed me. It would make this far easier.”

“Make what easier?” She sighed. “Leaving? You’re free to go, anytime. It’s good to fear me. I’m not a good ally to have.”

“It would have made it easier to understand how hurt you were. You should have been clear with your feelings on the matter, and pressed the issue when we ignored you. You cared enough to argue, but...who knows what kind of fear and pain you may have saved Lily from had you argued more? How much pain would it have saved you if you told us that it was weighing on you?”

“As if you did not have enough to worry about?” She sighed, staring at him. “As if it wasn’t weighing enough on you already? I am not the one to worry about--I wasn’t even involved.” She paused. “As if it would have mattered, anyway? What did you care if it weighed on me? You were blinded by your perverted love for her. You did not care who you had to hurt to get her back--not even if you had to hurt Lily with your own hands. You just couldn’t do it when the time came and you had to face what you were doing. You had to understand how much it hurt her to be placated by hearing her beg. Henry wanted to see the results of his work. He wanted people to treat him as if he was worth the time spent looking at him. He deserves that, but not like this. If I had been hurting, would you have really cared at all?” She stepped back a couple steps. “Don’t answer that. You’re not good at being truthful with yourself. Lie to yourself all you want, but when you realize what it is you truly feel, then you can tell me. I don’t want to be lied to.”

Victor frowned, feeling a snarl curl onto his face. “Who the hell are you to tell me how I feel? We’ve barely spoken in over five years, and now--”

“There it is. As if you’ve really changed so much in these last few years? As if I didn’t just tell you that you were doing things for reasons other than what you were telling yourself?” She sighed. “Victor, you cannot always see how you’re feeling, but I can read you very well. I don’t do it to be cruel. I do it to help you.” She paused. “But I’ll stop. Tell me what you want, lies or not. That’s better, after all. Keeps me from wanting to argue against you. Keeps me from hurting you.”

“No human connection is without deception.” Victor sighed. “You said that, not I.”

“You’re right.” She nodded. “And it’s wrong of me to try to see through it. I’m not trying to scathe or make a point. I mean it. If you wish to lie to me, do it. We aren’t that close anymore.” She paused. “Despite that, it’s much more important that we don’t have to deal with each other’s facades, trying to see past them. Just let it rot away until we don’t have them anymore. But it’s foolish to try to see each other as we were so many years ago.”

“Have you truly changed that much?” Victor looked at her as she leaned on the wall. 

“I have become more guarded. Other than that, not much. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

“Roe, I have created and watched destruction. My faith in science being the true answer has been shaken. I have grown used to connections and watched them crumple. I have become a monster, uncaring of the wellbeing of my creations and the people they interact with. I have caused them harm, directly and indirectly. I am different now from when we were young.”

Roe laughed, incredulous. “You’re still young. Guess we know why Henry calls you old man. You think yourself as such.”

“...Despite all these changes, I’m unsure they matter, as far as we go.”

“They matter to me.” Roe nodded. “You think so low of yourself. I wish you to be happy again. I fear the only way for you to do that is to let these things go.”

“I cannot do that. I carry my sins, and the sins of my creations on my back.”

“Then you will never be happy.” She said softly. “You will die like Don, the sins of your life haunting you.”

“I’d like to sit down.” Victor sighed. 

“Wherever you wish.” Roe nodded, stepping into her quarters and sitting on her bed, leaning back, her arm over her eyes. Victor joined her, sitting at first, then doing the same. 

“You used to do this in the dorms, as well.”

“What?” Roe asked, not moving her arm. 

“Whenever you were having trouble with a particular professor, or family problems, you’d lie like that, and stay until you had thought things through.”

“Suppose it’s a coping method.”

“And I would lie next to you, unsure what I could say or do to help. Like that business with the baron. What was a young man, entirely inexperienced in dating, much less courting and growing violent when it didn’t work, supposed to say to you? What could I do but to sit with you and be there if you needed to talk?”

She smiled a bit. “Nothing. That was enough.” She shook her head. “And god, Henry would come in and think the best thing he could do is try to relate. He would talk and talk and talk and I’d tell him he’d helped, even though the only thing I really wanted was for someone to be there with me. My family often made me feel so unwanted, extended family angry I was following in my foolish mother’s footsteps, thinking my father didn’t care about my success, that he was too focused on his plays and prose. Me, sitting in the middle of the two of them, learning all of each of their worst traits, my grandmother constantly asking me how I was going to get a man with all this tunnel vision. As if it mattered?” She laughed. “And that professor Smith--what a bastard he was, didn’t think women had a place in science, despite the fact that many women had since become accomplished.”

“He used to give you the worst marks.” Victor shook his head. “Despite your work being perfect.”

“And I’d have to take every assignment to the dean to have it graded by him specifically. He never made him stop.”

“Boggling, that.” Victor sighed. “The night after the baron...I’ll never forget it. We couldn’t figure out where you’d been--you didn’t go home for weekends often, and if you did, you told us. So we waited in your dorm. Henry went to get something to eat when you came in, and you didn’t even speak to me at first.”

“I couldn’t speak.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t believe it had happened. He’d seemed so nice till that point. I wasn’t interested, but he seemed nice. I just...clutched onto you. I’m so sorry. It must’ve been so awkward for you.”

“Not at all. It was obvious you were upset. I’d never seen you cry before then.” 

“Didn’t that just make it more awkward?” She laughed. “But after I’d calmed down...you’re right. We lay on the floor just like this, and you sat there silently as I told you what happened. I felt so dirty when Henry came back and you said it so simply. ‘Baron Andrew raped her’. As if it was something so clinical and clear.”

“I did not mean to upset or insult you. I merely did not want you to have to relive it.”

“I know, and it was the best way you could have said it, but still...it didn’t hit me until just then that...he forced himself on me wasn’t near as violent of language as was truthful. Why do we say it like that? To be polite?”

“I couldn’t say.” 

“And then Hen, he just--he constantly talked after that. Told me that in his home country it happened often, and was never punished, as if that was supposed to make me feel better. As if the fact that my being in England meant it was somehow better to be raped here than there.”

“He didn’t understand that he wasn’t helping.”

“I know. And then he grew angry when I told him I didn’t care about what happened in his home country, this happened to me.”

“He left before curfew. I remember. He was enraged.”

“But you didn’t.” She paused, removing the arm, letting it fall to her side. “You stayed all night, snuck out before the prefect had done her morning rounds. You told me to come find you if I needed you again. I’d never felt so loved.” She shifted, rolling, turning away from him. “I’ve not felt so loved since.”

“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. You should well have been able to make close connections elsewhere.” 

“I did not want to.” She shook her head. “When you asked me to come help you with your work, I told you no, and I couldn’t figure out why that hurt you. Why it wasn’t obvious I wanted to stay and finish my degree. After I graduated I realized, though, that I’d hurt you two.”

“I understand. I always did. It was sad that we’d stop being close because of it, but I understood.”

“I appreciate that.” She nodded. “It does help.” 

“Whether Henry did or not--”

“Doesn’t matter.” She chuckled. “He was mad about anything and everything.” 

Victor sighed. “Is this why you do this?”

“What’s that?” 

“It’s calming. Makes it easier to think just by being relaxed.” 

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “I’ve done this since I was young. I find it easier to process things when I’m lying down.”

“I was sickly. I didn’t like to be lying down.” Victor sighed. “Meant I was particularly ill.”

“I’m sorry. You didn’t have to join me.”

“It’s...always better when you’re not alone.” He paused. “It was easier when my mother was still alive. She would read to me. Always helped me to forget how horrid things seemed.” 

“You miss her.” Roe said, voice barely above a whisper. “It’s how I feel about my father. But I got to have him a lot longer than you had your mother.”

“You weren’t closer with your mother? I would think she was a role model.”

Roe rolled back over, opposite now, facing him. “My mother was a workaholic, much like myself. She would share what I could understand, but mostly she worked in things that I would have never been able to grasp as a child. But my father could spin fantastic stories, tales of horrors and danger, stories of love and adventure. He would tell them as if they were a play already on stage, comedies when I felt alone, dramas when I was ready to give up...” She shook her head. “He was amazing. The true hero of my childhood.”

“And as you grew?”

“Well, you met him. He was a master of his craft. But...above all that, he instilled in me that people do not hurt for no reason. He instilled in me that sometimes the best things take a while to be made. He ensured, before he died, that I understood that who I was was who I was meant to be, and that I should never change so that someone accepts me more. Trust my impulses.” She shut her eyes, frowning. “I suppose I’ve allowed my own life to cloud such advice, at times. My own fears.”

“We cannot just be the views of our parents.”

“How true.” Roe smiled, a small snuff escaping her nose. “Perhaps I should allow my own advice to teach me as much as my father did.” She paused, turning to look at the canopy above her bed. “Who were you before Lily? Do you remember?”

“I...it was not long ago. You’d think I would be able to.”

“Think about it.”

He didn’t speak a moment, considering it. Roe began humming, a quiet, relaxing noise. “I was...a man who saw himself to be a monster for allowing harm to come of my creations. A man who was unable to feel accomplished without succeeding in my dreams, despite the fact that my own goals instilled fear in me.”

“Outside of your work.” 

“I...was a good friend to the group I worked with. We once spent four weeks trying to help Miss Ives overcome her own issues...suppose it never worked.”

“But you were there for her.”

“I was. And after that, she was there for me.”

“Would what’s left of the group still accept you?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded. “But...not if they knew about my work, surely.”

“You think?”

“No...um...the man who taught me to shoot a gun...Brona, who Lily used to be...they were involved. He trusted me to help ease her into the afterlife gently. I should not have done what I did. He doesn’t need anymore grief.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“Sir Malcolm, he...he considers me like a son, but he too is hurting much after Miss Ive’s death.”

“And you?”

“She...was very kind to me. Once told me...after I had first lost Lily...that I would find another who could love a monster like me.”

“Did you believe her then?”

“No.” He smirked. “How could I?”

“And now?”

“I don’t think the answer has changed.”

She nodded. “I think she’s right, though. No one stays completely alone forever.”

“Some people do.” 

Roe laughed. “I don’t think you will.” She sat up, cracking her knuckles, turning to her bedside table, shutting the light off. Ambient light still illuminated the quarters from the office. 

“Something wrong?”

“Just want some peace.” She paused. “I’m sorry I tried to fight with you earlier. What’s done is done. You made the right decision. I shouldn’t scold you for taking a while to get to it.”

“I’ll just have to know to listen to you more often.”

“No, no, don’t do that.” She laughed. “I’m not always so trustworthy.”

“I think at this rate your judgement may be better than mine.”

“If it is, that would only mean you should take my words into account, not let me guide you.” 

Victor sat up and stared at Roe’s back as she stood to put on the kettle, preparing two cups of tea. “I think the blue is too dark after all.” 

“Do you?” She frowned, looking over. “I thought you liked it.”

“It makes you look sad.”

“Maybe because the last time you looked in the mirror your eyes looked sad.” She gave him a smirk. “Because I quite like it. Somewhere between dark and light.”

“Did you mean what you said? About my eyes?”

She smiled. “I did. They’re pretty. Mine are boring. Grey.” 

“Better to be boring than to stand out. My first creation’s eyes were yellow.” 

“Sounds fun.” She shrugged. “People can judge all they want, I think.”

“I’m sure he would be enraged. Think you were mocking him.”

“Then he should get to know me better.”

“He barely cared enough to get to know me, Roe. He started our interactions by killing those I loved.”

“And now?”

“I’ve not seen him in a long time. For the best.”

“I suppose so.” She mumbled, passing him a cup of tea. 

She eased herself into her headboard, sipping her tea and resting her eyes. “May I ask you to do me a favor?” Victor looked up. 

“Of course.” Roe looked over at him.

“I...don’t feel well enough to be alone. I was hoping you might come back to my flat. Unless you’re...busy with things here--”

“Not at all.” She shook her head. “You see how cluttered things are. I’ve so much to do.”


	5. Catch up

The sun was just setting as they set out, and Victor turned to Roe as they settled into the cab. “I hadn’t realized it was getting so late. Apologies.”

“It’s fine. I’m not really tired.”

“You cannot just constantly resist sleep.”

“Oh, watch me.” Roe laughed. “Aside, time of day does not matter. You said you don’t want to be alone right now. That’s reason enough to stay awake.”

He glanced at her, eyes shut and hands in her lap diligently. She’d always had a certain grace about her, but was it always so professional? She’d been almost haphazard in university--never without a joking tone or a clever response. Perhaps Roe had grown up more than Victor had--no, that was a definite. Perhaps it was instead that she’d left much of her more childlike behavior behind in these last few years. Her breathing was steady, and a less familiar friend may have thought she was sleeping, but Victor could tell that her silence was likely a sign that she was considering things heavily. 

Roe was quick to look around the lab as Victor tossed his things about, trying to organize as much as possible. “Good copperwork. Doubt all this is that safe, though.”

“It...shocks me quite often, but the workspaces suit my needs and the wiring accomplishes the charge I need for my work.” 

She looked around, above her at the rafters, an expression of concern returning to her features. “It’s wired all about the room. Aren’t you afraid of a fire?” 

“Never really considered it.” Victor shrugged. “They’ve never started one before.”

“Famous last words.” Roe smirked at him. “Still, it’s very impressive. I’ve never seen anything that comes close to this amount of devotion to one’s hobbies.” She twisted around one of the bannisters, stepping up the stairs to his workspace above everything, looking at the books and notes about. “Always made people wonder about you, you know.” She mused.

“What’s that?” He frowned, joining her. 

“So many storybooks and poetry in your workstation.” She smiled, looking nostalgic. “I always thought it was a good way to ground oneself.”

“I agree. It’s necessary to have both entertainment and knowledge.”

“I’d argue they were one in the same.” She glanced around again, and a sense of quiet dread filled Victor as he realized that as usual, even after cleaning up the first time, he’d left Lily’s things strewn about her living space, and that she was sure to notice them. She did, just as he glanced at her, and she didn’t frown or question him, merely nodding quietly to herself. “You’re not going to like this, but you really should put those away somewhere.” 

“I...I know.”

“It’d be better for you that way.” She nodded again. “But I’m not going to tell you how to grieve.”

“No, Roe, you’re correct.” He shrugged. “It’s...hard.”

“You want her to have a home to come back to. I understand. We do it for the dead, too.” She made a face. “...Well. The entirely dead, I suppose. My move into the master room at the manor was not until a year after I lost my parents.”

“Think this is a bit different.” He sighed, smiling apologetically at her. “But I understand your point.”

Roe stretched her arms upward, twisting her shoulders. “That, and without Lily, you’re a bachelor again. Last thing most dates are going to want to see is a strange woman’s things strewn about.” She smirked at him, as if attempting to make it more obvious than it already was that she was joking.

“It’s just...hard to throw them out is all.” 

“Would you like me to do it for you?” 

Victor looked at Roe, pacing around his lab, stopping and turning to him as she leaned against his control panel, arms crossed, looking at the other side of the room and not him. She seemed serious. “I--you could.”

“Not if you don’t want to yet. But if you can’t bear to do it and want me to do it for you, I will. Don’t let me pressure you.” She shrugged. 

“I...honestly have no clue where you’re going to sleep without putting her things away, so...we might as well.”

“I can sleep anywhere you can give me a blanket.” She laughed. “I’m not too worried about having a mattress.”

“Yes but--it wouldn’t...” He sighed. “I would be wrong of me to make you sleep on the floor or a chair or something else when there’s a perfectly good mattress here.”

“Are you going to start crying on me?” She glanced at him. “If so, that’s totally fine, but if you’re insisting on putting her things away, I can do it myself if it’s going to hurt.”

“I...couldn’t to ask you to do that for me.”

“It would be fine, I assure you. I’ve never so much as seen the woman. Doesn’t bother me to box up her things.” She shrugged. “Maybe for the best I haven’t met her. If she won you over she must’ve been extraordinarily pretty.”

“Why would that be...a problem for you?”

Roe shrugged. “She might’ve charmed me, as well.” She paused. “Though that’s unlikely. Not sure I’ve ever actually been in love with anyone. Perhaps I’m incapable.”

“You shouldn’t say such things.”

“Does it matter if they’re true?” Roe stepped away from the control panel, stepping up to Lily’s bed, finding a box in the corner, folding things gently and placing them there. Victor was surprised to find she was being so gentle, despite her seeming not to be too interested. He expected her to toss them in haphazardly, but Roe was treating them with the utmost care. He felt bad watching her do so on her own, so he joined her, making the job much quicker. Roe went ahead and plucked the sheets off of the mattress as well, putting them in a second pile. “To be washed.” She mumbled. “You’ll have lice if you don’t. You’ve washed yours of late, I assume?”

“I have.”

“These smell like perfume. I can’t blame you for leaving them on, but--health comes first, and insects like cold and humid places like your lab. Sorry.”

“No--you’re right.” He paused, looking around. “It actually...feels good to see it clean again.”

“I’m glad.” She nodded. “Did we miss anything?”

“Not that I can think of.” He considered it, feeling ashamed immediately, considering not mentioning it. It wasn’t going to do him any good to lie to her. “One more, actually.” Victor sighed, heading upstairs. “Just a moment.” 

Roe was re-sheeting the mattress when Victor returned, placing Lily’s nightgown into the box. “Sleeping with it?” Roe asked, not an inkling of animosity in her voice. 

“Ah...” He felt like a child, caught with a sweet he wasn’t supposed to have. “Yes, sorry.”

“What’re you apologizing for?” She shrugged. “That’s why we’re doing this. Do you want to keep it?”

“No...” He trailed off, considering his quick answer. He glanced up at Roe, who had stood up, her arms folded again, tipping back on her heel, as if awaiting his response. “...No, I’m fine. Best this way.”

She nodded. “Where should I put it, then?”

“Are you not intending to...what, I dunno, burn it or something?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “...No…? Do you want me to? That’s just a waste of cloth at this point. You burn things that anger you. You put things that hurt you away and pretend they don’t exist.”

“Perhaps I am angry.”

“At who, though. At Lily? Or at Dorian Gray? Perhaps at Henry?”

“No...just...angry.”

She shrugged. “It’s alright to be angry. That’s normal, I think. I’ll ask again. Do you want me to dispose of Lily’s things?” 

“Not...for good.” He shook his head. “It’d be a waste. Put them somewhere I can’t find them.”

Roe paused, in thought. “Sure.” She shrugged, plucking a stone from her pocket, transmuting the shape of the wooden box to one that was sealed all the way around. “The only thing that could get those things out of it is another transmutation, or destroying the box. You’d really have to want to get in there.”

“Thank you.” He mumbled, glancing over at her as she placed it into a closet, wiping dust off of her hands. “Could really use a deep clean.” He sighed.

“Yeah, looks like a drug addict lives here.” She smiled at him, kind and comforting. He shook his head but smiled at her as well. 

They sat in his lab well into the night, discussing theatre and his work, looking through his journals, Roe congratulating him and telling him he really should be an artist, Victor telling her about his allyship with Sir Malcolm and Ethan and Vanessa, and while he assumed she would take them as ghost stories, the weeks of Vanessa’s possession especially, but she listened quietly and offered nothing but support and belief. He was surprised to find she was so open to such things, but as an alchemist, there probably wasn’t much she would disbelieve. After he’d finished telling her about all that, she tipped back in her chair, swirling her drink in it’s glass. “I’m sorry, did I go on too long?”

“No...just...vampires.” She shook her head. “Wild, that one. Guess you never truly know everything that happens in this city, yeah?”

“It seems that way.” He nodded. 

“So, are we in danger right now?”

“No, Roe, I don’t think so.” He chuckled. “Not at the moment. Not with their leader gone.” 

She nodded. “Good to know. Preemptively saved my life, this Ethan, then?”

“I...suppose so.”

“You’ll have to thank him for me next you see him.”

“I...can’t imagine I will. I’ve done my best to cut myself away from that life.”

“Perhaps for the best.” She nodded. “Still, it’s hard to leave things like that forever.”

He frowned, glancing at the bottle of alcohol, now near empty from their evening of drink, considering shortly that they’d both probably had too much. He didn’t drink hardly at all, but he couldn’t shoot up with her here, so her offer of drink was the closest thing. “Since college...have you been involved with anyone?”

“Mm--” she shrugged, swallowing, tossing her head behind her shoulders, thinking. “No, don’t think so.” Roe said, looking back at him. “Not ever, really. In college there was the Baron, right? That wasn’t exactly love, and I guess all that did was remove my ‘purity’ or whatever.” She shrugged. “But I don’t think I’ve ever really been all that involved with anyone.”

“Do you...even really know what it’s like to love someone?”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “I love my friends dearly.”

“That’s platonic. It’s different.” He shook his head. “Roe, I mean, really love someone. Waking up in tangles, thinking about them at all times, worrying for them in every little thing--it’s not something I’d ever thought I would have, but I did, and it’ll...break you.”

“Was it worth it?” Roe said, voice quiet and serious. 

“Absolutely.” He nodded. “You shouldn’t keep yourself so closed from it.”

“Noted.” She swallowed the last of her glass. “But wholly ignored.” 

“Roe--”

“Not worth it, Vic.” She pointed a finger at him, standing. “You think it is, but breaking someone else is an unforgivable sin. I won’t be that, and I won’t put that on someone else. Love is selfish and cruel and...despite the fact that I don’t consider myself capable, I don’t need to chance it.” She sighed. “Goodnight, Victor.” 

“Roe, wait. I didn’t mean to--”

“You’re fine. Get some rest.” She waved a hand dismissively, crashing into the bed across the room, turning away from him. Victor sighed, finishing his own drink, regretting asking her, and walking upstairs to his own bed. 

The morning was too bright and came far too soon. Roe was already upstairs, sitting by the window. Victor sat up, glancing over at her. “You’re up early.”

“I told you, I don’t sleep all that much.” She shrugged.

“With a hangover, even?” 

She didn’t look at him, returning to whatever it was she had made in his kitchen. The smell was mild enough to make him hungry, rather than nauseous. His stomach growled and he sighed. “There’s more in there. Should still be hot.”

“Most women who come from the class you do don’t know how to cook.”

“And men from the same do? Why do you even have a kitchen?” She teased. “You were just a little rich kid too, remember.” 

“One has to learn to survive on one’s own.”

“Good man.” She nodded to him, smiling. Her cooking was just as it had been in the dorms, if not better. She’d always done well at that, and Henry had joked that she’d make a good wife to some serf. She’d tossed a pipe at him that day, breaking it and forcing Victor to stitch his wound while telling him he needed to speak to her more kindly. He smiled at the memory, sitting next to her at the window. 

When Roe left, Victor felt rather lonely. He’d slept well, but part of him was still exhausted, and not just from the hangover. Cleaning the lab completely of Lily’s things hadn’t hurt as much as he’d assumed it would. Roe was gentle enough about it that he felt confident in not needing those things anymore. He wondered if Roe had meant what she told him last night. She probably thought she was being practical, but really it was more sad that she felt so unlovable. He could relate, but at least he had a reason other than that he never had. Something Victor couldn’t place nagged at him, so he shook it off and went back to looking for large buildings for sale. 


	6. Old Rivalry

Roe was at the coast market when Victor met with her again, a few days later. He called out to her, and she looked up, smiling at him. “Ah, Vic. I was getting ready to see if you were home once I was done here. Thought you could join me for dinner.”

His stomach whined at him, reminding him it’d be the first meal of the day. “That sounds phenomenal.”

“Good. Yours or mine?”

“Mine is closer.” He shrugged. 

“So it is.” Roe nodded, turning back to the merchant. “Those three will work.”

“She a friend of yours, Doctor?” He glanced up.

“She is.”

“A discount for the pretty lady, then.” He nodded, wrapping the fish up. 

“Oh! Thank you, sir.” She smiled at him, paying him and turning to Victor. “I’ve got one more thing I need.”

“Stews are easy.” Victor joked. 

“You have a hearth. I can only do so much.” Roe laughed. “Which is plenty, but make no mistake, I’m plenty good at many dishes.” 

“Cooking is just simple chemistry.” Henry mumbled, stepping into the apartment without knocking. “Don’t pat yourself on the back too much, Roelia.”

“Yeah? Well what can you do in the kitchen, college dropout?” She frowned. 

“I don’t need to do anything in it. I told you, that’s for serfs.”

“Look at this guy. Picks up the title Lord Hyde and thinks he’s top shit.” Roe laughed, looking at Victor. He shrugged, smirking at their bickering. 

“Use that name with the respect it deserves, Roe. What’re you, just the daughter of some playwright?”

“I’m The Underground Alchemist of London. I don’t need some silly title to get rid of my insecurity.”

“Isn’t that just a silly title?” Victor offered, and she pouted at him. 

“No it’s distinguished and mysterious. I earned it.”

“Well, at least The Underground Alchemist of London makes a good cook. It smells good.” Henry sighed.

“No one invited you.” She frowned, deadpan. “Go home.”

“No.” He frowned. “I’m here to see Doctor Frankenstein.”

“Wait your turn.” She chuckled, stepping behind Victor’s chair, hands on his shoulders. “Victor’s my friend at the moment.”

“Oh, and I’m not?” Henry crossed his arms. 

“Do you invite me to hang out with you every time you see me? No? Then not as good of one as Vic.”

“You’ve stolen him from me. Unfair. You didn’t pull him out of his morphine slump.”

“Roe had just as much a hand in that as you did, Henry.” Victor frowned. 

“So now no one is on my side?” Henry sighed. “Not fair. You’re ganging up on me again.” 

“Sure are.” Victor smirked. Henry shook his head, then pounced toward Roe, who dodged his lunge, laughing as she ran round the table, running out the door and into the hall. Henry followed her, and she rushed back into the apartment, closing the door in front of him, transmuting the wood shut, laughing. 

“Roe! Let me in!” He yelled from outside. 

“No! You’re going to hit me!”

“I have never hit you, Roe, stop it!” She laughed again before opening the door for him. Henry stepped back in quickly, tying his hair back again, frowning at her. “You’re so embarrassing.” 

She poked her tongue out at him, checking on the stew. “There should be enough. I suppose you can stay.”

“Oh, thank you for the gracious invite into Victor’s house, Roelia.”

“No problem at all, dear.” She shrugged. 

After the stew had finished and served, Roe and Henry were already back at their usual banter. She pointed her spoon at him. “And what exactly do you think you really gain by assuming everyone hates you?”

“I don’t assume it, they just do. Come now, I walk down the street and the scream at me.”

“I know. I beat a girl bloody for calling you sand-licker.” She sighed. “That doesn’t mean you should just go by the assumption no one accepts you.”

“They shoved me in a basement.” He frowned. “Even though I’m plenty good at my job.”

“So? I live in a basement on purpose! I like it down there. Your lab even has windows.”

“You don’t get it. You look like everyone else here, you’ll never get it.”

“Oh, sure.” She drawled. “Me, the science woman who isn’t married in her mid twenties doesn’t get what it’s like to have people talking badly about you constantly.”

“Point taken, but you didn’t get it your whole life.”

“Look Hen, I’m not saying you don’t deserve to be angry and everything.”

“Thank you.”

“But!” She sighed. “You need to go about looking at people as if they may not choose to judge you right away. It’ll make you happier.”

“Oh, and you’re so happy?” Henry frowned. 

“What makes you think Roe isn’t happy?” Victor frowned at him. 

“Oh, nothing. Just the fact that she chooses to live in the dark and refuses to make close connections.”

“Like we’re discussing you won’t do either?” He laughed. 

“Yes, but Victor, I am already angry. I wear it on my face. Roe just pretends not to be.”

“Nah.” She frowned. “Takes too much energy to hate people like you do. I don’t know how you do it. I’d be exhausted.” 

“It’s practically just a part of my personality.”

“Doesn’t he just sound like a delightful person?” Roe smirked at Victor. 

“She has a point. You’d be more attractive to potential partners if you were less irritable.”

“Oh, it’s okay, I’ll just have you make me one like you did for yourself.” Henry smirked, realizing quickly as the two of them glared at him, surprised he’d even consider that acceptable to bring up in such a way. “Sorry.”

Roe stood, grabbing Henry’s half full bowl from him, tossing it with the other dishes. “Go home, Hen.”

“I--Victor, you know I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

He sighed. “I know.”

“Go home.” Roe repeated. 

Henry frowned. “You know, I’m tired of you ordering me around.”

“Good. Leave and I’ll stop.” She grumbled. 

“This is Victor’s house!”

“Please stop, you two.” Victor sighed, standing. 

“See? Perhaps you shouldn’t get so offended on his behalf.”

“I am offended.” He shook his head. “I would also appreciate it if you would give me some time alone.”

“Sure.” Henry sneered. “And Miss Roelia Deopham can walk me out.” 

“No. She did nothing. She stays.” Victor frowned. “If she wants, that is.” 

Roe glanced at him, then at the floor. “Henry, you really just need to watch that filter of yours. Not everything that goes through your head needs to come out of your mouth. Especially when it’s that cruel.” 

“I--understand that. I apologized.”

“And you still hurt Victor. Apologies do not unhurt feelings. Perhaps you should see yourself out.” She crossed her arms. “Lord Hyde or not, I’m not afraid of you. I couldn’t give two shakes of a dog’s hind leg about that useless title. I do not give orders, but I do give strong suggestions. Currently, I suggest you get out.” 

He glowered at her, looking at Victor behind her. “I’m...I’m sorry, Victor. It was uncalled for.”

“We can talk about it later.” He shook his head. 

Henry sighed, looking defeated, walking out of the apartment. Roe stared out the window, watching him go, arms crossed. “Why would he say something like that to you?”

“I...I dunno.” Victor shook his head. “It was...cruel, to say the least.”

“He knows, right? How important Lily was to you? That it wasn’t just some purposeful thing like you building her to satisfy your need for a wife, right?”

“He does.”

She scoffed. “What an ass.” 

“You know he can be that way at times.”

“Yes. And I don’t know why you put up with it.”

“You are friends with him as well.” Victor shrugged. “Why do you?”

“Because...he doesn’t have anyone else.” She sighed. “We were best friends--all three of us. Suppose I keep hoping someday he’ll learn to use his head before he uses his mouth.”

Victor nodded. “I think it’s the same for me.” 

Roe turned to him, sitting back down to their dinner. “I hope I did not overstep.”

“Not at all. Thank you for defending me.” 

She eyed him, sighing. “I don’t think it’s defending you as much as it’s scolding Henry, but it’s...never mind. You’re welcome.”

Roe was curled up in a chair, reading through some of Victor’s poetry collections, humming to herself. She seemed cold, and despite Victor’s stoking the fire, the room didn’t seem to warm up much. He plucked his coat from the rack, passing it to her. “All of my blankets are downstairs drying. Apologies, but that’s all I have.”

She looked up at him, tipping her head. “Oh...um...thank you.” She took it, draping it over her curled legs, and she looked immediately more comfortable. 

“You shouldn’t walk home in this storm.”

“You’re probably right.” She chuckled. “It wasn’t this cold earlier.”

“Do you even own a coat?”

“I don’t let the cold bother me usually.” She shrugged. “And yes, I do. I just rush out without it pretty often.”

“Don’t the tunnels get cold?”

She nodded. “They do, but when that happens I just do more physically intensive work, keeps my blood running.”

“Makes sense.” 

“Aren’t you cold?”

“I am.” 

“Well you take your coat!” She frowned. “It’s yours!”

“Yes. And you’re cold.”

“I’m a moron who doesn’t bring a coat anywhere.” She laughed. “Take your coat.”

“I’m fine.” He shook his head, sitting across from her. “Really.” 

Roe sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t get it, but alright.” Victor chose a book of his own, and after a while, looked over at Roe, who’d been humming something not unlike a lullaby for a short while. He started to speak, but didn’t particularly want to disturb her. She seemed to absentmindedly be brushing the wool coat with her thumb. Victor assumed, probably, to metronome a beat. He went back to his reading. The next time he looked up, nearly an hour later, it was because his background music she’d been giving stopped. She’d dozed off, resting on her own shoulder, the book still gripped between her fingers as her arm dangled off of the chair. Victor stood, taking it from her, marking her place in case she’d want to pick it back up. He placed her arm in her lap, drawing the coat over her shoulders. He wondered if she sometimes worked herself until she fell straight asleep like this. It was just a touch endearing, and if not that, at least nostalgic. He stepped downstairs, checking the blankets, finding only one had dried. Victor momentarily checked to ensure his equipment would not be endangered by the moisture in the air, and when he was satisfied, he went to bed himself. 

Roe was gone by the time he awoke the next morning, but she had left a note thanking him for allowing her to stay, letting him know he was welcome at the lab if he wanted to venture out into the cold. 

Victor found himself in Henry’s lab on his request the next day, and it seemed he’d calmed down considerably. “Do you think we should stay friends with Roelia?” He offered. 

“I’ve no reason not to.” Victor frowned. “Why?”

“She’s bossy.”

“So are you.” He smirked. “I like her.”

“Yeah, I know.” Henry frowned. “So I’m acting out of line?”

“Well, I’d say so.” Victor shrugged. “She was only defending me. She’d just like you to train your mouth a bit.”

“Yes...I suppose I could afford to do that.” He sighed. “I truly am sorry I offended you.”

“It’s alright.” Victor sighed. “I know.”

“How much of her feelings do you think Roe hides from us?” Henry asked, joining Victor on the upper level. 

“Probably much of them. I cannot imagine a young woman would be entirely forthcoming with all of the things she feels.”

“Suppose.” He shrugged. “What do you think the worst thing she’s ever done is?”

“Why are you asking such things?”

“Well, because.” He shrugged. “Does she carry sin on her back as well? That perhaps she’d like to be rid of.”

“Henry, I highly doubt Roe would be willing to partake in your experiments.”

“You think? Maybe she’d like to forget.”

“You could always ask.” Victor frowned. “But I doubt it would be an affirmative answer.”

Henry sighed. “She does seem like she enjoys her pain. Remember when she would lock herself away to wallow in it? She’d not come out for days.”

“She did tend to shut us out when she was hurting, but I don’t think she wallowed, necessarily.”

“What would you call it then?”

“Processing her feelings, perhaps?” He shrugged.

“Guess so.”


	7. Habits

Roe was standing quietly outside the pharmacy, enjoying some of the fresh night air, watching the clouds roll in. A storm was on its way. She’d probably be spending the evening underground if it began raining, but for now she could go for a walk and get something to drink from one of the night shops still open in the neighborhood. Just after she’d made her purchase, a small bottle of wine, the rain started beating down, and Roe regretted her lack of umbrella immediately. Already soaked, she ran to the nearest overhang, another woman joining her soon after. “Quick onset.” Roe chuckled. 

“Yes, didn’t even realize it was going to rain. Hope it isn’t a storm.”

“It smells like one. I’d like to be home before that happens.”

“Don’t like them?” The woman glanced at her. 

“No. Don’t like the thunder.” 

“Me either.” The woman chuckled. “There are worse things, though, I suppose.” 

Roe nodded, turning to her as she removed her veil to twist the water out of it. She was pretty, curled blonde hair drenched and makeup ruined. Even still, her eyes were striking. “Sorry. I’m Roelia.” She extended a hand.

“Ah--” The woman smiled at her, extending her own to shake. “Lily.”

Roe tipped her head, wondering how common that name was. She’d never seen the woman Victor had spoken of, but perhaps this was her. If so, she seemed well, and Roe was happy for her. That said, she may also be dangerous, as he’d described. “It’s good to meet you.” She nodded. “My workplace is close, if we can get there I have an extra umbrella you could have.”

“That’s...very kind. I think I’ll wait it out, though.”

“Perhaps that’s best.” Roe nodded, looking out to the street, watching the rain beat down on the cobblestones. She paused. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I was curious if I could ask you a question.”

“Sure.” She smiled.

“It may be a bit personal, but do you know Victor Frankenstein?”

She looked at her, furrowing her brow. “I...do...”

“I don’t need details.” Roe smiled politely. “Just thought I would ask. He’s spoken of a woman with your name before.”

“Word to the wise--he isn’t very trustworthy. If it suits him, he’ll lie to you.”

“I will take that into account.” She nodded, a chortle escaping her throat. “Don’t worry, this is nothing but a chance meeting. I don’t particularly do his bidding. Couldn’t hurt a fly, myself.”

“If you were angry enough, you’d be able to.” She shook her head. “But I’m trying to move away from that. Trying to get better.”

“And do you feel better in doing so?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “Thank you for asking.”

“I hope I didn’t upset you by asking about Vic.”

“Vic?” She giggled. “So you know him well enough to call him a nickname?”

“We’ve been friends since college, if I’m entirely honest with you. Only recently reconnected.”

“If...I know this may be asking much, but--”

“My meeting you is a secret.” She nodded. “Trust me, that’s a can of worms I’d rather not open as well.”

“I could see why. Is he difficult to deal with?”

Roe chuckled, and Lily smiled back at her. “Less by the day, but...always.” She turned back to the street. “I like difficult. Makes me feel useful. All of my friends have always been difficult. I’m quite easy in comparison.”

“Oh?”

“I deal with things myself. I don’t tend to require someone to vent to. But Vic isn’t like that. He definitely needs someone to listen and tell him how to advance. Henry does as well, but he doesn’t like to admit it.”

“I’m sorry if...it’s odd for me to think of them having friends.”

“Yes, you and everyone else in the university.” She smiled. “They’re a couple of morons sometimes, but they’re mine.” Roe paused, turning to Lily again. “And due to that, I’m sorry for their blunder. I’m sorry if either of them hurt you.”

Lily looked at her, reading her. When she judged that she seemed to be honestly concerned for it, she nodded. “Thank you.”

“I know it doesn’t fix it. But you should know that Victor is sorry for his actions.”

“It doesn’t fix it. I suspected he would be.”

“Henry can be very convincing. I wouldn’t doubt it was partially his influence. Again, it doesn’t defend his actions.”

“Right.” She nodded. “Thank you, again.”

Roe smiled at her. “Of course. I’ve only ever wished to help people.”

“I wish there were more out there like you.” Lily smiled at her, replacing her veil. “I’ll pray you get home safe.”

“Same to you.” Roe curtsied to her, hiking her skirts a bit stepping out into the rain. 

Lily laughed. “Oh, it’s not just the shoes that make you tall? I’m sure Victor loves that about you.”

Roe turned back to her. “I’m sure it makes little to no difference to him. Good evening, Lily.”

“Good evening, Roelia.”

Roe’s next week or so was spent with no visitors, so she was able to spend a lot of her time focused on chimera building, checking with animal control to pick up two very sick puppies. Nina had found an ill bat in the ceiling of the pharmacy, nearly in tears as she brought it to Roe, who was gentle with it, considering the puppy as well. They weren’t too far from each other in anatomy, but she wondered if it might grow too large and be unable to use the energy from the bat’s existence to survive, eating it up in a far too small amount of time. Roe sighed, considering the health of one of the pups being much worse than the other’s. One’s sacrifice may be able to help the other survive, but she’d have to replace the organs alchemically, as it wouldn’t survive a surgery. That was first order of business. Then, she assured Nina, that she may be able to bring the bat into the transmutation as well, so that it might retain some usefulness. Victor stepped in as she’d finished the organ transplant, placing the very weak dog into a small cage. “A puppy?”

“A puppy that should be getting better soon.” She nodded, looking him over. Roe thought about Lily a moment, so different from how she’d imagined her. She didn’t say anything about their meeting, as promised. “How are you?”

“I’m...well.” He nodded, pointing at the cage. “May I?“

“Oh! Of course.” Roe nodded, turning it toward him. 

Victor reached in, scratching the dog behind the ears. “I miss dogs. I should get one.”

“They’re all over.” She chuckled. “You had them as a child, right?”

“Yes.” He nodded, closing the cage again. “You seem distracted.”

“Hm?” She tipped her head at him. 

“You’ve just been staring.”

“Have I? I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “That’s…very rude.”

“It’s fine.” He held a hand up. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “Fine.” 

“Perhaps you could use a break. Lunch?”

“Sure.” Roe smiled. “I’m starving.” She turned to the small girl, who looked up at her. “I’ll bring you back something. What would you like?” Nina seemed thoughtful, before stepping up to Roe, pointing at her own arms. Roe nodded, seeming to get the message. 

“What does that mean?”

“Dark meat.” Roe smiled at him. “She really only likes poultry.”

“How do you find these things out?”

“Trial and error mostly. Be back soon, Nina.”

The girl waved at them, turning back to the puppy as they left. 

The tea shop was bustling, and by the time they’d gotten seats, even Victor felt like he was famished. Roe smiled at the waitress as she took their order, careful to ensure that the chicken that she ordered would come out later than their meals. “I’m glad to get you out in the sunlight.”

“Do I not go out during the day?” She laughed. 

“Doesn’t seem that way, not often.”

“The sun does feel good.” She frowned. “I miss hanging out with you guys without worrying about work.”

“We were just worried about classes back then though.” Victor smirked. “Though, the time we spent with your parents was more recreational.”

“I’ll never forget my father--he treated you with such unnecessary caution until you told him about your interest in theatre.”

“He was flabbergasted that a science student would care about such things.”

“God, and my mother, walking in covered in sweat and smelling like chemicals--”

“We met for the first time right after she’d shaved her head.”

Roe put her face in her hands. “Oh my god. She used to do that instead of getting real haircuts because she figured it’d just grow back anyway. That wasn’t near as embarrassing as her asking which one of you was courting me.”

“She just assumed that was the only reason we’d be there. You were mortified.”

“Not as mortified as Henry when he joked it was him.”

“Your mother was so cruel!” Victor laughed. “She just looked at him and said--”

“Do better, then.” They said in unison. “With her shaved head and soiled clothes, she looked at him dead in the eye and told him to do better.” Roe giggled. “God, she was glorious.”

“...How did you find out they’d passed?”

Her smile faded to a smaller, sadder, but still present one. “I...came home late from the lab, and Sara stopped me in the doorway, telling me they’d been rushed to the surgeon. We both took a cab, but by the time we’d arrived, my mother and father were on their last legs. Stabbed, then shot, you see. Too much blood loss, too much damage to internal organs.”

“Were you able to speak with them?”

“No, I wasn’t even able to see them, and they’d both supposedly been buried on their parent’s plot, but…” She shook her head. “They left letters. Perhaps that’s why it doesn’t affect me too badly.” She paused. “My mother told me not to let any man get ahead of me in my field, even if that field was alchemy--my parents knew about Don and all that. My father, however, told me not to worry about my work--that my devotion to those I loved was much more important.”

“And whose advice have you taken?”

She paused, smiling. “Both? I guess?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” She laughed. “You were rather close with my father--you deserve to know.”

“He...was very unlike mine. He valued intelligence and interest in the arts, but my own father was more interested in the athletics of my brothers.”

“You mentioned such before.”

“He was the sort of father I would like to think I’d be.”

“My father was considered an eccentric. A very rich one, but an eccentric nonetheless.”

“He was lucky.”

She nodded. “He was. I do not deny that.”

“I meant to have you.” Victor shook his head. “Your father loved you very deeply. He did a phenomenal job with you.”

“I’m sure he would have loved to hear that.” She smiled. “Thank you.”

Victor watched Roe as she spun around her lab, a record crackling loudly. Nina followed her, trying to learn her steps, though not doing very well at it. Roe didn’t seem to mind, singing loudly enough for the girl to hear, directing her attention to her, away from her work occasionally. She seemed to be in a good mood. He stood, stepping closer to her, offering a hand as the next song began. Roe laughed, and graciously took his hand, allowing him to lead her, Nina looking on in what seemed to be awe--probably not very used to seeing such a complicated waltz done in such a small room. Soon, the formality faded to fun, Roe using her four inches on him to take the lead, stretching their arms apart, pulling back into him, spinning casually, smiling and laughing all the while. It was very much like her dorm, and after a while, Victor wondered what he’d been doing all these years without her. Why hadn’t he reached out? Perhaps it was because he hadn’t known where to find her, but he should have looked. Their meeting again had been chance, but he didn’t want to return to the days away from she and Henry. The record completed it’s run, and Roe returned to her work, smiling gently at Victor as he returned to her desk. Nina went back to her food, silent as ever. Roe continued singing for herself, quiet and not anything Victor recognized. “Roe?”

She paused, looking over. “Something wrong?”

“Do you...write?”

“Sorry?”

“I don’t recognize the song.”

“Oh! Yes.” She flushed, shaking her head. “I don’t mean to bother you.”

“No, they’re just not...what’s common to hear now. It sounds personal.”

“Ah, yes. Starts as poetry, comes out as music.” She shrugged. “Sorry, I don’t really realize I do it.”

“It’s fine. Please don’t stop on my account.” 

She nodded, and seemed to take him seriously as she went back to her humming as she worked at the table. Victor couldn’t help but watch her, listening closely to her lyrics, trying to get a feel for what they might mean to her. Unfortunately, from the distance, they were hard to make out. Still, the noise was relaxing. 

Her touch was gentle as she pressed a hand into his shoulder, nudging him. “You’ve fallen asleep.”

Victor stirred, sitting up from his slouched position in the chair. “Ah--sorry.” He grumbled. 

“No need to be sorry. You probably need the rest.”

“I’ll head home.” He nodded. “It was...good to spend time with you.”

She swept her arms out at her sides. “Isn’t it always?” 

He smiled at her as he stood, putting on his coat. “Yes, actually.”

“I was joking, but--” Roe laughed. “You too.”


	8. Pebbles and Travis

Roe hadn't reached out in a short while, so Victor braved the autumn chill to enter her tunnels. Once at the main entrance, he'd found it locked, so he knocked before using his master key when not even Nina answered. Roelia was seated on one of the raised platforms that lead to her desk, Nina crowded in front of her. Victor watched Roe wince, and he rushed forward. Nina turned to him and made a hum of displeasure at his approach, so he backed off, looking at Roe. Her skirts had been hiked up to her hips, one leg of her pantaloons had also been pulled away, and Victor turned away, embarrassment flaring, before he realized that Roelia had a gash up her calf and another on her thigh. 

"Roe--" Nina hummed her displeasure at him again, but he ignored her, crouching onto his haunches to examine the wounds. Nina had stopped the bleeding, and disinfected them, but they looked as if some sort of talon had torn through her leg. "Roelia, what happened?"

She blinked up at him, looking very tired. "Don't worry." She smiled. "It's worse than it might look." 

"I'm the one with physician's training, Roe. I'll judge how bad it is."

Nina looked at Roe, who sighed good naturedly. "He's a doctor. Let him see." She mumbled. 

"You need stitches." He frowned. "These are very deep. If they were any worse you'd be losing the leg."

"Nonsense." She sighed, sounding more tired by the moment. "That's archaic."

"What is? Amputation?"

She sighed, reaching forward, placing a hand on the wound on her thigh. "Stitches." She mumbled. Victor watched the skin close, leaving behind a gnarled, bloody, but closed wound. She seemed to rest before sealing the one on her calf, and after that was done, she slipped into an exhausted unconsciousness. Victor grasped her around the legs and back, realizing that carrying Roe wasn't easy with their height difference. He took her to her quarters, placing her gently onto the mattress, looking over her wounds before bringing her clothes back over her legs. Nina rushed in, patting Roe's arm, looking worried. 

"She's alright, Nina." He mumbled. "You did well." The girl's lip trembled, and then she nodded to him, turning back to Roe and squeezing her hand. "What did that?" He frowned. 

Nina sighed, shaking her head and bringing her finger across her neck. 

"It's dead?"

She nodded. 

"But what is it?" 

Nina pondered her message, deciding on flapping her arms like wings, then drawing ram horn shapes from her head with her fingers. 

"A chimera then. Did she kill it?"

Nina shook her head vehemently. Of course not. Roe wouldn't. She pointed to herself, then made a shoving motion.

"You pushed it off of her and that killed it?" 

She pondered again, then rested her head on her hands, as if signaling sleep. Victor cocked his brow, so she shook her head as she drew the finger against her neck, before laying her hands on her chest like a funerary position. 

"It died of natural causes?"

She nodded. She made the same funeral position, then shivered, mocking fear. 

"It attacked her because….it was dying and scared?"

She nodded, then turned back to Roe. How many of her chimera didn't survive long enough to study? Come to think of it, the dog with the snake's tail hadn't survived either. That must've weighed heavy on her, Victor decided. When Roe didn't wake for a few hours, Victor left her in Nina's care. 

Roelia was seated at her desk the next evening when Victor returned. She looked up at him and smiled. He took the seat across the desk. "How's the leg?" He sighed, letting his concern show through. 

"Healing." She nodded. 

"You used alchemy to heal it." 

"I used it to patch the wound. Fused the top layer of skin together. Like a skin bandage."

He nodded. "I was worried." 

"I'm sorry." She frowned. "I did not mean to worry you." 

“May I see it?”

She nodded. “Sure you’re not just trying to get another indecent look?”

“Not at all.” He shook his head. “No more than concern for your healing.”

“I’m joking, Vic. You seemed embarassed yesterday.”

“Yes, well, you weren’t exactly decent.” He mumbled, moving to see her leg as she pulled the skirting up. He frowned. It was as if the cut had never been there. “Did you use more alchemy on it?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Why?”

“It’s healed.”

“Is it? That’s unusual.”

“Less usual than normal for you?”

“Why do you sound skeptical?” She frowned. 

“Because you don’t sound surprised, Roelia.” Victor stood, returning to his seat. 

She shrugged, but didn’t respond.

  
  


It had been about a week since Roe’s wound, and she’d continued to ignore him when he’d asked her about it. Victor was seated across from Roe, who was back at work with that dog, now with bat wings. It wasn’t capable of flight--in fact the wings had replaced it’s ears only, and it seemed to use them for expression. 

“How does that help it live longer? You said it was dying.”

“Mostly...” She paused. “It’s using the alchemical energy to survive. When that runs out, it’ll probably die anyway, but it’s worth it to get the practice in.”

“What did it have?”

“Parvovirus. Puppies get parvo. No one thinks it’s real, but it’s there.” She shrugged. The creature jumped along with the two of them as the doors slammed open, rattling the glass around the room. Something slammed into the floor and shattered.

“Miss Deopham, you’re here, yes?” A young man strode through the door, and Victor looked at Roe, who seemed far past annoyed. 

“Did Nina let you in? If so, you should have let her walk you, rather than breaking my things.”

“Oh come now, I didn’t break anything you can’t repair.”

She looked at Victor in a way that screamed for help, but the man stepped up to the desk, leaning on a few books. “Take your beautiful bachelor ass out of my lab.” She frowned. “I’m busy. You scared Pebbles.”

“You mean your chimera.” He frowned. “Why do you name those stupid things anyway?” 

“Because you have to name things you care about.”

“That’s the point, Miss Deopham, you’re not supposed to care about them.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re no good at alchemy.”

“You insult me.”

“Good.” She glared at him. “What do you want, Travis?”

“Oh, no Trav? You hurt me.” He pouted, then stood straight. “I’ve brought your invitation.” He plucked an envelope out of his coat, passing it to her. She didn’t reach to take it, just left her arms crossed. 

“That time again?” She said, still not taking the envelope, which Travis was now flopping up and down. “So soon.”

“Very soon. You spend too much time in the dark and you don’t know how much time has passed. You really should get some windows.”

“Seven leagues under ground? I’ll get right on that.” She shook her head. “Stop that.”

“Then take it.”

“I don’t want it. I’m not going.”

“Come now, darling, it’s the one party we throw. At least pretend you have friends.”

“Don’t need them.” 

“You really can’t miss another year. You’ll be marked a rogue.”

She frowned, swiping the envelope from him finally, tossing it into a pile of mail in the corner of her desk. “You could have mailed it.”

“And have lost out on the pleasure of seeing your pretty face? Never.” 

Victor raised his brow, looking away from their conversation. Was he just pretending he wasn’t there? Roe smiled, strained. “You’ve seen it. Please leave.”

Travis sighed, loudly. “You’re always so easily upset, love. Maybe you should get into therapy. I’ve heard it’s all the rage these days.” His eyes went wide, and he reached for something across the desk, pausing shortly. “Oh, well, I was going to scold Miss Deopham on making so many kratom stones at one time and squandering ingredients, but I see there’s something much more interesting at her desk.” He turned to Victor. “Travis Welling. Nice to make your acquaintance. I hadn’t realized you were even here, chap.” 

“So I noticed.” He sighed, standing to shake the man’s hand. “Doctor Victor Frankenstein.”

“Ooh, a doctor.” Travis laughed, like he was mocking him. It quickly became obvious he was actually mocking Roe as he turned to her. “He’s not much of a looker, but I suppose status makes for an acceptable date to the Alchemist Committee's ball as well as one for daily life.”

Roe stood now as well. “Watch it.” 

“The alchemist committee throws a ball?” Victor frowned, attempting to diffuse the situation. “Doesn’t that go against your secretive nature?”

“It’s not a ball.” Roe rolled her eyes, looking back at Travis. “It’s more like a circus.”

“Well, if more people showed up with things like you usually do, you know, cures, it’d be so boring.”

“The Alchemist’s Ball is meant to show off your latests projects. They come once every year, and it’s about the only time Alchemists trade secrets and advice. They also use it to show off. Travis is the son of one of the heads of the committee.”

“Wrong! I am the head now.”

“That’s not supposed to be a genetic title. Did you prove your worth to the rest of them?”

“In a way.” He turned to Victor, speaking like it was some sort of conspiracy. “Alchemists just love gold, as it turns out.”

“He thinks he’s impressive because he’s the descendant of a bulgarian alchemist, and his line is gifted. But I’ve never seen anything impressive come from those hands of yours, Travis. Anything impressive to offer this year?” She repeated the word as if it were meant to scathe him. “Or is it just your pretty face, daring to show up again with nothing to show?”

Travis turned to her. “You bring rocks. Just because what I make is less stable doesn’t mean it’s not impressive.”

“That’s not what your father said.” She shrugged. “Please leave my office, Trav.” 

“Office.” He scoffed. “Call it what it is.”

“What’s that?”

“A joke.” He snapped. “You stole it from Smear. Everyone knows what happened, darling.”

“No one knows what happened but those who were there. Feel free to gossip though. It goes so well with your green disposition.” 

Travis seemed to process what she was saying about him, and once he had, he smiled, chuckling. “So I’ll see you there, then?”

“I suppose I have no choice.” She shrugged. 

“And you, boy?” He glanced at Victor. 

“Perhaps. I’ve not been invited yet.” He shrugged. 

Travis swept his coat around him, stepping out of the lab. He waved Nina off as she started to lead him, and she stepped into the back hall through the office. Roe watched him go for a moment before trotting down the stairs to close the door behind him and picking up the broken vials he’d rattled off of the shelf. With all of the pieces gathered, she transmuted them back into their normal shapes, sighing. “I’m sorry.” 

“It was not in your control.” Victor shrugged. “He didn’t seem to like you much.”

“He’s just not very nice.” She stepped back up to her desk, sitting there, flicking open the invitation, reading it shortly before throwing it back on the pile. 

“Intending to go?”

“I don’t have much a choice.” She mumbled. “It’s not exactly allowed to miss more than one.”

“You said it wasn’t really a ball. Is it more an evaluation?”

“In a way, I suppose.” She shrugged. “The Committee is made up of some of the best alchemists around. You bring your current project so that they can judge whether your input is worth it to keep around.”

“It’s not like you require a license to practice.” Victor frowned. “What if they aren’t pleased?”

“You lose access to the library. Your work isn’t published or appreciated. You can no longer as for fellow alchemists help. It may not seem like a lot, but when you’re part of a secret society, it’s necessary to stay on their good side.”

“Does Travis think you murdered Don?”

“What do you think?” She laughed. 

“I think he must, the way he spoke.”

“Travis is intimidated by me. Doesn’t matter if he really thinks that, he’ll do anything to make The Committee mistrust me.”

“Why does it matter?” Victor frowned. “Is the field competitive?”

“No, but Travis is.” She shook her head. “And to Travis, all that matters is Travis.”

“I see. He seemed to disdain me as well.”

“He doesn’t like real scientists.” She laughed. “Most alchemists aren’t like that anymore, but some are.”

“Perhaps he doesn’t like you because of your science degrees.”

“Perhaps he’s jealous.” Roe smiled, and Victor responded in turn. 

“Perhaps he’s just a belligerent fool.” He sighed, leaning back. She laughed now, picking up Pebbles and placing him back on her desk. “I like him. Sad he won’t survive.”

Roe scratched the chimera’s wing-ears. “Who would have thought--Doctor Frankenstein, the man who knows how to cheat death, upset over the death of a puppy.”

“I lost a dog soon before I lost my mother. I’ve not had the strength to own one since.” 

“I’m sad about it too.” She shrugged. “Good thing I transmuted new intestines into him, where he was infected.”

“So he’ll survive?”

“Yes, needed the bat for a little extra push, but I was able to transplant most of his sick organs with healthy ones from another chimera. This little guy might be just enough to win over the committee.” 

Victor patted the creature’s head. “Best in show, we can hope.”


	9. Comparison

Henry looked around Roe's lab, frowning at her notes. "What?" She mumbled. "Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" He snapped, looking up at her desk.

"You're judging my work. Stop it." 

Victor glanced between them. "Good to see you two are getting along just as well as you ever did." 

"Perhaps if Roe weren’t so frustratingly adamant on the idea that she’s doing just as well as I am--”

“Are you suggesting I am not?” She stood, walking over to him. “What is it you’ve accomplished of late? Your brainwashing serum?”

“It is not brainwashing.”

“Right, it’s just actively taking the value of the human experience away from them.” She crossed her arms at him. 

“You wouldn’t know anything about it, Roelia. You’re far too much of a goody-two-shoes to even make it worth using on you.”

“Seventy years ago I could have been locked up for being able to read, Henry. There are plenty of reasons someone would consider my life sinful.”

“Being intelligent isn’t sinful.” 

Roe hopped onto one foot, pointing at Henry, who raised a brow. “Victor!” He looked over. “Henry called me smart!! Check his temperature!” 

“My mistake. I forgot you were an idiot socially.”

Roe gasped. “Oh, and you’re so very distinguished.”

“I’m a lord now, Roelia.”

“Are lords always distinguished? You’re bad at being that, then. You should reconsider your title.”

“And what would be better?” He frowned. 

She smiled at him, but didn’t respond. “Right then. What about my work isn’t as good as yours?”

“What do you even do? There’s so much here I can’t keep track of it.”

“I make plant stones and salves for illness treatment mostly.”

Victor sighed, looking over at Pebbles. “Have you ever put two animals together, Henry?”

“That thing is an abomination. It’s horrifying.”

“Roe did a very good job with it.”

“And he’s lived so long! He’s got the record so far.” She smiled. 

“Fine, it’s impressive. But it’s still horrific.”

“Horrific? With a face like that?” Roe pouted at him, lifting the dog’s chin to look at Henry. 

“Victor, will you ever stop being so involved with women who refuse to listen?” He sighed. 

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t the whole issue with Lily that she didn’t listen? It seems like you put them in your life on purpose.” Roe went silent, calling the chimera to her side and returning to her quarters, shutting the door behind them. “What’s her problem?”

“She doesn’t have a problem, as far as I can tell.”

“Does she do that often?”

“Do what?” Victor sighed. 

“Go to her room and stop talking to you?”

“Not particularly. Perhaps you’re annoying her.”

“Go check on her.”

“She’s fine, Henry.”

He frowned, rolling his eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it, then.” Henry crossed to the door, knocking on it. 

Roe opened it, stepping out. “What, Hen?” She looked at him. 

“Ah--um--” He backed up. “You uh...alright?”

“Fine?” She tipped her head, but her voice was tense. 

“...Alright.” He mumbled. Victor went back to the notes he’d been reading as Roe returned to her desk. He looked at her and gave her a goodhearted smile, but she didn’t return it, shrugging and looking rather upset. Henry was right. Something was bothering her. “Anyway, if you weren’t so adamant on proving that you can be better than the men in your study--”

“I don’t.” She snapped. “I don’t need to prove anything that my work proves by itself.”

“...Then you might be able to act like a regular woman and maybe live a regular life.” 

Roe snapped her pen onto her desk, frowning. “Would you stop, Henry? Do you always have to be such an insufferable dick all the time? I don’t care to be regular--thought that was pretty clear by the fact that I live in a hole and make new animals out of different dying animals. Or how about my graduating from college? Being in my twenties and not being married? What’s good about being regular?” She shook her head, grasping her pen again. “God, especially for a woman. My choices don’t need to be held under a microscope all the time--they can just be how I am. Stop acting like I’m supposed to be like anyone else.”

“You really do have a type, Old Boy.” Henry smirked. “You’re very bad at making friends with people who want to--”

“Get out.” Roe stood, walking down the steps toward Henry. 

“What?” He frowned as she put a hand on his shoulder. 

“ _ Get out _ .” She repeated, pushing him toward the door. “Leave.” 

He shrugged her off, looking back at Victor. “Fine. That temper must be your type too, eh?”

“Stop, Henry.” He sighed. 

Their friend shrugged, and after a moment he left, closing the door to the lab behind him. Nina looked up at Roe, who shook her head and went back to her desk. 

“There...I think he’s just picking at me because there are similarities between you and Lily.”

“Good.” She shrugged. “Excellent. We’re similar because neither of us want to be like zoo animals. That’s worth mocking anyone about. So what if that’s the type of person you choose to surround yourself with? Aside, it’s not as if I’m actively killing people to ensure my freedom--”

“Roe...” Victor looked at her seriously. “It’s okay. I wasn’t saying you were the same--just that--well, he’s right. My mother was a progressive and interesting woman as well. It tends to be the type of people I’m drawn to.”

“He needs to stop making it seem like you’re interested in me in the same way that you were Lily.”

“Yes, that’s...I could see how that can be an issue.”

Roe took a deep breath. “So be it. He’s just trying to get under my skin.”

He paused, a hand on hers. “And succeeding. You don’t normally let him succeed.” 

“I’m just tired.” She mumbled. “A little stressed. I’m sorry.”

Victor was concerned. She’d not been in bad spirits lately--and she certainly hadn’t seemed tired before now. “Are you sure that’s all it is? You can talk to me.”

“I don’t need to, but thank you.” She smiled at him, her usual disposition returning. 

“I...do think there’s a chance that he’ll bring it up again. You sometimes show a lot of the same traits as Lily did the one time he met her--and the things I’ve told him about her--”

“I don’t care.” She shook her head. “I’m not Lily, and any progressive woman is always going to look the same to most men, no matter how different they are.” 

“I...feel as if he does think I’m interested in you.” Victor sighed. “And it’s concerning that he may pester you about it more.”

“Vic, he’s been pestering us as if you were interested in me since University. Don’t take it to heart.” 

He paused. In university Victor had struggled greatly with his feelings toward Roe. He couldn’t ever tell if they were platonic or more, as he’d not had many friends in the first place, and when it seemed clear that she was not interested in him, he’d put it out of his mind. Even meeting her again now, Victor hadn’t really thought about those months of internal conflict, as that was never the important part of their relationship. Henry had only made it worse by being oddly adamant on pushing them together and teasing them for the closeness of their friendship. He’d mercilessly teased Victor about Roelia. That conflict didn’t stir in him now, but so soon after Lily’s departure, Victor wasn’t sure it would have any reason to. He didn’t want to think about Roelia in that way. He clearly, again, had proved that he would hurt anyone he loved, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Roe. Her friendship was far too valuable for that. The conflict settled again, and he nodded to her. “Of course. It’s strange--we’ve been friends for so long now that...” He leaned back in his seat. “Well, it seems as if nothing has changed since we stopped speaking.”

“I agree.” She smiled. “It’s nice to pick right back up where we left off.”

“Where  _ did _ we leave off, Roe?” 

She shrugged, chuckling. “We were still friends, I suppose. You two left me when you left the university to work on your passion project. I still considered you dear friends, but I needed to finish the semester out to get my degree, and my focus remained there far longer than it probably needed to. I didn’t reach out because I assumed that if you had wanted to speak with me, you would have. We weren’t on bad terms, though. I considered us friends all the while.” 

“I nearly forgot about you. I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “We were so focused in our work--and when Henry stopped working with me, I let it consume me. I didn’t think about anyone but my creations. I didn’t speak to Henry either after he left.”

“I should have reached out. I’m sorry.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault.” Victor smiled at her. “I appreciate the notion, but it’s fine.”

Roe nodded. “Are you hungry? I’m starving. I’ll be right back.” She stood, stepping into the back hallway. Victor stared down the hallway, waiting for her to return. After a few moments she did, bringing with her two bowls of stew. 

“You don’t have to feed me.”

“But you do have to eat.” She nodded. “And how long has it been since you’ve had a decent meal?”

It had been a while, but Victor just nodded at her, and gave in, digging into the stew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short but it feels complete. There's gonna be a little gap in upload times so that I can write the story beats I skipped by bullet-pointing them that come before the other stuff I already have written. I actually write everything out of order depending on what arc I want to write about on the day.


	10. Honesty

There was a knock at Victor’s door, and he was almost surprised to find Roe waiting for him outside of it, wearing the dark blue dress that she’d picked the fabric for when they’d first met again. “Ah, she finished it?”

“She did.” Roe nodded. “Are you busy at the moment? I needed to step away for a while.”

“No, not at all.” He directed her in, relocking the door behind her. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, just having some eye strain.” 

“Henry mentioned he apologized?”

“Is that what he calls that letter? An apology?” She scoffed, humor in her voice. “He essentially just told me that he was right, and I was just proving it, but he probably shouldn’t have yelled it at me.”

“That...is the usual way for Henry.”

She smiled, sitting at his table. “Actually, Des told me I needed to not go back to the lab so quickly. She said I’m looking pale and sad--not exactly my preference.”

He sat across from her. “So why come here?”

She paused, leaning her face on her palm, covering her mouth and looking out the window. When she spoke, she was far more serious than she had been. “I shouldn’t keep this quiet...I do that plenty enough, I think.” He frowned. Something was wrong. She didn’t often show her upset on her face. “I don’t like being compared to--well, anyone, really, but Lily in particular...that bothers me.”

“I don’t think Henry meant to hurt you.”

“I need you to tell me more about your involvement.” She mumbled. “Henry has drawn comparisons, but the only thing you’ve told me about her was your feelings and the fact that she’s been killing people.” She didn’t look at him, and it made him uncomfortable. Roe considered eye contact extremely valuable. Not being able to see her eyes made him feel her anger in a way that he wasn’t sure he ever had before. “I can’t know what to make of them without knowing what happened between you two.” 

“I’m worried that you’ll...think less of me by--”

Roe sighed. “I don’t mean to be harsh with you, but I really do need to know. I’d like to have the entire story so that I can feel as if you aren’t lying to me.”

He paused. “I...I didn’t mean to fall for her, ultimately. It happened by accident while I was teaching her about--well, about everything, I suppose. It’s hard to have someone to dote on in that way and not feel something for them.” She nodded. “But--Roe, I do understand that it seems strange, and I did resist it for as long as that was a viable option, but--you can really only put off feelings like that until they become mutual.” She hummed to tell him she was still listening. He shifted. “Honestly, even the first time she showed me true affection she had to be adamant about it. That made it all the more confusing when she pushed me away so suddenly. I suppose it was to be expected. I shouldn’t have treated her as I did.”

“How was that?”

“She felt controlled, I think. I was trying to protect her. I didn’t want her in danger, and if she were to be involved with--” He paused. “Sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“There aren’t many details that I can really point to as to why there are comparisons being drawn.”

“I feel the same way.” She nodded. “What did you mean by adamant?”

“Ah--I just mean--I was nervous about it. There were complications with being involved with her. I pulled away at first and she had to lead me--”

“You pulled away?” She frowned with her eyes, and surely her mouth behind her hand. “Why? I thought you were interested.”

“I was. It felt as if I shouldn’t have done it. Though, I suppose after everything that happened, perhaps that would have been for the best. It wasn’t long after before she left.”

“Vic, she used you. You were vulnerable to her, so she used that to get what she wanted out of you before she left.”

“Enlighten me as to what that would have been.” He frowned. 

“I don’t know.” She looked at him. “I wouldn’t have a clue because I wouldn’t have any reason to do something like that to someone.” 

“If you came here to scold me so that you could make yourself angrier--”

“I came here so that I could see if there was a single redeeming quality in the woman who you and Henry keep saying I’m so much like. What I’ve learned is that Lily was most likely using you because you were easy to convince she loved you. The minute that wasn’t doing enough for her she left. She was always as manipulative and cruel as she is now, you were just blind enough by the fact that she showed interest in you to go without noticing it.”

“I’m not sure why you’re so heated about Lily and I, Roe--”

“Because there never was a Lily and you, Vic. There was Lily and her manipulation. Henry is drawing comparisons for the same reason he used to lock us in rooms together in university--because he likes to get a rise out of you and seems to think that pushing us together is a viable way to do that. He thinks we’re too affectionate to be friends, so he considers me the same as any other woman you find yourself involved with. That’s the comparison. What you’re seeing as similar is an insult.”

“No matter what you think of her, Lily was nothing but kind to me--”

“Until she wasn’t. Cordial and ladylike, until she wasn’t. Safe, loving, friendly--until she wasn’t.”

“I don’t understand what point you’re trying to drive home, Roelia. I know she left me, you don’t have to repeat it and make me feel worse.”

“I’m saying it isn’t your fault that she lied to you, Victor. She lied and then left. It isn’t your fault she left, either. It isn’t your fault that you found yourself so enraptured with her that you didn’t feel as if you could deny her when you weren’t fully comfortable.” She paused. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not as if I denied her, Roe. She may have pressured me, but--”

“You’re a man--for men it’s never a bad thing to have a sexual encounter. Even when it’s pressured out of you or forced on you, that’s considered a good thing. It’s not as violent of a crime, but it’s no different from Baron Andrew. He did it because he found that no matter what he tried he couldn’t have me. She did it to you because she knew you were vulnerable and she could assert power over you. That’s why she left the minute she found someone to give her more power than what she had. I need to be honest with you, Vic. With you, she was able to control you--but with an immortal with Dorian Gray, she was capable of the violence you were so concerned about.” 

“I think you view her in a way that makes it very clear that you didn’t know her.”

“You distrusted the Baron from the moment you met him.” She hissed, standing. “You and Henry could tell from the very first time we met that he was going to hurt me. You suggested as such. I continued playing along with my father’s game until it stopped being a game, and then there was nothing that could stop him from attacking me when I told him once and for all that I wasn’t interested. Perhaps if you let your friends involve themselves with your life, you would have had the warning I ignored.” She shook her head, sympathy filling her expression again. “I don’t like to argue with you, but I cannot allow you to keep blaming yourself for something that was a crime committed against you. I did for far too long and--” She froze, her walls returning. “I’ll go. I’m sorry. It wasn’t the poise I should display.” Roelia sighed, giving him a look he couldn’t quite read, before stepping away, nodding to him politely and leaving. 

Victor sighed. He shouldn’t have argued with her either. She was still acting with his best interest at heart. It wasn’t right to not take her perspective into account. 

After all, his experience with women surely paled in comparison to her ability to read them, being one. Perhaps she was right. That was a terrifying thought--that he’d let Lily trick him with her affection. 


	11. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters are almost done uploading! I finished hitting all these early story beats today, so I wanted to do the final edit and get them up tonight. Sorry for the brevity, I just think they work best in little bites!

Roe was standing in Henry's lab when Victor arrived, annoyedly doing something that looked like Henry’s work. “You have Roe doing your chores?” She looked over at him. 

“Not at all. She likes to help.”

“If by help, you mean do something productive while you talk my ear off, sure.” Roe snapped from the other side of the room. 

The men went out to the hall. “I’m surprised to find her here. I thought she was angry both of us.”

“I sent an apology letter.”

“Come now, Henry. You and I both know that’s not enough.”

He crossed his arms and shrugged. “She came here to talk to me about what happened. I told her I’d stop mentioning Lily to her and she thanked me. Maybe you should do the same.”

“We...also spoke on it. She argued with me over it.”

“She was much more hurt than I’d anticipated.”

“Roe does not think much of Lily. She implied that--never mind.” He trailed off. “What matters is that she’s probably still angry.”

“Then apologize.”

“I intend to.”

Henry shrugged. “Then what’s the point of talking to me about it? We all know Roelia will forgive you.”

“She seemed...very upset. Almost angrier than I’ve ever seen her.”

“Well, I can see where she’s coming from, Victor. I was mostly joking when I did it, but Roe does not like to be compared to others.”

“Yes. It was unfair of me.”

"I'm sorry I acted as if you were being cruel." Victor sighed. 

Roe swished the chemical in the vial she held and looked at him, smiling to show she was listening. "I was being cruel, I think. It was the only way I knew to get my emotions across correctly.”

“I...I need to consider the things you said to me about her using me. I shouldn’t have shut them down. I let my heartbreak speak for me.”

“I don’t like to see you so down.” She sighed. “It’s important to me that you understand the situation so that you can move on. Finding out that she made you a victim only makes that easier. I know you likely didn’t mean to compare me to her, but even I have a boiling point when things annoy me.”

“You have every right.” He shook his head. “I truly am sorry.”

“So long as you stop doing it, and consider our conversation, you have nothing to be sorry for. I just...” She paused. “I want what’s best for you, Vic. Lily isn’t coming back--you made sure of that by setting her free. So finish letting her go. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.”

“Yes, you’re right. So you’re no longer angry with me?”

“We’re just fine, Victor.” She smiled brighter now. “In fact, I feel as if I’ve been keeping you at an uncomfortable distance since we’ve met again. We went from very closely affectionate friends to sitting across desks from each other.”

“I do miss the affections.”

“They made you feel wanted.” Roe chuckled. “That’s why I always made time for them. You deserve to feel wanted.” 

“Oh, wonderful. Now we get to relive you two snuggling up in the dorm room? Can’t wait.” Henry rolled his eyes. 

Henry shrugged Roe off as she nudged him with her elbow, frowning at him. “You’re in my way.” He grumbled. 

“You asked me to distill this.” She shrugged. “I need the space to work in order to do that.”

“I’ve got it then. Get out of my way.” 

Roe shrugged again, walking away and making her way over to Victor, who was reading, seated in a chair on the upper level. Roe’s visiting Henry meant that she likely wanted someone to spar with. She leaned over his shoulders, draping her arms over his neck, nestling her head against his. “He’s so mean.”

“He’s always been that way, Roe.” Victor mumbled, chest tightening as her breath drifted softly over his ear. 

“What are you reading?”

“I found a book in your lab on alchemy--is that alright? I didn’t mean to take it--”

“Quite fine. How much sense are you making of it?” She tipped her head into his. 

“Not much, I must admit. It’s as if it’s written in code.”

“It is.” She stood, stepping in front of him and leaning onto her haunches to place her hands on his knees. ”Alchemists only leave notes through coded language. It makes us seem more mysterious that way.”

“But you don’t.”

“No, I don’t.” She sighed. “It’s an old habit from formal schooling. I don’t particularly harbor my work as a secret.” 

“Alchemists are a rather secretive bunch, aren’t they?” Henry called up. “Why don’t you follow suit?”

“Because my work is my life, and I don’t see much reason to hide my life from those that may be able to learn from it.”

“What’s the point of being secretive for them, then?”

“They don’t like their work making it to the rest of the scientific world.” 

Roe stood and began walking back to her pack, plucking her notebook from it and sitting next to Victor on the floor. 

“Let me give you my seat--”

“No, no.” She waved a hand, leaning against the side of his thigh. “No sense in that.” She went back to taking her own notes, humming all the while. 


	12. Wine and Adamancy

Roelia had brought back the platonic physical affections quickly, both of them happily slipping into old routines. The dances in her lab and home, the resting on one another, the gentle shoulder touches to ensure Victor that he was doing well. With every day that passed, he began finding it difficult to focus on any sort of research or rental shopping, instead showing up in Roe’s office near daily, or asking her to visit his flat. Henry joined them on occasion for a lunch or two, but always ended the day complaining as he had at Cambridge that they were making him feel like a third wheel, teasing them about how much they must like each other in order to keep hanging off of each other like that. That didn’t matter, ultimately. It was good to have quality time with Roelia after losing out on so many years of it. Victor had even started to understand some of Nina’s signing, and she’d begun conversing with him when Roelia was off doing something. Pebbles was looking healthy, and with every day that passed, his health improved, and Roe grew more and more confident with him. He’d entered the lab one day and Roelia had grasped his hands, swinging him round, cheering about how the chimera had eaten an entire meal in one sitting that day, excited as he’d ever seen her. 

He’d continued to the kratom treatments, watching Roe work each time she made him a new stone. They disintegrated after a few days, a strange, almost mystic quality that he’d not expected. But they were working--he hadn’t craved the needle since he’d started, and Roe had begun tapering his dosage. 

Roe had grown more confident as well, speaking with Victor on multiple occasions about her compositions, running lyrics by him, each time causing an uncomfortable conflict in him. Her voice was soothing but strong, and her artistic capabilities poetic and impressive. Each time she’d share this very personal portion of his life with her, Victor found himself being reminded that she was a platonic friend. It was hard not to feel as if she may feel affection toward him, but every time he’d think she was growing romantically inclined, she’d mention their friendship, causing Victor to feel cruel, as if he were pressuring her into something she did not want. He really couldn’t push away the fact that he was attracted to Roelia anymore. He could be comfortable in their platonic affections and remain her friend, but she was idea for him. Tall, charming and graceful, he was even more attracted to her now than he was in University. She’d aged just enough to bring about a welcome maturity to her face, but not enough to make her look older than she was. It made Victor self conscious at times--he’d always looked sickly, and the last years had not been kind to him in that aspect. Despite that, sometimes he would look up from a book or notes and swear that Roe had been staring at him. He wondered if despite her adamancy on their platonic friendship, she may have found him attractive. 

Victor had been careful to separate these feelings and kept them compartmentalized, only rearing up when he couldn’t help it, and even then, he was able to reel them back. Roe didn’t seem to notice either way, cheerily moving about their relationship with the same amount of almost weightless social grace as she’d done everything else. 

  
  


Roe was leaning against Victor as they sat in the floor of his lab, book in hand. He leaned back into the wall and she readjusted to lie her head in his lap. He pressed a hand into her hair, twisting a lock of it around his finger absentmindedly. She hummed quietly, putting her book down next to them. 

"It's rather cold tonight. Would you mind greatly if I stayed over?" 

"Not at all." He answered without looking at her. She nodded, but seemed excessively distracted, staring at the skylight and sighing. “What is it?”

She glanced at him, not responding for a moment. She seemed to consider something before speaking again. “I feel as if...something is changing.” 

“Something?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. It just seems like things are different now from what they were before. We spent a lot of time sitting this close in university, but it’s different now from then.”

Victor frowned, looking down at her. “We have less time to spend together, perhaps? At least in this context--mostly when I see you, you’re working.” 

“That may be it.” She nodded, a bit distracted. There was no way that Roelia was feeling anything non-platonic toward Victor, and he knew that. It didn’t stop him from wondering what she meant. She shut her eyes and crossed her arms over her waist. Victor went back to his own reading, releasing her hair and placing the newly free hand on hers, thoughtlessly brushing it with his thumb as he gripped her palm in his fingers. He paused his reading, looking at her fingers as he took them in his own. 

"Your hands are surprisingly soft for all of the chemicals you work with." 

She glanced at her hand as he stroked each finger. "Ah, yes, I...I'm careful to clean and lotion them." 

He caressed her hand with his, lying it back down onto her waist and running his fingertips over the top of hers, reading whilst he brushed them over her arm. After a moment of doing so, Roe sat, leaning away from him. She stood, placing her book back onto the shelf and grasping another, before leaning on the same wall Victor was, nestling her head on his. After a while, she placed a hand on his knee, fingertips pulsing on his leg, gentle motion lulling Victor out of his focus. He watched as her hand crept upward and back down his leg, stopping at his shin and removing her touch. 

They read until the daylight hours were over, deciding on dinner before night fell. After they'd eaten, they went back to the lab, Roe pouring some drinks while Victor lit the lamps. He took the glass of wine she offered and sat across from her. 

About three glasses in, Roe laughed and denied another. "I'm plenty far enough gone, thank you." 

Victor, too, had probably had one too many, but in Roe's company that wasn't much of a concern. She leaned back in her chair, lazily looking around the room, eyes settling on the tub in the middle. "What is it?" He offered. 

"That's where it ends and starts, yes?" She drawled. "All of your marvellous work." 

He nodded. "I wouldn't consider it marvellous." 

She shrugged, stretching. "Anything you do is worth calling marvellous." 

"Wholly untrue, Roe." 

She chuckled. The amount of inebriation Roe was showing worried Victor just a touch, but he stopped considering it when she stood and crossed to him, bouncing up to sit on the table before him, hands wrapped around his, studying them. "Funny, it's as if you're not as nervous as I was when I touch your hands." 

"Did I make you nervous?" He frowned. 

"Thought my heart would beat out of my chest." She shrugged. "You do know that caressing hands is typically a courting gesture, don't you?" 

"I...hadn't considered it."

"I had." She mumbled. "All of the time.  _ What if Victor had courted me as my father suggested all those years ago?  _ Sometimes I found myself enjoying the notion." 

He stared at her. She surely wasn’t speaking the truth, or if she was, she didn’t mean it in the way it came out. He considered responding flirtatiously, but both his courage and his conscience disallowed him. "Roe, I think...you may need to go to bed. I think the drink is inebriating your thoughts." 

"My barriers, perhaps. But not my thoughts." She paused. "Ah...perhaps you are right. I do not mean to make you uncomfortable." 

"You aren't." He shook his head. "I just want to ensure you retain your modesty." 

She chuckled again, but nodded. "I can retire if you so wish." Roe slid off of the table, and Victor stood to walk her to the cot. Once he had, she turned to him, suddenly looking very serious. "Why are you valuing my modesty so?"

"Because you value it." 

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank you for...I have never felt this confident in being so honest with anyone but you and Henry. It's good to have you back." 

He returned the embrace, and she kissed his cheek, pulling away and lying down. 

He stayed in the lab for the night, waking to the morning birds, surprised to find Roe still sound asleep. He barely remembered the night before. Roe looked up at him as he passed her, grasping his wrist as he did. Victor turned to her, leaning down to look her in the eye. "I need to apologize for last night." She sighed. "I meant nothing romantic by anything I said or did." 

"Ah...it's alright--"

"No, Vic. I can't blur that line for us. You're a very good friend to me. It wouldn't be kind to you. I...you made me very nervous when you held my hand as you did. I can't place why, but...I need to be clear about my intentions."

"I did not hold them to show romantic intent." He shook his head. 

"That is...for the best." She mumbled.

"Worry not, Roe. I know we are no more than friends." The phrase was sad to him, but Victor as always, needed greatly to be alright with that. 

"That's...relieving." she mumbled.

Just as he’d come to terms with it in university, this notion didn’t surprise Victor. He’d always assumed their relationship platonic. He couldn’t assume anything else--Roe had always been adamant on her disinterest in all things romantic. Assured Victor that it wasn’t about him personally, just that she didn’t feel herself capable. He shouldn’t have touched her hands as he had--that was his own fault. Their physical affections had returned, and he’d taken the opportunity too far. 

Roe soon arrived in the main flat, her bag with her. “I should get home--I need to return to the chimera project before something happens that shouldn’t.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

“No, that’s quite alright.” She smiled politely, nodding to him. 


	13. Safety Concerns

Roelia was seated with Nina, laughing boisterously with the girl, who was laughing just as hard. Victor didn’t want to intrude, standing in the hallway outside of the door, out of sight. She contained herself, and then signed something to Roelia. She brought her right hand to her left, patting it. 

“No, I’ve no reason for all that. My work is important to me, and I’d like to keep what belongs to me.” 

Nina paused, patting her chest. 

“I’ve never. But it’s not something unheard of for me. I’ve seen it in others and I quite envy it. I don’t believe it’s in the future for me.”

She tipped her head, shaking it. 

“What’s that?”

Nina pointed at Roe, then patted her chest again. She pointed at her desk calendar and flipped a few pages.

“Well...your support is invaluable. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to make the time.”

Nina frowned, grunting a bit and patting her hands on her knees. 

“It’s not that important, Nina.” Roe stood, passing her a book. “And how are your studies going?”

She nodded, but it wasn’t without a pout, taking the book and opening it up. Victor joined her now, stepping into the room. The girl looked at him, then tapped Roe on the arm, chuckling and going to the back hall. “What was that?” He furrowed his brow. 

“She’s taking a liking to you, it seems.” Roe shrugged. “Everything alright?”

“I wanted to ensure things were alright between us.”

“Were they not?” She frowned, looking serious.

“You seemed upset when you left earlier in the week.”

“Oh? No, not upset. Just busy. Apologies if it seemed that way.”

“I just wanted to be sure.”

“Well, then I suppose we’re quite alright.”

“What were you two talking about?”

“Girlish things.” She waved a hand. “I may not be all that feminine--”

“You are plenty feminine.”

She curtsied jokingly. “Noted. Nina is learning to read rather quickly now that she has access to books, so she’s gained interest in some of my old romance novels.”

“Henry would tease you mercilessly about those.”

“He would.” She nodded. “I still think I’m plenty allowed to enjoy them.”

“Of course.”

“Anyway, she was asking about my experience in the matter.”

“And?”

“You know my experience.” She shook her head. “My father would throw suitors at me, I would ignore or humiliate them until they left, and I was disinterested in the whole affair.”

“Right.”

“She was implying that it has to happen eventually, but I think we all know better than that.”

“Why not?” Victor sat. 

“I’m entirely incompatible. I’m too tall, too slim, too wordy, too educated, too argumentative.”

“I don’t see how any of those things make you incompatible.”

“Yes, well. You’re one of very few who thinks that way.”

“I’m fond of all of those traits, to be quite honest.” 

“Perhaps you’re just fond of me in general, because my suitors always found something to complain about me to my father for.” 

“It’s alright. You’re much more valuable on your own, I think.”

She smiled, though something in it seemed a little sad. It faded in second, just a flash of emotion. 

“You seem nervous. What is it?” Roe asked, climbing up to place her microscope on the desk. 

“I...I’ve been concerned. Not hearing or seeing any of my creations for a long while always makes me feel as if they’re just around the corner.”

“You said they’ve both turned over a rather violent leaf.” She nodded. “I could see why you’re worried.”

“It would be horrible if one of them decided to take their anger for me out on you. I’d never forgive myself.”

“But they’ve not. No sense worrying about it until it happens.”

“I just worry we wouldn’t be prepared should they--”

“I’m prepared for anything and everything at all times, Vic. Surprises and secrets are the alchemist’s trade.”

He smiled at her, but it didn’t help him relax any. “I just would prefer you safe.”

“Am I not safe so far underground?”

“Not so long as I keep coming here.”

“Well...” She paused, switching her slides. “...I’m not intending to sign your release forms just yet. I’ve quite enjoyed the time we’re spending together again.”

“I have as well.” Victor smiled at her, and she looked up at him from the machinery. “It just...it does concern me that my first creation will show up at any time and I’ve never been able to know he was there until it was too late.” 

“Trust me, I’m a force to be reckoned with--even against superhuman strength and immortal life forms. I’ve got the tongue of a serpent and the wit of a fox.” She chuckled.

“I...think he’s mellowed out a bit since then, but...I do worry.”

“And should Lily return?” She tipped her head. 

“I...fear for you then as well. I’m concerned that--well, that she may intend to harm you.”

“For what reason would she have to do that?”

“She’d consider you in danger by being with me.”

“But I’m not. I’ve never felt in danger around you. Disliked your methods, yes, but assumed those methods would be used on me? Not that I can remember.”

“It likely wouldn’t matter to her. She’d do anything in her power to sway you--”

“Then I won’t be swayed.” She paused, adjusting in her seat. Victor looked away from her, concern still filling his features. “Let me explain something to you about Alchemists, Vic. Many of us strive for immortality--meaning that immortals don’t scare us. We actively seek them out to discuss their ability to survive as long as they may want to.”

“And you?”

She paused, looking a bit nervous. “Immortality...doesn’t concern me, Vic. I don’t seek it out. I don’t make deals with it--but I certainly don’t fear it. Anything can be killed if you find the right method--usually breaking them so far down that they cease to be a living thing at all does it.”

“Yes.” He shook his head. “My point remains. I worry for you should either of my creations resurface.”

“I’m not fearful of Lily.” She shrugged. “And your other creation hasn’t been around in a long while, so I don’t fear him much either.”

“You’re...acting rather callous.”

“I just don’t see a reason to worry for things before they’re a concern. If that should happen, we’ll deal with it.” She considered him for a moment. “Though, I’m surprised.”

“Why so?”

“You’re not speaking of Lily as if she’s a lost love anymore. You’re speaking of her as if she’s a concern. As if she’s a danger.” 

“I suppose she is. I do consider her as such. At least to you. But she’s gone out of her way to harm me before, and I can’t think of a better way for her to do so now than to do something to take you from me. We’re close friends--closer than I’ve ever really had, even when we were friendly in university.”

“You’ve given thought to what I said then?” 

“Sorry?” He glanced up. “What was it that you said?”

“That Lily committed a crime against you. She hurt you purposefully.”

He froze. It seemed he did think that, after all. Even after arguing with Roelia about it, it seemed that with further thought, he agreed with her. “Yes, I...she did, I suppose.”

“Well, that could be either good or bad.” She nodded. “I’m sorry I may have brought it to your attention in an uncomfortable way.”

“No, it was necessary.” He nodded. “I’m sorry I argued with you over it.”

Roe shook her head. “Not at all.”

“I shouldn’t have--”

“Vic, please. It’s really not that much of an issue. I expect arguments when I speak badly about her. You loved her. I can’t expect you to refrain from defending her honor.” She paused. “That said, you worry far too much--I’m not going to be hurt. I know you’ve lost many people close to you because of the things you’ve done--but I assure you that I can handle whatever comes at me--and I’m happy to do so if it’s to assist you.” 

“I--” He paused. “I appreciate it. I just hope it does not come to that.”

“I don’t think it will.” She shrugged. “After all, they’ve left you alone lately, have they not? Seems it may be best to just allow them to do so.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“Caution is always an intelligent move, but you cannot live in fear.” 

He stared at her for a moment before nodding again. “It’s difficult not to worry over you.”

“That’s okay. I worry about you, too. It evens out.” She seemed to consider it. “Well, probably. You’ve always been a bit of a worry-wart.”


	14. Agrippa

Henry shoved Victor forward into Roe’s office, looking around after they’d entered. “Ah--what’s...Roelia’s...does this place seem more of a mess than usual?” 

“It does, yes.” Victor frowned. Nina and Roe were neither anywhere in sight. “Roe?” He called, approaching the back hall. He glanced in her quarters, which was also empty. He stepped back toward the red room. All was dark, the doors shut off. “Roelia? Nina?” 

“Looks as if someone was looking for something here, doesn’t it?”

He wasn’t concerned with that. Nina didn’t often go anywhere--even when Roe left, she would stay to care for the chimera. The door to the red room opened, and an older man stepped out of the doorway, covered in blood and soot. He froze, looking at Victor. “Ah, hello.” He mumbled. 

“Where’s Roelia?” Henry snapped, joining them. “Who are you?”

“Marcus Agrippa.” He nodded to them. “Roelia and her girl are in the transmutation room.”

Victor started to look behind him, but he stepped into his line of sight. “Why are they there?”

“I should ask you the same.” He produced a handkerchief from his jacket, wiping off his face. His eyes were kind, but his expression was one of suspicion. “Who are you?”

“We’re friends of Roe.” Henry hissed. 

“Ah. I’m a teacher of sorts. You know about her work, then?”

“I do.” Victor frowned. 

“Well then by all means.” He stepped out of the way. Roelia was leaning against the wall, Nina mopping up blood from the floor. A starved horse was standing in the corner. 

“What the hell is that?” Henry frowned. 

Roelia pressed a hand toward the horse, and it seemed to fill out before their eyes, a flash ringing so brightly that they had to shield themselves. She pulled away, and Agrippa clapped feverishly. “Good, good! Well done, girl!”

“I understand that you’re attached to him, Agrippa, but is it truly worth the life force of a pig?”

“The pig is still edible, yes? It was to be butchered anyway.”

“I suppose.” She mumbled, looking over at her old friends. “Ah, Vic, Hen. Sorry. We were in the middle of something. Agrippa, would you go clean up our mess?”

“Oh, fine. I suppose.” 

She tipped her head, and they exited through a large back door, the entire wall folding away from them as she touched it, depositing them in a dark alley. “Apologies.”

“What the hell was that?” Henry repeated. 

“Alchemy. It’s referred to as phoenix ashes, a method of curing illness by using a similar creature’s life force.”

“That’s terrifying.”

“It doesn’t work on people. We’re too complex. Something like a dog or a horse is easy, however.” She wiped her hands, the soot coming off on her towel easily. “Sorry you had to see it. It’s unnerving for the uninitiated.”

“Who was that man?” Victor frowned. 

“A head of the alchemic committee. The same Travis belongs to. His name is Marcus Agrippa. We studied him.” She chuckled. “A father of alchemy. He’s elongated his life in a way that most don’t know, but...well, no matter.” She shrugged, as if what she had just said wasn’t interesting in the least. “What did you come for?”

“Just thought I would visit.” Henry frowned. “And then I see that your lab is destroyed and--”

“Agrippa leaves a mess wherever he goes.” She sighed. “That’s why I require him to clean up after himself. Otherwise it looks like he’s ransacked the place. Lunch?” She started off, stepping onto the street. Victor joined her and Henry lagged behind, watching the doors close. 

She smiled at the waitstaff as they served them, as if she’d not just been doing near magic in her basement, ordering her usual small portion and coffee. 

“So that’s what Alchemy’s like?” Henry frowned. “How is that scientific?”

“There’s nothing about it that isn’t scientific. Unique, more difficult, but still scientific. It can be replicated by other alchemists, given the right tools and skill.”

“I wouldn’t believe it if I haven’t seen you do it in front of me.”

“That is the notion we prefer. Far too many people like you would be interested if everyone knew about it, Hen.”

“People like me?” He hissed. 

“Greedy people.” She looked at him. “We’ve got plenty of those already.” She plucked a notebook out of her jacket dress, reading something she’d already written and continuing it. 

“What’s that?” Victor frowned. “Not your usual notebook.”

“Composition journal.” She mumbled. “I’m finishing one of my father’s projects.”

“One of his plays?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “It’s just for my personal interest, nothing else.”

Victor smiled at her, and Henry gave him a mocking look. He knew what he was going to say before he did. “Well, suppose that’s right up your alley, eh Victor?”

“Not particularly into music. Prefer the other arts.”

“They’re all the same. Just from different perspectives.” Roe smiled, placing her hand on his. She paused, pulling it away in a motion that was just shy of a jerk. She buried her nose back in her journal, and Henry raised a brow, smirking, at Victor. “Regardless, I do it for my own interest.”

“What else is for your own interest these days, Roe? Don’t you ever stop working?”

“Working is my interest.”

“You’re not being courted anymore?”

“My father isn’t here to throw men at me hoping one sticks.”

“None you’ve taken a liking to in your new committee?” 

“No.” She said flatly. 

“Ah, so it’s just still Victor.”

She paused. “You and Victor are probably the only men I’m even slightly close enough to in order to consider.”

“So you have considered me?” Henry laughed. 

“Shortly. It was a strange, pointless endeavor.”

“Ouch.” He frowned. “Victor then.”

“Victor isn’t interested in me.” She chuckled. “No more than anyone else who knows me.” 

“But you’re interested in him?”

“We’re very close friends. That’s good enough.”

Victor scowled at Henry and looked back to his food. He really didn't need to relive all the mocking that he'd subjected them to back in University. Roe seemed to be ignoring them now, refocused on her composing. 

"Is Agrippa a common visitor for you?" Victor asked, attempting to diffuse the conversation.

"He and I are friendly enough that he is interested enough in my methods to honor me by letting me work alongside him. I don't see him often, though. He's likely preparing for the Alchemist's Ball by visiting some of the alchemists up for promotion." 

"You're up for promotion? To what?" Henry looked up at her. 

"Next rank is Alchemic Master. It's a prestigious title, but I'm skeptical i'd be chosen for the promotion this year." 

"Why not?" 

"Others are less argumentative, or better at bribes. I don’t value such titles, so it doesn’t benefit me to compete. I just try to keep my head above water and I can keep doing my job.” 


	15. Rumination

Henry left from the restaurant, but Victor followed Roe back to her lab, which had been cleaned, with no trace of Agrippa’s presence left. Nina was napping in her loft, pebbles wrapped around her. Roelia sat at her desk, flicking open a book and copying something into her notebook, returning to her work. Victor watched her as she did, finding himself nervous over the things Henry had said--and Roe’s reactions to them. She’d been extremely adamant on the fact that their friendship was the only thing that mattered--and that it went no further than that. Of course, it was something he’d already been vastly aware of--Roe had never shown further interest than that--but he still felt a sinking feeling whenever she’d shot the idea down. Roe stood, crossing to the piano in her quarters, playing it and mumbling what he assumed to be her composition. There was something forlorn in it, almost unnerving in nature. It was out of character for her. She frowned at it, then scratched something out, focusing on it for a while before seemingly giving up on it and standing. She closed the piano, sighing and returning to her alchemy. Victor watched as she pulled a dusty book from the drawer in the bottom of the desk, flicking it open and delving into it. “Are you alright?”

“Fine. Just--a lot to prepare before the Alchemist’s ball.”

“If I can help--”

“I appreciate it.” She smiled. She seemed to be struggling with something, and Roe had always valued solitude during those times, so Victor said his goodbyes, heading back to his flat. 

Victor had been putting much more thought into his relationship with Roelia than he had been before the argument over Lily’s intentions. Her actions that night here in his lab had confused things a bit as well, but it wasn’t his right to assume anything about her feelings that she’d quite plainly denied. Still, he was losing sleep over it. Roe and he had been very close when they’d been friends in university, and that closeness had returned to almost the entire value it had been. Henry had mocked them about the amount of time they spent together often, and he’d been doing it again since they’d reunited. 

But there was something sad in Roe, something to do with her past in alchemy, with the Smear family that taught her. Something that, true to her nature, she’d hidden behind many impenetrable walls. Something in her had changed and aged her in a way that was harrowing, worrying, and paradoxically, charming and intriguing. So soon, though, Victor wanted to be careful not to be involving himself due to his missing Lily. He considered that whatever had resurfaced in his emotions toward Roe had nothing to do with that. 

She’d cared for him. She’d been supportive but honest, and harsh when it was clear he was going too far. She was an irreplaceable friend, down to earth and kind, intelligent and sharp witted, but graceful and--Victor groaned. He’d been over this again and again in his head lately--couldn’t push it away. She seemed so unattainable. But every now and again, she’d do something that made him think his feelings may be mutual. 

And more than that, it felt horrible to lie to Roe, or to think that she was lying to him. He couldn’t do anything to betray her friendship, but he’d struggled with this in university, and it’d reared his head again the minute he began to feel emotionally unattached from Lily. It felt almost like a betrayal, but perhaps what Victor needed to do is be interested in someone that he didn’t make in order to truly move away from it. 

He told himself he needed to sleep. It was too late to continue thinking about Roelia. That’d only lead to an uncomfortable emotional state when he next interacted with her. They were friends--as long as she continued referring to them as such, he had no choice in the matter. There would be no convincing such an adamant woman of anything. 

  
  


Victor sat at his usual chair across from Roelia’s desk while Nina went off to get her. She entered from the back hall, humming quietly to herself, Pebbles trailing behind. She sat across from him, the chimera going back to it’s cage, lying down to rest. “How are you?”

“Well.” Victor nodded to her, watching as she began pulling her supplies from her desk and starting to work. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“I’m always in a good mood. Life works better that way.” Roelia had always been the one to brighten his and Henry’s day, something that he’d never really had growing up. He realized that he’d spent most of his time in her company lately, and that had been more rewarding than it had been when he was younger. He paused, watching her transmute some plants. She glanced up at him, tipping her head. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all.” Victor shook his head. 

“You’re staring. Are you needing more kratom?”

“No, I’ve...not had the craving in some time.”

“That’s good. Means it’s working.” She paused, tipping her head at him. “So then, why the stare? Were you looking to learn?”

“Didn’t you say you don’t teach?”

She shrugged. “I doubt you’re capable of alchemy--but you can always make an attempt.” She passed him two blocks of wood from a drawer in her desk, reaching into another drawer, plucking a glove from it and pulling the catalyst stone from the pendant around her neck, passing them to him. “Beginner’s tools. I’ve shown them to you before.”

“Yes.” He nodded, pulling on the glove and taking the stone in hand. 

“Shut your eyes.” She mumbled. “I need you to focus on a point in the center of your chest. Bring all of your mental energy there. Envision it like a magma, flowing from your heart to your fingertips through your veins.”

“My blood then?”

“No. It’s something else. Something wholly human and unique. It represents you as a person. Who are you? What are you once you’ve boiled away all the lies and the facades? The hurt and the joy, that--centered in your chest, where it breaks around you or swells with happiness. What tears you and drags you from the depths. Can you feel that?” 

He paused, considering her words. He could envision it, sure, but as for feeling it? “As in...physically?”

“Yes. Can you feel that flow?”

He paused, attempting once more. Considered Roelia’s words. He knew something was there, of course, underneath all of that, but--it wasn’t a physical thing. It wasn’t something he could feel. He opened his eyes. “...No.”

Roe leaned back in her chair, fingers gripping the desk. “Then no. You’re not capable. If you can’t feel the flow of the human soul, you’re incapable of alchemy.”

“Why...don’t you use the stone or the glove any longer?”

“Eventually, alchemy becomes second nature. You don’t need the catalysts and the tools. The flow becomes part of your work.” 

He stared at her, so much stronger than the young woman from university. It seemed at the time that she wasn’t capable of growing any stronger than she had been then. But the woman before him now had grown more mature, more focused, and, though it didn’t seem like it was possible, even more graceful and charming than she’d been then. She’d gone from a reckless and belligerent young scientist to a poised and calculated master of her craft. And what had happened to Victor, or Henry? Still wallowing in their own immature emotions, focused on their work, continually hiding behind their intelligence and their facades. She looked at him with a small, loving sympathy, relaxed and gentle. 

When he’d known her in university, Victor had avoided his feelings for her, citing their platonic affection and a fear of losing their friendship for his inaction. But that wasn’t it, was it? He’d been a coward. He’d not wanted to risk something so valuable as Roe’s affection. Having experienced it elsewhere now, he couldn’t avoid the affection now. She’d not been interested in him--she’d made that very clear, but he was interested in her. It didn’t feel like a betrayal now, moreso something to harbor. His affections had torn rifts in his life, they’d hurt Lily in ways that he should not have. He wouldn’t let the same happen to Roelia--she’d push him back and he would allow it.


	16. The Alchemist's Ball

Victor stepped into Roe’s lab. Nina looked up from brushing Pebbles, who was much more interested in nipping at the comb. She pointed into the quarters. “Thank you.” He nodded, and she stood, eyebrows growing angry, running to block him from the door. “What is it?” She shook her head again, and Victor felt foolish for expecting an answer from the mute girl. 

“He’s fine!” Roe called from behind the door. Nina waited a moment, staring at him before stepping away. 

He pushed the door open. “What has gotten into her? Did I do something wrong last time?”

Roe stood up from leaning over her vanity bench, looking over at him. She was dressed in a black, sleeveless, trained, formal gown, earrings dangling from all six of her piercings, two stones on each side of her usual butterflies. Her cape seemed to be attached to the shoulders of the dress itself, dangling behind her, also seamed to bands around her wrists. She looked gorgeous. “Not that I know of. She’s not usually that fickle.”

Victor had to take a moment to remind himself that it’d be more uncomfortable if he didn’t speak. “What’s the occasion?”

“The evaluation, as you called it. It’s a good name.” She shrugged, then paused. “Think this is enough? I could do more makeup, but--”

“You look phenomenal.”

Roe paused, stepping back a bit. “Did you want to go to this thing?”

“I...had assumed you would ask me before the date of it.”

“Did I not?” She frowned. “Oh, no, I suppose I didn’t. Sorry.”

“I can go, it’ll just take me a bit to get home and find my formalwear.”

“Not if it’s an inconvenience, but you’re plenty welcome.” She sighed. “Not that I’m very delighted to have to go myself.”

“Could prove a more interesting night than reading your notes.”

“Sure would.” She laughed. “I’m not that smart.”

“Nonsense.”

Roe smiled at him, then glanced at her vanity. “Are capes or gloves in right now? I can never remember.”

“I believe it’s gloves. But I would think you would know better than I, as the woman.”

She made a face. “You’re supposed to pay attention for me! I don’t leave the house.” 

“Why would I pay attention to women’s fashion?”

“I dunno, so I don’t have to?” She shrugged. “Suppose I like the cape more anyway regardless.” Roe frowned, turning to look at her back in the mirror. “Is this too much skin? Do people show skin nowadays?”

“Sleeveless is common. Do you want to?” He shook his head, stepping closer. “It’s not really about what’s proper, is it?”

“Like hell.” She frowned. “Travis shows up dressed to the nines and I show up in whore’s clothes and I’m out of the code for certain.”

“Is it not about the merit of your work?” Victor frowned. 

“Is a woman ever judged on the merit of her work first? Or do you typically appraise them with your eyes beforehand?” She paused. “Wrong person to ask, maybe.”

“You look fine.” 

“Thank you, I suppose.” She sighed, mumbling, “Out of my element.” before turning to the mirror again. 

“I’ll go get my suit.”

“You don’t have to.” She shook her head. “Honestly, this is going to be more a chore than a friendly outing.”

“I’m...curious about your people.”

“Grotesque, referring to them as my people.” She made a noise of disgust. “You have a couple hours yet still.”

“You worry too much.” Victor pressed a hand to her shoulder, nodding to her as he left to go back home.

Roe seemed excessively nervous as they pulled into an old train station that was long disheveled. She paid the cab, stepping into the tunnels quickly. Inside were a few people, also in evening wear, standing near an access tunnel. Roe ignored them, taking Victor’s arm in a way that was less friendly than it was guiding. “Don’t talk to anyone unless I tell you they’re safe to.” She held the cage where Pebbles was sleeping soundly in her other arm, also close to her.

Agrippa approached them just as lights appeared in the distance of the tunnel. Roe stopped, and he nodded to her. 

“Miss Deopham. Do not look so worried.”

“Take care of him, please.” She smiled at him. “He’s very easily startled.”

“I’ll take him to my office personally. Not like you to bring a chimera.” The man nodded to her, taking the cage gently and peeking inside, chuckling. “How delightful. Very cute. Very like you.”

“Thank you, sir.” 

He leaned in closer. “What’s his name, then?”

“Pebbles.”

The man chuckled again, delighted. “I will take as good a care of Pebbles as you yourself.”

She nodded gratefully to him, and as he stepped away, turned to Victor. “He’s one of the heads of the Committee. All of the heads are only formally known by numbers, and he’s Four.”

“How many are there?”

“Five in London, ten in the world.” She said. “Travis is Two, assuming he took his father’s number. Three is the only woman on the committee here. She’s a bit harder on women than anyone else. Four and Three are inconsequential, they like me just fine. One, however, suspects I killed Don and likes to spread it around. Unfortunately, Two, Travis’ father, used to argue against him, but now that there’s one person who doesn’t like me, two who could go either way, and two that adore me, I’m in active danger of being sent away.”

“Seems difficult.”

“I told you this wasn’t going to be a fun evening out.” She took a deep breath, squeezing his arm gently before releasing it, stepping forward. He followed closely. An older woman stopped her just as she stepped into the light, and Victor was distracted by the opulence of the open room, built into this access tunnel like it had always been here. How much of the city was truly underground? She’d suggested it wasn’t a ball, but there was a stage with an orchestra and a dance floor. The room wasn’t full, rather, it was more sparse than most ballrooms would ever be. He supposed there was only the alchemists and their dates, so that made sense. Roe nudged him, and they continued on. “That’s Four’s wife. She’s just as fond of me as he is.”

“There aren’t as many people as I’d expect.”

“There aren’t that many alchemists. Most of the people in this room can’t even naturally transmutate things.”

“That doesn’t seem like it would be a fair competition.”

“Which is why they often bring research and archaeology finds to present. But these people are from all over the world. That’s why you shouldn’t talk to anyone I don’t know.”

He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Human transmutation is not taboo everywhere, and some are always looking for more subjects.”

“Ah...so...it’s actually dangerous.”

“I wouldn’t tell you not to converse unless you were in danger.” She shook her head. 

“Appreciated.”

And so they stood by the wall, watching as men and women of different nationalities and ages mingled and danced. Victor glanced at Roe. She’d never been this antisocial, shrunk into herself, her hands held tightly to each other at her waist, as if she were a child, too shy to make friends. She glanced around, sometimes suspicious, sometimes as if she were reading the room. Either way, she seemed fearful. Someone approached them, a young woman. “Hello, are you Roelia?” She asked, American accent very strong. Roe lifted her shoulders, nodding. “Excellent. I was wondering if I could talk to you a bit? I’m new here, you see, and I wanted to start learning about plant stones.”

“Ah...what sort of experience do you have at the moment?”

“I just came out of a traditional education. My teachers--professors--they um...they told me about alchemy, and how some countries in Europe still practice it. So I came over, and found someone to take me in and teach me.”

“Ah, who was that, then?”

“Mr. Welling, actually! I’ve been on my own since he passed, though.”

“I see. Are you close with Travis, then?”

“Two, you mean?” She chuckled. “No, not in the slightest. He’s really rude, don’t you think?”

“He has the capacity to be.” She nodded. “What have you accomplished in Alchemy? Have you been able to transmute anything?”

“I haven’t, no...right now I need to research, and Four said you’re the perfect person to ask about plant stones.”

“You know what they are, I assume?”

“I do.” She nodded. “How do you make them?”

“Personally, I crush whatever it is they’re made of, and then I use transmutation to press it together into a rock. I reform the fibers in the plant into dust and compact it.”

“Like a dirt clod?” She frowned. “Or a snowball?”

“Yes, I suppose a bit like that.”

“Wow, that’s impressive! You can make a rock like that?” She nodded, and Victor reached into his pocket, holding a Kratom stone up in two fingers. She looked at him and her eyes lit up. “You too?!”

“No, no, this is Roe’s work.” He smiled at her. “She’s very skilled.”

“I see...” The girl looked sheepish a moment. “...can I get a look at it?”

“Sure.” He nodded, passing it to her. She took it gently, as if she were afraid it was going to break. 

“I didn’t catch your name, Miss.”

“Close! Missy!”

“I see.” Roe chuckled. “Pleased to make your acquaintance. You’re welcome to call me Roe.”

“Really?” She smiled. “I didn’t expect you to be so friendly!”

Victor frowned. “Why’s that?”

“Travis--I mean, Two--said she’s really mean.” She laughed, nervous. “Says she throws things at him.”

“Oh, I do.” Roe raised her brow. “But he breaks my things.”

“Sounds like he deserves it.” She smiled. “I didn’t really believe him, anyhow.” She turned the stone over in her fingers. “What’s it made of?”

“Kratom.”

“Is it rare? What’s that for?” She frowned. “Not familiar.”

Victor paused, shifting uncomfortably. Roe, however, didn’t skip a beat. “It’s for fidgets in the legs, actually.” She laughed.

The girl laughed too. “Who woulda thought that was even a real thing? Is that common?”

“Ah...it does take away the shakes when they sneak up on me.” Victor offered. 

“More common than you might think.” Roe smiled. 

“What else can it do?”

“It’s good for digestive issues. It also treats opiate and narcotic addiction.”

“I see...Very useful.”

“Kratom itself actually rather rare. I have to have it imported.”

The young woman, Missy, nodded, handing the stone back to Victor. “Thank you for letting me hold it. Can I write you?”

“Sure.” Roe nodded. “I’m at the Curatives Palace in the slums of London.”

“Thank you so much! I’ll get the address from Travis--er, Two.”

“You’d do better to ask Four.”

“Oh! Sure. Have a good evening!” She trotted off, disappearing into the crowd. 

Victor glanced at Roe as she shrunk back into the shadows, as if she herself was trying to pretend she didn’t exist. “She was rather nice.”

“She’s new. They’ll break her down eventually.”

“You’re still rather nice. You showed her kindness.”

“She wants to learn. Who am I to take that away from her, or block her off from it?”

“That does not disprove my point.”

“I know.” She shrugged. 

“We could dance if you wanted, rather than standing still the whole night.”

“I am...” she paused. “I am okay.”

“You like dancing, though. Always have.”

“I do. I know.” 

“Is there a reason why not? Something about that dangerous as well?” Victor frowned, looking over at her. She continued to avoid eye contact.

“In a way.” She sighed. “It’s nothing. Are you itching to?”

“Might as well have some fun while here.” He sighed, squaring his shoulders. “If you deny, however, I shan’t ask again.”

She stared at him a moment. “Victor, take a look around here. Some are dancing, yes, but consider that not one of them is doing so with any sort of organization? Women walk freely across the floor, most are sticking only to their partners, rather than mingling. It’s a show. A polite facade meant to lull you into a sense of comfort when the only real way to remain safe is to remain cautious. Everyone is out to learn everyone else’s secrets. The dancefloor is a way to remove yourself from eavesdroppers and speak among the noise. This is a different set of etiquette.” She glanced away, sighing. “I’ve no secrets to tell you, and I do not wish to look like I am trying to hide something. Please do not take this in the way refusing a dance would normally be perceived.” 

“You certainly seem to be acting secretive toward me, despite all that.”

“Tell me, do you scold everyone you take on outings? Remember that you’re my date, not the other way round, yes?” 

She didn’t look at him, and he wasn’t quite sure how to react, but the words that were forcing themselves up his throat were not it. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“That I asked you to come to this outing, with the understanding that I would be leading you in how to navigate it. You do not have to tell me how to deal with these people. You said it yourself. They are my people.” 

“How do you think I’m scolding you?”

“People have secrets, Vic. That’s allowed. Is this what you did to Lily, as well? Perhaps that’s the reason she spent the evening with Mister Gray at the ball that truly was a real ball. You suggested she was seduced, but how would any woman react to you accusing them of keeping secrets? Even if I were, perhaps they’re for good reason.” 

“Please...” He swallowed the anger, processing her words instead. “...Please do not speak of Lily as if her leaving me was my fault.”

Roe looked at him now, reading his anger, but she didn’t speak, as if she were trying to formulate what she wanted to say. He expected, ‘What, are you going to hit me?’ as she’d said to Henry before, but after a moment, she settled on, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you. I know that wound is still more fresh than most. But...” She frowned. “But I am not Lily. You do not have to teach me how to correctly uphold myself within society. I’m not missing my memories of how to function. I know perfectly well how to do that, and if I am refusing to do something according to those rules, it’s on purpose.”

Victor frowned, leaning on the wall again. “Lily thought she was embarrassing me. She thought she wasn’t doing well enough in her social graces. Every time I grew angry and jealous over her friendship with Dorian, I drove her further away.” He shook his head. “I knew this, but I suppose I had not come to terms with it.” She took a breath, but didn’t speak. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Another secret, you’ve no want to tell me, then.”

“I suppose.” She shrugged. 

“You’re allowed to have secrets. What good would it do if I knew everything about you?” He paused. “But if something I said bothers you--”

She inhaled sharply, then spoke quickly. “I don’t care that Lily left you. I think she was healthier to, and I think you’re healthier without her.” She shook her head. “I don’t care why, or whose fault it may have been. I don’t care how happy she made you while you were together. It shouldn’t matter to you, either. She will not come back to you. You hurt her. You pay that price. You cannot learn from the mistakes, even if the end was on your own hands and you understand that...you will not learn from the mistakes if you just let them make you sad and do not let them drive you to do better.”

“What point would it have to do better, Roe? I’m a monster--it makes no difference if--”

“God, would you stop calling yourself that?” She shook her head. “You aren’t a monster, Vic. You’re a man, and men make mistakes. They do things that hurt people and the push people away and they drink too much and they ruin their bodies with drugs to make the hurt go away, they crave affection and violence and more than anything else, Victor, you are fallible and perfect all the same.” She froze, relaxing a moment. “And you are as good as blind, so long as you think yourself unlovable.” 

Victor knew he shouldn’t have brought it up. Had he known all these things already? Yes, probably.

She did not feel as if he needed to focus on his hurt. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, and you don’t have to stop talking about Lily. She was a part of you and that is to be expected. I just want you to understand that...she can’t hold this power over you forever. Even if you understand that she will not return, you still let her hurt you every time you think about her. Don does not hurt me any longer, Victor. There were many things I could have done for him better, but I did not, and those regrets are long past fixing. So I don’t let it hurt me when I sit at his desk. I let it push me forward. I do better. We were not intimate, but we were very close. Losing him broke me, but for a short time. You cannot let Lily break you forever. She does not want to forgive you, so it’s best to forgive yourself in her stead.”

He shook his head. “And with that much, how many more secrets could you be keeping from me? Now that I know you do not wish to...” Repair things with Lily? That was no secret. Roe was very open about it. So what was the secret she’d just told him? “Your secret was what, then?”

“That every time you speak of Lily with such pain, you’re tearing a wound open that you should not be.”

“How is that a secret?” He repeated. She was being intentionally unclear with him.

“Not a wound of your own, Victor.” She frowned, continued not to look at him. “I have sugarcoated things for you over and over. But ultimately, I think...it’s necessary you come to terms with the fact that the more you speak of your hurt, the more your hurt will remain. I hate seeing you like that. The secret is that I want to be capable of shouldering your hurt, but I am not. I cannot relate with it, and I cannot condone it. I want you to be over this, and I want it to happen without me having to tell you the same comforting words over and over again. I need you to start trying, but I don’t see that as my place, and you don’t seem to want to try to let your hurt assist you in growth. So we stagnate, and you learn nothing, and I keep giving you those kind words. You are very dear to me, Vic. I just can’t keep watching you tear yourself up inside.” 

He looked at her, trying to read her now, as she was more vulnerable than he’d ever seen her. She knew as well, hiding her face in the dark, unwilling to look at him. “Is there...anything else? This is a place of secrets, as you said.”

“That I hope you don’t hate me for saying all those things.” She shrugged. “And again, that you stop seeing everyone in comparison to Lily. I do not wish to be compared to her.”

“I don’t.”

“Don’t you?” She looked at him now. “Be honest, Vic. Whenever I comforted you, you asked me is if she was right, if I was on her side or yours, if I understood her thinking, if you were wrong for hurting her. You’ve used me as a stand in, spending all of your time with me so that you don’t have to think about your loss.”

“That...I am not spending time with you because of that.”

“Why else?” She laughed, incredulous. 

“I enjoy your company. I always have. You make me feel less alone, and not just from the grief. You want me to be happy, no matter the cost to you. It’s selfless, and above all else, you are one of the very few friends I could ever trust with the secrets I have told you. You do not judge me, you offer advice that is not cruel, but is also not always kind. That’s very valuable. I would not trade our time spent for anything.” He paused, considering his words, not wanting to lie to her. “...Not even having Lily back. You’ve more than convinced me of her free will, and her need to make her own decisions.”

“Stop talking.” Roe mumbled. “No more.” 

“What do you mean?” Victor ruffled his brow. “I did not mean to hurt you--”

“You didn’t. I just need you to stop talking.”

He glanced around the room, expecting something to be happening in the ballroom. When nothing seemed to have changed, he looked back at her. “What did I do, Roe?”

She didn’t answer, and before he was able to speak again, and announcement came across the room. “May we have London’s own Underground Alchemist, please?” Four looked dead at them, and Roe kicked herself off of the wall, standing straight as she stepped toward the stage. “We would like to congratulate Roelia on her willingness to care for the people and creatures she treats--always kind, and with dignity.” Victor made his way to the front of the crowd, watching as Roe didn’t smile, as if she was expecting the room to turn on her at any moment. “It is a method that has long been lost to even practitioners of modern medicine, some often ignoring lessons in bedside manner so as to focus on studies--but Roelia Deopham came to the order as a newcomer. She was initially a chemist, looking merely to serve medicine to the people of the city. She wishes only to help those who would be willing to help others, thus creating a cycle of kindness that is commendable even outside of alchemy.” 

He paused, and Three stepped forward. “Inside of alchemy, however, she is always willing to advise those who need it, and her skills are unheard of by many in this room. You all know that we spread Alchemists out across the world, so as to keep ourselves secret, and Roelia’s place in our base of operations puts her as high of stature of our recent addition to the Committee, Two. She proves this once again with a show of alchemy that is both tender and impressive. We’d like to announce Roelia Deopham as the rightful head of the Smear laboratory, to be renamed henceforth the Deopham Laboratory.”

There was a rustle of applause, with one angry voice coming through. “That has been the Smear lab for generations!!”

“And the Smear are now all dead.”

“Because she killed the last!” The man shouted, and the rustling of whispers entered the room now. Roe didn’t move, didn’t speak. 

Travis stood from his seat, stepping onto the stage. “Now now, Roelia did not murder the Smears. We know for a fact that the senior Smear died of illness, and Roe would not have hurt her dear friend Don.” Victor watched as Roe looked at Travis, mouthing to him, asking what he was doing. “I for one think this is the correct choice--to give her the laboratory’s name, so that she may continue to bring us such excellent pieces such as this puppy she has named Pebbles.” Four smiled at him, opening the cage. The chimera ran to Roe’s side, barking and flapping its wings. “She rescued this chimera, like many, from the brink of death, giving it a new lease on life. And it is with my recommendation, that Roelia ascends to the rank of Alchemic Master. This will allow her to take an apprentice officially, be it her assistant Nina or some other should she like to deregister the girl.” The same ranks of applause offered themselves up, and the whispers quieted. “Along with this, of course, comes the offer every Master rank is given. The offer to honor one young alchemist as our patron learner, allowed to travel and learn from all of the masters we’ve appointed.” He turned to her. “So?” She took a moment, then nodded, speaking quietly to Travis. “Is there a Missy here?” 

The small girl was standing not far from Victor, and she jumped, nodding and joining them on stage. “Congratulations.” Roe mumbled, just loud enough for the front row to hear. 

“May the best of luck go out to those who will enter the judgement next Alchemist’s Ball.” The oldest man on the stage, seemingly One, judging by their chair placements, spoke. “For the rest of the night, please enjoy the festivities.” 

Roe, Travis and Missy stepped down, standing in a circle as they spoke. Roe seemed suspicious, growing kinder when Missy would ask a question. Once Four took the young woman away, Victor joined Roe and Travis. “Dear, please relax.”

“Going from accusing me of murdering my friend in my own home to anointing me?! What were you thinking? Don’t you understand how that’ll shake the trust of the committee?”

“I do.” He nodded. “Roe, you must understand. One was the first to spread that rumor. I wanted you to be aware of it, remind you of it before you came to this event.”

“What, you’re looking to dethrone him? How’re you going to do that?”

“Honestly, we just have to wait for him to die.” He laughed. 

“That isn’t funny, Travis.” She frowned. 

He raised his brow, nodding. “Right. A dance, then?”

She glared up at him a moment, then nodded, taking his hand. She still seemed livid. Victor had been entirely ignored, and as Roe had suggested, the floor was for secrets. Still, he couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t allowed to go to a ball without being slated like this. Victor reminded himself to not compare her to Lily. He hadn’t considered that he’d been doing so that often. She was still just as skilled as ever, and Victor remembered finding her in her parent’s ballroom in college, practicing with her father a ballet, a powerful piece he was hoping to use in a stage production. It was the first time Victor had realized Roe was well skilled in the arts, dance and song both. Since then, he noticed her quiet singing while she worked, even in class experiments, dancing around the same labs when they’d reserve them, claiming it helped her clear her mind. Henry hadn’t been exaggerating--the time spent dancing to the record player in her dorm was frequent, and Roe had suggested that it was as friendly as it could be, but the diary excerpt that Henry had tried to read to her the next week, Victor having written about how his chest swelled when she stepped too close, was embarrassing to think about even now. He hadn’t considered what it meant then, and didn’t think it particularly safe to consider it now, either. Not after their last conversation. After a moment, he saw Roe’s expression change, from suspicion to frustration, then to concern. She nodded to Travis then, accepting an offer, it seemed. They parted at the end of the song, and Roe didn’t speak to Travis before walking back up to Victor, picking up Pebbles and nodding him out of the room. “Sorry you didn’t get your dance.” She frowned, not speaking again until they were back at the lab, now bearing her name, so it seemed. 

“What happened?” Victor asked, watching Roe place Pebbles back into his cage, sleeping soundly again.

“Travis has suggested I was in danger. One was considering a trial.”

“They would find you innocent, would they not?” 

“Trials aren’t exactly in a court.” She sighed. “Trials are challenges, meant to prove my inability to betray the order.”

“What would they ask of you?”

“Most of the time they put you under their careful eye and attempt to keep you down as much as possible. By giving me the rank of Alchemic Master, I am immune to such trials, as it means my loyalty has already been proven.”

“You said Travis thinks you did kill Don.”

“Yes, but Travis and Don were not just friends. They were rivals, too.” She frowned. “Don being dead is good for his competition, though. Gives him the opportunity to be the first with a working Homunculus.”

“They were rivals?”

“Of sorts. That said, One is not much better. He is on the Committee to atone for his crime of alchemy on living human flesh.” 

“Sorry?” 

“One, long ago, attempted to create something many call a Protection Golem. Out of people. Five of them.” She frowned. “Travis thinks that he disapproves of my charity, and wants the alchemic order back as it was--for greed, rather than medicine.” 

“Your antithesis.”

She nodded. “Unfortunate, though.”

“What is?”

“I do not want to have to offer friendship to Travis in thanks for his protection.”

“Is that what he’s asked of you?”

“He has asked nothing of me. He merely wishes to ensure his place as Two remains entirely undisturbed. By taking his duties seriously and appointing me as a Master, he appears as more than the son of the last Two. With the right amount of influence, he could ensure the instatement of a new One.” 

“Are you interested in the position?”

“No, absolutely not.” She paused. “I meet with the committee once each year, and until then, I will not be a part of their politics.”

“You seemed rather concerned with them while there.”

“While there they are deeply ingrained in me. I have to obey the laws of the committee even when I am not around them, but when they are watching, it’s imperative that I do not speak unless necessary and I do not act in a way they may see as unworthy. I was not born into this profession like so many around me. I earned my place, so I must continue to earn it.”

“What will your responsibilities be as a master?”

“Not much different. I’m required to be on hand should a new member of the society need assistance, but I’ve never turned down a good student before anyway.”

“You told me you wouldn’t teach me.”

She laughed. “Suppose I did, didn’t I?” She glanced over, whispering. “Maybe that’s because you’re not a very good student.”

“Uncalled for.” He nudged her with an elbow. 

Roe sighed. “I need to get out of this dress. A bath would be amazing. Maybe I should go back to the manor a while.”

“You’re always welcome at my flat if you’d rather.”

“I appreciate that.” She nodded. “I think I’ll go to my home, however. Missing my parents a bit today.” 

“Are you alright?”

“Always.” She smiled.

“Why don’t I believe that?”

She shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be? My yearly meeting with the code to which I belong is over, and I’ve received accolades. The lab is officially mine now. I am under the protection of my mastery, and I never have to force myself to create something for the mere purpose of showing it off again. I’ve every reason to be delighted.”

“And yet you are not.”

Her smile faded. “Well, I do still have dead parents and few friends. Your problems still weigh heavy on you, and that makes me struggle just a bit.”

“Please do not worry for me.”

“Too late.” She shook her head. 

“I am alright.” Roe didn’t respond, continuing to clean the lab of her disheveled preparations. “You truly were nervous about tonight, weren’t you?”

“I was, and now it’s over. I’m sorry I tried to start an argument with you. I was tense, and not entirely in full control over my emotions tonight.”

“No apology is necessary. I would rather your honesty than anything else.” Roe stayed silent again, and after a moment, she stood straight and stepped into her quarters, returning with her usual small amount of luggage. Victor leaned on the doorway. “Would you like me to walk you again?”

“I’m alright. Thank you.” She nodded. “I just need time to think.” 

“Did I say something?”

“No.” She shook her head, glancing at him, then turning to look fully. “I’m sorry, Victor. It’s just been a long day. I don’t mean to be rude.”

“I understand. I just want you to ensure I’m not leaving you to despair.”

She shrugged. “Worry not, Vic. I will always be able to pull myself out of the lowliest pit. I’ve never required the help of others to lighten my own mood.” She paused, stepping closer, stopping a moment as if considering something. “Aside, that’s not necessarily the issue I’m having at the moment, and I believe it’s a good idea for me to go home, rest, consider things, and return to the Lab when I’ve gotten these things sorted.”

“There’s value in time away.”

“You should consider doing the same.” She smiled, nodding. “Thank you for the offer to take me home.”


	17. Fruition

Roe had been away from her laboratory for two weeks, and each time Victor checked in, Nina would shake her head and close the door. It’d been long enough that he decided it may be a good idea to check on her at home. 

“I’m not sure she’s going to like that.” Henry frowned. “Aside, Roe does not take mental vacations often. Something is probably new to her to cause her to do so.”

“What do you mean?” Victor frowned, looking up from his seat on the upper level of Henry’s lab. 

“I mean, she’s probably not wishing to see anyone.”

“That does not matter. I’m wishing to check on her to ensure she’s safe.”

“She has servants there, Old Man. She will be frequently checked on.” 

“I just...would like to ensure her last engagement hasn’t been causing her grief.”

“Engagement?”

“She’d dealt with some social graces among her study lately. It has been hard on her.”

Henry looked up at him, sighing. “Fine. I’ll go with you.”

“Thank you.” He nodded, standing. 

Sara opened the door, smiling kindly at them. “Just like the old days. Here to see Roe?”

“Yes, if possible.” Victor nodded. 

“She said she did not want visitors, but I think she could use the company.” She nodded them in, leading them to the ballroom across the house, where Roe was pacing, a second lab set up in a much more disheveled and portable direction. She didn’t seem to realize they were there, mumbling and humming to herself as she distilled something or another. Sara spoke after a moment. “Roelia, you have visitors.”

“No visitors.” She said quickly, her nose in a notebook, spinning to turn her back to them. 

“Now now, Roelia, I believe your friends are worried about you.”

“I said no one.” She sighed. “Please, for once, just listen to me, Sara.”

“I’m not your little mute girl.” She huffed, hands on her hips. “And they’re staying.”

Roe turned, brow ruffled, looking as if she was about to start yelling, stopping and straightening herself as she realized it was Victor and Henry. Her brow ruffled again. “No. Especially not them.” 

“Roe!” Sara scolded. “That’s so rude, they’re your friends!”

“Sure are.” She looked at Henry specifically. “I’m so very busy with my work, you understand, yes?”

“You look like you haven’t slept.” He frowned. “When was the last time you had a bath?”

“This morning, you stupid bastard.” She frowned. “Don’t be an ass.” 

“You could stop working just long enough to have tea.” Sara sighed. “And then it wouldn’t be rude.”

“Can’t. No time.”

“What’re you working on?” Victor frowned. 

"Therapy for my issue.” She sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Don’t insult me. What issue? Perhaps I can help.”

She paused. “Hm. No.”

“So you bathed this morning, when was the last you slept?”

She stared at him for a very short moment, sighing. “What day is it?”

“Tuesday.”

“Ah.” She shrunk now, growing sheepish. “Four days.” 

“Wonderful. Have the hallucinations begun yet?”

“I don’t have those while I’m working.”

“And what exactly are you trying to cure, Roe?” She shut her eyes a moment, taking a deep breath before turning away from him and back to her materials, humming, shutting him out. “And how long were you planning to remain here, antisocial and unrested?”

“As long as it takes me to stop thinking about things. I can’t breathe.” 

“Let us help.”

“No thank you.” She shook her head. “Are you keeping up on the Kratom?”

“I’m near clean, Roe, now what is the problem with you?”

“It’s nothing. Would you like me to send someone to let you know when I’m ready to see people again?”

“We’re not leaving.” Henry frowned. “Please come sit down with me, both of you.” 

“I don’t want to.” She frowned, and it came out more like a pout. “I want to be alone.”

“I’m not sure it’s healthy for you to be alone.” Victor reached out to her, fingers barely touching her arm before she shifted away, pulling from his grasp. “Roe--”

“I’m okay! I’m fine.” She smiled, setting her notes down on the worktable behind her. “See? Totally fine! Little tired, little overworked, just want to be alone! Just want some time.”

“You’ve had two weeks. It may be time to let someone else help you sort things.”

“No...” She frowned. “No, it’ll go away eventually.” She turned back to the worktable.

“What’re you talking about?” Henry frowned. “What’s wrong?” 

She sighed. “Nothing, Hen. It’s fine. None of your business anyway.”

“Wow. Alright.” He laughed. “Noted.”

“Roelia, please.” Victor tried, reaching out to her again. She slid out of his touch again, spinning against the table, waving him away. “Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“You’ve never before had an issue with me touching you. You’re actively avoiding it. Did I do something I shouldn’t have?”

“Oh dear, Victor, did you?” Henry chuckled, realizing he was serious and quieting. 

“No!” She chuckled, shaking her head. “No, never. It’s fine, I just--lack of sleep, you know? Makes you overly sensitive and that.”

“Good, then you go get some rest, and we’ll be here when you wake.” 

“I’ve got absolutely nothing to do at my real adult job.” Henry sighed. “By all means, take your time.”

Roe sighed, looking at him. “You can leave anytime.”

“Sure. Victor will still be here when you wake, regardless. If you don’t take too long, I will as well.” 

Roe seemed to consider it, glancing back at her workstation. “Fine. But both of you have to get out. I don’t need you snooping in my stuff.” She looked at Victor. “And no picking the lock this time either.” 

“Fine.” He nodded. “So long as you get some rest.” 

“Glad you could convince her.” Sara sighed, setting a fresh teapot down for them as they waited in the sitting room. “Been trying for a week to get her to do anything but work. She’s barely ate.”

“I can tell.” Henry frowned. “She’s gaunt.”

“She’s not that bad.” Victor shook his head. “She definitely has been acting strange, however.”

“Any ideas?”

“None.” He shook his head. “I wish I had the slightest clue.”

“You’re sure? Really think about it.”

“The alchemic order evaluated her, but it doesn’t seem to be about that.”

“Hm.” He shook his head. “We’ve both been friends with her for so long--I should be able to tell.”

“As you said, she isn’t easy to read.” 

“Well, think about it. If you have an idea as to what it is that is bothering her, it’s easier to deal with it.”

“Of course.” He nodded. 

Roe didn’t wake up until long after Henry had gone back to the asylum, but Victor was still in the sitting room as she dragged herself into it, sinking into her father’s old armchair, curling up, facing away from him. “You still seem tired.”

“I slept for nine hours. Why are you still here?”

“I’m worried.” He frowned. “You’ve given me plenty reason to worry.”

“Wish you would stop doing that.” 

“Why, Roe? I’m your friend. That’s what I’m supposed to do.”

She nodded. “That’s the problem.” 

“That I feel it’s my duty to worry?”

“Sure.” She sighed, but it sounded noncommittal. “Thank you for coming, but I really am fine.”

He frowned, deciding to change the subject. “What’re you working on?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged. “Just--distilling methods to make it faster or easier to take the pieces I need from liquids. Something to keep me busy and from thinking.”

“About what? What’s bothering you?” She didn’t respond, so Victor attempted a guess. “Is it your parents?”

“No.” 

“Don?”

“God no.” She laughed. 

“Then what, Roe? Travis? Your relationship with him seems strained, but he certainly isn’t past being flirtatious with you. Is there a reason for that?”

“He’s an ass?” She shrugged. “I dunno. But no, it’s not him.”

He sighed, exasperated. “You have to talk to me, Roe.”

“I can’t.” She mumbled, still not looking at him, turned away and curled up in her nightgown, looking more emotionally vulnerable than even as she looked physically. 

“I’m staying here until you do.”

“You’ll be here forever.” She shook her head. “I just can’t.”

He shut his eyes, leaning back into the sofa. “So be it.”

Henry checked in two days later, and Roe was back in her work, Victor watching as she sang quietly to herself. He looked up as Henry entered the room. “Any luck?” He mumbled. 

“None. She’s tight lipped.”

“Does she seem better?” 

“Marginally. She’s eating again, sleeping normally.”

“Emotionally?”

“Can’t tell. She hasn’t spoken to me very much.” 

“Give me a moment with her.” Henry sighed, standing, stepping over to her. Roe looked at him. Victor hung in the doorway long enough to see that they were conversing normally before stepping back into the foyer. What had he done wrong? 

“How are you?” Henry leaned against her worktable. 

“Well, and you?”

“I am...also well. Are you sure you’re not lying, though?”

“Come now, I don’t lie.” She frowned. 

“I need to ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Did Victor do something? Are you not speaking to him for a certain reason?”

“No, yes.” She shrugged. “To your respective questions.”

“You’re hurting his feelings.”

“That’s not my intention.”

“Then tell him what’s wrong.” Henry sighed. “It’ll get him out of your hair.”

“He has enough to worry about.”

Henry sighed. “You’re so exhausting. Then tell me.” He crossed his arms. 

“I can’t do that either.” She sighed. “Don’t read into this, but I need this to stay in my head. It comes out of my mouth and it’s real, and that’s just--not allowed.”

Henry paused, considering it. After a moment, he sneered, laughing. “Heavens, no--Roelia!” 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Sorry?”

“Of course.” He smirked. “Oh, I see.”

“See what?” She frowned. “What, Hen?”

“No, no, I get it. You know, it might actually be very good for him if you just told him.”

“What are you talking about?” She sighed. “What exactly do you think I’m saying?”

“Oh, I can’t say it out loud, might make it real.” He smirked. “Just suffice to say my teasing in college was more than just a hunch.”

“No, Hen.” She shook her head. “I need you to stop trying to crack me open, okay?”

“Because it’s working?”

“Because it’s rude!” 

He shook his head. “No worries, sister, secret is safe with me.”

“Henry, stop.” She shook her head. “I need you to not make assumptions.”

“Too late, dear friend.” He smirked. “I’ll go, leave you two alone for a few more days until you finally break down and give your secrets away to the person they matter to.”

“Henry, I swear to god, if you--”

“The intention is not to tell him, Roelia. That would ruin the fun. It’s fascinating to see you squirm, old friend. Been a long while since you’ve been flustered.”

“I don’t get flustered.” She pouted. “And I’m not flustered now.”

“Sure, sure. You seem absolutely stable, with your not sleeping and not speaking.”

“Henry, I just--” She paused. “This isn’t safe, is all. There’s no net.”

“Afraid to jump?”

“Always.” Roe frowned, shaking her head. “Not my best trait, I know. I’m far too cautious.”

“That you are. I don’t think you have any reason to be concerned.”

“It’d be too damaging.”

“So you think.”

“Do you think differently?”

“Well...” Henry shrugged, considering it. “If it’s what I think it is--which I know for a fact that I’m correct, just don’t want to upset you--I think it would do more to fix things than damage them. You would be mending wounds, not pouring salt in them.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I have a good hunch.” He shrugged. “But I suppose it’s not my place, is it?” 

“You know, you can be one smug asshole sometimes, right?”

“It’s in my blood.” He shrugged. “My father is the same way.”

“Was, right?”

“Ah. Yes. Was.” 

She nodded. “Congratulations on that, by the way.”

“Thank you.” He nodded. “Back on subject, I’d like you to consider actually talking it over, rather than mulling it in your head. Think he misses talking to you.” 

She frowned. “Do you think I’m being cruel?”

“A little.” He laughed. “I understand, but you definitely aren’t being nice.” Henry shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Roe groaned. “That’s the problem. I dunno if the risk is worth it. In fact, I’d bargain it isn’t.”

“You’ll never get anywhere like that, Roe.”

“Good. Stagnation is comfortable.”

“And in the meantime, you break that poor man’s heart every time you avoid him. He can’t take too many more cracks, Roelia.”

She frowned, voice barely above a whisper. “...Yeah.”

“Something to consider. Sleep on it another night. Decide tomorrow morning. I’m just trying to help.” 

“I know, Hen. Thank you.” She nodded to him. 

Henry stepped out of the room, and Victor looked at him, meeting him at the door. “Did she say anything?”

“Not at all. She told me that she’s stressed, but doesn’t want to go into detail. You should...consider how close the two of you truly are.”

“What do you mean by that?” He frowned. “Do you think we aren’t close enough for her to talk to me about this?”

“Perhaps you’re too close, Victor.”

He shook his head. “That doesn’t make any sense. What am I supposed to do, then? Just leave her alone to kill herself?”

“Don’t think she’s all that broken about whatever it is.”

“With work.” He sighed. “You know what I mean.”

Henry laughed. “Just consider it.”

Victor didn’t understand, and understood less when he stepped back into the ballroom, crossing to Roe, who was sitting at the piano across from her lab, not playing it, but looking at some of her father’s songs, flipping through them as if she didn’t really care that much, preoccupied. “What’s that?”

“A score for something...no clue what it would have been for though.” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry, Victor. I didn’t mean to brush you off.”

“What did Henry say?” He frowned, sitting on the bench next to her.

“Nothing much. Suggested I was hurting your feelings. I didn’t intend to.”

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, then?” 

She sighed. “...No. Not right now.” 

“Can you give me a hint? Tell me if it was something I did? Tell me how to fix it, or help at least?”

“I--I don’t think it’s that sort of thing, Vic.” She shook her head. “There’s no real fixing it, not for someone other than me to do. You didn’t...really do anything, it’s just...not something I can just say without processing it.”

“Is two weeks not enough to process something?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Not at all. Obviously. I’m not sure the near decade we’ve known each other has been long enough to process something like this.”

“Let me do something for you. I don’t like seeing you so distraught.”

Roe looked at him directly, for the first time since he’d arrived. “I’m sorry, I just...” She paused, pressing a hand to his wrist. “I just have to do this on my own.” 

Victor was reading in the library later that night when Roe stepped in and sat across from him, placing a large tome in front of her on the table. “You’ve brought your things.” She mumbled. 

“I’ve been here a couple days. I needed them.” He shrugged. 

“Just saw them in the washroom.” She shook her head. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” He frowned. “I can imagine it was a strange occurrence. You don’t have people stay over often.”

“Ever.” She corrected. “Not really my thing.”

“Some I know would consider you a prude.”

“Good.” She nodded. “I am.” 

“You seem to be feeling better.”

“Yeah...” She shrugged. “Newspaper says there’s a storm tonight. Maybe it’s all the static and pressure in the air. Makes my chest hurt. Makes me nervous.”

“I’m here if you need me.”

“Always are.” She nodded. “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” He smiled at her, going back to his book. “Oh, in the two weeks you’ve been away, I’ve been meaning to tell you--I’ve bought a building to start my own practice in.”

She looked up from her tome, smiling. “Victor, that’s wonderful! Surgery, I would assume?”

“Yes.”

“Exciting. You’ll have to start dressing like a real doctor.” She laughed. “All those white coats and such.”

“Not sure how I’ll look in white.”

“Good.” She laughed. “You’d look good.”

“Glad you think so. Doesn’t quite help my insecurity. Black makes me look taller.”

“Short isn’t bad.” She shook her head. “It gives off a safe energy, reassuring.”

“Not exactly accurate.” He shook his head. 

“I should hope it is if you’re my doctor!” She laughed, a hand to her mouth, muffling it. “That’s  _ all  _ that I want my doctor to be when he’s getting ready to cut me open!”

“I suppose.”

“What kind of energy would you want a surgeon to give off? Like he spent his childhood killing small animals?” 

“No, not at all.”

“No way, right?” She removed her hand, smile remaining. “That’s so great, though. You’re really moving on.”

“Yes...it’s good for me. I cannot keep letting the past hurt me.” He glanced up at her. “You were right.”

“I...” She stopped short, looking back at her book. 

“What is it?” He smirked at her. “That you’re always right? How’s that feel? Are you used to it by now?” She shrugged, mind clearly somewhere else. “What is it?”

“I’m...really nervous all of the sudden.”

“Worry not, Roe. I’ll still have plenty of time to spend with you. Just may have to be you visiting me. After all, you’ve a degree in medical chemistry. You could be an indispensable addition to a physician’s practice.”

She nodded. “I’d be happy to help where I can.”

“Not that you aren’t indispensable in our daily interactions.” Victor set down his book. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the fact that I value your friendship greatly. Your health matters to me.” 

“You’ll make a really good doctor.” She sighed.    
“I am already a Doctor by trade.”

“I know, but your own practice means you’ll be able to focus on it as a profession. I’m very proud of you.” 

“That’s...relieving to hear.” 

Thunder crashed, much louder in the house than in Roe’s underground lab, and a small cry came from the doorway as Roe jumped in her seat. Sara sighed, stepping further in. “Oh, that was an unexpected start.” She placed a tray on the table. “I’m retiring, dear, but here’s some coffee, in case you’d like to stay up a while.”

Roe looked at her and smiled. “Thank you, Sara.”

“It’s my job.”

“Dealing with my attitude isn’t, though.”

“Yes it is!” She laughed. “Just like your mother.”

“You say I’m like both of my parents.” She shook her head. 

“Yes, I do. Because you are.” She nodded to Victor. “Goodnight, you two.” She paused at the doorway. “Roelia, you will be fine with the storm?”

“I’m not a child anymore, Sara. I can handle it.”

She looked at Victor again. “And when she all of a sudden cannot handle it?”

“I’ve got her.” He smiled.

“Shouldn’t you be scolding me for having a man in the house overnight, rather than asking him to comfort me? That could be construed--”

“You’re not a child anymore, Roelia, as you said.” Sara huffed, satisfied, stepping out of the room. 

Roe called out to her as she closed the library doors. “I don’t need a safety blanket!” She frowned, sighing. “I swear.”

“Best to humor her.” Victor nodded. “I’m...glad we can speak like we had been again.”

“Yes...I’m sorry I made that difficult.”

“No need.”

Roe stared at him a moment, taking a breath, leaning forward, opening her mouth as if she was going to speak, then shutting it and shaking her head. Another crash of thunder, this one accompanied by lightning outside the window and the downpour of rain came, and Roe didn’t jump this time. She looked out the window. “I shouldn’t be so scared of them. It’s just pressure.” 

“It is. But it is alright to fear storms. There is a certain level of them that can cause much destruction.”

“Suppose.” She shrugged. “No reason to worry about it, I think. If it destroys things, that’s going to happen regardless of if I’m scared of it.”

“That is...also true.” He paused. “But, preventing destruction is good too.”

“Yes, obviously I won’t be going and opening all of the windows.” She laughed. “But there’s nothing wrong with letting it happen without spending too much concentration on it.”

“Very true.” Victor nodded. “That said, it’s the noise you don’t like, is it not?”

She jumped, not at the thunder. “Ah, yes. Suppose it is. Loud noises are what bother me.” 

Victor eyed her, unable to read her still, but aware that she was still considering whatever it was that had been bothering her. She continued to stare out the window for a good while, jumping at every crash of thunder, though not as cripplingly terrified as she’d been in college. Victor supposed the horrors she’d seen were much scarier. After a while, he couldn’t stave off his yawn any longer, and he frowned. “I’m sorry, Roe, but it seems I may need to retire.”

“Of course.” She nodded. “Don’t stay up on my account.”

“You really should sleep more.” He frowned. “We both should get to bed.” She paused before nodding. Victor ensured Roe was already tucked into the master bedroom before he stepped into the room. “Is it alright if I sleep on the couch here?”

“Sure.” She sighed, sounding exhausted. “So long as you know it’s far from proper.”

“If you’d rather I didn’t, I won’t. Just thought you could use the company with the storm.”

“I appreciate it. It’s not as if you didn’t spend the night in my dorm every now and again. In spite of the fact that you would have been expelled should the prefect see you there.” 

“That’s why I would leave before they checked.”

She nodded, nestling further into her sheets. “Goodnight.”

“Sleep well.” He nodded, lounging onto the couch, watching Roe cover her head with the sheets, curling up as small as she could. He supposed that’d be comforting for her. It occurred to him that Roe had been alone for a long while. If Don died soon after she’d started working with him, and she’d spent all that time without many friends...Victor wondered why she hadn’t reached out sooner. The creature and Lily both seemed to have left his life, so perhaps now was the safest time for them to meet back up. That did mean, however, she’d been lonely during that time. How strange, for someone so warm and friendly to have such a hard time connecting with others. It was as if she did it on purpose. She didn’t have to be friends with he and Henry--they were already outcasts. Surely Roe, with her father’s reputation, mother’s legacy status, and generally ladylike disposition would have been swimming in friends if she’d allowed it. And yet she chose the quiet boy and the immigrant as her friends. Victor would never forget the day she walked up to them in the library, asking to sit with them. Henry had asked her why she’d want to do that and she shrugged and sat, asking why she wouldn’t. As if it were such a passive thing. As if it were an easy decision. 

The storm grew more violent outside, shaking Victor from his sleep, and he glanced at Roe. ‘ _ Don’t compare her to Lily. _ ’ He reminded himself. ‘ _ You knew Roe as fearful of storms long before Lily was even a thought. Remember her as you did before, not as a comparison. _ ’ He’d not needed those reminders, really, as he sat up, watching Roe to see if she seemed agitated. He was training himself for something that he really hadn’t considered doing since she’d disappeared for two weeks. She’d noted she didn’t want to be compared, and Victor had been doing well to move on, so what reason was there to even consider Lily? He stood, stepping over to the foot of her bed, watching as she curled further into the ball she’d been in, and he stepped to the other side, sitting down and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Just noise from pressure.” He mumbled. “Can’t hurt you.”

“I know.” She said, voice barely a squeak, muffled more by the bedclothes. “Didn’t think you were awake.”

“It woke me, as well.”

Roe poked her head out of the blankets, sighing. “I’m sorry. It’s childish.”

“Sometimes it’s alright to be childish.”

She nodded. “You’ve never been childish. Always the most mature of all three of us.”

“I dunno.” He sighed, shifting. “I’m jealous and insecure rather often. I would argue you’re the mature one.”

She shrugged. “Suppose.”

Victor sighed as the storm grew noisier, the wind changing directions, blowing the rain to hit the window harder. He glanced at Roe, who was staring at the window with a concentration like she was trying to force it to stop. 

Then, as if she’d predicted it, the window burst open with the wind. Roelia was quick to respond--moreso than Victor was, stepping forward and pressing one side of the window closed. He joined her, pushing the other half to meet it, grasping for the lock. Roelia didn’t wait for him, a flash and a loud cracking noise emitting from the wood as she transmuted it together, groaning. “Hell, every time with this. You’d think I would just leave it together.” 

Victor looked at the window, realizing that a branch had broken some of the glass, forcing the window open and destroying at least three panels. He glanced back at Roe, realizing that her hand had been gashed, the glass cutting through it likely as she pressed it closed. He leaned down, reaching for it. Roe recoiled from his touch at first, realizing she was bleeding as she did. “I need to clean that.”

“It’s fine.” She mumbled. “I can do it.” Roelia stood, opening a drawer with her good hand, digging through it, plucking an empty perfume bottle out and holding it out toward the window, transmuting the glass together, repairing the holes. She then turned to her wound, sealing the skin together and wiping the blood away from her hand in the washbasin. 

“Alchemy seems handy for these sorts of things.” 

“It does the trick. Faster than most methods.” She leaned on the wall next to the window, looking out of it pensively. “I need to cut that damned tree down. Second time this year that’s happened.”

“Why haven’t you then?”

She shrugged. “My grandmother planted it.” Roelia had never spoken of extended family, not even during university. “My mother’s mother. She lived with us before she died, when I was a child. She was a fascinating woman. This house has been in my mother’s family for generations. She’d planted that tree when she was a child. She used to tell me she buried secrets in its bark.” She chuckled. “I never knew if she was senile, crazy, spiritual or thoughtful.”

“Or all four?”

“Likely.” Roe was smiling to herself at the memory. “When I was no older than six, she sat me down and told me that she was special, and that I was too. That we were a long line of people that could feel the world around us in a way that others could not. It made us sympathetic. It made us kind. She warned me that it could also make me crueller than anyone else on earth, should I let it. I promised her that I wouldn’t become that, not like my mother had.”

“She’d be proud. You’re very kind.”

“I was wrong, though, Vic. My mother was kinder than anyone knew, I think. I think she stowed away her feelings in order to protect herself and others. I think she was a very wounded woman, and that gave her cause to wound others. So instead, she chose the option of denial. In that, she protected those she cared for.” She looked at her hand. “That’s why I wanted to make salves and medications. So that I could help people from behind the curtain. I would never have to make my own emotions a part of my work. I never had to risk getting close enough to hurt someone with my feelings.”

“I don’t know if I could imagine you hurting anyone in that way, Roelia.” 

She shrugged. “I have before. My disinterest caused rage. My disgust caused despair. My stress has killed. Being close to people...it’s really not something I like to leave to chance. I partially regret ever making friends at Cambridge. You two are so dear to me, but--I’m fearful of what the emotions of that closeness can cause. I think I’m much like my mother. Far more comfortable in denial.” 

So that was why she hadn’t reached out. It made sense, and was very typical of Roe. Victor sighed. “You don’t have to worry about hurting me, Roe. I’d much rather you be honest with me. I think that’s far less painful than any lies or deceptions you could give me.”

She glanced at him, shaking her head. “I need to change. Blood on my gown.” She mumbled, stepping into the washroom. Victor stared at the door, sitting back on the edge of her bed. There was something wrong with Roelia, surely. The worst of it wasn’t whatever the issue was, but rather the fact that she felt as if she couldn’t speak with him about it. 

She returned soon with fresh clothing and an exhausted look on her face. She lay back down. Victor leaned back, resting his head next to Roe, but far enough away so as not to make her uncomfortable. “Is this alright?”

Roe shrugged. “Suppose.”

He nodded, stroking her shoulder gently before turning round, away from her, falling back to sleep relatively quickly. 

It seemed they’d both turned around to face each other during the night. Roe was still asleep when Victor awoke at the crack of dawn, the storm having passed, birds returning to their usual morning routines, sunlight filtering through the window as morning came. Had he not noticed before, how Roe’s gentle features gave her a serene charm? He’d seen her working many times, wondering what exactly it was that made him want to watch her, despite her mannerisms being endearing, her singing and humming and whistling distracting and calming. But had he really ever looked at her as she wasn’t over-concentrating on things, neutral and relaxed? He felt almost rude to be looking at his friend with such eyes, a small urge in him pressing him to reach and stroke her cheek, just to feel the warmth of her skin on his. He resisted it, checking himself for signs of a need borne from grief. When he found that his grief had mostly left him, replaced with a feeling of acceptance and calm, Victor was almost surprised. He’d known, he supposed, that in the last month or so, Roe had eased him through his grief, assisting him in understanding his feelings and allowing him to feel them. He felt that unnerving chest swell again, the same he’d described in that diary excerpt Henry had tried to read out loud long ago, the one that made him feel as if he were betraying their friendship, taking advantage of her vulnerability to him. He tried to shake it off, closing his eyes, calming himself. He knew what the emotion was now, having gotten a taste of it with someone else, someone more forward, but it didn’t make him any more prepared to make it go away when he felt it now. What would Roe say if she knew? Would she scold him for being so sentimental? Would she feel uncomfortable, especially considering how close they’d been? 

The most important question, Victor supposed, was if that mattered. If that was really something to be scared of. If Roe would help him to feel less empty, if he truly felt the way about her he suspected now, would it matter how close they were before, or if he didn’t say anything, would it truly be anything but betraying her? Taking advantage of her kindness to enjoy her company under false pretense? He supposed, perhaps, with whatever it had been that was bothering her, she didn’t need more complications. But did his own feelings not matter in this situation? Shouldn’t he at least be allowed to speak with her about them? Surely, regardless, she would be sympathetic and understanding, even if she were to turn him down. He’d certainly dealt with rejection enough now to cope again. 

Victor nodded to himself, feeling stupid as he swallowed hard, reaching to rest his hand on her neck, stroking her jawline with his thumb. What was he nervous about? After all, it wasn’t like he was so inexperienced anymore. And yet, her warm skin was unique, something he supposed was his own fault for not being used to. He tried to be gentle as he slid closer, resting his forehead against hers. She’d smiled at him last night for the first time in a while--genuine smiles, not like those she’d nervously given so that she didn’t have to give away her secrets. He’d not realized how much he’d missed it. This felt calming, though, her skin against his in a way that was more than platonic. Closer than a friend would normally allow, close enough for him to consider the repercussions if she were angry about it. Victor realized as he pulled away, Roe was waking. He considered removing his hand, but at this point it would just seem stranger to do so. It seemed Victor had committed himself to the action, at least. Roe seemed to consider the hand on her neck, glancing toward it, then shutting her eyes. “What’re you doing?” She sighed, though the noise was more of sleep than annoyance.

“Should I not?”

She paused. “Do you want to?”

“I wouldn’t have done it if not.”

She paused, considering something for herself. “Are you sure?”

“No need to test me, Roe.” He shook his head, smiling gently at her, tipping her chin upward with his thumb. She opened her eyes. “I considered it before I touched you. Ensured that it was what I wanted.”

“So be it then.” She nodded. 

“Do you want me to let go?”

“No.” She sighed. “But I want you to listen.”

“Of course.” 

“The problem--my issue for the last while...it’s the reason that if you continue what you’re doing, I cannot just let it remain there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t be close to you. It scared me.” Victor felt the dread set in, but it faded when she spoke again. “Every moment we spent together, I realized how close we really were--really are. I didn’t think it healthy to discuss it--I didn’t want to ruin our ability to support each other as friends. But...if you continue to be this close to me, I can’t just let those feelings go like I’ve been trying to do for the last couple of weeks. I thought, perhaps, if I stayed far from you, if I didn’t see or talk or touch, I’d stop caring like I was starting to. But the way Travis spoke to you angered me, and the way you supported me during the Alchemist’s Ball, even if I wasn’t being as kind as I should have been...it felt as if I was realizing what kind of man you always have been. I’d always known that you were wonderfully brilliant, an ambitious and caring man, but I suppose I’d not considered how much that drew me to you until recently.” She frowned. “I must admit, with a lot more shame than I’d like, that there was the slightest amount of jealousy brewing that night at the alchemist tunnel. I wanted to destroy it, force whatever caused it down before it could hurt you. I thought it was as simple as going away for a while, letting it fade away. But as time passed, I found it was hard to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and so I started working to distract myself, as I always have. Even that only worked until you rang by, and obviously I wasn’t going to keep up that pace forever. It hurts.” Her face twisted, seeming in thought. “Hurts to think that I couldn’t let you go. Feels unfair to you. You are a very dear friend to me, and I would have been one thousand times happier to allow you to go on thinking that was all I ever felt for you.”

“I wouldn’t.” She opened her eyes fully now, looking at him as if worried. “I would much rather you be honest. This would have happened so much sooner if you had been forthcoming with this.”

“You’d...that night I asked you to refrain from caressing my hands, I was terrified. And when I told you to stop talking, you had every right to grow irate with me but...it was because...the more you complimented me, the more I realized my pulse was quickening, my heart feeling like it was going to burst, and I...couldn’t take it. It wasn’t safe. That was when I knew. Of course, it’d nagged at me, even in university, how much I liked you, but I’d never been unable to push it down as a small crush before then. I had always considered myself incapable or above romance, so I didn’t bother to pursue it. And then you came to me, and you were so very hurt by what Lily did to you that...any time you’d say something that could have even vaguely been skewed as an interest in me, I shut it down. I didn’t want you to have to consider anything more than your grief. In that, I think I convinced myself that it would be better not to hurt you any further by involving myself with you.”

“You...really don’t like to take chances, do you?”

“Have I ever?” She laughed. “Funny, Hen said the same thing.” 

“Perhaps it’s a fault.” 

She sighed. “Perhaps it is.” 

“Then fix it.” Victor smiled at her. “Let me help you. After all, I certainly could use the companionship. It’s good not to be alone, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather chase that loneliness away with.” 

“I’ve dwelled lonely for a very long time.” She laughed. “It became comforting, after a while. My sense of self.”

“Hard to remain that way, once you’ve become aware of the comfort of another.”

“Speaking from experience?” 

“I am.” He nodded. “That said, Roe, it’s been many years of questioning what it was that I was feeling when we first danced in your dorm. I don’t have to question any longer. It’s become obvious to me that I love you. Deeply, in fact. You’re right. The notion does come with a bit of a fear of loss, but it doesn’t matter.”

She nodded, seeming a bit upset. “So...you’re saying it isn’t just going to go away.”

“If my love for you didn’t go away in the years between school and now, I don’t think so.” Victor chuckled. 

“Suppose that makes sense.” She sighed. “Then I guess it just...has to become part of me.”

He paused, considering what she was probably feeling. “Perhaps you should let the additions fill the cracks in your cup, rather than misshaping it. That just requires more care than usual, but surely it isn’t impossible to repair, rather than to add.”

She paused, nodding. “Perhaps you’re right.” Victor couldn’t help but smirk at her quick reaction to the alchemy analogy. “Now...you need to be completely over the sorrow for Lily. I can’t in good conscious be entangled with you if you’re not.”

“I’ve come to terms with it, Roe. I’m sorry it’s caused such a conflict for you.”

“Straight denial isn’t conflict.” She chuckled. “It was for both of our sakes.”

“Now then--” Roe didn’t let him finish the sentence, surprising him as she moved closer to him, their foreheads together again, her arm wrapped around his ribs, hand resting on his back, stroking gently, the other hand raising to brush his hair back, her eyes piercing his in a way that was very unfamiliar, and more enticing than he’d ever seen. Like she could look directly into something deep in him. It made Victor feel vulnerable, something that was surprisingly relaxing. She’d always been able to read him, but not like this. He knew it was coming--he knew any second she would kiss him, or he would give in and kiss her, but it felt new, somehow. As if she were different. As if she was trying to ensure he was okay before she did so, and as if he was waiting for her permission. And so, they stagnated, resisting as Roe brushed her cheek against his, nestling gently into his jaw, her breath heavy on his neck. “You don’t have to be scared, Roelia. I’ve got you. You’re safe in this.” She looked up at him, nerves clear on her face. He shook his head, bewildered at this change in her entire outlook, seeming nervous and unsure, two emotions he’d not often seen on her face. 

“I...had no idea how I was going to tell you all this. I didn’t want to lie to you.”

“And now that you have?”

“I...feel amazing.” She chuckled a bit. “Elated.”

“Then why do you still seem nervous?”

“You’re...so close.” She chuckled again, this time a little louder. “How could I not be nervous?”

Victor smirked at her, pressing his lips to hers. She didn’t take time to react, like he’d thought she might, pushing into him immediately, excitedly returning the kiss, pulling him close. Victor wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her tighter to him, releasing her lips only to move to her nose, her forehead, nestling their noses together gently, laughing in the aftermath of something so small feeling so large. 

“Dangerous.” Roe laughed. 

“What’s that?”

“Resisting this so long has made me feel like we have far too much catching up to do.”

“We can start now, if you’d like.”

She shook her head. “No, I think taking it slow is healthier.”

“Probably. Doesn’t seem as fun, though.”

“You’re right.” She shook her head. 

He nodded, pulling her into his chest. She nestled there, relaxing into him. “You’re...so very warm.”

“I hope that’s okay.” She chuckled. 

“Different. Wonderful.” 

“Gross.” Roe laughed, shaking her head. “Warm should not be different. That’s so gross.”

“Well, you surround yourself with the dead--”

“You don’t have to remind me.” She shook her head again, pulling away. “I mean no offense.”

“None taken.” He smiled at her as she glanced at him with some shame showing through. “I mean it. We’re past that.”

“You’ll never be past it. Not fully. That is okay, but it’s not something that leaves you entirely.”

“A scar. Yes.” He started to speak, started to move toward her, but there was a knock on the door, Sara speaking quickly. 

“Roelia, it’s well past your usual waking hours. Time to get ready.”

Roe pulled away from Victor’s arms, sitting up. “I’m up.”

“Yes, but are you dressed?” She laughed.

“Seems we’ve been interrupted anyway.”

“Yes.” Roe sighed. “This is...I feel so much better.”

“I can finally stop wondering if all of our interactions are platonic or not.” Victor smiled at her as she stood to dress. 

“I’ve always been sure to do nothing that would make you uncomfortable if I could help it, Vic. That doesn’t change.”

“But many things will.” He warned. 

“Slowly.” Roe nodded, tipping her head to the side. “But it’s nothing you have to worry about. I said I’d always be there for you, didn’t I? That doesn’t change because of this.”

“You’d once said that you would be happier to have your father select me to court you.”

“And I meant it. Though we’ve skipped a few steps.”

“That’s quite alright.” He sat up. “We’ll just have to ensure we don’t skip anymore.”

She nodded again, happier this time. “I’m going to enjoy seeing how these things develop. I’ve never been quite sure how it all works.”


	18. Tightrope

"Well, Roelia, if you aren't going to eat, perhaps you should at least offer Victor a meal?" Sara sighed. "I fear your finishing that your father worked so hard to instill in you is fading away." 

"Let it. No one expects me to be proper anyway." 

"Even your mother expected it of you, she just didn't know enough of it to teach you. Aside, dear, it was clear to us that you were in better spirits, so we prepared breakfast." 

"How long have Felicity and George been here?" Roe frowned. "I thought it'd been just us." 

"They came into the ballroom to greet you, Roelia." Sara sighed. 

"Yes, and then I assumed they returned home." 

Sara pulled a chair for each of them at the table impatiently. "You cannot expect the three staff you kept on not to be concerned for your health." 

Roe sighed and sat, so Victor followed suit. "Sure I can. I just assume you all resent me and continue about my day." 

"Why would we resent you?" Sara sighed. "You pay just as well as your parents did and you're a very easy mistress. You're hardly ever here and when you are you barely allow us to do anything for you. Your father was very needy." 

"I could do without any of you. I considered you as people. I know George has a young family at home and Felicity needs the pay or else she'd just return to the brothels. The rest of the staff had other income so I wasn't concerned with them." 

"And what about me, then?" 

"You raised me. You're stuck with me, now." 

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Now! Both of you permanently look as if you're wasting away. I'm locking this door until you eat." She stepped out of the room and closed the double doors behind her. 

Victor glanced at Roe, who was silently piling large portions onto her plate. She'd likely not eaten much lately. "You kept serfs on solely to pay them?" 

She nodded, sitting back down. "I have the extra, I don't see why not. Can't take it to the grave with you and all that."

"That's commendable." 

"Once Sara lets us out of here I need to pack up and return to my actual lab. I'm sure I've missed patients."

Nina and Pebbles both seemed delighted to have Roe back in the lab, Pebbles running around her in circles as she set her equipment back up, Nina sitting on her desk, kicking her feet as she watched them bustle around, smiling. Roe finally stopped working after everything was put back together, redoing her hair clip. Soon, she seated herself at her desk again, continuing her notes from where she’d left off. Victor sat across from her as usual, nudging her leg with his foot. “You could afford to take a break.”

“I can always afford to take a break. I don’t work unless I want to. Did you want to do something?”

“No, that’s fine. I should get back to working on the practice.”

“Of course. If you need anything, let me know.” 

He smiled at her, standing and stepping around the desk, leaning to kiss her. She returned it, though not without seeming surprised. “I will.”

She smiled at him, delighted but confused. “You’re...never mind. Have a good day.”

“Always welcome to join me.”

“No...I think I’ll stay. But thank you.”

"Did Roelia come out of her melancholy?" Henry asked, looking around the old building, not doing anything to help Victor clean it. 

He looked up from scrubbing a shelf. "Yes, she seems quite well now. We discussed what happened with her peers and what happened between us." Victor froze. "Well, you might not have been aware that she was harboring some attractions that she'd not wished to risk losing my friendship over."

"Oh?" Henry sneered, sarcasm showing through. "So you've gone and swept her off her feet, is that it?"

He turned back to his cleaning. "Well, in a manner of speaking, I think it'd be more accurate to say she swept me off mine. I found myself unable to remain platonic any longer." 

"Victor, you sly devil!" He feigned appallment. "How indecent. Don't you know not to kiss and tell?" 

Victor looked at him flatly. "You would have found out sooner or later. It's not as if we were indecent. Just an agreement and a kiss, that's all it was." 

"I told you, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had just seeked out Roelia sooner." 

"That's probably the case. It doesn't matter now." He sighed, standing straight. "Now are you going to help me or just stand there and watch?"

Nina sat in the chair next to Henry, looking at him with an emotion between suspicion and amusement. He'd been waiting for Roelia to return from the pharmacy upstairs for a few minutes when he turned to the small girl. "How did you end up here, then?" 

She tipped her head at him, shrugging and opening her mouth. Her tongue had been sliced clean off. She pointed at the floor and hugged her arms to her sides. 

"Are you saying you feel safer here?"

Nina nodded. She pointed at Roe's chair, then cradled her arms as if holding a child. 

"Roe's maternal toward you. She's maternal toward everyone." 

Nina nodded in agreement. 

"So why were you brought here as a child anyway?" 

She opened her mouth again and looked away. 

"Sir Smear brought her home after witnessing her treatment as a child slave. They cut out her tongue and he took her away and brought her back here that night." Roe spoke up, gliding through the door and patting the girl on the head. "Her story isn't what's important. Her value as a person well makes up for it. Nina's young life was full of pain and suffering, but she gets whatever she may want and is well allowed to do as she pleases here." 

"Her story is important, Roe. It shows the cruelty of my ancestral home." 

"And yet, when she speaks of it, it upsets her. So why not allow her to move on?" She paused. "And, legally speaking, Lord Hyde, this country is your home." She sat, smile returning to her features. "That said, she likes you very much. She doesn't even sit that close to Vic." 

"Actually, I came to speak to you about him." 

Roe tipped her head. "Why so?" 

"He told me what happened. I'd like to ensure that you...that it was per your choice as well." 

"Sorry?"

"I worry he may have been too forceful--"

"You suggested we discuss our feelings. I followed your advice. You don't need to gloat, I'm plenty happy with the decision." 

"I'm here to ensure your safety, not to gloat." 

"Why would you suggest we speak about my feelings if you were just going to be like this once we had?" She furrowed her brow, confusion not enough to overtake her smile. 

"I just want to ensure--you saw how he spoke of Lily. He is obsessive and over-protective." 

"Victor won't be doing that to me, I assure you, Hen. He knows full well that I can handle myself and don't require protection. If he obsesses then that doesn't matter because I'm not looking to leave him at the nearest opportunity." 

"You have to understand, I'm walking a tightrope between the two of you. I don't know what'll happen if I have to choose a side."

"I would expect you to choose Vic." Roe laughed. 

"I'm not sure I would." He shook his head. 

She sighed. "What did he tell you happened that made you so worried?" 

"Nothing. I just wanted to get both sides." 

She nodded slowly. "Objectively, we shared a bed in a platonic manner, I awoke to his hand on my neck, told him that he should remove it if he intended for our relationship to remain platonic, we discussed the mutual feelings we had, and since then he's done nothing more than kiss me. Is that what you needed?" 

"It helps." Henry frowned. "Just...tell me if he begins acting...odd." 

"Sure." She nodded. 


	19. Charitable Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for another "needing to write in the gaps" hiatus. F in the chat for the whole 4 people reading this lmao
> 
> thanks for stopping by!!

Roelia was shrugging on her coat and packing a bag when Victor arrived at her doorway. “Are you travelling?” 

“Just going out to see a few families that I try to visit relatively often. A lot of poor, sick and hungry there.”

“Charity then?”

“Not charity.” She shrugged. “Well, I suppose free treatment is charity.” 

“May I join you?”

“Of course.” Roe smiled at him. 

The cab wouldn’t even drop them close to the slum, leaving them to walk two blocks to get there, and when they did, it was obvious what Roelia was talking about. These people were in the early stages of starvation, and the many coughs made him worry about transmission. He looked at Roe, who smiled reassuringly and started toward one of the families sitting on the street. He watched as she spoke with the mother of the two children. He approached to hear better. Roelia was pulling a smaller bag out of her own, passing it to the older boy. “Now, I’m giving you this bag of food on one condition. You  _ must _ share it with your sister, and your mother as well, yes?” The boy nodded. “Good man.” She stood, glancing at the mother, who thanked her. “You’ll need to keep warm if you want to make sure these kids are well. Where’s your coat?” 

“The boy.”

Roe glanced at him. “Yes, I see. Well.” She took her coat off, passing it to the woman. 

“No, I couldn’t possibly--”

“I have four more just like it. Really, Sandra.” 

“You’re...” She sighed, taking the coat from her. “Thank you. You’re always so helpful.”

“It’s my job.” She smiled at her. “Now, you know where the pharmacy is. If you should fall sick…?”

“Come straight there. Yes. Thank you.” 

Roelia nodded again, turning back to Victor and nodding him on. 

He watched on as she handed out plant stones and assisted with wounds, happily taking care of just about every family she could find. One man laughed and called her by title, clapping her on the back and excitedly shaking her hand, thanking her. She smiled at him and moved on soon after, and as they were leaving, Victor turned to her, looking her over. “Aren’t you cold?”

“Not as cold as a mother who’s freezing to death.” She shrugged. “You saw the hypothermia setting in.”

“I did.”

“It’s against the alchemic code to take them into my lab, but I can help them survive where they are.”

“You’ve always given coats away.”

“I have.” She nodded. “Even before the alchemy. It’s a necessity in the harsher months--even summer rains can be cold.” 

“You knew some of their names.”

“I frequent here. This little slum is my contracted charge within the order. It’s a portion of London I’m meant to look over. Passed down to Don from his father, passed down to me from Don. Each alchemist has a charge that becomes their responsibility. It’s a good way to ensure that they’re still doing things for the benefit of the public.”

He nodded, and just as they were leaving the alley, there was a voice from behind them. “Well, go on. You can ask her.”

Roe turned to look in the direction the voice came from, a young mother beckoning a small girl forward. Roe leaned to eye level with her. She couldn’t have been more than six. “Miss alchemist?” She frowned, as if the word was difficult. “I--my lion is sick.” 

Roe tipped her head gently. “Sick? That won’t do.” She pouted at the girl. 

She pulled a small plush lion from her coat, passing it to Roe. She looked it over, taking it into her hands. “He got ripped up when I dropped him under a cart.” The girl sighed. “Mummy says you can help him?”

“I said that she  _ may be able to _ help him.” The woman corrected. 

“Oh my. What an accident that must’ve been.” Roe sighed. “Well, I’ve never treated a lion before, they’re very rare. I’ve only ever seen them in the zoo!” 

“That’s where we got him!” The girl nodded. 

“Let me see...” She cooed, looking at the toy, then nodding to the girl. “Yes, I see the problem. Seems he’s missing a piece!” The girl nodded. “Well, it won’t be the right color, but I can patch him up for sure.” 

Roe stood, balancing herself against the alley wall, plucking her shoe from her foot, removing a sock and replacing it. She held the sock to the toy, the flash of a transmutation going off. She passed the repaired toy back to the girl, who giggled with delight and ran off to her mother. The woman nodded happily to Roe, who chuckled. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you! It’s always rewarding to help a child feel better, even over little things.” She waved them goodbye, starting back toward the street, where they could call a cab. 

“That was impressive.” Victor nodded to her. 

“I like to do it. It’s not really impressive when it’s my job.” She shrugged, climbing into the carriage. “That, and they need someone. It’s good to feel as though someone cares. These people can’t afford doctors like you. They need someone to do things for them without worrying about payment.” 

“I think you’re doing a better job than I am at being a doctor.”

“That’s because I’m not one.” She laughed. “I’m an alchemist. We make it our business to go above and beyond.”

Her office was dim when they arrived, some of the lights having gone out. Victor was surprised that she’d not switched to electric down here, and watched as she refilled the oil. “Nina? You alright?” She called, and the girl trotted into the main office, pebbles lagging behind. “Could you do me a favor?”

Nina nodded. 

“I need something unearthed from storage. Can you find me the turquoise pot? It’s got a powder in it, looks like sand but finer.” 

She nodded, leaving the room again. Victor looked over. “What is she fetching?”

“Stone Salve. Golem’s blood. We refer to it as different things, but right now I’m looking to clean my tools. My distillery is getting gunked with all of the kratom I’ve been putting through it to make the stones last longer. I’ve just run out of my supply out here.”

“I--the kratom is my fault. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” She sighed quietly. “Cleaning my tools is all part of my work--it’s okay that I’m doing that work to help you.”

“I suppose we’re quite breaking the rule of patient-doctor closeness.”

Roe laughed. “I told you. I’m not a doctor. We make it our business to go above and beyond our duties. If my being with you helps you feel even better without the drugs, I’m doing my duty.”


	20. Affections

"Victor, sweetheart, could you get me another pen? This one needs to be cleaned." 

Victor's heart skipped a beat. Surely he'd heard that wrong. "What was that?"

"I asked if you could bring me another pen."

"Not that. You...you called me..." 

Roe looked up from her sketching. He stood from his wiring and approached, sitting next to her. "Would you rather I didn't?" She asked cautiously. 

"It's quite alright, I just wasn't expecting it. It feels more intimate than usual." 

"As I said, I can stop." 

"No." He breathed, sounding more panicked than he meant to. "I just mean--I'm glad you feel as if--" he shifted. "Sorry. I'm overreacting again aren't I?" 

“It’s just a word, Vic.”

“A good word. One I’m glad to hear, but--it caught me off guard.”

Roe smiled, nodding at him. “I’m happy to keep using it but, sweetheart, the pen?”

His chest swelled again, and he nodded, standing. He passed one to her he found in his usual drawer, and she chuckled at him. “That smile almost looks unnatural on you. I like it.”

He shook his head, sitting across from her, glancing up at her as he went back to his work. 

  
  


Roe was sitting at her desk, flipping through a book, taking notes vigorously. “Something must be important to have you so absorbed.”

She looked up, smiling at him. “Nothing I can’t stop doing for you.” 

He joined her at the top of the steps. “You don’t have to.”

She placed her pen down and stood, a hand on his shoulder. “My usual customers all run out of their supplies around the same time, so this is the busy season for me.” 

“I could leave.”

“I’d be disappointed.” She chuckled, sitting and nodding at his usual chair. He joined her, flipping open his own notes. 

After a while, Roe stood, crossing past him, squeezing his shoulder and plucking some instruments from her cupboard, moving to a work table. Victor watched as she worked, her plant stone process familiar enough to him that he didn’t have to, but he continued to observe, solely for the opportunity to see her so focused. The door from the front hall opened, Nina stepping through with a young woman. Roe turned from her worktable. “Hello Miss Baker.” She smiled at the woman, who looked at Victor for a moment before turning toward Roe. 

“I was wondering if you had my salve prepared?”

“I do.” She nodded, climbing to her desk, unlocking a drawer and plucking out a vial. The woman seemed embarrassed as she took it, turning Roelia to speak with her quietly. Roe seemed to confirm something, smiling gently at her, a hand on hers. “Don’t worry.” Victor heard her mumble. Soon enough, Miss Baker seemed reassured, and she thanked Roe and followed Nina back out. 

Roe had five more visitors throughout the day, and she disappeared into the upstairs pharmacy for quite a while before returning to the tunnel, looking as chipper and energetic as she had been that morning. She sat down and sighed quietly. Victor turned to her, tipping his head. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, dear.” She smiled. “I’m happy to help my usuals. That doesn’t mean I won’t be happy when they all have their treatments and I don’t see them again for another six months.”

“It’s good to see that your work accomplishes something you find value in.”

“Are you suggesting my work is pointless?” She chuckled. “Careful. You’re sounding like Hen.”

“No, not at all. It just seemed like you didn’t have a lot of business before now. In fact, I sort of assumed you were just in it for the research.”

“For some things.” She shrugged. “Curiosity is one of my largest vices. The chimera are merely something to learn about, and the fact that they live longer than their natural lives would normally allow is a wonderful bonus, but it’s not the point of continually attempting.”

“They seem thankful for their treatments. Is it hard to convince people to start using alchemical solutions?”

“Was it hard to get you to put kratom under your pillow?” She laughed. “Most people who come to me are desperate. They require help, and they’ll do anything that gives them a chance. When the treatment works, whether they know why or how doesn’t typically matter.”

“Fair.” He nodded. “Was the first woman a newer customer then?”

“Miss Baker? Not at all. She’s always that nervous.”

“What’re you treating her for?”

Roe paused, considering him for a moment. “I’m not sure it’s right to tell you. She wouldn’t appreciate it. It’s a feminine issue, is all.”

Victor frowned. “Sorry, I didn’t--”

“You didn’t know.” She laughed. “She was actually nervous about the fact that I pulled it out of the drawer and you saw it. I told her you were a doctor, so she didn’t really have to worry, but I don’t think it eased her mind any. She’s very shy. I think she’s even more modest than I am. Why do you ask?” 

“You seemed close, was all.”

“Not particularly. She trusts me, but we’re not friends.”

“You don’t have a lot of female friends, I’ve noticed.”

“Females think I’m too abrasive, too postmodern. ‘Stay in your lane, be proper, leave the science and hard work to the men’, you know.”

“Your father mentioned that you had a childhood friend whose mother disagreed with yours.”

“Yes, and we didn’t get along either, really. Don’t get me wrong, Vic, I don’t hate women. I just think my time is better spent with my peers. I don’t enjoy ringing round for tea, or discussing childbearing and neighborhood rumors. What I do enjoy is hearing about the newest breakthroughs of research. It’s not just women who gossip, though. That’s why you interest me so much more than any other drama mongering judgemental man I’ve met.” She smiled at him. “Are you suggesting I need female friends?”

“I just wondered if it hurt you not to have many friends.”

“Since your return I have plenty. You and Henry were enough for me in University, and the value of our relationship far exceeds anything I even had then. I’m more than content loving you, Victor. Having Henry back, having my alchemic peers on top of it, I’ve more friends than I could ever need.”

He smiled at the compliment, reaching to grasp her hand in his. “I’m surprised that you’re so open with your affections now.”

“You think?” 

“It’s delightful to think you care so much about me.”

“Of course I do.” She nodded. “Look, Vic. You’re the one who forced me to talk about my feelings. Unfortunately, that means I’ve no choice but to keep talking. You’re stuck with me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He shook his head. “It’s just surprising that you seem just as interested in me as I am you.”

“Why’s that?” She tipped her head. 

“You always seemed so composed. It’s hard to imagine you enamored with anyone--let alone me.”

Roe laughed. “Well, I was very resistant to it. I’ve known there was something in me that burned for you, but it wasn’t in my schedule. I don’t wish to put you in any sort of discomfort, and I would have rather ignored that in order to ensure your emotional health.” She paused. “But I told you, if you continued what you were doing, you’d be crossing that line. There was no reverting to the old ways. I’m happy with the result. I can’t imagine needing anything more than what you are.” 

“I just hope you continue to feel as strongly about it as you do now.”

She brushed a thumb against the top of his hand. “You’ll be the first to know if not. But I don’t think you have to worry.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Y'all, I've been sick!! I wanted to make sure my head was clear enough to focus before I edited. I can write just fine while ill though, so I went ahead and wrote what I needed to in order to fill some gaps. Once those are edited more chapters can go up!! 
> 
> ((not that anyone is reading it lol))


	21. Insecurity

Victor passed Nina and an older man in the entryway, nodding to them politely. Roe was still speaking to another patron, a tall, dark haired young man, able to look Roe in the eye without craning his neck as he spoke. Roe was seated on an empty worktable, arms crossed, nodding at him. Victor stood in the doorway, not wanting to intrude on her work. “And you’re sure it’ll work?”

She seemed sympathetic as she responded. “Your father will be better within the week. If he isn’t, you come back, I examine him again, and we find another solution. I’m close with a more traditional surgeon. He may be able to shed some light on something if it doesn’t succeed.” 

“I appreciate the help, ma’am.”

“Miss, actually.” She corrected politely, nodding at him. 

“Ah--sorry, it’s--at your age--”

“I know.” 

“Not that I can talk.” He laughed. “I consider my father first priority. A family of my own would give me much less focus to care for him.”

“I understand.” Roe nodded. “Mine is my work.”

“Yes, a woman in the sciences must have her hands full.”

“Full enough.” She nodded. “I do have time for myself, but I often spend it with more personal projects. That said, I’ve not a lot of personal time at the moment--I’ve other salves to make for other people.” She slid off of the table, starting toward her desk. 

“Well, should you find more personal time, perhaps we could both take a break from our primary foci?”

Victor was just about to step forward and speak when Roe responded. “I’m spoken for, actually. Your advance is flattering, however. I would suggest you use it on someone else while you still have the confidence.”

He seemed surprised, then nodded. “I’m not sure I’ve ever had a woman turn me down so forwardly.”

“You probably should have assumed already that I am not like most women.” She sat at her desk now, realizing Victor had been there. “And you may prefer to go before you say something my surgeon friend doesn’t appreciate.” She smiled politely at him, and the young man cleared his throat, bidding them both good day, and following down the front hall after his father. 

Victor joined Roe at her desk. “Did you realize I was there?”

“When I sat. Sorry, how long were you here?”

“I passed the older man in the hall.”

“Ah, I shouldn’t have spoken about you without introducing you. Apologies.” She turned back to a logbook, filling something out about her last visitor. 

“I’m--so you didn’t turn him down because you knew I was there?”

She glanced up. “Why...” Roe placed her pen back down, frowning. “I turned him down because you and I are involved, and because I have no interest.”

“You’re sure?”

Her brow furrowed, mouth downturned. “Am I sure I’ve no interest? Yes, Vic. Did I come across as if I was?”

He frowned, supposing not. “No, you--I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t make you uncomfortable? I didn’t think I was being particularly flirtatious--”

“I understand, I was overreacting.”

She shook her head, hand on his. “No, Vic. Be honest with me. Were you uncomfortable?”

“Not...with anything you did. I suppose his advances disconcerted me, a bit.”

“It’s not a typical experience. Sometimes they get a bit brave when they feel relieved over curatives. They think I can solve all of their problems, despite the fact that I’m far from capable.” She paused. "Victor, you understand I'm a...very faithful person, yes? I don't have any interest in people in that way. You don't have to worry about me going off with someone who might invite me. I barely like to leave my tunnel for people I know extremely well--I certainly don't intend to do it with someone who is a mere client." She paused, nodding then mumbling, "...ah." to herself. "This is a Lily trauma." 

"Sorry?" He frowned.

"The jealousy is a normal human trait, but Vic, the assumption that I'm looking for something in anyone else is leftover from previous suspicions." 

"I don't mean to--"

"It's quite expected." She shook her head, voice supportive as ever. "I just want you to be able to realize when you're worrying uselessly, and why it's happening. It may help you to rest your mind from the concern." 

He paused, considering her. Not even a glimpse of animosity in her face or tone. She wasn't upset by his accusation, even if he had not made it clearly, merely concerned for his own feelings on the matter. "I appreciate that. I don't like to take out my scars on you." 

She shrugged. "I think what you're doing is just fine. Sometimes I don't even see flirtations unless it's excessively overt. Someone has to make sure I'm paying attention when I deal with dangerous bachelors. I just prefer if it can happen without you feeling as if I don't love you enough to stay near. If I can ease your mind in any way, I'll be happy to."

"I think...if it were really anything I would need to be concerned about, you probably wouldn't speak so plainly about it." Victor felt the sentence force itself out before he had a chance to stop it. "I suppose I'm just a bit insecure when someone like that propositions you." 

She frowned. "Like what? Forward, desperate?"

He shook his head. Roe, as always, saw nothing but the personality of people. But surely she could tell, yes? That he was a tall, attractive young man, with a clear knowledge of how to charm any woman who wasn't as particular. She wasn't in the dark, not as perceptive as she was. "He would probably be considered a good prospect for near anyone." 

"I suppose." She shrugged. "But he wasn't propositioning an uncommitted woman. I don't have the time to allow traditional courting from  _ you _ , Vic. I certainly wouldn't even take the time to consider meeting a near stranger for tea or something. Is Mr. Errol a tall, dark haired specimen with shocking green eyes and a sharp wit? Yes. Does that make him my taste?" She sighed gently. "Tell me, Vic, when was the last time you knew me to be so superficial that I cared about some pretty boy who has nothing on his mind but how quickly he could get under each of his house servant's skirts? Because that is the type of indecent man Mr. Errol is. So devoted to his father that he cannot focus on his own future, yet perfectly happy to drop the facade for a chance at getting attention from me. He was proper about it, yes, but there is little difference between an attractive, proper man, who asks for a date as a guise for his lust, and an obnoxious drunkard calling on the street to women who are embarrassed and scared. Not to me. Traditional handsomeness holds very little value to me. You are a very handsome man, Victor. But the only reason I spend any time attracted to you is because you're more than that, and you want more from me than to get your cock wet. I don't even entertain the idea in my own mind of allowing such men to have a chance." She sighed, standing, stepping behind him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, sympathy filling her tone. "And oh, darling, how I wish you could understand that. Please don't ever feel insecure because of how others present themselves to me. You are more than anything I could want." She shook her head, face nestled into his neck. "And if you think for a second that Mr. Errol is in any way more attractive than you, you have been looking into a very warped mirror." 

It felt like a lie to Victor, so long sure of his sickly appearance and short stature. Something in him believed her words, though. Roe hadn't lied to him, and he felt no deceit in her words now, either. If nothing else, he felt as if he were worthy of her love, at least for that moment. She pulled away from him, leaning to kiss him chastely, going back to her work soon after. She was silent for a while, and Victor didn’t know what else he could say in apology, so he went about his own reading.

Roelia didn’t speak again until Nina entered with another patron, this one a stout older woman, who was exuding an outward air of calm, but it wasn’t very convincing, and she wore her upset on her face. “May I help you?” Roelia asked, response noting to Victor that she wasn’t a previous patron. 

“Yes, erm, I was told that you could help me with my trouble sleeping.”

“I can. Is that the only issue?” Roe frowned, looking at Nina. 

“Well, no, you see, not only have I been unable to sleep, but...the dreams, Miss. I have night terrors, and awaken, and I can still see the things that were in the dreams.”

“Are you under the guise of any other drugs?”

“I am not.” She shook her head. “It isn’t drugs. There’s something wrong with me.”

“Have you had a recent trauma? Death in the family, physical or sexual abuse?”

“Not that I can think of...” She shook her head. “No.”

“When did it start?”

“Two months ago.”

Roe nodded, reaching into her desk and pulling out a thin plant stone of swirling colors of yellow and lilac. “You’ll sleep with this under your pillow until it dissipates. If you cannot sleep, try some chamomile tea. If the dreams continue after the stone has gone away, return here and we will move on from there.”

“And if the stone doesn’t work?” The woman frowned, Nina taking it from Roe and carrying it back to the patron. 

“It will, Ma’am.” Roe said bluntly, shrugging. “And if it doesn’t, we can talk about that, too. But do not come back here until the stone is completely dissolved.” 

“I...thank you.” The woman sounded skeptical, disappointed. Nina showed her out.

“You’re...very straightforward.”

“I was straightforward with you as well, the first time you came here. It’s part of my job--if I’d like to be taken seriously, I have to be equally as serious about my work and it’s effectiveness.”

“It’s impressive, really.” He smiled at her. “I’m surprised she argued with you. I didn’t have the skepticism.”

“Sometimes they do, but they’ll only argue once.” 

Roelia went upstairs to shut the doors to the pharmacy, sealing and locking those to her lab as well, explaining that she only did so during her busy season, that she had to sleep some time. She’d instead decided to make a meal and drink some wine in order to relax into the evening, putting away her alchemy for a novel, sitting quietly in her quarters on the sofa. Victor joined her, happy to have a moment with her after a few days of her work being so busy.


	22. Initiative

Roe had stepped into the back hall to widen a ventilation shaft, and as she started to return to the office, Victor met her. "Nina has retired." 

"She must be exhausted. We've done a lot today. even my fingers are sore." She pressed forward a bit to kiss him, hands leaning gently on his chest.

Victor grasped them, lifting them from his chest to his mouth, pressing his lips to her fingers. "If your hands are so sore, you should take a break." She chuckled, twisting to press her lips to his again. He returned the affection. He started to pull away, but Roe gripped his hands tighter, pulling him against her again. He smiled into her, and when she pulled away, he looked at her quizzically. "Something wrong?"

"You've been so gentle."

"I'm supposed to be gentle with you." He pulled her closer. "You deserve to be treated with as much poise as you have." 

Roe moved away, hands still grasping his, leaning against a stone wall. "Sometimes it's good to forget all of the poise. It's okay, you can get a little greedy."

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, glancing away. She pressed a hand to his jaw, tipping her head to look him in the eye. “I-I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“No?” She laughed. “Surely you’re joking.” Roe paused, the tips of her fingers in the base of his jaw, forcing him to look up at her. She pulled him closer by the pressure points she was pressing into, tipping her head down to press her lips into his. He responded, surprised by her fervor, even more so when she pressed her teeth gently into his lower lip, prying his mouth open. He caught her drift then, unsure if he should continue to let her lead him, and then he considered that wasn’t right to do, force her to drop her practiced modesty due to his cowardice, so he responded by pressing her tighter against the stone wall behind, pulling away just a moment to readjust and slip his tongue between her lips, a trace of her wine still present. He slid his arms against her hips, grasping at them. Victor’s heart could have stopped when Roe’s tongue met his, curling against it before releasing him again, following his suit and running the tip of her own tongue over the roof of his mouth. He’d forgotten to breathe until she retreated, pulling away and gently kissing him as if they’d not just been pushing the line of decency well beyond where it normally had been. He remembered to breathe then, panting into her neck as he moved there, mouth wrapped against the bend of her shoulder, moving back up toward her chin. Roe allowed this for just a moment before she grasped his jawline again, pulling him upward and cradling his face against hers. She pulled away after another bout, forehead against his. She caught her breath now as well, smiling and letting out a quiet chuckle, moving away so as to look Victor in the eye. “Don’t hesitate if you’re interested. I would much rather you do whatever it is you want. No reason to show that much restraint.”

“No? Not even for your modesty?” He huffed. “That doesn’t seem proper in the least.”

“We’re so far underground, I’m not sure it matters.”

“Do social rules not apply underground?”

“Social rules don’t apply when no one is watching, Vic.” She released his face, nudging his forehead with her nose and kissing it, before sliding out of his grasp. An embarrassing discomfort had taken over, and Victor stayed in the dark so as to hide it. Roe had already turned and started to pack up her things, humming all the while. He bade his obvious reaction to go away, and once it’d at least become less noticeable, he followed to assist in Roe’s cleaning. 

Retiring to bed with Roe was difficult that night, and Victor found himself procrastinating. He didn't want to treat her in any way that might be indecent, even accidentally. A tongue kiss wasn't an invitation, it was an expression in and of itself. He knew the proper thing was to wait for that invitation, and he was happy to do so, but it didn't feel right to share a bed with her while physical effects had overtaken his judgement. As if the notion of her noticing his reaction wasn't embarrassing enough for him, it had to be leagues worse for her. Victor remembered it was just as much his duty to protect her modesty as it was hers. With her past, as well, it was best not to make her feel as if her expressions toward him gave him an opening to abuse her. It occurred to him that Roelia probably had a hard time with these things. Sexual interaction was likely a fearful thing for her, the memories of the Baron probably springing fresh to her mind if she even considered it. He flicked another page in his book, but he knew he'd not processed the last three. 

Roe finished up at the washbasin, the smell of honeysuckle overtaking the usual scent of ink and chemicals that followed her. She stretched, a day of hard work making salves and stones behind her. She sat next to Victor on the sofa and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Not tired?" 

It was a struggle now, Victor's social knowledge battling with a frustrating want. He swallowed it for Roe's sake. "Plenty tired. Just wanted to finish another chapter." 

She nodded. "Hey, I--" she paused again, then turned away before speaking. "You should know, I found it...irresistible, but...Please, Vic, just don't let me pressure you into things that you deem improper. I'm sorry if I was out of line tonight." 

Was she having regrets? Perhaps even Roe had been allowing a misjudgement. "It was fine." He reassured.

"You mentioned that it wasn't the most proper thing to do, and you're right. I won't try to push you to do things--just try to let me know when it's not to your liking." 

"It wasn't bad in any sense of the word, Roe." Unless of course, it had been for her. "I suppose it is my job to take the lead." 

She looked at him and nodded, probably more vehemently than she'd intended. "Yes, I think that's for the best." 

He grasped her hand, smiling at her. Discretion it was. No need to push her to a point of regret or discomfort. At least the stagnation was comfortable now. Knowing it was for Roe's sake allowed him to will away his carnal needs for a while longer. She'd regretted her advance, and that was alright. Timing would be better soon. 


	23. Enamored

Roe took a look at her logbook after an early morning patron, smiling at Victor as he placed a mug of tea down in front of her. “That’s everyone. Finally.” 

“Busy season is over, then?”

“Seems likely. It was longer than usual this year.”

“You must have a good patient base then. Nothing to complain about. Though...when do they pay you?”

She chuckled. “They pay Nina, and Nina puts it into my bank account at the end of the week. She finds the walk refreshing.”

“I see. So, how about breakfast? We could go to a tea house, get you out of this lab for a while.”

“That’d be wonderful.” She sighed. “Absolutely.” 

She and Victor stepped onto the street, after a good meal, a quiet fog starting to fade as the sun rose. “I still haven’t seen that practice you’re so excited about.” 

Victor smiled. “I...suppose I didn’t think you were interested. It’s not exactly clean.” 

“Of course I am!” She laughed. “I’m not too concerned about the cleanliness.” 

He felt almost embarrassed as he fiddled with the lock on the Harley street building’s door, opening it and directing Roe inside before relocking it behind them. “It could still use some work, but it’s--”

“It’s beautiful.” She breathed, looking around. “How did you manage this?”

“Ah, well, actually, Henry wanted to wave his money around. He bought it without asking me--he just wants access to the lab in the basement, but I’m using the rest as a practice.”

“Seems like a fair deal.”

“J.M.W. Turner owned the building at one point, but I’m not sure if Henry knew that and chose it on purpose for me, or if it just so happened to be the case.”

“I’m impressed.” She chuckled. “If you need assistance working on it, just let me know.”

“Of course. Henry has been helping when he can get around to it. We’re going to clean the foyer this weekend, if you’d like to join us.”

“Absolutely. I’ll wear my worst clothes and bring my best motivation!” She laughed, raising a bicep and pointing at the mess with her other hand. “May I give it a walkthrough?”

“Of course.” He nodded, following her throughout the house, as she looked into each room and made a silent judgement on each. Eventually, they decided to lock up and head back, Roe’s spirits much higher. Her enjoyment, Victor found, was plenty enough to ensure his.

  
  


Roe and Henry had been helping clean the practice for a few hours when Victor returned with some stew from a nearby shop, setting it down on a table. “Finally. Where did you go, the other side of London?” Henry frowned, walking over to the table. As he did, a dusty rag hit him in the back and he turned to Roe, who had her hands on her hips. “Did you just throw that nasty thing at me?”

“No, it flew on it’s own.” She frowned, approaching now as well. “Be nice. He bought you food.” 

“I’m not being serious.”

She shrugged, then smirked mischievously, chuckling. “Oh my, that’s quite the cobweb.”

“What?” Henry snapped at her, turning his head to look at her. She giggled, stepping around to his back again and peeling some cobwebs out of his hair. 

“You really should bun that instead of just tying it back. You can still get it all messed that way.”

“Maybe I should just cut it if you’re going to get things stuck in it.” 

Roe laughed again. “Oh no, don’t do that. Your hair is prettier than most women’s!” 

He rolled his eyes, sitting down to his bowl, pointing the spoon at Roe. "You know, you're a bigger pain every year that goes by." 

"So I guess you don't want the bread I made this morning?" 

"Now, I never said that. Where are you hiding it?" Henry stood again, stepping into the other room where she pointed. 

"He's in a good mood today." Victor shook his head.

"Seems so." Roe smiled, starting to serve the stew before he could get to it. He pressed a hand to her arm, turning to kiss her, Henry reentering just as he pulled back. 

He rolled his eyes. "You're ruining my appetite." 

The main foyer was starting to look livable after a few hours of work, and Roe continued as Henry and Victor took a break for tea. “It’s odd to see her dressed so plainly. I’ve only ever seen her coats in that color of brown.”

“Likely she didn’t want to ruin her pastels with the dust and dirt.”

Henry frowned. “Roelia, I’m not trying to make you fall off of your ladder, but what’s that on your leg?”

She looked at him, then at her skirtings. “My leg?”

“Just above your boot.” 

She frowned at him, face scolding. “I believe that is my  _ ankle _ , Henry, and you shouldn’t be looking at it.”

“I’m only asking because it could be a skin infection.”

“It isn’t.” She rolled her eyes, stepping down from the ladder. “And it’s not your business, but it’s a tattoo.”

“A tattoo?” Victor frowned. 

“I know.” She sighed. “It’s not of my class, or what have you. It’s for alchemy.”

“Do all alchemists have tattoos?”

“Only ones that utilize full body conduction. The symbols are on my heel and bottom of my foot, and they let me discharge extra energy through my feet. It’s a training tool, and I don’t use them anymore, but they were very useful when I was first learning the balance of how to use the correct amount of energy for transmutations. I normally wear stockings so that they’re hidden, but I figured I wasn’t going to have to worry about either of you sneaking a peek at my legs.”

“Do you have more?” Henry asked, stepping toward her. 

“One.”

“What is it?”

“It doesn’t matter. They’re alchemical.” She frowned. “And I don’t appreciate you asking about my skin, or anything that may be decorating it.” 

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” Henry held up his hands, shaking his head. 

She paused, sighing. “I know. I shouldn’t have worn the skirt. I noticed it was too short before I left.”

“It really isn’t that much of an issue, Roe. I’m not judging you for the skin, I was just...not expecting you to have tattoos. I thought something was wrong.”

She shrugged. “Even still.” 

Henry frowned. “I didn’t mean to make you ashamed.”

“I meant even still, you looking. Don’t look at my legs.” 

After a while, they switched, Roe taking her turn at a break, Henry focusing on the windows while Victor started on the staircase. He could see Roe seated with her book from where he was, her legs crossed and tea in one hand as she balanced the book on her knee. Roe wasn’t even doing anything in particular and Victor couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. She seemed full of energy still, but he’d insisted she sit. She smiled at something in the novel, humming quietly and brushing her hair out of her face. He considered her tattoos, surprised that she’d not mentioned them before. She had reacted as if they were something to hide, a reason to judge her, but more than that, it was fascinating. She’d committed to alchemy so intensely that she’d marked her skin with it in order to make it easier. The dedication was commendable, if not predictable if one knew her. It didn’t matter to him. She was a gorgeous woman regardless of if her skin was marked. Even in the dull colors she’d worn he couldn’t help but be drawn to her. And yet, with so many wonderful traits, she’d actively chosen to be close to him over any others. It was almost enough to make him skeptical. She paused, tipping her head and looking into her tea--reading her leaves, if her old habits were any indication. He remembered so much about her that it was hard to believe they’d spent any time apart. 

He felt a pat on the back, Henry standing behind him. He kept his voice low. “You aren’t going to get this finished if you don’t concentrate.”

Victor looked at him, then sighed. “I am.” He frowned. 

“No, my friend, you’re not. You’ve been staring at her for five minutes.” He smirked at him. 

He paused, sighing. “Look at her, Henry. How can I not? How are you not aware of her in the way I am?” 

Henry bristled. “You’re being strange.” He shook his head. “You’ll turn her off if you keep it up.” 

“I suppose.” He sighed. “What do you think made her decide on me?” 

“Sorry?”

“Why is she interested in me of all people?”

Henry tipped back on his heels. “I dunno. She’s always liked you better than me. I think you probably bring out her nurturing side.” 

“I see.” He frowned. “So you think she views me as someone to maternalize over.”

“No...” He sighed. “I’m saying Roelia likes to care for people. You require care at times, someone to reassure you and keep your confidence up. I think she likes to see you happy.”

“So it’s pity?” Victor furrowed his brow. 

“If it were pity she would have given you the kratom stones and turned you away. I think she considers you charming because of your weaknesses.” Henry sighed sharply again. “Not that you can quote me. I may be far off the mark. Maybe she prefers men who look sickly and don’t know how to focus on important work unless it’s eating you up. Now, let’s get this foyer clean so we can all go back to our respective homes.” 

“You can go any time, Henry.”

“Your flat is the other direction from her house or her lab. I intended to walk her so that you didn’t have to double back.”

“That won’t be necessary. She mentioned joining me at mine tonight.”

Henry paused. “Sorry, are you two...sharing a bed nightly, then? That’s all sorts of improper, don’t you think?”

“It doesn’t particularly matter. She isn’t disconcerted and there are no neighbors of high enough class to care enough to spread rumors.” 

“It’s the principle of the thing, Victor. You can’t just share a bed with a woman you’ve only just started courting.”

“I don’t think courting is the right term--”

“Then are you engaged?” He frowned. 

“Something in between, I think. Look, she’s very clear when she draws the line on things. I can’t imagine she would keep it from me if she were uncomfortable with that.” 

“How didn’t you know about the tattoos then?”

“What?”

“Were you aware of the mark on her ankle?” 

“Not at all. I’ve not spent a lot of time doing inappropriate things like trying to get at her legs. I haven’t paid that much attention. Typically I look at her face when we’re interacting.” 

“Fine then.” He shrugged, dropping his frustrated tone. “So long as you aren’t making her uncomfortable.”

“I wouldn’t do so unless it was unintentional--”

“Boys, I can’t hear what you’re saying, but your tone suggests you’re arguing. Do I need to come break something up?” Roe said suddenly, looking over at them. 

“Not at all.” Henry shook his head. “We were just--”

“Heated discussion about the pace of things, is all. Henry doesn’t think we’re working quickly enough.” 

She stood, marking her book and stepping into the room. “Fair enough. Let’s get back to it then. All hands on deck.”

By the time they’d finished up the foyer it was late into the night, and Roe waited outside for Victor to lock up, talking with Henry a ways down the road. He didn’t seem near as judgemental or angry with her, as they were joking and picking on each other as usual. She waved him goodnight as Victor approached, linking her arm with his and starting in the other direction. “Did Henry seem in a bad mood to you tonight?”

She tipped her head. “No, I don’t think so. He did seem to be in a hurry. Perhaps he’s working on something?”

“I’m not sure he’s happy with the way we’re handling things.” 

She frowned. “Meaning?”

Victor hesitated. “He mentioned to me that sharing a bed was improper.”

“Not to sound as if I’m insulting his manner of birth, but...what gives Henry the authority to speak on proper relationships? Have you ever known him to be in one? His father practically left he and his mother to the streets.”

“I know. I wasn’t agreeing with him.”

“I didn’t assume you were.” She sighed. “He’s just...I’m concerned that he’s giving me a facade he isn’t giving you. I’m worried about him.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Roe.”

“I suppose.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Maybe he’ll lighten up once the practice is ready and he can go back to his work full time.”

“Here’s hoping.”


	24. Stone, Borne of Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo big reveal time

Victor found Roe mid argument with Travis the next time he stepped into her lab. She stood by the back hallway doors as he yelled at her from the upper platform next to her desk. “You’ve the only room in the entire city that could contain a homunculus and you won’t even share!”

“That is not what that room is for.” She snapped. 

“No--” Travis frowned. “That’s exactly what it was made for! Don and his father built it so that it could contain one if it was ever made correctly. You know very well they’d be invariably strong, able to overpower and destroy just about any living creature, and would have to be contained until it could be trained.” 

“And it will never be used for that purpose again.” She frowned. “Absolutely not, Travis.”

“Then you set it amongst the world. Then should I succeed, it’s your fault if I cannot contain it.”

She gave him a look of irritation. “You will not put that on me.” 

He stepped down to look her in the eye. “If you let me in that room, I won’t have to.”

“No, Travis, you misunderstand. You will not ever be able to successfully convince me that if you bring something about that will destroy anything, that destruction was on my hands for not helping you contain it. That is not my job. Build your own damn fortress.”

“Roelia, I swear to god, if you don’t let me into that room, I’ll have to get in myself.”

Victor frowned, stepping forward. “How so?” 

Travis turned to him. “Oh, your guard dog’s here. Dandy. Look,  _ Doctor _ , why don’t you show some decency and take your happy ass home and--”

“What sort of decent behavior is this, then? Arguing with a lady in her own home?” 

“Roelia, tell him this is Alchemist business, would you? I fear he’s too dull to know to listen to me.”

“Travis, enough.” Roe frowned. She seemed well past frustrated. How long had they been arguing before he arrived? She sighed, exasperated. “You may use the room. You won’t make any progress anyway.”

“And your supplies?”

“Bring your own.”

“You know it’s not feasible without…” He looked at Victor and frowned. ”Well, you know.”

“Then figure out the recipe yourself.” She snapped, stepping away from the door. “Make your own philosopher’s stone, you stupid bastard.” Travis eyed Roe, slamming the door behind him. Pebbles whimpered and trotted to her side as she stepped up to her desk, sitting and flicking open her notebook angrily. Victor frowned, sitting across from her. “Are you alright?”

“No.” She snapped, hands rising to her temples. “I am so very not. It’s Don all over again.”

Pebbles trotted to Victor’s side, whining and nudging his leg, ear wings flapping frantically, nervous. He scratched the chimera’s head, glancing up at Roe, who was writing quickly and harshly, more angry than he’d ever seen her. Even as she’d told Henry to leave her lab, even as she’d expressed her distaste with them comparing her to Lily--this was all the more worse. “Why did you give in to him?”

“What good does it do to tell him no? If I have to kill every single failed homunculus that is brought into this world I will. Them being in my lab just makes it easier to do so.”

“Can you stop him?”

“If I prevent him from using the stone, they’ll all be...made...born...whatever it may be...weak and they’ll die.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Then they will die anyway.” She hissed. “You don’t understand, Victor. I will go to any lengths to ensure that these...unliving...things--do not make it into this existence. Things that were once dead are nothing in comparison to something that should have never been alive.”

“Roe...you shouldn’t put such a sin on your back.”

“It is a mercy.” She snapped, dropping her pen, pressing her hands to her face. “No sin, only a favor.” 

“Should he steal a stone?” Victor frowned, his voice low. 

“He won’t get the one he wants. He’ll never find access.”

“You’re sure?” He shook his head. “How can you know?”

“He’d have to cut me open.” Roe glared at him. “And I don’t see Travis coming at me with a scalpel, do you?”

“What?” He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The final stone is only as strong as it is because it was bore in flesh. That is a necessity.”

“And so Don used yours?”

“He intended to, with my permission.” She offered. “After all, it’s safe with me. I would not use it for nefarious purposes like others might.”

“And how exactly would you use it at all? Where is it embedded?”

Roe stared at Victor a moment, before leaning back in her chair, pointing to the space just above her right breast. “It’s fleshy enough to hold something without damaging the incubator, and the stone itself is thin enough that it’s like another layer of skin.” She paused, stepping toward the back hall door, sealing it. When she returned, Roe unclipped her dress top, pulling it down over her shoulders. She pressed her fingers to where she’d pointed. There was a black, thinly lined tattoo in this space, a symbol that Victor recognized from her alchemical tomes and notes, a circle within a square, that square within a triangle, all encased in another circle. They were basic elemental symbols, mixed together. She inhaled sharply, and the flesh folded outward, like the petals of a fresh bloom, a small amount of blood leaking from it as she opened a wound, revealing a bright red glowing stone, shimmering with the wetness of her blood and the low light flickering off of it’s own crevices. “Bore in flesh, able to create flesh.” She started to close the wound, though Victor was not sure how, the skin growing back over the stone, leaving nothing but the blood that had already leaked from her. She wiped it away on a cloth. 

“So what does it do? What is its purpose?”

“Only the one who incubated it can typically use its powers, but I can create and rend flesh by sacrificing nothing but my own energy. That would make a homunculus successful, or heal any wound, be it fatal or not.” She paused. “That means wounds I’ve received myself are trivial to heal, but any wounds anyone else might have can be repaired using it. If someone were to take it from me, implant it in themselves, they would gain similar power.” The wound on her leg that she’d been so secretive about. That was how it’d gone away so quickly.

“And...you just choose not to use this?” Victor frowned. 

“Not at all.” She shook her head. “I do use it. It consumes my energy as I do, so it often does it’s work while I sleep. I can’t use it on command, at least not on myself. Did you not understand why this is...not exactly a blessing?”

Victor frowned. “No, I suppose not.”

“It takes my energy to use it. To use it too much, with no ability to recharge, or to use too much at once would kill me. But Don put this in me with the full knowledge that I would never use it.”

“Why didn’t he put it in himself if he was attempting to do what it makes feasible?”

“According to him, I would be a better judge by the time the stone was ready. I don’t know if he thought I would switch to his way of thinking, but I have not, and I do not feel I ever will. Mind you, one of these takes years to grow, and even this one inside me is not at its full power. Likely it will only grow stronger with time, perhaps eventually consuming all of my energy passively in the process.”

“If that starts to happen, I’ll cut it out of you myself.” Victor frowned. “I’m not allowing that.”

“If that starts to happen, you won’t have to. It’ll mean it’s ready. I’ll ensure it comes out before it starts to kill me, don’t worry.”

“Why did Don keep trying without the stone if he knew it was the only way it would work?”

“Because he was a desperate, impatient man.” She frowned. “As is Travis. I...only want to be able to help people. The stone holds no bearing on me.”

“I know.” He nodded, a hand on her arm. “Henry wanted to continue working on the practice, but this is more important. I’ll stay until Travis is gone for the night.”

“I...appreciate it.” She frowned. “But don’t waste too much of your time on me.”

“Never a waste.” Victor smiled at her, trying to sound reassuring despite what he’d just learned about Roe. Why hadn’t she told him before now? Why hadn’t she thought she could trust him with this?

Victor supposed it didn’t really matter, so long as she was safe. 

Travis didn’t leave until the early morning hours, and when he did, he was silent. Roe was quick to stand and go into the back hall. She returned after a moment, shaking her head. She crossed to the exit, opening the door and calling after him. “Nothing accomplished at all. No reason whatsoever for wasting my time!” She turned back to the room, and Victor looked at her sympathetically. “What is it?” She frowned. 

“Was there really nothing?”

“I don’t know why he’s bothering.”

“Because he thought he’d be able to use your research.”

“And my safe room.” She nodded. “I would imagine he doesn’t come back until he’s made more progress on his own.”

“Ah, even better, then.” 

She sighed, smiling softly. “I’m worrying too much, aren’t I?”

“Perhaps.” He stood, taking her hands in his. “I think whatever happens in there is none of your responsibility. I think whatever he manages to accomplish is on him, and he’ll live with whatever it does to him. I don’t think it’s your job to ensure that it doesn’t get out, or doesn’t harm him, or doesn’t exist. It’s not your responsibility to quench his thirst for knowledge, or assist him. Especially when it hurts you like this.”

“I know.” She nodded. “But sometimes we do things that are not our responsibility to do--sometimes we do them for the good of everyone--protect people from having to see the horrors of our accomplishments.” She sighed, pressing her forehead into his shoulder. Victor wrapped his arms around her back, holding her as she spoke into his shoulder. “When the days of organized alchemy were still new, One had been building armies. When he was unable to create homunculi, he would kill people in order to reform their flesh, make them bigger, stronger, more destructive. They're called Golems. The order decided that what he was doing was the opposite of what alchemy was meant to accomplish.” She slid off of his shoulder, moving back to her desk. “He was being selfish, trying to make gold from simple metal. Once the order was instated, the goals of medieval alchemists were dropped in the hope that we could become a medical science. Using alchemy for purely selfish reasons was deemed a punishable offense.”

“And you see Homunculi the same way.”

“Not always.” She shrugged. “But I do think those that make it their goal to do the impossible will only rip and rape their way to their answers--and most of the time, they will die before they get them. It is not worth it. What would an alchemist even do if they discovered one of the impossible questions? Would they share it? Would they use it for their own purposes? Would they even be forthcoming with the knowledge to their own students?” She shook her head. “Do you know why I feel so much guilt over Don’s death? Over killing his masterpieces over and over again?”

“I hadn’t assumed you did. You seemed rather unremorsed.”

“It...it’s the facade I like to portray.” She smiled sheepishly. “But he took me in. He offered to teach me all he knew. He included me in things, the way any true alchemist should. It showed that he truly did wish to accomplish his goal for something that would benefit more than himself. Even if it was only me as well, he did a good thing for me, treated me well. Never asked me to do anything for him to make up for it. And what did I do to him? I destroyed his work. I took pity on him when he did not earn such a disdain. No, Vic, I wasn’t asked to do anything in return for him, and he killed himself in spite of it. Most would assume that means there’s no way his death was my fault, but when you throw in me killing his creations, who else could have been responsible?”

“Roe...you did not kill Don.”

“But I killed his work. Was Don ever really more than his work?”

“I...could not attest to that.”

She nodded, a sigh on her breath. “I know it’s not my fault. It can’t be anyone’s but his own. I just want to know that I would not be doing the same thing to Travis. I wonder if I should just...let him do what he will.”

Victor sat, considering his words carefully. “If it doesn’t come into the world screaming, do you still hate it? If it’s not obviously unhappy, how do you feel about it?”

“Doesn’t matter. There has never been a case where these things came into life not already dying.”

“And yet, a success would be one that does.”

“Then I suppose you give it a chance at life. If what it has can even be considered such. What makes them different from rocks and dirt if they have nothing in them that can be compared to a soul?”

“I don’t know. But neither would you if you did not give them the option of life.” He sighed. “So kill the inbetweens, the ones that suffer. But don’t take to murdering things to protect them. How different is that from aborting a child, Roe?”

“It’s not.” She snapped. “And I know that. And I know that I’d be too weak to kill anything with a conscious existence. I just don’t think that’s ever going to be realistic. What I have done until now does not make me an abortionist.”

“I know. I do not mean to change how you live.”

She looked at him, mouth agape. “No, I know. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to take it like that.”

“I only wish for you to be happy.”

She paused, considering the notion. “I know. And I am. Thank you...You look tired. You should head home.”

“I could stay.”

“I...yes. You could.” She nodded. “I...really do want to finish some things up before I retire.” 

“Of course.” Victor nodded to her, stepping down toward her room, stopping in the doorway to watch her take up a plant stone through the crack in the doorway. She turned it over in her hands, writing something down in her journal before placing it in a flask with some sort of chemical in it. The stone grew considerably, stretching thinner as it did. She nodded quietly to herself, tipping her head as she pulled it from the flask and examined it. She placed it atop another flask, the bright flash of transmutation going off. Roe lifted the flask, shaking the now liquified form, watching as it coagulated into a gel. She didn’t seem satisfied, and Victor decided that as interesting as it was to watch her work, he should probably get some rest. It felt like such a waste now to go to bed without her, now that they were content being so close. 


	25. Encroach

He was already asleep when she retired, stirring only as she placed a hand on his shoulder, nuzzling into his arm. She seemed exhausted as ever, and Victor fought sleep to press his hand atop her own. “Everything alright?” 

She nodded softly. “Sorry I’m so late.” 

“Sorry I couldn’t entice you to bed earlier.” He nestled his head atop hers. She seemed to lay lower than he, perhaps to give him the opportunity to feel taller than her. She smiled at his touch, seeming to know just as well as he did that his flirtations were empty at the moment. He’d not yet gathered the courage to attempt to bed her. He wanted to make it an experience that one could not mock this time. His stomach turned at the thought of Lily’s berating him, but soon settled as Roe leaned closer to press her lips to his. She nestled back in place, falling asleep almost immediately. Victor wondered when the thoughts of how Lily had wronged him, and how he’d done the same to her, would fade. Roe and she were very different--there was little to no reason to compare the two, so now it wasn’t about that. It was more about the fact that she haunted him still. He really did wish to give his all to Roelia, but it was difficult while still hurting over Lily. 

He worried a bit, as well, about the stone Roe had shown him. If this had never been done before, how was she to know it would be safe to remove?  _ Had _ it been the first time? When did Don discover this was the answer? Why had he placed such a burden on her? It was cruel, to give her the ability to commit such miracles with the knowledge that she would never use it. What had he planned to do with her once she was done growing the thing inside of her? Victor wondered if Roe had not seen through Don’s kindness to see a betrayal on the horizon. For that, also, he worried for her. Was it not his job now, to protect her and keep her safe? Was that not the decision they’d made by growing close? Should his creation return, Victor knew he would kill him in an instant to protect Roelia, and despite his attachment to Lily...probably her as well, now that he thought about it. When had Roe become more important to him than Lily? Was it only after releasing her from Henry’s lab? Or was it even before then, without him knowing it? University? Hearing her advise him on Lily’s situation? Did it matter? And how was Victor supposed to go about protecting her? He’d already decided to lay low from everything he’d experienced under Sir Malcolm. It wasn’t worth it, not with his own problems. Moving into a normal life, opening the practice, would that be enough to protect Roe and he both? Would it even matter, with her place in the world of alchemy?

Victor couldn’t help but wonder if he shouldn’t have gotten involved with her again, either. It was too late now, and he was realizing as the minutes passed just how deeply he loved her, but her existence was dangerous to his normal lifestyle. He didn’t want to give her up, but she certainly wasn’t going to give up her life’s work, either. Roe shifted a bit, leaning into Victor’s chest as he turned toward her, cradling her shoulders against him. He just wanted her safe. 

By morning, Roe was up and around at the break of dawn, standing with Travis in the main office, shaking her head and looking at his notes. Victor stood, getting dressed and quietly exiting her quarters, returning to his seat at the desk across from Roe’s. Travis turned to him. “Sleep well?” He offered. “I imagine it’s nice to sleep next to someone.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, sighing. “Back to do more research in Roe’s lab so that you can make her feel helpless in stopping you all day?”

“No, actually.” He sighed dramatically. “Roelia is helping me select a candidate for an assistant.” 

“Because Missy is travelling?”

“Seems so.” He glared at Roe. “She was going to be such a great assistant.”

“And now she will be a great alchemist, instead. Maybe if you keep slacking, we’ll demote you, and later you can be hers.” Roe nodded, handing Travis the book, climbing up to the desk and smiling at Victor. “Are you alright?” 

“Fine, of course.” He nodded. “I was thinking...we should get lunch somewhere in the sunlight. Get out of these tunnels.”

“I so like my tunnels.” She chirped. “But if you’d like.”

Victor stood, grasping her hands in his, and she smiled more to herself than him as she glanced at his touch. He tipped his head, silently calling her out on her schoolgirl like response. Roe didn’t let the smile fade, pulling him closer, lifting his hands to meet her shoulders, nudging his temple with her nose. 

“You two are disgusting.” Travis frowned, looking up at them with a hand on his hip, weight resting on his other as it pressed against a table. “Take it elsewhere.” 

“This is my lab.” Roe frowned. "We're not in public. This is plenty decent."

“Spitting on Don’s grave is what it is.”

Victor turned to him. “Care to elaborate?”

“She didn’t tell you? About that man following her like a puppy for two years?” Travis tilted his brow. As he looked at Roe, she seemed just about as confused as he was. 

“Roe told me they were uninvolved.”

Travis shrugged. “I mean, I suppose Roe ignoring his feelings makes them uninvolved, sure, but it doesn’t mean you’re not desecrating his memory by--”

“What are you talking about, Trav?” Roe frowned. 

He seemed somewhere between offended and confused. “Roelia, Don used to come by our lab every other day talking about how interested in you he was, despite the fact that you ignored his flirtations. You telling me that you weren’t doing that on purpose?”

“Not...no.” She frowned. “Don and I were partners in Alchemic study, not lovers in any sense.”

“You went that entire time not realizing he was trying to--” Travis shook his head. “You can’t be serious. You’re messing with me.”

“Travis, I am serious. If that was the case I had no idea whatsoever. It’s not like I don’t recognize flirtation, but I--I would have never considered he saw us as more than peers. That aside, I’m sure that faded after I started destroying his work.”

“No, it didn’t.” He sighed. “It honestly probably just made it worse.”

She shook her head, turning to the exit. “I don’t understand the point of telling me this now--” 

“Because you, standing around admiring whatever you see in this bloke isn’t exactly respectful of--”

“You want me to be respectful of a dead man’s feelings that he was never brave enough to reveal to me?” She turned to Travis, anger seeping into her voice. “After he recognized my disinterest in both he and his work, and he continued to put effort into both flirtations I did not recognize nor want, and creating monsters? No.” She shook her head. “I’m not respecting Don’s memory by stunting my own life. You deemed this lab Deopham property yourself. I suggest you start seeing it as such.” She left the lab, sighing as they stepped up into the daylight. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Victor frowned. “I believe you. It’s not as if you would have been dishonest.”

She paused, fist to her lip. “I just--how do you not realize these things? I work with him for years and according to Travis--”

“If you weren’t interested, you had no reason to consider it.”

“I...suppose you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“No need.” Victor tried to look reassuring, positive that he wasn’t very good at it. She recognized his effort and smiled at him, nodding. “So, put that out of your mind. Lunch?” 

“Of course.” She laughed. “Still a bit early.” 

“Would you prefer to do something else until it’s a better lunch hour?” 

“Did you have something in mind?” 

It occurred to Victor that no, he didn’t. What was there to do this early in the morning? He frowned. “Any suggestions?” 

“I’ve need to check on Des, if you don’t mind. It’s been a while.”

“That’s the dressmaker, yes?”

“She prefers seamstress, as she works with men’s fashion as well, but yes.”

“Sure. That’s nearby, isn’t it?”


	26. Civil Morning

Desdemonna was quick to look up from the front desk, barking. “Not open. Give me an hour.” 

“Just me, Des.” Roe said, stepping closer. 

“Ah, Roe! Did the dress fit?”

“It did.”

“And I see your friend is still around. Good for you to have at least one. Did you like the color on her?”

Victor looked up, surprised at her addressing him. “It’s darker than her typical, but it certainly doesn’t look bad.”

Her voice was cunning. “Listen to him, ‘doesn’t look bad’. I’d wager a large bet that it had you drooling. My work is very good.” She seemed to catch herself. “Ah, but I suppose men don’t typically drool over their friends. What can I do for the two of you?”

Roe smiled at her. “I wanted to ensure you were doing alright. How’s business?”

“Booming as always, Roelia. Mr. Welling came by, said you were appointed Master?”

Victor turned to Roe. Desdemonna knew about the alchemy? “I was.”

“So good that someone worthwhile took over my father’s lab. I’m happy he took you in.”

“I as well.”

“I visited Andoniram’s grave the other day. Still disappointing we don’t have his bones.”

“You’re well aware that they are in the lab, should you want them.”

“Yes, but we’d have to reverse grave-thieve. I don’t think that would be right.”

“Fair enough. Should you ever want to, Victor worked with a resurrectionist. I would bet he knew someone who could slip the skeleton in place.”

“Oh, I don’t know if it’s all that important.” She sighed. “Well, regardless, I’m the only Smear left. I didn’t take on the family madness, so I suppose my nice little dress shop will have to honor them in my own way. That said, will I be tailoring any large white bell dresses for you anytime soon? Have you been seeing anyone?”

“Ah--” She paused. “Victor and I have recently become involved, but I don’t think there’s any need for all that.”

“Oh, you do know just how to spoil the fun, don’t you?” She pointed at Victor. “I knew, though. From the first moment you set foot in this shop. The way you looked at her told me that something very deep in you cared for her. So, perhaps you should tell me when that bell gown needs to be made.”

“I--don’t think we’re far enough involved that you--”

Roe caught his nervousness, responding to Des’ forward response with much more grace than he was capable. “We’ll be sure to let you know, but I wouldn’t count on it for a long while.”

“Taking things slow, are we? Now, Roe, I told you, that little film has to go away eventually!!”

She stared at Desdemona for a moment, then as if suddenly catching her meaning mumbled, “Christ.” Roe shook her head, covering her face with a hand. “You’re really no good at hiding your vulgarity.”

She looked at Victor. “Just no fun, I’m telling you. I hope you’re equally as unfun as her, because otherwise you’ll never be able to say an improper word around her.” She laughed. “She turns so red the minute I attempt to speak on my experience. She absolutely will not--”

“Des, if you can’t behave, I have to leave.”

She waved a hand. “Oh, fine. Have it your way. It was good of you to drop by. Do tell me if either of you require any sort of repairs.”

“Of course.” Roe nodded. “And let me know if anything comes up.”

“Most definitely. Certainly won’t be calling Mr. Welling.” 

They took the long way to a good tea house, looking now toward breakfast rather than lunch. It surprised Victor how easy it was to lose the sense of time in the tunnels. He’d have to pay closer attention to his watch. Roelia would stop on occasion to look into a shop window--typically those selling plants or gemstones--but pass it by without a second thought. “If something catches your interest--”

“I need some peppermint. Nina is complaining of headaches. I’ve not seen any, though. It’s out of season at the moment and I used up most of it on a patron.”

“I meant for you.” He stopped. “If you’d like something personal, let me know.”

She blinked at him, seeming surprised. “Ah--no, that’s quite alright. I don’t think you have to gift me anything, Vic. I’m not that vain.”

“Nothing to do with your vanity. I’d like to get you something if you’re interested.”

Roe nodded, but didn’t respond vocally, probably not willing to allow him to do so.

They took seats at the teahouse, Roelia looking more tired than usual. “You should rest, you’re looking exhausted lately.”

“Babysitting Travis is a job in and of itself, and I’ve got plenty of my own work to do on top of it.” She chuckled. “Thank you for your concern, but I really am fine.”

“Are you going to be back to general research now that the busy season is over?”

“Yes, I need to check in with Nina and see how Pebbles is coming along. She seems concerned about his rate of growth.”

“Is he not big enough?” Victor frowned, thinking back to the dogs he’d had in his childhood. Losing them had always been a sad experience. 

“Too big. Bigger than his breed usually is. It’s fine, I just need to see what could be causing it, and if it has to do with my alchemical energy output. Don’t want to overdo it.”

“I see. Is that dangerous?”

“Certainly not like your electricity.” She laughed. “It won’t be making anything explode, but it may cause some accidental genetic mutations or something. I’m not worried, but he’s the longest living chimera yet, and I’d like to monitor him as best I can.”

“Sounding like a real scientist again.” He smiled at her. “Sometimes I forget.”

“That I’m a scientist? Not sure how.”

“Because sometimes to me, you’re just Roelia. Has nothing to do with your profession.”

“Just Roelia.” She repeated. “Must be boring when I’m like that. Am I dull?”

“Never.”

“Hmm.” She frowned, mocking. “I’m not convinced. Aren’t I interesting because of my differences?”

“Your differences are more than just that of the research or the curatives. You’re quite distinguished even among your class.”

“And tall.” She snipped. “And twig-like. And a tad obnoxious.” 

“All of those things aside from the last. You say them like they’re negative.”

“Most think so. I don’t. But most do. But I suppose I never considered them interesting. Just parts of who I am.” 

“Are you concerned about what others think now? You weren’t in university.”

“Still not.” She mumbled flatly. “No reason for it. Other people don’t matter. That’s not what I care about. Not unless it’s actively hurting them.”

“That’s good. You shouldn’t care. Those things are plenty interesting to me, but it’s not typically physical traits that draw me to you.”

“No, I wouldn’t think it was. You seem much more entranced by how obnoxious I am.” 

“You’re not!” He laughed. “You’re a delight to be around.”

She shook her head, as if she didn’t believe him. 

Victor bade her goodbye as he decided to visit Henry, watching her trot in the other direction, looking to be in a much better mood than she had been. She gained giggles and looks from many people as they passed, just as she always had, solely due to her strange height. He smiled at how she took it in stride, ignoring them or nodding politely.

“She’s surprisingly graceful around her patrons.” Victor sighed, finishing up dusting a shelf, replacing the books.

Henry shrugged. “Roelia is graceful at all times. It’s in her blood.” 

“Her colleague Travis said her previous mentor was enamored with her.”

“Oh?” 

“She wasn’t aware, it seems.”

“You sure?”

“She seemed genuinely surprised.” He shrugged. “I see no reason for her to have lied. She turned down a patron on the platform that she was involved with me.” 

“That’s good at least.” Henry nodded. “Can you pass me that?” He pointed at a vial, which Victor handed to him. “Are you happy with the development?”

“Plenty.” He nodded. “I wish she would let me do more for her.”

“Roelia is rather used to doing things on her own. She’s probably not elated with the idea of having someone to do things for her. What were you intending?”

“I offered to buy her something. She seemed very resistant.” 

“That sounds like her.” He shrugged. “You’ll likely just have to bring a gift to her if you’d like to buy one for her.” 

“When we first met up again I offered to pay for a dress she was buying. She never did send me the bill.”

“As I said, sounds like her.”

“I just feel as though I should be doing something normal for her. Seems odd not to act like normal couples.”

“Roelia isn’t normal.”

“Yes, I’m aware, it’s just...I wish she would allow me to dote, a little.”

“I think doting is probably her gimmick, sport. She’s much better at it than you are.”

“I’d like to ensure she’s happy.”

Henry shrugged. “Can’t imagine she wouldn’t let you know if she isn’t.” 


	27. Rooftop

Henry walked into Roe’s lab, Victor close behind. Roe was seated at her desk, which was empty of any work, a bottle of wine and a glass replacing it. She seemed to be alone, flicking through a novel. “Where’s Nina?” Henry tried, and Roe looked up flatly, then shrugged. 

“She wanted to go shopping, so I let her. I could use some time to myself.”

“Ah, she’s drunk again.” Henry smirked. 

“Would you like us to leave?” Victor frowned. He was right. She didn’t sound anywhere close to sober, despite her poise remaining. 

“No, that’s fine.” She shrugged, kicking the chair across the desk out. Victor joined her at the top of the dias, Henry leaning against a worktable. “Why’d you come?” She frowned at him. 

“Dunno, thought I’d visit.” He frowned back. “I could leave, too, clearly you’re having a moment.”

“Are you alright?” Victor tipped his head at her, and she shrugged again. 

“You don’t need to babysit. Just because I’m drinking doesn’t mean there’s something the matter. I just needed a break. It’s good to close the lab for a while.” She smiled, as if realizing she should be smiling for the first time since they’d entered. 

“How many glasses have you had?” Henry stepped up the stairs, crossing his arms at her.

“I’m on my second bottle, Hen. So sue me.” 

“She’ll be good and loosened up for you, Victor.”

“I still have the strength to shove you down those steps.” She frowned. “And I will. Don’t tempt me.”

“Feisty as usual.” He laughed. 

After a few hours had passed, Henry decided to head home, having finished off Roe’s second bottle for her. She was sitting quietly, eyes shut and hands folded in her lap while Victor sorted some of her books back onto their usual shelves. She’d alphabetized her books the entire time he’d known her, so he could at least do that for her. She spoke suddenly, breaking him out of his concentration. “Does that suit you?”

“Sorry?”

“You don’t have to sort my things.”

“Would you like me to refrain?”

“It’s fine, you just don’t have to.”

He smiled at her. “I’m glad to assist. Gives me something to do.” 

“I’m sorry I’ve not been very entertaining.” She chuckled. 

“Not at all.” He joined her at the desk again, looking her over. “I love you, you know that, right?” 

She opened her eyes now, blinking at him. “I do, and I as well.”

“May I ask you something?”

“You may, but…” She paused, tipping her brow downward. “You should know that you’re worrying me.”

“Nothing to worry over, Roe.” He shook his head. “You do not feel as if I force you to dote on me?”

“Not at all.” She smiled. “I do it because I care.” 

“Then you understand why I feel as if I’d like to do something for you as well, now and again.”

“I understand it.” Roe laughed. “But honestly, Vic, I don’t require such notions to understand how you feel about me.”

“Then you misunderstand my reasons. It isn’t proof, it’s...an expression.” 

“I don’t mean to snub you.” She sighed. “It’s just some adaptation for me. I’ve been by myself a long while--I’m happy to do everything for myself that I should need without assistance.”

“So you’d not be angry should I do so without asking?”

“Not at all. I just won’t be making any requests.” She sighed, more to herself than him. “I’m sobering up, it seems. Must be getting late.” 

“It is.” He nodded. “Would you like to turn in?” 

Roe stood, shaking her head, starting toward the entrance hall. Victor followed her as they exited the pharmacy, confused as to where she was going. She started up a ladder onto the roof of the pharmacy building, sitting atop, staring ahead at the few city lights still on. Victor joined her, sitting and waiting for her to speak. “This is better. Some fresh air.”

“Is that all you needed?” Victor laughed, looking her over again. Her breathing was uneven, and for a moment, Victor found himself worried for her health, until it was clear that she was emotional. Roe’s gray eyes were fully visible in the streetlight, and she looked more tired and upset than he’d seen her in a long while--even her two week stint away from the lab seemed less melancholy. He placed a hand to her knee. “Roelia--what’s the matter?” 

He knew she was going to lie to him as she spoke, shaking her head and drawing a breath. “I’m just overworked, Vic. Sorry.” 

“No.” He frowned. She couldn’t keep hiding herself from him like this. “It’s not that.”

Roe looked at him fully now, sighing quietly, smiling. “You’re right. It isn’t.”

He considered her. “It’s Don, yes?” 

“Perceptive.” She chuckled, her voice teasing. 

“Did you truly not know how he felt?” 

“I didn’t.” 

“Then there is nothing to beat yourself up over.”

“I know. So I’m not.” She nodded. “And yet, I somehow feel as if I should be upset over it. I fear I’m not processing the news as I should be. At first I thought Travis was merely trying to upset me, but now that I look at our interactions in that light, I find it to be very obvious.”

“Do you feel as if you’re betraying him?”

“Not at all.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“It makes me feel stupid, childish perhaps, for not realizing.” 

“I don’t think you’re either of those things. You were uninterested, so you had no reason to consider him in that way. Do you regret not noticing sooner?”

“I think it’s a blessing that I didn’t. Doesn’t mean it isn’t weighing me down now that I have.”

“How so?”

“Guilt, mostly. I could have at least let him down more easily. I probably could have been much more kind to Don than I was on a lot of matters.”

“Is that the reason for drinking?”

“No, that’s just tradition.” She shook her head, smiling. “Busy season ends and I have some drinks. The wine probably made me think about it a little more, but that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s good to process things openly like this. You don’t feel threatened by a dead man, do you?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Why would I be? Doesn’t do any good. You were never interested anyway. Interest of others doesn’t make me feel as nervous as it might if you were to seem open to it.”

She looked at him, skeptical. “I’m not sure I believe that. You’re a very envious man.”

“I am. But Don is gone and he’d never expressed anything to you plainly. I’d prefer to not consider it. I’m not worried about you taking off on me. Just concerned for what others might do to convince you they’re a better option.”

“I love you to death, Vic, and even you I tried to deny before ensuring it was safe. Casual flings are definitely not my usual stint. I’m very bad at this sort of venture, but not so bad I’m easily won over. I’m on the other end of that spectrum, I fear.”

He nodded, and Roe leaned back onto the roofing, sighing loudly. She groaned. “Agh, I drank far too much. It’s almost disappointing the stone keeps me from being able to complain about a hangover in the morning. It would be such a good excuse.”

“Not wanting to work?” Victor turned to her. “We could go somewhere else and stay the night. Then your lab will be locked and you’ll have an excuse.”

“What kind of excuse?” She laughed. “That I went home?”

“I needed you.” He shrugged. “Put it on my weaknesses. Emergency kratom delivery or something of that nature.”

Roe laughed. “Yes! Absolutely. You call, I show up drunk as a Fool on Wednesday and we proceed to be as crude and vulgar as Des suggests. That’s just a grand idea, Vic. Give everyone someone to chatter about for the next week.”

“Fine. What excuse would you use?”

“Oh.” She sighed. “Well, honestly, that one.” 

“Not as sober as you assumed.” He mumbled. “I think you need to sleep some of those intoxicants off.” Victor stood, reaching a hand toward her, and she started to take it, pulling her hand away before doing so. He sighed good-naturedly at her, shaking his head. “Can you stand?”

“I can.” She mumbled, her tone giving a challenge. 

“Do you not wish to?”

“Hmm...” She considered it, making a show of her thinking. “Well, I mean, you’re standing. So I suppose it would only be polite to.”

“However…?”

“Fine, fine.” She sighed, waving a hand, reaching toward him. He grasped her wrist, and then she swept her other hand up to meet them, grunting quietly with the effort of standing as he pulled her to her feet. She sighed, sounding tired, suddenly nestling against Victor, leaning onto the crown of his head, arms wrapped around his neck and cradling his head against her clavicle. He sighed gently, wrapping his arms around her back. 

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just--very glad you’re here.” Roe mumbled. “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course.” He shook his head. “I hadn’t realize you felt you needed me--”

“_ Not _ \--” She paused, voice sharp. “Not ‘ _ need _’. I want you here. But I’m okay, it’s just nice to have someone to spend time with. If I needed you, you would know.” She paused. “Let’s get off of this rickety old roof before we fall through.” 

Victor nodded, stepping away from her, letting her down the ladder before following. 


	28. Rest

They returned to Roe’s home, Sara shaking her head and smiling at her as she stepped in. She waited for Roe to climb the stairs, then looked at Victor. “Do ensure she doesn’t hit her head or something.”

“Of course.” 

Sara stared at him for a moment and then pointed a finger. “And also--please respect her modesty.”

He nodded, surprised at Sara’s sudden protectiveness against him. “Yes.”

“Good. I won’t have another night sitting with her over cruel treatment from a man.”

“Me either.” He frowned. 

“I’m sorry, Victor, dear, I trust you with her, I just--it concerns me when she considers the men she’s so friendly to with such little caution.”

“I appreciate your trust. I’ll ensure she’s safely in bed before I leave.”

“Oh, I don’t know about all that.” Sara laughed. “I’m going back home. You may stay however long she allows you. She isn’t my daughter.” 

Victor entered her room, though not before knocking, Roe having already changed and working through her hair with a comb. She looked at him, smiling and rolling her neck casually. 

“Sara warned me.” He tipped his head. “She’s concerned for your modesty.”

“I’m not exactly undressing in front of you.” She mumbled. “That aside, not as if you haven’t seen plenty of female anatomy.”

“You say that as if I’m sleeping around.” He shook his head, removing his jacket and starting on his vest. 

“Well, I meant in your work.” She chuckled. “But I suppose cadavers don’t count.” She paused. “Ah, no--that’s...sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. He certainly wasn’t allowed to be offended. She didn’t mean Lily, and he knew that. Even if she had, she was right. It wasn’t exactly proper. He tried not to think of her as a corpse, but it didn’t change the fact that she was, in some sense, a cadaver. “I know what you meant.” He frowned. “It’s not the same, though.”

“Isn’t it?” She chirped. “I assure you, darling, I have all of the same parts those anatomical models do, and nothing extra.” 

He let a laugh escape him, turning to her and shaking his head. “Not in that way.”

“Ah, you mean to say that you’re embarrassed about it. It’s not just Sara that’s worried for my modesty.” She stood, leaning against the windowsill, arms crossed, smile still hanging on her face. 

“Of course.” He nodded. Roe nodded back, tipping her head at him. “What is it?”

“Just looking at you.” She shrugged. “I’m impressed.”

“Sorry?”

“You’re looking quite healthy. I’m glad for it.”

“As am I. It’s good to feel as if I need the narcotics less.”

“Your eating habits have improved as well. Your mood also.”

“That may be more about you than the treatments.”

“You really are quite charming when in love.” She laughed. “Fun to watch.” Roe shrugged again, as if shoving the notion aside, yawning into her arm. “And as much as I’d love to watch you do more, I should rest.” 

“I can leave if you--”

“Absolutely not.” She sighed. “I’m going to go to bed, and if you’re not still here in the morning--I dunno, I’ll have to come to your lab and pout at you or something.” 

He chuckled at her, nodding. “I’ll join you momentarily.” 

Roe was nestled up to her chin by the time Victor had finished washing up and joined her, sitting next to her under the covers. She inched her head closer to his hip without looking at him, and stared at the top of her canopy, concentrating deeply. “What is it?”

“I’m unsure what to say to you, almost.” 

“Is something wrong?”

“Well, no, it’s just--I’d like to ensure I don’t upset you.”

This must’ve been about her cadaver comment. “You’ve not upset me.”

“Not yet, but I hope I don’t later.”

“I’m not worried that you will. Just say whatever comes to mind, and we can discuss it when it does upset me.”

“I suppose...” She mumbled. “But I--”

“I don’t want you worried about hurting me, Roelia. You won’t. If you do, you’ve the full capacity to apologise, yes?”

She went silent. After a long moment, she spoke again. “I don’t think it would be something to apologise for if I did hurt you. I don’t know if that would be enough.”

He frowned at her, shrugging himself into the sheets next to her. “It wouldn’t be purposeful?”

“Never.” She shook her head. 

“Then, don’t worry about it. Get some rest.” 

She nodded. “Fine then.” 

Victor stayed awake long enough to ensure she was sleeping soundly, and by that time, he was no longer tired. He wished there was less temptation in him--clearly it showed on his face, since Sara made mention. He’d have to leash it. Roe needed time. She probably needed even more since the baron. 

“We should do something...normal.” Victor blurted, Roe looking over her shoulder at him from her vanity. 

“Normal?”

“I feel as if we both get very involved with our work, and--well, I suppose it’s a good idea to do something that normal pairs do.”

“Did you have a preference?” She turned to him, hands folded in her lap. 

“I’m not quite sure what...well, I’ve never really been in a relationship that could be considered normal.”

“Some couples go to gardens and such. The butterfly house was easily what some would consider a date, but it’s not open this time of year. Otherwise, there’s theatre or opera, ballet and such, which might be fun, but we’d have to set a time for it.” She considered things. “In the winter some couples ice skate, I’ve heard, but that’s replaced with park strolls in the other seasons.”

“Is that any different from a walk?”

“Most pack a picnic, I would assume. People watch. They make a day of it.”

“That could be...well, it’d be normal enough, for sure. Tomorrow then?”

“Sorry?” She paused. “Ah...sure. We could do that, I suppose. I’ve got some things to take care of here--bills and such to pay--but I’ll meet you at your flat tomorrow?”

“Wonderful.” He smiled. “It’d be good to...forget all of the stress of our work.”

“You’re far more stressed than I.” She chuckled. “But if that’s what you need, then I’ll happily go with you.”


	29. Distraction

The lab was empty when Roe stepped in, shrugging off her jacket and placing it over a table. She glanced around, ensuring she hadn't just missed Victor as she entered. When it was clear she was the only one there, she sat at a table and plucked a book from it. 

Victor sighed, stepping into Henry’s lab, rolling his eyes as he turned the lights on. Sometimes he’d do this--tell him to meet and then disappear. “Henry, I need to meet with Roe in a few hours. If this could wait for a day or two that’d--” He frowned. “What were you doing sitting in the dark?”

“Light was bothering me.” He mumbled, near silently. 

Victor stepped forward, concern overtaking his annoyance. “What did you need?”

“It’s been a bad week. You’ve been preoccupied, not that I can blame you, but I had hoped that--” He frowned. “Never mind.”

“You seemed fine just the other day.” Victor sat next to Henry, leaning back in his chair to try to get a better look at him. He was acting extremely odd. “What’s going on?”

“It doesn’t do me any good to tell you about it.” He hissed, tone suddenly changing to irritation. 

“Is there someone you would rather talk to?” He sighed. 

“I don’t have many other friends.”

“You’ve at least the one. If you’d like Roe, you could have called her, she’s just as capable of meeting with you as I am.”

“You’ve been monopolizing her time, I think. It doesn’t suit me to bother her further.” He waved a hand. “Aside, she’s probably tired of carrying people around on her back.”

Victor ignored the offense at him. “So then, tell me what the problem is.”

“Let’s just continue working. Has Roe said anything about the serum that may assist us with improvements?”

“I haven’t thought to ask her. I’m not exactly sure I want to reinvolve myself with--”

“Bullshit.” Henry snapped. “You were just as involved with it as I was before all that business with Lily--and now you’ve gone and let Roelia make you even softer. You’re losing your whole--”

“Roelia has nothing to do with my wishes to remove myself, Henry. Don’t put the blame on her.”

“I need this serum, Victor!” He stood, turning away from him. 

“I told you before, it’s not going to earn you any recognition--”

“I’m not looking for recognition--I am, but it’s more than that!”

He refocused. “So, what do you need me to do?”

“Just--she hasn’t said anything to cause any inspiration?” 

“Roe doesn’t agree with your serum, and she wouldn’t spend a lot of time discussing it.”

“So you’ve not asked her?” He frowned at him. 

“You didn’t ask me to.”

“I shouldn’t have to! You should just intend to help me.”

“This isn’t my passion project.”

“Then what is, Victor?! You’ve completely abandoned your own! Is it whatever Roelia is working on now? What is she doing, anyway? The same thing she had been in university? Lagging behind the two of us as we chose to push the boundaries of science, choosing to stand back.” 

“Roelia is mostly involved in research and medical treatment. She succeeds because she understands her limits and creates attainable goals.”

“Oh, so now, now she’s gone and tried to overtake us in our careers as well! I lagged behind her in grading and now she’s succeeding, while I’m still unable to do the same thing I’ve been trying to do for years!”

“I don’t think it’s fair to compare yourself to her. You’re working in different fields--”

Henry cut him off again. “That has nothing to do with this, anyway. I’m not sure why I’m so in arms about Roelia’s success. Of course we should be happy for her. But it’s very difficult when the two of you don’t talk to me for years, and then just as we begin interacting again she swipes you away, just as she always had.” He shook his head. “I’m not talking about Roelia anymore.”

“Fine. Then what was it you needed?”

He turned to his channelwork of pipes. “Just help me with this.”

Henry swung from one end of his emotional spectrum to the other within minutes the entire day, one moment content and working and then next tearing the lab apart, Victor standing away so as not to get caught in the crossfire. He’d done similar before, but usually it had triggers. Today, though, he seemed to slip into it with no real cause, apologizing and growing frustrated with himself afterward. Eventually, he decided to head home, though not without having to argue with Henry about leaving for at least an hour.

  
  


It was evening when Victor arrived back at his flat. The door to his lab was open, and he frowned, easing down the stairs cautiously. He gave a relieved sigh as he turned the corner and saw Roe at the worktable, nearing the end of a novel. She looked up at him, lips parting slightly before jumping in her seat. "The door! My apologies, Vic, I forgot to relock--"

"No, it's quite alright." He paused. "Ah, the stroll."

“Oh? What time is it?”

“...Late.” He mumbled. “Far too late to walk. I’m sorry.”

She laughed. "It's no bother at all. I'm just as content to sit with you tonight in exchange." 

"I offered, it wasn't right for me to forget." 

She shrugged. "Again, Vic. No worries." 

"So much for us doing something normal couples do, hm?" He sighed, sitting across from her. 

"No need for normal anyway." She leaned back in her chair. "You don't need to feel bad. It was too cold to walk, most of the day, anyway." 

He paused, looking her over. She seemed concerned, upset even. "What is it?"

"Nothing. I was worried for a while. Glad you came back in one piece. Other than that, I'm right as rain." 

He sighed. This was important to him, but he was sure she’d been disappointed when he didn’t arrive all day. She seemed on edge, and Victor was too after letting Henry yell at him all day. Perhaps he should calm any suspicion, ease her mood at least. Surely she had assumed something much worse than what was going on at some point in the day. "You don't think I'm...wandering, do you?"

Roe looked at him, furrowing her brow, smile unfazed. She tipped her head. "Should I?" 

"No, I just...wanted to ensure that it's not something you're worried about. I could see how missing something this important may make you feel as if I'm betraying you in some way, but--"

"Vic." She frowned now, and it was with just the slightest touch of accusation. "If there's something you need to confess, I do not appreciate foliage assault." 

"Appreciate...sorry?" 

"Beating around the bush, dear." 

"N-no! I've nothing to confess, it' just--I suppose that's a large fear of mine, so--I don’t want you to worry about it."

Her expression softened. "I don't share it. Men are typically allowed to run around however much they like." 

"I've no intention of doing so. That would be cruel. I’ve no reason to--" 

"Then you're making this more of an issue than it needs to be. I wasn’t worried." She seemed to consider him, perhaps to see if he was telling the truth. He shouldn’t have mentioned it. Roe wasn’t particularly jealous. She soon nodded to herself, smile returning. "So if that isn't what you were doing today, what was?" 

"Henry and I were dealing with some of his problems. He's still hard at work with that serum of his and I lost track of time. He was prodding me about my motives for assisting him when he expressed that he needed my company. I just--"

"I wouldn't have left him either."

"But it wasn't right to put Henry over you." 

"I'm well adjusted, Vic. I don't have a lot of self esteem issues that would make me concerned. Unless of course, you mean to say you're 'wandering' with Henry." 

"No! Not, no, I'm not--I’ve never been interested--" he froze. "Ah, you're joking." 

"I am." She chuckled. 


	30. Old Homes

Roe was at her family home when Victor next tried to visit, Nina directing him there instead. Sara answered the door, nodding him toward the ballroom, where soft, quiet piano emanated through the doorway. She was sitting at her father's instrument, playing something from memory, it seemed. Victor seated himself next to her, watching her hands glide over the keys. She paused only a moment to smile at him in greeting. Her voice rose just a touch in volume, assumedly so that he could hear. It was a song from  _ The Innocence of Children _ , a play her father had been directing and showing when they were in university. She continued directly into the next song of her father's score, and Victor stood to refill Roe's glass for her. He didn't sit this time, standing back and watching from the same seat he'd been sent to when he and Henry stumbled upon a rehearsal that Roe had been forced into standing in for. She didn't seem to disdain the song now as much as she had then. She sat with an enviable poise, smiling quietly as her focus remained on the notes. He couldn't tear his eyes away, her indomitable focus showing through quite obviously, but her grace much more interesting to him. There was an intense grip on Victor’s chest as he watched her, his want to reach out only barely restrained by the want to continue to see her undisturbed. Her voice was just as clear today as any other, and among her notes he could catch a trained pitch change that her father had been adamant she do during that rehearsal. She smiled to herself as she did so, and after a moment, she glanced at him, the song fading. 

"What's that look for?" Her tone was humored and gentle, but she ruffled her brow at him. 

"Sorry?"

"You're staring.” 

“I hadn’t realized--apologies.”

“No need for all that. It just makes me wonder what you could be thinking, is all." 

Victor was of course thinking about how enrapturing she was, but he couldn’t vocalize that to her, by no means. Even as he opened his mouth to attempt, no words came, so he sighed, standing and approaching. "Ah, it's nothing. You're just...I've not seen you this focused on anything but work in a long while. I’m surprised to find you not even at the pharmacy."

“They’re deep cleaning the manor today. I don’t like them to feel as if I won’t help.”

“I don’t see you cleaning.” He smiled at her. 

“Sara won’t let me. She’s mostly scolding me for not staying at the lab and using my bed there.”

“Do you intend not to go back?”

“I intend to stay here, yes.” She nodded. “Not forever, obviously, but it’s good to close up shop now and again. I need the rest.”

Sara opened the double doors, carrying with her a basket. “I brought your parents’ cot, Roelia. You should go back to that laboratory of yours, but since you’re being so resistant, and the bedrooms are quite fumed up, I suggest you take after them and stay on the floor here.” She paused, looking at Victor. “And will you be keeping her company?”

“If she’ll have me.”

“It won’t be comfortable. Nostalgic, though.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, watching Sara as she spread a large padded blanket across the floor, pulling an absurd amount of cushions from the basket and spreading them about.

“Nathaniel and Coraline spent many nights huddled in this cot the first time the house was renovated.”

“Did you serve the Deopham family then, too?”

“Hardly.” Sara laughed. “I served Coraline’s mother originally. Cora and I grew up together, though from other sides of the spectrum. Nathaniel had his own set of serfs.”

“I see.” 

“So, Roelia, I’m going to leave for the night, if you’ve nothing more.”

“Feel free.” Roe nodded. “Thank you for the assistance.”

“Of course.” She smiled, curtsying and stepping out of the room. 

“Was she not fond of your father?” Victor turned to Roelia, who shrugged. 

“She liked him well enough. He was a handful when my parents were young.”

“How young were they when they began courting?”

“Younger than us.” She chuckled. “Probably round sixteen. Father didn’t earn his place in the Dastin family until my mother was in university.”

“Dastin was her maiden name, then?”

She nodded. “Sorry, I suppose you don’t know much about my extended family. That’s for the best, Vic, trust me. I’m arguably the most normal of them, despite how abnormal I am. My father’s parents were abhorrently abusive, and my grandparents on my mother’s side--well, we’ve spoken about my grandmother. I never spoke to or about her father--he was long gone before I was born.”

“He’d passed?”

“He’d left.” She shrugged. “May be the reason my mother was the way she was. My grandmother had family money, though, and he wasn’t married to her. So both of them came from well fortuned lives, with many of their own problems.”

“I can’t imagine your father as an abused child. You’d never think...” Victor trailed off. 

“He told me that on occasion his father would lock him in cupboards and leave him there for days. No food, no water. I have two uncles, but they got none of that same behavior, and my father rightfully felt no need to contact them after he moved out. He started writing at a young age, and that helped him to make his own fortune. He met my grandmother, who offered her daughter’s hand in marriage, and the two lunatics were married two years later.”

“I’m impressed. I hadn’t realized their pasts were so upsetting.”

“My father was very good at keeping a good face about it. My mother was...well, my mother.” She chuckled. 

It was late before Roe turned off the majority of the lights, seating herself comfortably in the cot, the cushions and blankets nested around her. Victor joined her, leaning back himself, their bodies angled at a 30 degree angle, heads nestled next to each other. Roe had long ago changed into a nightgown, and she looked quite comfortable as she rested her hands against her chest, sighing. They stared at the ceiling, not speaking for a while. Just as Victor thought that Roelia might have fallen asleep, she spoke. “Thank you for staying. I know I must be leagues more boring when I’m not working.”

“Not at all. It’s good to see you able to relax.” 

“And you?” He glanced at her, silently asking her meaning. “Are you able to relax?”

“More now than I have in years.” 

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

He had a question on his mind, but wasn’t sure how to word it, as if it was on the tip of his tongue, but impossible to say aloud. “Are you happy?” He decided on, but it wasn’t quite right. 

“I’m certainly not sad.” She chuckled. 

“I just mean--is this good enough for you?”

“Do you think I need better aspirations?” Roe laughed. “Harsh, Vic.”

“I suppose I’m asking in reference to me. Am I assisting in your ability to rest?”

“Of course.” She nodded. “I like having you here. It’s comfortable. Safe.”

“You don’t find me exhausting?”

“I find you as you are.” She nodded, shutting her eyes. “Sure, sometimes you need more attention than most, but I like to provide that attention. I’m happy to make sure you feel loved. Makes me feel useful.”

“I suppose I feared that you thought me too persistent.”

“Not at all.” Roe shrugged. “I like that you enjoy my company so much as to persist in my space. If I wanted you to leave, I would tell you to.” 

“I can’t imagine someone being so happy to be around me. Most people find any excuse to leave.”

She laughed. “Fuck those people. Keep them away from my good man. They’re bad for him.” 

He exhaled, shaking his head. “Not sure about all that.” 


	31. Tension

When he woke, Victor didn't know what blankets he was lying on or lying under, but he did know that Roe was rested peacefully on his shoulder. As she stirred awake, she lifted herself enough to slide upward and look him in the eye. She smiled at him for just a moment, kissing him and sitting up. She seemed to have her thoughts somewhere else as she stroked Victor's arm. 

“Something wrong?” He mumbled. 

“I think we should visit Henry. You said he wasn’t doing well, and I suppose I’ve been worried.”

“We can.” He nodded. “Could we at least spend some more time here?”

“Of course.” She smiled, turning back to him, nestling back into the blankets and into his chest. “It’s Sara and the other’s day off. We’ve all the time in the world, really.”

“I told you I didn’t need her company.” Henry snapped at Victor, then turning to Roe as she crossed her arms. “And stop giving me attitude about it. I should be allowed to select my company should I wish, yes?”

“Such a pleasant greeting from my best friend, wonderful job.” Roe smirked at him. 

“Oh, shut up. Don’t call me that.”

“Henry.” Victor scolded, but he was ignored. 

“We know very well that your best friend is in this room and it isn’t me.”

“Let’s drop the subject.” He tried again, but to no avail. 

“That isn’t why I’ve come.” Roe sighed. “Surely you understand that what you’re doing right now isn’t healthy?”

“I’m fine, Roelia.”

“Clearly. Place is in shambles. What’re you going to do when you’ve no more glass to break? Start slicing into your skin again?”

“You shut your mouth, Roelia.” He snapped, stepping closer to her, threatening, trying to make himself look bigger, taller. It didn’t work. Roelia was unflinching, and she still had a couple of inches on him in the shoes she wore. He did manage to back both of them out into the hall. “You have no right to speak of me as if you care.”

“When have I ever expressed that I don’t?” She shook her head. “I would argue that I’m very bad at knowing when I should stop caring, and that I care too much. We came because of that concern.” 

“Fuck you.” Henry snapped, turning away. 

“Stop that. You can’t speak to her that way.” Victor snapped, stepping toward Henry. Roe shot him a look, brow tipped in worry, but a warning for him not to interfere in her eyes.

“What’s causing this, Hen?” She stepped closer, a hand on his shoulder. He threw his arm back, trying to shake her, but she gripped him, holding herself there. “You have to talk to me.”

“It’s--It’s nothing.” He shook his head. “The serum is working, it’s just taking some adaptation.”

“Sorry?” She frowned. “Your arm. Now.” 

He glared at her, shaking his head. “No need to check me--I’m telling you flat out that I’m using it. I’m probably due for another dose.”

“Christ almighty, Henry.” She sighed exasperatedly. “You’re using your own experimental bullshit on yourself? You’re smarter than that.”

“It’s not experimental. It works.”

“You were there, Henry. All of those chemical experiments and dissections in class. You saw the adverse effects--”

“This isn’t like that.”

“It’s going to kill you!” She glared at him. “What’s it even doing? Vic says you’re swinging like the world’s largest pendulum.”

“It’s working, I assure you.”

“If you’re looking to remove any form of kindness and charity from your mind, then yes, it does seem to be.”

“There’s an adaptive period!” He repeated. “I’m just going through the primary side effects before it’s going to work fully. So leave me alone until that’s done. You’re agitating me.”

“You’re agitating yourself.” Roe shook her head. “Why don’t you let me help? I’ve helped patrons with all sorts of mood conditions, I know how it works. Injecting yourself with chemicals is no way to fix it, not when you aren’t sure it works. If you need to go that route, Hen, then let me help you. You left and I graduated top of the program--you know me. You know I’m capable. It clearly isn’t right yet.”

“And it isn’t working.” Victor sighed. “When was the last time you blew up at Roelia like that?”

“Both of you get out. I’ll contact you when I want to see people again.” Henry sighed, shaking his head, turning back to his operating theatre, locking himself in, and Roelia and Victor outside the doors. She held a fist to her mouth, shaking her head. “You’re right. There’s something very wrong here. It’s worse than it’s ever been.”

“Yes.” He frowned.

“Hopefully he does contact us. If not, we’ll check on him again in a week.”

“What did you mean by...slicing?” Victor looked up from his scrubbing. 

Roe turned to him, sighing. “Henry used to cut his own skin. Did you not know about that?”

“...No. He doesn’t have any scars.”

“He does. On his legs. I always assumed you knew. He’s never been totally healthy mentally, we knew this, but I figured as his roommate you couldn’t have possibly gone without knowing. Sorry.”

“When you did you find out?”

“He told me.” She shrugged. “I always chalked it up to a quirk like your minor drug usage. It was never frequent, so I didn’t worry. Suppose all things considered, I should pay more attention to those things now.”

“Funny, that you don’t have such vices.” 

She shook her head, looking at him, surprised. “Vic, you realize I drink when I don’t want to think about things, right? I have vices. A lot of them just didn’t rise until after Mr. Smear’s death.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

She smiled. “It’s fine. Everyone has to have something. I know how to reel it in when it gets to be too much. The problem is...like you, Henry doesn’t know how to do so. I don’t want to find him splattered on a wall, if you catch my drift.”

“Yes. I feel the same way. We can’t do anything more if he won’t let us, though.” 

“We certainly can. You know how to pick a lock.” She laughed. “But we shouldn’t go breaking in and destroying his work, as I’d so like to. At some point my life has to stop being a constant interference on my companions’ work. I think Henry is probably the place to draw the line, considering the threat he seems to want to pose.”

“Has he ever threatened you like that before?”

“Once or twice.” Roe shrugged. “Nothing in any way that makes it feel real--not like today. He was going to hit me. You felt it, I’m sure.”

“Yes.”

“I left a chamomile stone in his doorway. That may ease his mood and help him to relax.”

“I’m not sure if it’ll be enough.”

“Me either. Hopefully he can get a good night’s rest and look toward tomorrow in a better mood. I hope he finds what he’s looking for, but I can’t...” She paused. “There are other things, Vic. This year’s ball was quite eventful, and everyone is worried about the developments of the last three years. My appointment of master is just the tip of the iceberg, a precaution in order to have more allies in the coming conflict.”

“What conflict?”

“We don’t know yet. But one brews, and it’s for the best that I don’t speak of it. But it’s not a secret from you, it’s just...best not talked about above ground.”

“I see.” He nodded. “Should you need to speak of it though, tell me.”

“You’ve enough to deal with. After all, you’ll be ready to open up this practice soon. Should I need to go away for a while, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Do you foresee that?”

“I think it’s a possibility. But not far, and not for long. As for now, I really need to get back into the habit of my work and head back to the lab tomorrow.”

“I could join you.”

“If you wanted. No one is kicking you out.”

“We should turn in soon, anyway. I finished up master bedroom the other day.”

“You mean we don’t even have to walk somewhere else to stay the night in an actual bed?” 

“And there isn’t even a hole in the wall any longer.”

“It’s patched? Victor, you spoil me.” She smirked at him. 

He turned to her, brushing his hands against his legs to rid them of the dust and wood shavings before grasping her around the waist, taking one of her hands in his. “I do my best.” She tipped her head, looking at him with a hint of concern. “Still worried about Henry?”

“I never went a single day without worrying about you two.” She huffed, smiling sadly. “That isn’t going to change, I think.”

“In university, he would stay late at the labs, and you would still come back to the dormitories with me. Maybe if you’d helped him more then, you’d be the one helping him with his projects after we left.”

“No chance. He’s too ambitious--you both were. I just wanted to help people. You had these amazing, wonderful, grand schemes. I was never able to keep up.” 

“I wouldn’t consider them all that wonderful, Roe.”

She pressed her free hand to his cheek. “Impressive, at least.”

“I think you’re leagues more impressive than I am.” 

She moved to kiss him, then step away. He stopped her, twisting her into a relaxed, overly practiced two-step. “You’re living in memories today.” She cooed. 

“I think I’m allowed. Would have been nice to be involved the last time we danced so casually.”

“That’s okay. Time and absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.”

Roe woke early as usual, sitting by the window, humming quietly as she snipped at a plant she’d brought with her a few nights ago. Victor had relocated it here the day before when he’d repaired the windowsill. He didn’t know that much about plants, but assumed the slight increase of light might be good for it, as she’d placed it in the kitchen window. He glanced at her, clearly unaware that he’d gotten up. She finished up with the plant, standing from her chair and looking out the window once more. It was barely dawn, and she nodded to herself, stretching her arms behind her, turning back to him. She tipped her head, song paused, sitting next to him. “Morning.”

“Barely.” He mumbled, starting to sit up. She shook her head, smiling down at him as she pressed a hand to his chest, pushing him back into the mattress. 

“Exactly. Stay. Get some rest.” She whispered. 

“Are you going? This early?”

“I am. You still sound exhausted. Sleep. I’ll see you when I see you.”

“I’ll come by later today, then.”

“Take your time.” She kissed his forehead, standing and turning away, grasping her bag and tossing it over her shoulder, smiling at him as she spun out of the doorway. Victor watched her go, listened to her descend the stairs. He heard the door lock--she’d not forgotten this time, he mused--a short thought before falling back to sleep.


	32. Busywork

It was midday before Victor was able to join Roe--he’d slept in and woken to a note saying she thought it best not to wake him. As he entered the lab’s main entry hall, he heard Roelia and Desdemonna’s voices, accompanied by one he didn’t recognize. Roe was seated at her desk, Des in a chair she’d dragged up to the side, and a woman with a pink ruffled skirt and the most ridiculous hat Victor had ever seen was sat in his usual seat. Roe seemed in good spirits as Des spoke. 

“Yes, well, at least I’ve married.”

The woman made a face of surprise, then shot back in a thick French accent. “Rather not married at all than to cousin!” Her English wasn’t very good, and he tipped his head at Roe, but she didn’t seem to notice him. 

“Aside, he isn’t technically my cousin! Technically he’s my father’s second ex-wife’s nephew.”

“You did grow up together.” Roe said, not looking up from her notes, but smirking devilishly. 

“Roelia!! Stop it! Look, he’s well to do, I know him very well--”

“He probably helped your mother to change your diapers as a child--” The french woman giggled, and Des swept a hand at her. Roe glanced up just in time to catch an hourglass she’d bumped with the motion, noticing Victor then. She smiled, inviting him into the room.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” He stepped up to the desk, though there was little room left to stand, so he stayed on the step below. 

“Not at all.” Roe shrugged. “You slept in even later than I expected. Must’ve needed it.”

“We were up quite late last night--”

“Oh?” The French woman giggled, poking at Roe’s arm. She ignored her. 

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Fine.”

Roe smiled, then turned to the stranger. “Ah, this is Anette. She’s visiting from France. We were part of the same ballet troupe as girls. Turns out Des and she know each other.”

“Yes, good friends.” She nodded, then turned to Roelia, as if expecting her to respond. “Roe is very very good at cutting people away.”

Roe scratched her arm nervously. “We’ve not spoken in a while.” 

“Are you one of her patronages?”

“Patrons.” Des corrected. 

“Friend, actually.” He shifted. 

“Oh, so she  _ can _ keep friends.” There was a lot of humor in Anette’s voice, but Roe seemed insecure about it, shrugging. 

“I’m very bad at letters.” She smiled. “Even Victor can attest to that.”

“Yes, after university we didn’t speak until recently. Well, not too recently.”

“You engaged, then?” Anette looked at Roe. 

“No. Involved, but not engaged.”

“You be a bore, Roey. No wedding no point.” 

“Roey?” Victor raised a brow at her, unable to cover his humor. She rolled her eyes, looking flustered. 

“I do have work to do, ladies, so if you were just here to drop the package off, I can meet you for lunch tomorrow.”

“Non, non. You want us to leave, so you can spend time with you ‘involved’.” Anette chuckled, standing in spite of her teasing. “We go.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Roe.” Des smiled, curtsying. 

“We say hello to her cousin for you.”

“Stop!” Des laughed, and they took their leave. Victor raised a brow. As was her typical response, Roe seemed exhausted after dealing with those of the fairer sex. She would much rather spend all her time with he and Henry, the outcasts, than any of the women who attempted to entice her away from them. She’d never even given it a thought. She scratched away at her notes. Nina joined them, bringing Roe a cup of coffee, smiling at her. Roe looked over, and they exchanged some of her usual signs. 

“Absolutely.” Roe nodded. Nina spring off, grabbing a coat and leaving. 

“It’s good to see her showing interest in the outside world.” He mumbled. “Though I’d worry about the backlash she’ll get.”

“She can take it. She’s dealt with worse than some cruel words from London strangers.” She shrugged. “Nina is very small for her age--and I don’t say that because I’m the opposite, but she’s seventeen. She’s shown more interest in the world around her for the last couple of years or so, but communication is difficult and she mostly goes out with me so that I can translate. A few shopkeepers don’t mind her complexion, or her silence. She frequents their shops. She stays away from the others.”

Roe had kept herself busy, almost constantly buzzing from one room to another. Victor watched her as she doted on some animals that were sure to be future chimera. A couple patrons that Roe hadn’t taken care of during her busy season stopped by, and she took care of them with her usual grace. As soon as she finished, she’d gone back to her other work. After a few hours, she looked over at the desk jealously and groaned. “Christ, today just doesn’t quit.” 

“Are you alright?” He frowned, turning in his chair to look down at her with more focus. She was covered up her arms in ink and soot. 

“Just tired.” She chuckled. “I’m sorry, Vic. I don’t mean to ignore you.”

“You’re alright. Can’t monopolize all of your time.” 

“I sure would like you to.” Roe smiled. “But I suppose we’re adults, with work to do.”

“I can go.”

“You don’t have to.” She tipped her head. “I’d love to make a little more time for you as soon as I’m done with this, shouldn’t be more than a couple hours.”

“I should let you work if you’re that busy--I’m fine, honestly.” He stood. 

“You don’t...seem fine.” She shrugged. “I really am sorry, Vic.”

He tipped his head. Why was she concerned? It really wasn’t an issue--she said she’d be busy now that she was returning to her usual routine. He didn’t expect to spend every waking moment with her. “I don’t know how else to convince you, Roe.” He smiled. “You stay, finish up what you’re doing. I’ll see you when we get a chance again. I should get back to my own work, anyway.”

She sighed, looked at him sadly for just a moment, then shut her eyes and nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll see you.” 

He packed up, turned toward the entrance hall, then spun back, pulling Roe into him. She chuckled at his sudden but chaste kiss, and he pressed a hand to her neck. “Soon, then.”

“Soon. Be safe.” She laughed.


	33. Restless

Victor awoke far too early one morning, the dawn not yet broken, a dream still in the corners of his memory that he’d severely wished he hadn’t had. Roe had stayed at the lab the night before. She’d been too busy to spend much time with him anyway, and he felt like he was more often in the way than any assistance, so his insistence that she stay and work, and the lonely morning he was having, was on him. He stood, mind set on starting the day with some tea, hopefully to get the thought of his nightmares out of his subconscious. It’d been a while since he’d really even considered Lily and The Creature. He knew of course that dreams meant nothing, that they weren’t indicative of his current emotional state, but it certainly didn’t help his mood. The kratom had run out, and he contemplated the needle for a moment, shrugging off the thought by imagining Roe’s scolding. She was too busy to make him another stone, so he hadn’t asked. He wondered about her visitors the day before, wondered how long she’d spent with Anette as girls, how close they were. Roe had said she didn’t have many friends in her childhood, especially those of her own gender. She’d certainly seemed exhausted after speaking with them at such length. He sat at the table, plucking a notebook from the pile there, resuming his work. 

By the time he’d shaken the exhaustion from a bad night’s sleep, it was closer to evening than day, and he wondered if he should go back to Roe’s. He decided against it, far too tired to take the walk and barely too broke to take a cab. Knowing Roe, she probably hadn’t even noticed the day had passed. Not that it was her fault, the tunnels ruined her sense of time. He shrugged, considering shortly the disappointment of going to bed alone again, sighing. He needed to eat something before that, at least. 

He didn’t wake from nightmares that night, but he did awaken to the usual noise outside his door in the rest of the tenement. Sighing, he reached next to him, searching for Roe’s shoulder. He remembered that she was likely still at the lab, working away, unaware of the time. He’d never considered that sleeping without her would be difficult--but every night since it’d become frequent he’d had this trouble. Missed the warm body next to him. He wondered if Roe was having the same trouble. Most likely, she barely noticed. If she even chose to sleep, she probably did so with full comfort without him. She was much more akin to being alone than he was. It was almost enough to regret spending nights with her in the first place. Except it wasn’t, and he rolled over, too tired to dwell.

The next morning was just as quiet as the last, but more peaceful and rested. He considered the walk again, deciding against it, choosing instead to give Roe a little more time to catch up on her work. The day passed uneventfully, and Victor turned in alone again, shrugging off his loneliness and hoping for a better night’s sleep.

  
  


“Just thought I’d drop in, since I’ve not seen you in a couple of days--three nights now.” Roe smiled, stepping into Victor’s flat, placing a bag by the doorway, stretching the arm that had been carrying it. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” He nodded. “Thought you could use some time to work.”

“I’m always happy to work with you around. Don’t let me chase you off.”

“Not at all.”

“Sorry to bore you, then.” She chuckled. 

“Never. It’s good to see you. I would have come sooner, I’ve just...” He shrugged. “Haven’t had the time.”

She tipped her brow. “What’re you working on?”

“Just the usual.” He shrugged, gesturing at his table, covered in books and paperwork. 

“Don’t you know everything about the human body by now?” Roe laughed, stepping forward, picking up his notes. “Hematology? That’s not your usual focus.”

“I um...a few years ago I made a friend--bit of a mentor, really--who studied it. I thought it best to start learning a bit more on it. Haven’t gotten the time until now.”

“That’s commendable.” She nodded to the bag by the door. “I brought you some good ingredients, though, some extras that I won’t have time to use. Do try to eat a decent meal tonight. I need to go very soon, but--” 

“So you can’t stay?” He frowned, unable to hide the disappointment in his tone.

“I’ve got an appointment tonight, unfortunately.” She sighed. “Agrippa and Travis want to speak with me, and as the newest master, I can’t exactly avoid the responsibility of being there.” 

Victor looked up at her from his seat at the table. “You’re sure?”

“Am I sure I can’t avoid it?” She chuckled, sitting across from him. “Positive, sweetheart. I do have to get back to work eventually. Break’s over.”

“What have your last few days entailed? You already seemed rather busy.”

“Any time I close for a while, I have some mail to catch up on--I didn’t even realize how long it’d been since I started back at it.”

“So you’ve not been sleeping or eating well either, I take it?”

She paused. “Either? Have you not been sleeping well?”

Victor paused. “I just sleep...differently...when you’re not there.” 

“How so?” She tipped her head, concern springing into her voice. 

“It’s just not as restful. I have trouble getting to sleep in the first place, and then I tend to wake more often looking for you.”

“You’ve become dependent.” Roelia laughed. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”

“Stop occupying my thoughts all night?” He offered. 

“Well, I’d love to, but that’s not exactly in my control.”

“I know you need to go, Roe. I know I can’t keep you here on a whim, but--I do wish you could stay. It’s so much nicer to have you here.”

“I wish I could stay as well.” She nodded. “I assure you, Vic. I would so much rather be cuddled into that shit mattress of yours with you than talking to Travis all night. But it is important.”

“Should you finish up before the night is over, feel free to come by. I’ll gladly wait up.”

“Don’t do that.” She laughed. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, early, if you’d like to come by.” Roe shrugged, smiling and standing, kissing him before turning to exit the flat. 

He sighed, watched her descend the stairs, then picked up the bag and started to unpack it. In the bottom of it was a white paper wrapping with a blue string tied around it, a signature of her gifts. Victor unwrapped it, unfolding the cloth that was inside. A kratom stone sat in with a small pouch and a folded note. 

_ “You’re out of kratom by now, right? I promise I’ll be done catching up on things soon. Don’t be angry about the bag, it’s a thank you for helping me with my busy week.” _

He opened the pouch, annoyed at its contents. She didn’t need to send him money. Broke, sure, but it wasn’t her job to provide for him. He sighed, knowing better than to argue with her. At least he could pay rent  _ and _ eat this week.


	34. Business

“Ah, Doctor. I assume you’re having a pleasant morning.” Travis smirked as he stopped Victor in the entrance corridor. “I suppose I can give Roelia back to you now--the impressive scientists have finished their discussion.”

Victor frowned at him, looking past him into the rotunda. Roe looked upset, talking to Agrippa with her hand to her mouth. He watched Roe mouth a word and Agrippa nod. He turned back to Travis. “Discussion?”

“Nothing you need to concern yourself over.” He sneered. “Not everything Roe does is your business.”

He bristled. “Is there a reason you have an issue with me?”

“Not at all. That would imply your existence matters even the slightest bit to me.” He paused, looking Victor over with a flick of his eyes. “Tell me, chap, how long do you think Roelia is going to stick around before she gets bored because you don’t challenge her enough? And who do you think she’ll move on to when that’s over?”

“If you’re implying Roe may be interested in you, I think you misinterpret your interactions with her.”

“Oh, absolutely not.” Travis scoffed. “Not me, no. I was just genuinely curious if you had any idea as to who your replacement was going to be.”

“Did Roe tell you something I should know?” He shook his head. 

“Hm. Maybe she did. Perhaps she didn’t. I like to make assumptions--and quite frequently they turn out to be correct. She’s plenty happy now, but what of the affairs of her heart when you no longer stimulate her mind?” 

“I don’t think Roe stays because I’m some sort of toy.” 

“Ha!” Travis barked. “No? Aren’t you? Well, I suppose she’s too nice to label you as such, but I’ve never seen Roelia in love with anyone. She’ll grow tired of you soon enough, and by that time, she can return to spending time with her  _ real _ peers. Those able to compete with her intellect.”

“Why continually insult my intelligence? Insecure of your own?”

“You take pride in it, but you really shouldn’t.” He paused, then shrugged theatrically, patting Victor on the shoulder as he passed. “Ah well, I just like to stir up trouble. You make it oh so easy!”

Roe glanced up from her notes, the scratching of her pen continuing blindly. She smiled at him, but didn’t seem to be in good spirits. Agrippa nodded at him and then walked past. Roe sighed, then furrowed her brow at him. “Hey, take your hands off of your hips, Vic. What’s wrong?” 

He let his arms drop, frowning at her. “Nothing. Why would you think something was wrong?”

“It’s a tic.” She looked back at her notebook. “You do it when you’re irate or nervous. How can I help?”

“I just--” He sighed. “Travis. He’s got a nasty disposition.”

She looked up again. “Oh, dear. What did he say this time?” She paused, looking at him sympathetically. “Victor, you know he just gets off on being unnecessarily cruel.”

“How much have you even told him about me?”

“Bare minimum. He isn’t the type it’s good to give ammunition to.” 

“He’s concerned that you don’t find me talented enough to draw your attention.”

“That’s because Travis thinks alchemists can only interact with alchemists. He’s not to be taken seriously, sweetheart. I don’t agree.”

“You don’t think he’s making an accurate assumption in saying that you’ll grow bored with me?”

Roe sighed, shaking her head. “I’ll have to have a talk with him. I’m sorry.”

“What, because he’s telling me things you’ve confided in him?”

“No.” She snapped. “Because he’s lying to get a rise out of you. I’m not foreseeing getting bored with you. Your scientific ventures aren’t what I value in you, not entirely. I love you. Rest easy. Don’t get so up in arms. I don’t confide in Travis.”

“You talk a lot more often now.”

She shut her eyes for a moment, then nodded. “We do. Sit.” He tipped his head, setting his jaw as he joined her at her desk. What was he about to learn? Did he even want to know? “You remember that at the Alchemist’s ball, he made it seem as though something was brewing? Well, that’s more and more likely by the day. It’s not just the alchemy, either. Everything around us feels...stressed. The committee is worried primarily, that there’s a chance we’ll have to look within the group to ensure we don’t have to start systematically…” She winced. “...taking care of people who are causing trouble. It’s politics, Victor. Travis and I don’t particularly enjoy each other’s company, but we have to interact because honestly, he and Agrippa are two of the very few alchemists I know I can trust.”

“I’m not sure if I trust Travis as far as I can throw him.” Victor shrugged. 

Roe smiled, sighing. “I’m sorry, but...you don’t really know Travis.”

“I suppose you do, then.” He bristled.

“Yes.” She nodded, ignoring his tension and keeping her tone kind. “I do. But you haven’t met Travis. You’ve met the thing that Travis likes everyone to think he is. That obnoxious theatrical asshole who says anything he wants to upset anyone he can.”

“And how would you describe him otherwise?”

“Travis Welling is, above all else, selfish and brutal.” She sighed. “He wants what’s good for him--but that isn’t the same as being interested in hurting people. He’s far from honorable--I’d go as far as to say he’s scheming. But deeper than that, he wants people to look at him as a good leader. I think he’s insecure about his father’s reputation.”

“He sounds cruel.”

“He is.” She nodded. “As I said, he is not the man to give ammunition to. He’ll use it to further his status at the nearest opportunity. I don’t confide in him because I know that to be a dangerous interaction.” She sighed. “But--Don and he were the closest of friends. They pushed each other forward and supported each other when need be. It’s easy to want to lay the blame on someone when your best friend dies, and he laid the blame on me. That’s the sort of person Travis is. But Vic, he isn’t near as confident as you think he is. His goading comes from trying to get the upper hand against you.”

“What sort of competition does he even see in me? I’m not even an Alchemist. Unless he’s after your affections--”

Realization dawned, coming over her features in a wave. “Oh, Victor, sweetheart, no.” She chortled. “God, no. I know I’m inexperienced, and I didn’t notice it with others but--darling, you can  _ tell _ when someone is nowhere near interested in you. I wouldn’t even consider us friends. Travis is like...a tutor who isn’t actually that knowledgeable about the subject. We’re coworkers. That just means that sometimes we have to go to meetings together. But I don’t like him.” She sighed. “Well, I suppose I like him well enough. I think he’s fine, but he’s annoying and I’d love to see him improve his attitude, but I’m not willing to work with him to assist him in that. I’m sorry if my dealing with our politics made you insecure in any way--I’m not talking to Travis about anything personal.”

He sighed. He shouldn’t have considered Travis as a threat. She’d told him already that was the case. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m happy to reassure you all the times you need. I’d rather that than have you be so uncomfortable.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“No use in being angry with you. You’re allowed to have jerk reactions. Just try not to let them brew.” Roe sighed. “Please.”

Victor was surprised, watching as she went back to her notes. He shouldn’t have made such a bold assumption--worry, he supposed, was the better word. Even still, she’d taken it in stride, putting his feelings first. She didn’t find offense--rather, she found the notion so unheard of that she considered it laughable. He wondered if his insecurity was an intrinsic part of his personality, or if it was leftover from being wronged in the past. He needed to have more confidence in Roe. He trusted her, but he’d been dealing with the same feelings a lot lately--and it seemed she had much more important things to deal with than his worries. 

She smiled at Victor, pressing her hand to his arm as she stood, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “What’s going on lately? Is there a reason you’re so worried about all of this?” So she had noticed. 

“No, I suppose it just feels as if...enough time has passed for you to have gotten bored with me.”

“Nonsense.” She sighed. “Far from it. Every time you come through that door, it makes my day. I’ve missed you, and it’s only been a few days. I think you may have to wait much, much longer for me to grow bored.” 

“I’d prefer it not to happen at all. Doesn’t mean I’m not concerned that it will.”

“Then drop the concern, because it’s not something that’ll happen without you knowing long beforehand it was coming. I’m very open with my problems, am I not?”

“Not always.”

She laughed. “Alright, fair enough. I promise not to hide them if they’ll affect you.”

“Suppose that eases my mind.” He sighed. “You seemed upset by what Agrippa was telling you.”

She paused. “Ah...it’s just...There have been bodies.”

“Alchemists?”

She hesitated. “...Children. Children of alchemists. We’re looking into it.”

“The police?” 

She shrugged. “No. It stays within our organization, at the behest of the parents.” Roe glanced away. “This is a city. Children die of illness more than they live. Alchemists are secretive by nature and have reported the deaths as ailment caused.” 

“That’s understandable, I suppose.”

“And abhorrent that they had to.”

“I’m sorry I bothered you about Travis. This seems much more important.” 

“It’s Agrippa’s investigation, I’m just being told to keep an eye out. I can return to my usual work and life, and try to forget all that is happening.”

“Hard to forget something like that.”

“I’m going to trust them to handle it. Things like this happen in alchemic society, and while upsetting, I need to stay focused on doing my part.”

“Which is?”

“Staying the hell out of it. Just as Mr. Smear taught me.” She sighed. “Now, please. I’d much rather talk about your insecurity about Travis than these dead children.”


	35. Curiousities

Henry seemed his normal self when he stepped into Roe’s lab that evening, sitting in her chair at her desk as she stepped out of her quarters, fiddling with the buttons on her sleeves. “Hen. What’re you doing?”

“What was that rock you left me?”

“Did it help you?” She frowned, standing next to him, crossing her arms. 

“Helped me sleep. Nothing more than that.”

“That’s all it was meant to do. Do you want me to start working at something for your pendulum?”

“No.” He shook his head. “What’s in that cabinet back there?” He nodded across the room. Victor looked up. He’d not seen it open either. “It looks like some sort of a puzzle box.”

“Essentially, it is.” She nodded. “Alchemy channelwork. It’s not really necessary for the small projects I do. My work can be completed without the extra distilling and machinery.”

“Like my pipework?”

“Mm...” She paused. “No, not quite. It was more a thing Mr. Smear dabbled in than me, but it’s a lot more plasma based, I think.”

“Do you know how to use it?” 

She frowned. “Why?”

“I dunno. I don’t know a lot about your work.” He stood, stepping down to the worktable Victor was standing at, looking over his shoulder. When it was clear he was doing his anatomical studies, he made a noise like he was bored of it, turning to the table next to it. “And these? What are they?”

“Rat hearts.” Roe said flatly. “I need to compile them, make a larger organ from them.”

“For what?”

“It’s what we call a second tier ingredient. An ingredient made from a transmutation that carries the energy from it’s creation into the second transmutation.” She joined him again, reaching toward one of them. She shut her eyes, picking up one of the tiny little organs between her finger and her thumb. A small flash went off, and she was holding a beating heart for a few seconds, before it stopped. “Hearts hold the energy best when you’re looking to use organic things.”

“Why use rats?”

“The size. The prevalence.”

He nodded, turning to a large cupboard. “And these things? With all the dials?”

“Conduits. Elongated experiments require storage of alchemical energy.” 

“Lots of chemicals I don’t recognize.”

“You do, they’re just not written with the names you know.” Roe sighed gently. “Why are you asking me all this, Hen?”

“Like I said, I don’t know a lot about it all.”

“Yes, but why do you want to?”

“You said we were best friends, right? What happened to sharing our work with each other?”

“You started putting your name on my studies.” Roe smirked at him. 

He turned to her, sneering. “I left yours on. Just took main credit. After all, it’s my hands that did the work.”

“And my brain that came up with the theories we turned in.” She laughed. “Face it, Henry, you would have flunked out of Chemistry V if it weren’t for me.”

“You would have flunked out of university if you didn’t have to work with me as punishment for being a woman.”

She laughed. “Suppose we’re even then.”

Victor watched as Roe worked, Henry hovering over her shoulder, paying close attention as she scratched in her notes, passing her things as she requested them, learning the chemical symbols on her jars quickly, smiling at the familiarity of them working together. They joked back and forth, and it felt as if maybe Henry was getting back to normal. He seemed in good spirits when he left, headed toward the practice to continue working on the lab in the basement. 

With Henry in a good mood, Roelia seemed just as happy, the song on her lips joyous and higher in volume than usual, checking Pebbles over with Nina’s help. Victor continued his work for a while, finally finishing up what he’d been doing all day, cleaning his hands on the rag on the worktable and joining Roe at the desk. “Henry was well today.”

“Yeah!” She chirped. “I’m so glad. I miss working with him.”

“It’s good to see you two getting along like you did.”

She nodded, tipping her head as she looked up from her notebook. “You’ll do nothing but smear the blood into your skin like that.” She plucked two bowls from a desk drawer. She pulled a handful of clear plasma from one and ran it over his fingers, pulling the stains away with it. “It’s a cleaning compound. The gel pulls the blood right out of all the little cracks in your hands. Works better than scrubbing, even.” She discarded the gel into the other bowl once she was done, placing the first back into the drawer with the other hand, still holding his hand in hers. She smiled at it, sighing while looking it over. “Your hands are gorgeous, Vic. I’m impressed.”

He paused. “What do you mean?”

“Steady, strong fingered, typically clean. I dunno. Just like them, I suppose. It’s fun to watch them work.” 

The passing notion went through Victor’s mind that  _ her _ mind might be on something other than his scientific ventures, but he shoved it away as an impure thought on his part--an impolite assumption that he shouldn’t have made. In spite of that, he’d certainly considered it, and he let his thoughts linger on how else to impress her with his fingerwork. He looked up to say something about it, catching himself as she took her hand from his. He swallowed the lewd remark, shaking his head at his impure thoughts, trying to blink the mental image away as he watched Roe stand to discard the bowl of bloody gel into a basin. Patience was a virtue, he reminded himself. Taking things too quickly may have been the whole reason he’d blundered in and out of his last venture so clumsily. She smiled at him, hands on his shoulders as she passed him to get back to her seat. She went back to her notes, and he cleared his throat, standing. “I think I’ll turn in.”

“Oh? I suppose I can finish up here and--”

“No, don’t rush.” He shook his head. “My legs are just tired from standing at the work table for too long today. I’ll wait up for you.” 

“Oh...” She nodded, a passing expression of confusion coming and going in seconds. “...Alright then. I’ll see you in an hour or so, then.” 

He nodded, trying to ease the fluttering in his stomach. Patience. Restraint. The push and pull of resisting anything that might hurt her modesty was important, even if it was exhausting or difficult. It was particularly the latter tonight, so it was best he avoid it altogether, and ensure he was asleep long before she’d turn in, despite promising to wait up for her. 


	36. Anniversaries

Victor rose before Roelia did, satisfied to see her sleeping soundly next to him. He placed a hand on her shoulder, stroking it with his thumb. She stirred quietly. Victor remembered she was a light sleeper, and removed his hand. He sighed, looking around her quarters. The piles of boxes full of papers and books rose higher every week. He couldn’t help but notice that this room was similar to her bedroom in her family home, the color scheme and furnishing styles almost exactly the same--white and blue, floral accents and decorations. He stood, yawning and checking his watch on the vanity. It was almost ten. He turned to light a lamp across the room. He didn’t know how she handled being without windows like this. It made him sleep in, and clearly didn’t assist her in rising early. Though, he didn’t know what time Roelia had gone to sleep. She may have only been there for a couple of hours. He shut the lamp back off, not wishing to disturb her rest, and went back into the lab proper, going back to his own books and notes. 

Nina eyed him as she arrived from somewhere outside, removing her coat and tossing it into her loft. She glanced at the door of Roe’s quarters, then sat in her chair at the desk. “Morning.” 

She shrugged at him. 

“Something wrong?”

Nina huffed, shaking her head and pulling a book from the bottom drawer. She held it in her lap, looking closely at it. Perhaps she was learning to read. Roe had mentioned her illiteracy before, but he supposed even the slightest amount of knowledge in English would make communication much easier. She seemed to not want to talk to him, regardless, so he went back to his work. 

Roe joined them an hour later, looking at the clock over the doorway. “Four hours. I can work with that.” She mumbled. “Nina, can you get something for me?” Nina didn’t even look up from her book, lifting a package she’d brought to the desk and letting it slam back down. Whatever it was, it was heavy. “Always a step ahead of me.” Roe chuckled. “Thank you.” She nodded. Roe unwrapped the package, nodding at its contents and placing the blocks of metal in their correct jars across the room. “Morning.” She glanced at Victor. 

“How did you sleep?”

She made a disappointed noise. “Could have slept better. It’s fine.” 

“Was it my fault?”

She tipped her head. “Why would it be your fault?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. You were asleep by the time I went to bed and I woke after you. I don’t know how it would have been your fault.” She smiled at him, returning to her desk. Nina slid from her seat, taking her book to the back hall. Roe took her usual place, not even looking at Victor as she resumed whatever she’d been working on the night before. She seemed tense. 

“Did I...say something?”

“No.” She shrugged, standing with a bowl she’d been working with, turning to the back of the room and opening the channelwork. 

“Thought you said you don’t use that?”

“Not often.” She mumbled, plucking a key from her pocket and unlocking the cupboard. The wooden doors shifted amongst each other, gears clicking as they pulled away and forward, others back and behind. Underneath was a massive channel of piping and presses, intertwining with each other. She went to one side, balancing the bowl on a pipe, twisting it and dumping it into one of the channels. She placed her hand on a symbol on the first channel, shutting her eyes, a flash going off as the channels groaned and the liquid began moving through the device. She walked away from it, but acting distracted still, went to the back hall. Roe didn’t return for about an hour, and she kept herself near silent and focused on work the rest of the day. 

Victor made use of her cleaning compound, stepping back into one of the transmutation rooms. Roe was hammering a pick into the wall, carving new symbols into the transmutation circle. “It’s nearly midnight.” 

She nodded. “Okay.”

“Did you want to turn in?” He tried being more blunt. 

“I’m okay.” She mumbled, continuing her pecking. 

“I’d...like it if you joined me. I’ve hardly been able to speak with you all day.”

“I’m busy right now.” She shook her head. “This takes a lot of focus and I’m still waiting for the channelwork to finish.”

He sighed, starting into the room. “What are you working on?”

“Don’t!” She held a hand out, and one of the lines at his feet lit up. “You need to stay out of the circle, okay?” He stood just outside, crossing his arms and looking at her, still expecting an answer. She didn’t respond, though, going back to the symbols. 

“How long will you be, then?”

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “I’ll see you in the morning if you fall asleep before I’m done.”

What did he do? She was being excessively standoffish. “I’ll wait up for you.”

“Fine.” Roe shrugged. 

“Unless there’s something I can do to help.”

“No. Goodnight.” 

After an hour of ruminating on anything that could have caused the change in Roelia’s mood, she joined him, wiping soot from her neck, sighing and sitting at her vanity. She went for her bottle of wine right away, and concern rose into Victor’s throat again. “Roe.” 

“Yes?” She mumbled. 

“...Did you finish what you were working on?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “You didn’t have to wait up.”

“You seem upset.” He nodded to her glass. “And you’ve mentioned--”

“So I’m not allowed to have a bad day?” She frowned, then caught her own tone, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. “Sorry, Vic. You didn’t deserve that.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s...” She shifted. “It’s Don’s birthday.” She mumbled. “Stupid thing to be upset over, I just--usually Mr. Smear would throw an obnoxious, extravagant party, and Don would act all embarrassed and annoyed, and then tell Travis and I just how much he appreciated his father’s excitement over him.” She paused. “Again, it’s a stupid thing to be so upset over--”

“I think it’s fair. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It isn’t relevant to you. You didn’t know the Smears.”

“I care if it upsets you. I don’t have to know them.” He sat next to her on the vanity bench. 

“I’m fine. It’s past midnight, so it doesn’t matter now.” She shrugged, taking a breath. “Let’s just go to bed so that it can be tomorrow.”


	37. Patience

Victor awoke in what he assumed to be the early morning hours, from a dream that while pleasant at the time, proved embarrassing and uncomfortable. Roe was nestled against him, her legs between his, lying atop him, rather than her usual placement at his side. He stroked her hair out of her face, pulling it back, over her shoulder. She seemed to be sleeping quite soundly. She felt so frail, dainty, lying on his chest, arms draped around his sides. He barely felt her atop him at all, and if it weren't for her chest resting on a far too tempting place on his belly, he probably wouldn't even be considering half of the things his still sleep addled mind had drifted to. That said, he had been considering her with less than modest eyes of late, and if it had seeped into his dreams, it was sure to taint even innocent acts such as this. She seemed to notice his restlessness, or perhaps felt the involuntary lift beneath her at his waist, because she rolled to his side, pulling up to meet him with a silent embrace, lips against his. She pulled away, forehead against his. He was surprised, after such a bad day previous, she seemed content in her half asleep affections. He wanted her, the need filling him like a rising fever and overtaking any concern he might have, and so he returned to the kiss. Testing the waters, Victor slid his tongue against her lips, Roe responding with a hushed noise. Worried, he retreated immediately. Patience, he scolded himself. She needed time. She was barely conscious. He couldn't push her into doing something she'd regret, or wasn't ready for, all because of some uncouth dreams he'd had. Roe pulled away, arms still around his neck as she nestled into his collar bone, sighing. He sighed too, felt betrayed by his own stupid impatient need. The last time they'd done this he'd had to stop himself. This time he didn't know if he'd be able to if she reinitiated. She didn't, pulling her arms from his neck and hugging him around the ribs, back to sleep in seconds. He attempted, but without some sort of release, he worried the dreams would just return in full force, so he lay awake, trying to think of anything but how much he wanted her hands on him. A more courageous man, or perhaps one less respectful, might wake her and ask for assistance. But Victor was neither. Even if his mind tempted him to, he shook it off. By the time he’d managed to forget about it, he was so exhausted he fell asleep within minutes. 

  
  


“Did you sleep alright?” Victor sighed. 

“Fine. You?”

“I...fine enough.” He mumbled. “Were you awake this morning?”

She looked up from her book, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “When you kissed me? I was.” 

“You should know, Roe, that I’m--” He paused. How was he supposed to word this? “I want to ensure that you’re treated with the utmost care. I don’t want to do anything that might make you uncomfortable.”

She tipped her head, leaning back in her chair next to him at the work table. “You’ve not done anything to make me uncomfortable.”

“My actions this morning--”

“Didn’t make me uncomfortable.” She repeated. “I’ve no qualms over it.” 

“I just feel as if I’m not treating you with the modesty you deserve.”

“How so?” She smiled gently. “It’s okay that we’re involved, Vic. It’s alright to be affectionate whenever you want.”

“What I want is to be patient.”

Roe paused, considering him. He didn’t know what it was she was thinking. She placed a hand on his thigh, just above his knee. she didn't realize how tantalizing that was, surely. Didn't mean it as anything but reassuring. She appreciated his patience, showing it by a hand on his leg. It was nothing more than that. “That’s fine.” She nodded. “You don’t have to cite my modesty, though. You’re allowed to have some of your own. It’s okay. Just pace yourself how you see fit.”

  
  


Victor watched Roe’s fist rise to her mouth, pointer finger unfurling against her lips, her eyes focused on the diagrams on her chalkboard, her other hand rising to change a few symbols around a transmutation circle. He knew he was staring, and he knew it was a matter of time before she called him out on it, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. She tipped her head gently, frowning and shaking her head, turning to the book next to her, a tome with misplaced old pages, torn and replaced and interjected at odd angles. She flipped through some of those ruined pages, picking it up with her arm, holding it with the same care one would a child, stepping up toward the desk. She stepped right past Victor, her honeysuckle and ink scent filling him as she placed her free hand on his shoulder, pressing her face to the top of his head shortly, before opening a desk drawer, plucking something from it and going back to the board. She was well focused on her work, and he should get back to his own, but she was distracting. Despite their closeness, he found himself nervous to look at her for elongated periods of time. She resumed her usual humming as she worked on the circles, perfecting them and ensuring their shapes were not uneven. 

She was wearing the dress she’d picked out the fabric for months ago, saying it reminded her of his eyes, a notion that he now wondered if it had been romantic in nature then, before she was even aware. The dark color didn’t suit her as well as her pastels, but the pure value of her choosing it as a reminder of him was enough to make him view it in the same way she did. It fit her immaculately, no less. The high collar hugging her chin, the flare at her hips making her already commendable shape even more complimentary. Victor wondered if beneath all of her complicated clothing if she was toned, or perhaps gaunt. She’d certainly seemed insecure about her thin figure, but it looked healthy on her, complimenting her height, making her seem almost like a particularly fragile doll. He knew it was likely that she was not even close to it--he’d seen her lift animals and equipment with strength that some men weren’t capable of. 

And then, as if it was intended to ruin the moment he was having, voices carried from the hall. Roe flipped the board around to an empty slate, placing the book underneath the work table next to her, picking up another, much newer and less complicated one. “I think it’s much more likely she’s slacking off.” Travis laughed, jumping around the corner as if attempting to catch Roe doing just that. She looked up from the book that she had been pretending to study, giving Travis a crooked smirk. She was in good spirits today, and seemed unbothered by him. Agrippa joined them in the room, hands placed in his waistcoat pockets, leaning back on one foot as he looked at her. Missy was close behind both of them. 

“Can I help you?” Roe smiled at Agrippa much more kindly. 

“Sorry we didn’t make an appointment first. Your girl sent us in, though.” Missy spoke up. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m well. And you?”

“Good! My travels are going really well! I’m just back here to learn a couple things from Four. He said you know a bit about grounding sigils. I was thinking about having some put on me, but I need to know how they work first.”

“Dangerously.” Roe nodded. “I wouldn’t suggest them to a beginner. You should stick to conduit stones, rather than using yourself as a conduit.”

“But Kellan said it was likely the best next step for me.”

“You’ve met Kellan?” Roe seemed surprised. 

“Yes, I was in Africa until last week!” She smiled. “He speaks really well of you.”

“Kellan and I always got along quite well. Don never treated him kindly, but I think they had an argument years ago and they never reconciled.”

“Yes.” Agrippa nodded. “He thought the stone barbaric.” 

“Is that common in African alchemy?” Travis frowned. 

“Yes. They consider it to be closer to magicks than what they’d prefer.”

“What do they call magicks there again? Voo-doo or whatever?” He shrugged. “Spooky shit down there.”

Roe spoke up again. “Anyway, I wouldn’t suggest you move to grounding sigils, not until you’re looking to do very advanced alchemy. You should get a couple more years under your belt before you even consider sigils of any sort. They’re painful, and very difficult to use correctly.”

Missy looked at Agrippa, who nodded. “As I said, she was likely to take my side.” 

Travis shrugged again. “I thought you’d be the one to ask, but we can go elsewhere.” 

“No--if Roelia thinks I’m not ready, I’m probably gonna need to hold off for a bit.” Missy shook her head. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Don’t rush, Missy. There’s plenty of time to learn.” Agrippa smiled, then looked around, noticing Victor. “Ah, sorry, Doctor. How are you?”

“Still sulking?” Travis smiled mischievously at him. Victor tried to remember Roe’s words. It came from insecurity. He certainly didn’t seem insecure as he removed his hands from his red waistcoat to pick at some dirt under his nails. 

“I’m well.” He nodded to Agrippa. 

“Ah, by the by, I need to ask you something.” Travis turned to Roe, who looked at him. “Can we go to the red room?”

“I suppose.” She nodded, walking around the dias with him, heading into the back hall. 

Agrippa watched them closely as they left, then sighed, joining Victor, Missy going through some books on the table. “What’s Roe doing with these?” She asked, lifting one so that Victor could see it. 

“Ah, she’s not. Those are mine.”

“Seriously? I don’t understand a word of it.” She frowned, looking it over. “The language is all...I dunno, too smart for me I guess.” Missy laughed. “Travis said you were dull, but I think he’d have to be an idiot to think that if you get all this.” 

“He’s a medical Doctor, Missy.” Agrippa nodded her over. She joined them. “Roelia and Victor went to university together, but were in different programs.”

“Wait, really? What was she in?” Missy turned to Victor. 

“Chemistry. She and our mutual friend, Henry, both.”

“Wow.” She sighed. “So, can Roe understand this kind of stuff?” She passed him the book. 

“We were in similar anatomy classes, so I would think so.”

“What made you wanna be a doctor?”

“Sorry?”

“Well like, Roe became an alchemist because she wanted to help people. Did you become a doctor for the same reason?”

Agrippa shot her a look, warning her about her open curiosity. Victor paused, then shook his head. “Well, not to help people per say. My mother passed when I was young, and I thought that I should have been able to save her. So I started studying medical science, that way I didn’t have to feel so helpless should anyone else be in a similar situation.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “I--I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine.” He shook his head, looking at Agrippa. “What are they discussing back there?”

He leaned back on one foot again. “Travis is concerned about some of Don’s work left in his old lab--he didn’t always study and work at his father’s. Travis has been using it as storage, as it’s very small, but he found some of Don’s work that Roe might want to place with the rest of the Smear archives.”

“Why did he take her into the other room for that?” 

“Travis doesn’t trust you. He thinks you’re dangerous.” Missy spoke up. 

“How so?” Victor furrowed his brow. 

“You’re a scientist. He thinks that makes you less likely to keep secrets.” Agrippa sighed. “Don’t worry, no one shares his views on it.” 

“You should let him know that I don’t care enough about his secrets that he has to pull Roe away from me. She’s just going to tell me them anyway.”

Agrippa laughed. “We can keep that between us, but good on you, young man. You know how to set your boundaries. Roelia trusts you. I think that should be enough for any of us to do the same. She may be the most trustworthy person I’ve ever met.”

“I agree.”

Travis reentered the room, Roe behind him, writing in a notebook, nodding as he listed more things. “Oh, and finally, his conduit coffin. That one’s huge, so you may want to leave it with me--”

“I’ve no use for that. I’m not intending on making any homunculi.”

“Good, good.” Travis nodded. “That should be it, I think. I can have someone bring the things you want within the week. Now that we’ve discussed placement in the red room, I think it’ll make it much easier to handle.”

“Are you going, then?” She looked up at the rest of them. 

“Sounds like business is done.” Agrippa smiled at her. “Keep your head up, young lady. We’re counting on you.”

“For what?” Roe laughed. 

“For keeping a level head. It’s difficult sometimes, but often enough the people in this laboratory are the only ones who are doing it.”

“It’s very easy when you know how to stay out of things.” She chuckled. 

“Yes, well. Perhaps we all could start minding our own as soon as we figure out who’s attacking each other.”

“Seems like a plan.” Travis nodded. “Let’s go.” 

Roe walked them out, back within minutes, returning immediately to her work, turning her board back over and continuing her sigil changes. 


	38. Casual Confessions

“Sara is going to America to care for her sister for a couple of months. She’s ill, apparently. I gave the rest of the staff the same time off, and I’m going to stay there for a couple of nights, I think.” 

“You’ve seemed busy.” Victor nodded. “You could use a day off or two.”

“I suppose. Really I just want to take advantage of the time that it’ll be empty. We’ll have more privacy than we’ve ever had there, since there won’t be anyone to tell us to get up at a decent hour.” She chuckled. 

Victor smiled at her, shrugging. “Why wouldn’t you just stay in any of the other beds available to us? There’s three others if you wish not to be woken early.”

“Henry has a key to the practice, Nina lives here, and your mattress--no offense--isn’t that good. The only other place we get to be alone isn’t the most comfortable prospect. A decent bath is going to work wonders, too.” She sighed. 

“If you’re itching to be alone, I can leave you to it until you get your fill.” 

She looked over at him, shaking her head slowly. “No, I’d like you to be there.”

“That’s not exactly alone then, is it?”

She sighed. “I suppose not. Even so, if you’re not too busy--you could at least come by for a visit or two.”

He nodded, though curious as to when her notion of being comfortably alone began including him. Roe had always taken great comfort in her solitude. 

Roe was quick to run a bath, though not before she checked to ensure they truly were alone. Victor found humor in it, laughing as she turned to him from the doorway, saying “Coast is clear.” Soon, they were sitting in the master bedroom, Roelia taking her hair from it's clipped position. 

Victor watched her do so, impressed by how quickly she was able to dislodge the braids. She stood, leaning backwards to stretch. She turned to him and sat next to him on the chest ottoman on the end of her bed, hands cradled against his jaw, pressing her lips onto his. Victor's chest leapt, and as soon as it had started, Roe had pulled away and went for her bath. After a moment, he took a deep breath before knocking on the door. “You can come in.” Roe said. “I left it unlocked so that you could.”

“That’s imprudish.”

She laughed. Victor stepped in, sitting himself on a bench in the washroom, averting his gaze from the folding screen, despite the fact that she was hidden behind it anyway. "You're the heathen that entered anyway." 

"Yes, well." He mumbled. "I suppose I shouldn't have."

"Do you ever miss the comforts of home?" She asked, changing the subject almost immediately.

"What do you mean?"

"I've always lived in my rich parent's home. We have an electric water heating system. Gone are the days of boiling water in the other room to take a decent bath." 

"Most of mine are cold." He nodded. "You've upgraded to a self contained heater. Must be nice." 

"It's Norwegian. If you would like the old geyser, I still have it." She paused. "That said, your family was well off, so you grew up with many more comforts than you have now."

"It is worth it to be on my own." Victor sighed. "If you're worried about my cleanliness I assure you--"

Roe laughed. "No, Vic. You're very clean. Always have been. Does my clutter bother you?"

"No." He shook his head, more to himself than her. "It's organized. You just dart around a lot and need a lot of materials close at hand. We're slaves to our work in that aspect. Otherwise you seem to be very tidy." 

"Yes, I didn't like Sarah to have to clean up after me. Did you have a nursemaid? I don't remember."

"No. My mother took care of me personally."

"I want that." Roe sighed. "I wouldn't want some other woman taking care of my child." 

"Was it hard on your relationship with your mother?"

"There...wasn’t really a  _ relationship _ when I was young. I don't think my mother wanted to have me, let alone take care of me. Once I was out of her uterus she went back to work. As I got older she visited with me, but my father doted constantly and Sarah didn't have to spend any time with me when he was home and I didn't require feeding." 

"That explains your closeness."

"I want any children I may have to be involved with both of their parent's lives. I couldn't take such an important thing from them. They shouldn’t have to spend so much time seeking approval as I did."

"I think it would have been good for me to have the support of my father as well. He wasn’t...unsupportive, but he certainly valued my brothers a touch more. I may wish to visit more often if we’d been closer. I don't want to push our children away like--" He paused. What were they talking about? He'd said 'our', just now. "Not that I'm implying that we're about to start a family or--or that we're even far enough into this to consider that--well, not that I haven't considered it, but not seriously and--Roe, you'd be a wonderful mother, I think, it's just too soon to--"

Roe laughed. "You're fine, Vic." 

He untensed, sighing quietly. "Sorry. I'm just...I want this to be organic and naturally paced. I don't want to pressure you or--"

"You aren’t, darling.” She interrupted. “We have discussed how I feel about your relationship with Lily. This isn't like that. You've no time limit, nor do you need to withhold anything if you don't want to. Speak freely." 

“I didn’t mean to imply that you were--” He sighed. “That you were acting similarly to Lily.”

"I know.” She cooed. “I’m saying that you don’t need to be so careful with how you act with me. She manipulated you. She moved things quickly so that you'd grow attached and then got bored. You didn't pressure her, she pressured you. I know it doesn't feel as if a woman can do that to a man, but we can and will if we harden ourselves and decide it’s what we require to feel powerful." She paused and Victor could hear the water shift. Her voice changed tone, as well, more kind and humored. "And I'm sorry to say that you are incapable of pressuring me. I'm an immovable object. You'd have to hold me down if you wanted to take something from me. I’ve proven it." 

"I would never." He looked over. 

"I know. No less, you wouldn't have to. You could ask for just about anything and I would give it to you." 

He didn't know how to respond, so he didn't. After a few minutes, Roe was out and dressed in her nightgown, stretching her back on her way into the bedroom. "Are you alright?" 

"Just fine." She nodded. "Corsets and heels keep my posture pretty tight, so it's good to stretch when I'm not wearing them." 

"You don't have to. You're plenty tall enough." 

"Oh, not quite." She chuckled. "I'm not taller than my father was, so it's not tall enough." 

He shook his head. "You have a head on me." 

"Does it make you insecure?"

"No." He smiled. "I prefer taller women anyway." 

She turned to him, a hand on his jaw. "Why is that?"

"I'm...not sure. I find the height attractive, I suppose." He turned toward her fully, nestling into her hand. "Always have."

"Surely you didn't think me so attractive in university. I would think you would have pursued me sooner." 

“I did think so.” He frowned. “Actually, there were many moments where I thought myself uncouth. I’d had...thoughts, dreams...they were disconcerting.” He sighed, shaking his head. Victor expected her to scold him, the same thing he expected when it happened, the same reason he’d neglected to say anything to her. She didn’t say anything in response. His stomach sank. He’d upset her. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’re all the more charming now than you were then--I just meant to say that the interest was there--”

She seemed surprised. “No, it’s alright, it’s nothing like that. I just--I...:” She chuckled. “I had not realized that you thought me attractive.”

“I did not want to betray our friendship, ultimately.” 

She smiled gently at him. “You would not have. I don’t ever really think I suspected that you were interested in that way, but I would have been just as interested then as I am now. Even when Henry tried to tell me that you were...did he know?” 

“He did.” Victor shrugged. “But I think he knew you wouldn’t believe him. Even if he’d been reading from my journal.”

She nodded. “I assumed it nothing more than hormones. I shoved it off, partially perhaps, because I found myself too busy to consider it, and considered you the same.” Roe paused. “I...sort of require time to convince myself to be open to things like this. I don’t often consider myself a lovable person, and I didn’t really consider myself capable of loving someone as I do you. I have to process these things before I can assure myself that they’re real. If you had expressed your interest then more clearly, perhaps while I was being courted so avidly, I would have been able to realize how I felt for you sooner.”

“I just...I suppose I thought that you were not interested. Even when I thought I might have felt for you romantically, I pushed it away, thinking that it would cause you to distrust me once you’d denied me.”

She sighed. “Well, it seems fate has brought you back anyway. Doesn’t make much difference now.”

“I would doubt it to be fate. Fate has never been kind to me.”

“Perhaps it’s about time that it was then.” She nodded, kissing him gently. “Get ready for bed, Vic. Can’t have you staying up while I rest.” He nodded, reluctantly pulling away from her. 

She was already in bed and flicking through some notes when he returned from cleaning up, and she didn’t look at him as he joined her, resting his head against her shoulder and looking at the notes. The handwriting wasn’t hers, much harsher and pointed. “Is that Don’s?” 

“Good guess.” She nodded. “It’s nothing of importance.”

“Are you sure?” He glanced at her, concerned. 

“Just something I haven’t gone over from his notes yet. I’d like to ensure I know everything he might have learned before I continue any of his projects.” She put them down on her bedside, leaning her head on his. They stagnated there until eventually Roelia turned to get some probably well needed rest. Victor watched her fall asleep, surprised that she hadn’t conversed further like she had been. Perhaps she was just exhausted. 


	39. Frustration

Roe wasn’t in bed with him in the morning--unsurprising to him, really. It was later than she usually rose, so he dressed and went to look for her, realizing again that her home had far more rooms than necessary, at least six bedrooms just in the top floor’s left hall. He’d never been down the right, but Roe had mentioned when they were younger that her room had been that way, along with two closets and a small library that belonged to her. He wondered what had changed about it, but he’d not seen it then, so he wouldn’t be able to tell. 

Descending the stairs, he frowned, still unsure where Roe was. The ballroom was empty, as was the study, banquet hall quiet. Perhaps he’d missed a note. Just as he was about to turn around and head back upstairs, Roe’s head poked out from the kitchens. “You’re up late.” She smiled at him, tipping her head. “Feeling alright?”

“Fine. What’s that?” He nodded to a dish in Roelia’s hand, and she shrugged. 

“I don’t require staff to eat.” She laughed. “You know that. Plenty, though. Figured it wouldn’t kill you to get a meal in either. Do you care for Danish? Suppose I could have asked, some people find fruit too sweet in the morning--” 

“No, that’s fine. You didn’t have to cook for me, though.”

“I didn’t. I cooked for us.” She smiled at him, placing the platter onto the table and scurrying back into the kitchen, passing him a cup of tea on her return. “I’m headed back to the lab for a while today, but you can come back here for the night if you’d like. I don’t intend on staying too long.”

“I’ll meet you at the lab in a while. I have to grab some things from my apartment, but most of my current project is there anyway.”

“Are you still on the hematology?”

“I am. I appreciate you sharing some of your live specimens with me. It helps to compare the animal with the human blood.”

“Is it not the same?” She frowned. 

“Cells are packed more tightly together in humans.”

“Does that matter?” She shook her head, hands on his shoulders. “Nevermind. I’ll be happy to read the full report when you’re done.” 

  
  


Victor grabbed what he needed, taking the extra time to clean up before heading back out toward Roe’s lab. It occurred to him that every brilliant mind in his friend group lived in the slummiest of places. He descended the stairs in the pharmacy, starting down the dark hall when he heard Henry’s voice echo from the main office. Victor stopped, leaning against the wall and checking his supplies over, not wanting to interrupt whatever discussion they were having, considering the changes in his mood of late. When he heard Henry mention his name, and Roelia’s tone take on an irate note, though, his concern took over, and he advanced enough to hear them.

“It’s not that important.” 

“Sure, but answer the question anyway.”

She sighed. “We’ve not.”

“Oh,” Henry laughed. “But you want to?”

“Of course.” She sighed again, more quiet this time. “I’ve loved Victor for longer than even I was aware. It’s hard not to be interested.” 

“So why hasn’t it happened? That seems abnormal. I would think he’d be all about it.”

“Probably because he’s been so hurt in the past. I think we’ve rushed too much. I’ve stopped trying to push the issue.”

“Well,” Henry sighed. “I think you’ve come in at just the right time. He needs you.”

“But he shouldn’t need me. He needs to not see me as some form of romantic comfort for the loss of his last endeavor. That’s important, Hen.”

“I think he’s well enough adjusted to start something entirely new, Roelia. You might need to take a little initiative he doesn’t have the guts to.”

“That’s unfair to him.” She sighed. “That aside, Henry, I’m worried--”

“Stop doing that. It’ll get you nowhere. Why don’t you just listen to my advice? It hasn’t steered you wrong of late.”

"Maybe I need to trust my own judgement on this."

His tone changed. "Is mine so flawed? You don’t trust me to know Victor by now?"

"No, Hen, that isn't what I meant--"

"No wonder you've made no progress." 

She paused a moment. What were they discussing? If he’d been minutes earlier he might be able to tell, but as it was, he had no idea. Her tone took on an irate level. “You always do this, Hen. This is exactly what you did to me in University.” Roe snapped. “You just push and push until whoever it is you’re talking to does what you think is best, which is usually not in any way a good decision!”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think happened to Victor when you told him you could return Lily to how she was? Surely he didn’t just say, ‘oh, okay, let’s go do your crazy kidnapping plan then!’ and proceed to stab that woman with needles until she got better! He was so in love with her he couldn’t bear to be without her unless he was stoned out of his head! He wouldn’t agree to that, not without you pushing him. You’ve always pushed your friends and I--” She paused, then spoke again, no calmer this time. “And now you’ve pushed me into this, and I feel terrible about it!” Every organ in Victor that could sink did, and he leaned against the wall. Had Henry told Roe to pretend to love him? To help with his recovery? She spoke again, voice sounding almost strained. “I don’t want to feel as if I’m pressuring him into doing this. I don’t want to be with him if he has to force himself to be interested in me.” 

“Roelia, Victor is plenty interested in you--he’s been absolutely elated since you two have decided to be involved.” 

“Even if that’s the case, he’s clearly not over something.” 

“Roelia, every single thing he ever told me about Lily could have just as easily been about you. It wouldn’t surprise me if that was on purpose.”

She paused, insulted now. “My god, Henry. He made Lily into me, and now you’ve gone and made me into her. I--” She paused again, breathing implying that she’d been attempting to calm herself, but she grew even angrier now. “I hate everything that Lily did to Victor. She was a horrible, manipulative creatin who didn’t even care about his feelings in the slightest. She just pushed him into being in love with her so that she could feel powerful--and you’ve forced me to want things of Victor that--that are totally unfair to ask of him. Things that could imply the same for me.”

“It’s not for power for you, Roe. You know yourself better than that.”

“It’s not, but how much better is it if the reasons are still just as selfish?”

“They’re not that selfish. They’re normal.”

“I should have just--I should have stayed out of this. I should have done what I thought was best and not listened to your advice. This isn’t worth it--not to hurt him.”

Henry groaned. “It is not my fault that you decided to come to terms with the fact that you fell in love with him.”

“It isn’t my fault I ever told him! You did that! You made me tell him instead of just--of just shoving it down like I knew I should. I don’t want to hurt him like Lily did--I don’t even want to be comparable to her!”

“I’m telling you, it’s better for both of you if you just be honest about those things--”

“Henry, he’s clearly not interested. I dropped literally every hint I could in the last weeks that I’m open to such things, but he did nothing--I don’t know why--”

“What do you mean? He’s ignoring your advances?”

“I’m a woman, Henry! I don’t have to advance! That’s not--I can’t!” She sighed, tapering it into a frustrated growl. “But I thought I was being plenty forward, and even more than that I feel bad about it. I can’t do to him what’s been done in the past. I won’t make him feel like he needs to do such things with me if it’s going to make me feel like he’s a victim, or that he’s not fully comfortable in it.”

“You have a right to have needs, Roe.”

“But those needs will hurt him! He wasn’t ready for this yet. I just can’t.”

“Well then obviously you need to wait on him to make the first move.” Henry sighed. “Which, Roe, you know how cowardly he is--you’ll be waiting forever.”

“Then I will, Henry. I will wait forever if he wants me to. But I will not keep him captive because of my feelings until he eventually decides it’s his duty as a man, or as my partner, to do so, and does it for any other reason than that of him loving me.”

“I don’t think he feels as if you’re keeping him captive, or that it’s a requirement for him to know you in order to keep you around.” There it was. He couldn’t be sure, but now it was clear that they were discussing his cowardice. His intention to protect her modesty that had backfired on him and caused Roe to feel unwanted. He felt even more sick now, realizing her advances had been excessively obvious, if he would have just been looking for them.

Roe spoke again, snapping him from his thoughts. “He already described the encounter with Lily, Hen. He will. If I advance, he won’t do it because it’s what he wants, he’ll do it because that’s what he’s supposed to do. Because to a man, sleeping with someone isn’t about what he truly wants. Men are supposed to want women. They’re so easily pressured.” She sounded even more upset with every word. “And Victor is  _ so _ dear to me. I can’t be the reason he feels like that. Christ, I’m just--I’d be a fucking monster. I’m a monster for even thinking that he should--”

“Jesus, Roe. You’re being far too sensitive about this. It was just a question. You need to talk this over with him.” Henry sighed. 

“You were the one who wanted to know what was wrong.” She frowned. “I never get to stop worrying about either of you. Your pendulum, Victor’s emotional health, it’s too much at times.”

“And of course, your wanting of him.”

“That’s part of the balance, yes.”

“Well then, I suggest you see which of those problems you can solve soonest. I’m heading out.”

She made a noise of frustration, and Victor ducked into the shadows as Henry passed him. He seemed beyond frustrated, as if the question he'd asked had upset him further than the argument.


	40. Response

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is NSFW

Did Roelia feel...neglected? Had Victor been playing things too safe, or was it his own insecurity that had made him doubt her? He didn't think he was worth her affections--thought it best to wait until he was sure that she wanted him. 

He had to do something to let her know that he wanted whatever it was she did--he'd been aching for her for years, forcing it on the back burner for so long that he didn't even know she was trying to bait his advances. But they were obvious now. 

_ "It's okay, you can get a little greedy." _

_ “Don’t hesitate if you’re interested. I would much rather you do whatever it is you want." _

_ “You could ask for just about anything and I would give it to you." _

She’d said those things to him, and they would have been painfully inviting coming from anyone else. He’d chalked them up to her friendly demeanor and reassurance, but they were invitations, not assistance. It wasn’t going to hurt her, as much as he’d thought it might. If he didn't act on his own wants, make them clear to her that they weren’t something she had to coax him into, he was going to lose her. He couldn't--not Roe. It wasn't about the companionship--he needed her to stay because it was Roelia. He clenched his hands, taking a breath, before stepping into the room and dropping his bag on the table by the door, climbing up to Roe's desk, where she stood, organizing papers, though not in a way that looked productive. "Roe, what is it?" 

She bristled when she turned to look at him. "Henry was just stirring the pot is all." She shook her head. "It's nothing." 

"It isn't." He frowned. "What do you need? What can I do?" 

She stared at him for a moment, mouth agape. “What did you hear?”

"Enough.” He sighed. “Anything, Roe. I just want to ensure you're happy." 

"Stop." She hissed. "Don't you dare." 

"What?" Victor shook his head, grasping her hands in his. “Stop what?” 

"Don't you bend over backwards to keep me here. That isn't what I want. I won't hurt you. I'll be here as long as you could possibly need me to be so just--please, Vic, take your time." She was on the verge of tears--such a rare emotion for her, and he gripped her hands tighter as she attempted to pull away. It hurt him more that he didn't know how to fix it. She was so conflicted between her want to avoid hurting him and her want to be closer with him. He could see it on her face. 

It occurred to him then, staring at the conflict in her eyes, that Roe wanted him. She wasn’t just attracted to him because of their old friendship, she was enamored with him over much less innocent notions. "You need to go, Vic." She whimpered, turning her head from him. “I--I know your work is here right now, but I can’t--” 

"I won't." He shook his head again. "You need me." 

"It doesn't matter what I need, sweetheart." She sighed, removing her hands from his, placing them on his jaw. "I don't want you to feel as if you have to be responsible for my wants." 

"You love me?" He mumbled, unsure now. His original theory that she’d been doing all of this to assist his recovery still hadn’t faded. 

Her face took on sympathy, as if she knew what he was thinking. "I've never loved anyone else, Victor. It's always been you, even if I hadn't realized it. I can't imagine being this close to anyone but you." She paused. "I just--it has to be wholehearted for you. I need you to be happy to be with me. If I were to ever make you feel as if we shouldn't be doing this, I don't want you to stay now. I don't want to be a source of pain for you." 

"You're incapable of being that." He took her hands from his face, shutting his eyes and placing them on his shoulders. "Even unintentionally. Someone who views me just as I am, with every crack and scar and dent, could never hurt me like Lily did. I would never want to, but even should we go our separate ways, you would leave a positive mark."

“I--I worry--”

“Stop doing that. Stop worrying about if I’m sure about this. I need to as well. I was concerned over how you felt about me--concerned that you were doing this to spare my feelings. We can’t keep doing that to each other.”

“I know.” She nodded. “It’s difficult for me. I have no experience. I can jeer and joke all I want, but I don’t know the first thing about this.”

“My experience isn’t exactly vast, Roe.” He smiled. “But I’m excited to move forward with this. I’m surprised at how much just sitting across from you while you distill chemicals makes me want you. I can’t imagine a better woman to care for me like you do. No one else can. I’m still wondering what exactly you see in me.”

“Everything.” She frowned now. “I don’t have the slightest clue how you don’t see what I do. Victor, you’re the most wonderful person I know. You’re intelligent and kind--even if you don’t think yourself so--sensitive in a way that most people--not even just men--aren’t. You’re open and accepting, and stubborn and just so wonderfully refreshing to be around. You’re willing to fight back when needed, but you’re also good at judging when that is. Your arrogance is well earned and backed by the fact that you know your limits.” She paused. “I don’t understand what it is that makes you unable to see all that.”

He couldn’t respond with words--didn’t know how. Instead of going quiet this time, Victor pressed Roe against the edge of her desk, mouth on hers, hands gripping her hips. He could feel how greedy the touch was, and Roe surely could as well, judging by her angling her body closer to his and arching ever so slightly back onto her desk. “I’m sorry.” He breathed, and she laughed. 

“Sorry for what?”

“This isn’t proper.”

“Fuck proper.” She mumbled. “Sometimes I don’t want to have to be so proper all the time.” He smirked into her neck, nipping at it, hands moving upward, cradling her jaw above him, pulling her back into him. He started navigating his hands downward, pressing into her waist before reaching to paw over her chest, recoiling a moment, unsure. She glanced at him, concern drawing over her features. “What is it?”

“Is this alright?”

“Do you want it?”

His jaw tightened, anticipation and nerves rising. “Of course.”

“Then Vic, the only thing you could do wrong right now is stop touching me and walk away.”

His confidence rose just enough, and he hooked his thumbs into the neckline of her blouse, finding the fasteners in the back of the neck and undoing them, sighing impatiently at her complicated outfit. “It looks immaculate on you, but do you really need to be dressed in such frustrating clothes?”

“Slave to my class.” She reminded, assisting by loosening the corseting of her skirt so that it didn’t hold the blouse any longer, shrugging it off for him. He unhooked the bustle, removing it and noting how pointless her choice in small bustles really was for her outfits. That thought was just as pointless, and distracting, so he discarded it along with the metalwork, working at her corset with shaking hands. She gripped her desk whilst he did, so tightly her knuckles were changing color. 

“Are you nervous?”

“A bit?” She tipped her head. “I can’t help it. No man’s ever seen me without my clothing.” Her corset came free finally, and the camisole was much simpler to remove. Victor found himself impressed--her clothes disguised her chest size, though it was probably considered average, he’d thought that she was more modest than she was. “What?” Roe frowned, looking worried. 

“Hm?”

“You’re...you’re staring.” She glanced away. 

“I don’t mean to--” Victor flushed. “Sorry--”

“No, I just--it’s embarrassing.”

He shook his head, kissing her again. “No, don’t be embarrassed.” He moved to her skirtings, removing each layer carefully, pushing them to the side so as not to step on them. 

“Unfair.” She sighed, watching Victor as he lowered himself to nudge at her stomach, pressing his head into her. 

“What is?”

“You’ve got me at your disposal--you’ve not so much as removed your vest.”

“I suppose that isn’t fair.” He stood, hands still pressed to her waist. Roe stepped closer to him, removing his vest and unbuttoning his shirt, hands on his shoulders, pulling him against her again. “Doesn’t help when you’re acting so impatient.”

“Then undress faster.” She sighed, reaching toward his trousers, unclipping them and removing his suspenders, starting to unbutton them. She paused, retracting her hands. “I--apologies.” 

“Stop apologizing.” Victor smiled at her, hands working at his own clothes now, not removing them fully, just exposing what was necessary. He stepped closer to her and reached behind her to clear her work from the desk, placing his hands against her shoulders, pushing her backward a bit. She caught on, lifting herself atop it. He pulled her closer to him by her hips, moving a hand to rest against her sternum before angling himself against her. “I can stop--don’t let me hurt you.”

“Why would you hurt me?” She offered. 

“Ah--well, it--this could be painful at first.” 

“I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m not...technically intact, anyway. At least, I would assume the stone wouldn’t repair a hymen.” She smiled, reassuring, and he responded in turn. 

“I don’t wish to upset you, either. If you start to panic or--”

“I’m comfortable enough under your touch that I don’t have to worry about that, Vic.” He swallowed, taking a breath. Truthfully, he was just as nervous as she might be. Unable to stall any longer, or perhaps unwilling to with her lying prone before him, he pressed slowly into her, sighing against her collarbone. She whinged, sighing gently. “Alright. Maybe the stone does repair a hymen.” 

“You think?” He frowned. 

“Sure hurts like it.” Roe shook her head. “Congrats on your forever virgin, I suppose.” She laughed like it was a joke, but Victor didn’t care about such a notion in the least. Waiting to ensure she wasn’t in too much pain before continuing, he moved a hand to her shoulder as he rocked further into her with each slow, though not quite steady, thrust. She nestled against him, hands on his back, head angled downward toward him, breath hot on his neck, fingers gripping tightly on his skin. He paused, nudging her face with his, before standing straighter, ceasing his movements long enough to do so.

"Are you alright?" 

"Far past that." She whimpered. "Well beyond alright." 

"You seem almost…" What was the word? 

"I'm beside myself, Vic." She sighed, her voice a higher pitch than usual. "Don't stop on my account." 

"You know if you need me to--"

" _ Don't _ ." She repeated, her eyes somewhere between threatening and pleading. He couldn't help but find humor in it, covering up his smile with a change of pace, pressing further in than he'd intended, Roe's shriek not one of upset, and the experience far too exhilarating for him to want to stop, so he continued at the heightened pace. Each time he moved inward, he savored her vocal response, really nothing more than a squeak or a quiet and quick exhale accompanied by an involuntary moan. 

Victor froze suddenly as his release dawned on him, pulling from her, trying to keep from spilling over so soon. This was far from what he’d expected, taking her on her desk, much less intimate and careful than he’d thought it would be. She chuckled, tipping her head at him. “What is it?”

“I’m not ready to stop. I need to take a moment.” 

“There will be other times. No need to push yourself.”

“I don’t want to disappoint.” 

“You couldn’t.” 

Victor nodded, looking into her eyes and leaning back into her, a hand on her neck, the other around her head, pulling himself into her shoulder as he moved to continue. The sudden start caused Roe to respond with a loud cry, tightening around him. That was enough to take any sort of control that Victor had over himself from him, and he spilled over into her, breathing heavily into her neck as she sighed into his ear. He stayed there for a long moment, resting against her, nestled against her chest, running the tips of his fingers over her thigh and neck with each hand. “Too soon.” He panted. 

“We can make up for it.”

"I'd feel bad if you didn't--" 

"No need to feel bad at all, then." She laughed. "There are easier ways to say you'd like to have another go. Namely, just continuing."

"As much as that sounds like the only thing I want to do right now, you’ll have to give me a while.”

“Of course.” She chuckled, breathing a quiet hum into his ear, stroking his back with her nails. “I hate to rush you, darling, but I'm technically open for business.”

“Ah. I hadn’t...hm.” He lifted himself out of her, suddenly very self conscious. “I hadn’t considered that.” 

“Quite alright.” She laughed now. “Well worth it, I think. Certainly more of a fun experience than I’d always assumed it would be.”

He looked at her, wondering how different she would have thought it would be considering her past experience. “Give me a few hours and I’ll see if I could provide more. But...for now, we should probably clean up and redress.” 

“Yes, that’s...for the best.” Roe mumbled, sitting up, dropping from her desk and gathering her clothes. Victor reclasped and clutched his vest from the floor. He watched as she walked toward her quarters, as gorgeous disrobed as she’d been any other time he’d seen her. 

It hit Victor now what just happened, and he sighed, relief washing over him as for once, it felt like he and Roelia were on the same page. Not wishing to be seen standing in her office so disheveled, however, he followed her to her quarters and straightened his clothing out, stepping closer to her as she tightened her corset and tugged on her camisole, bottom half still unclothed. She’d likely need to clean further before she could return to her full outfit. He kissed her gently and looked up at her. “I meant it. There’s no one better.” 

She nodded, kissing him again, smiling that usual gentle response that meant she was hanging on his words. “We should stay here for a while.” 

“Sure.” He nodded, taking her hand and sitting next to her on the bedside, head against her shoulder as they lie down. She tangled her fingers in his, shutting her eyes.

This was good. Victor hadn’t had something good in a long while, especially without any drawbacks. He worried of course, that it wouldn’t last, but he’d enjoy Roe’s company while she offered it.

"What was Henry's concern?" He asked. 

"He wanted to know how we were getting on. Then he asked if I was alright, and then if we'd been intimate." Roe shrugged. 

"I'm sorry I hadn't realized that you wanted me so badly."

"It was more important to me that you wanted it." 

"I've wanted it for a very long time. I just did not think you would have been interested." 

"Do I seem interested enough now?" She smirked, pulling his lips up to meet hers, twisting and pressing him down into the bed, fingers still entwined. 

Victor pulled back. "Plenty." He breathed, shaking his head. "But again, I'm afraid I'm still recovering. I'd be more than elated to continue this once I'm capable again." 

"I wasn't trying to imply I needed you to take me here as well." She laughed. “I’m already filled quite thoroughly. I’m not sure you could fit any more fluid in me.” 

"I would love to, honestly. Anywhere you'd like, Roe. Just...after I can actually perform again." He smiled at her, watching closely as she kissed him and stood, retying the corseting of her skirt, looking just as proper as she had before their encounter, save for her hair, the braids twisted and bun frizzed. She soon fixed those things too, and Victor lay there, watching her diligence at work as she reshaped her bun. “You’re not going to clean up?”

“It’s fine.” She mumbled. “I can do so while you’re in the other room.” 

“Such modesty, even now?” He shook his head. 

“But of course.” Roe chuckled, turning to look over her shoulder at him. “If you're concerned, this happened at a good time, I'm just over my menses." 

"I...wasn't, but I suppose we should have considered that."

She shrugged, making a face as if she wasn’t concerned at all. “I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might take a small break from this fic to start working on some others! Now that the sexual tension has been eased up though I'm sure no one will mind NEAR as much as they would have if I'd stopped two chapters ago. lol


	41. Unbating

Roe returned to work, and so Victor did too, her demeanor much more relaxed now than it had been for weeks. She returned to her sigils, humming along as she clacked chalk noisily against the slate. “Thought you weren’t intending to stay long.” Victor mumbled, glancing over.

“I...wasn’t, no.” She nodded, then laughed. “Just habit to work, I suppose. We can head back if you’d like.”

“No, it’s fine, you just said that--”

“I told you I would be returning there for the night, Victor, because I’ve been attempting to get you among the bedclothes with me for weeks.”

He hesitated, then couldn’t bring himself to respond at first. “I...I suppose, yes. Sorry.”

“For what?” 

“I should have noticed sooner.”

“Yes, you should have.” She laughed. “But as I said, I didn’t want to force you into anything.” 

“I wish you’d been more clear. It’s been a struggle for me as well.” 

“I’m sorry if it wasn’t clear enough for you, but I really did try.”

“Perhaps next time you should try just asking me to sleep with you.”

She shrugged. “Noted. Next time I feel the need to, I will.” Roe smiled at him, placing her chalk down and brushing her hands against her skirts. She ascended the dias, sitting at her desk across from him, folding her fingers and placing them over her mouth, leaning forward, elbows on the desk. 

“What is it?” Victor tipped his head at her. 

“Just musing.” She mumbled. 

“On what?”

“On you.”

“...What about me?”

“Everything? Nothing at all?” She shrugged, chuckling to herself. “I dunno. Just looking, I suppose.”

“Not sure I’m much to look at.”

“I’m happy with it.” 

Roelia seemed distracted as she locked the door to her family home, tossing her bag on a nearby table, sighing and starting upstairs. “Something wrong?” Victor frowned. 

“It’s nothing. Just feels like rain.” She shrugged. “Worried about the tree up front again.”

“Would it be better to stay downstairs?”

“No, it’ll be fine. It might not even crash through the window this time.”

“When are your staff supposed to be back?”

“Not for another couple of weeks.”

Victor glanced to the other hall, considering his curiosity from before. “When you moved to the master, did you start using your old bedroom for storage?”

“No, I left it as is. Works well as a guest room.” She turned, starting down the right side of the hall, unlocking the door and swinging it open. Victor supposed the massive amount of insects hung on the walls shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did, nonetheless. She smiled gently, easing into the room, looking around. “Ah, so they have kept it dusted.” She chuckled. “I haven’t been in here in a long while, honestly. No real reason to be.”

“Is this how it always looked?”

“You mean when I was a girl?” She laughed. “No. The walls were much different. I was...quite interested in theatre and ballet when I was a child. Those faded as I took part in them long enough to gain ridicule. But I had all sorts of advertisements and such hung up around my walls.”

“Anette--you mentioned that you two were in the same ballet troupe as girls.”

“Ah, I had forgotten you met her. Yes. Her parents brought her to London for Academy, but we hit it off there and she joined me in my ballet lessons. She’s...very kind, though not always the most easy to understand.”

“She seems quite normal.”

“In comparison to us?” Roe shrugged. “The strangest of women in London are normal in comparison to the people who can even slightly relate to us.” 

Roe was sitting silently in the study, flipping through a book and tapping a beat onto the arm of a chair when Victor joined her, a hand on hers. “You seem less tense.”

“I am.” She nodded. “It’s getting late, we should probably turn in soon.”

“Tired?”

“Not particularly. Doesn’t mean I won’t get there within the hour with your assistance.”

Victor supposed he had told her to be more blunt, but it wasn’t going to change things so quickly. At least now, he could assume things she said to possibly be intended to entice.”Then I suppose,” He sighed. “we should retire before you do feel exhaustion coming on.” 

Twice in one day was almost surprising to Victor, Roe’s fervor unexpected but appreciated, this time much more focused and less nervous. She’d managed to actually get him out of his clothes entirely this time as she eased him from hall, to doorway, to bed, something she revelled in, making him just a touch self conscious. Not that he’d had the right to be, with her allowing his hands placement wherever he wanted, gravitating toward her chest far more than she seemed to expect. But resistance for him was futile, the opportunity to do whatever it was he wanted, and her wonderful figure against his, making it near impossible to avoid his habituary interest. This event was longer, surprisingly, as well, and this time much closer to his original intention--on a mattress, primarily--quiet and intimate and with the perfect level of intensity and passion. What she deserved, he thought, a kind, guiding hand. At least he’d considered himself as such, until she twisted him to take position on top of him, showing an interest in taking the lead in a way that made him wonder if he ever wanted to make her give it up. 

Roe took no great interest in redressing this time, nestling against him and shutting her eyes peacefully, looking tired as ever. That had been the intention that he’d mentioned, he supposed, and it occurred to him that she was right. It’d started raining without either of them noticing. All the more reason to get some sleep until morning. 

Even if Victor had thought Roe in the dawn’s light the first morning he’d confessed to her was the most wonderful sight he’d experienced of her then, it paled in comparison to this. Not only did the pink light reflect off her skin in a way that seemed unnaturally beautiful, but the more of her pale flesh that the window’s rays touched, the harder it was for him to look away from. Even with her turned away from him, her shape was highlighted by the encroaching morning sun, and it was nothing short of impressive. She wasn’t gaunt, by any means, the hand on her waist proving that, the toned muscle beneath the skin clearly felt on Victor’s fingers, a layer of firm below the warm, soft, pliable give that he couldn’t help but be elated by the opportunity to touch as he ran his hand down her side. She’d slept over the bedding, the small hump of her hip accentuated by the position of her legs. She shifted under his touch, and instead of pulling away, Victor eased himself closer. Roe turned around now, facing him and nestling into his shoulder.

“Morning, wandering hands.” She mumbled.

“I could refrain.” He shrugged. “If you’d like.”

“Alternatively, you could keep doing it forever.” Roe hummed. “We could just...stay in this bed for the foreseeable future, putting any considerations of the past and future off indefinitely.” 

“I don’t think you’re capable of being still for that long.”

“You’re right.” She sighed. “But a couple more hours? That I can handle.”


	42. Modesty

Henry was in Roe's office when she and Victor returned from supply gathering, and she nodded at him, showing none of the animosity that had plagued their previous conversation. He however, seemed irate. He waited for Roe to head into the transmutation hall to approach Victor. "How are you two?" He asked, voice hushed. 

"Ah--very good, actually." He glanced at the back hall, judging Roe to still be busy. "We've um...we've been intimate now, actually. It seems she was interested far longer than I’d thought." 

"Hn. So I've heard." Henry shrugged. "Right on the desk, even. Just couldn't wait to have her?" 

Victor stared at Henry. There was none of the expected humor in his voice. "I...how did you know…?"

"Nina. She's very expressive, and she only saw a glimpse before leaving so as not to intrude. I asked her where you two were and she essentially let me know that since that moment you haven't left Roelia's side." 

"I had...forgotten that she was here." 

"Of course you did. Mind was on our friend's anatomy." He tossed his head to the side. "...Probably traumatized the girl." He added. 

"Why are you acting so angry?" Victor frowned. “You were the one mocking us about our closeness all those years.”

"I'm not. Whatever. I came to speak with Roelia, but it can wait. You two seem busy." He turned and strode out of the lab without responding to Victor's calling for him. Roe reentered a few minutes later. "Where's Hen?"

"He left." Victor shrugged, turning to her. "Apparently Nina saw us."

Roe looked mortified. "Oh my god, how did I forget she was here? That's so careless of me! I thought she was out." 

"Henry seemed angry." Victor mumbled, mind on other things than his embarrassment.

"Why so?" Roe frowned deeper, concerned. 

"I don't know. He was mocking us as usual but it...seemed off for him."

"Maybe he just needs to cool off. Our last argument was pretty intense." She sighed. "Sorry he took it out on you."

"It's fine." He mumbled. Victor was pretty sure that it wasn’t about their argument. Something about Henry’s reaction didn’t seem like he was in any way happy for their consummation. “I’ll check on him after we’re done here.”

“Well, it’s not exactly respectful, is it? Don’t you think she was shoved into things enough last time?” Henry snapped.

“I didn’t _ shove _Roe into anything.” Victor sighed. “She was quite receptive, and I did ensure that she wasn’t thinking of the baron’s crime whilst it happened.”

“She shouldn’t have to think about the baron’s crime anyway!” He growled. “That man isn’t going to be hurting anyone ever again, and she knows that. I made sure of it.” 

Victor gritted his teeth, stepping closer to Henry. “Just because you killed the man does not mean that Roelia isn’t still hurt by the event.”

“I know that. It’s why you should have given her something more loving. Roelia deserves that.” 

“And I have provided that, as well. It’s not as if I’m remaining with the desk and nothing more. Very soon after, we went back to her home and I took great care to ensure she could feel safe in my hands. And she does--she said as much to me."

"Yes, surely between moments of you shoving your hands and whatever else wherever you wanted." 

“Is that not the point of permission? Are you implying I’ve violated her in any way?”

“Yes, I am. Roe deserves to be treated like--well, respectfully.”

“And what about any of this do you think is disrespectful? If she’s enthusiastic about it, then how am I disrespecting her?”

“You could have done with a little patience.”

As if he’d not been patient enough? "Regardless, what business of yours is it, Henry?” He shook his head. “This really has nothing to do with you! So what if Nina told you what happened--you don’t need to defend Roe from me. I wouldn’t hurt her. I would never consider doing something to her that she didn’t want done. You shouldn’t even know what happened.”

“Roe is my friend too, Old Man. I have both of your best interests at heart.”

“Well as of now, Roelia is more than my friend. I think I would have known if I was hurting her, and she certainly seemed to enjoy herself. Why else would she seek it out twice in one day?”

“You think you know Roelia better than I?” 

Victor couldn’t believe this. Why the hell was Henry suddenly no longer on their side? “Yes, I do, Henry. I don’t see her inviting you into her bed.” He paused. “Not that that’s what you want.”

“It isn’t. I’d just rather you two don’t go off and leave me.” Henry sighed. “And I don’t want to have to hurt you because you put Roelia in danger.”

“She doesn’t need your protection. She’s happy--I’m happy. Why are you so against that?”

“I’m not.” He frowned, leaning on a worktable. “I hope you practically worshipped her to make up for treating her like filth." 

"Excuse me? _ Filth _? Roelia is far and away the most important thing to me. I would never--"

“Well? So, since you managed to make up for it the second time, surely the details of that encounter were better? You weren’t just taking her as if she were worthless?”

“That wasn’t the case either time, Henry.”

"I just think she deserved better than to be fucked against a desk like a common whore.” 

“It was _ on _ the desk, actually.” Roe sighed, setting her things down on a worktable as she joined them in the room. “If we’re going to discuss semantics. There was nothing hurtful or violent about it. But we’re not going to discuss semantics. Are we clear, Hen?”

He eyed her, anger still present in his voice as he spoke. “Crystal, Roelia.” 

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse my interruption, I’m a _ lady _. I’m not to speak on such matters. Don’t make me discuss it again. I’ve spoken with Nina--she considered it more embarrassing for her that she disturbed us. You should not have questioned her about it. You made her uncomfortable, Henry. Nina is dear to me. Don’t do it again.” He stared at her, then shook his head. She rose a hand to shut down any excuse he was about to make, and then went silent as she unpacked some plant stone materials. “This is going to be for you. Passiflora is good for treating mood changes and anger. You’re going to sleep with it, and when it goes away, you’re going to tell me and ask for another. Your injections are not working, and I think they need a bit of a boost. That’s all this is.”

Henry seemed to become extremely self aware suddenly. He looked at Victor sympathetically. So it seemed that Hyde had become Jekyll again. He approached Roe and looked over her shoulder as she transmuted a plant stone, taking it from her gently. “I’m sorry, Roelia.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do what I say.” She smiled kindly, voice soft. “Henry, your issues are getting worse. You’re going to need to start journaling them or something. I don’t know what all this plant stone is going to do for you if you don’t attempt to become self aware.”  
“I...yes. There’s no reason for me to be so cruel.” 

She sighed, patting his hands. “That’s all. I’m going. Feel free to continue your discussion if you wish.” Roe paused. “Just--Vic?”

He turned to her, feeling ashamed and embarrassed that he’d spoken on it at all.“Yes?”

“If you do continue to talk about it, please don’t discuss details. I _ am _ a modest woman, you recall.” 

“Of course.” He shook his head. She was angry, and he felt terrible. His voice cracked as he spoke. “Where will you be tonight?”

She considered it. “The practice, I think. If that’s alright.”

“Of course.” He nodded. “I’ll meet you there soon.”

“Take your time.” She shrugged, packing up her work and walking out of the room, heels clacking against the brick. 

Victor turned to Henry, shaking his head. He was so angry that he’d made her angry that he didn’t even know how to express it. “What?” Henry snapped. 

“Why would you even bring it up? What’s the point?”

“To ensure Roe’s being treated well. Nothing more.”

“With such vulgar detail? Perhaps you should stay out of that part of our bond.”

“You’re right, I probably could have been more modest. My emotions got the best of me. I won’t say any more on it.”

Victor didn’t believe that, but he sighed and nodded anyway. “Now, I should go ensure that Roelia isn’t so livid she can’t make it back safely.” 

“I think she can handle it.”

It didn’t matter. Victor didn’t want to be in Henry’s presence any longer. He caught up to Roe easily, but she didn’t even look at him as he fell in step with her. “I’m sorry.”

“Just because I’m improper with you doesn’t mean I’m to be flaunted.” She snapped, flicking her eyes to him, as if she caught her own tone and disapproved of it, but she didn’t apologize. 

“That wasn’t the intention, I promise. I didn’t mean to--” 

"It makes me uncomfortable for Hen to know the details of my sexual habits. I'm not an object, Vic. Not something to be bragged about." 

"Roe, I don't see you that way. Henry was prying. He was scolding me for what he took to be cruelty on my part."

"And in order to defend yourself you chose to talk about our continued activity?" She paused, taking a breath. “So much interest in my modesty until it actually matters.” 

“I’ll ensure it doesn’t happen again.” He nodded, grasping her empty hand. She continued walking, stopping as she reached the end of the length of her arm, jerking slightly. “I mean it, Roe. I’ll ensure I shut it down as soon as it’s mentioned.” He paused. “I...suppose I’m surprised. You were discussing it with Henry before, so I thought--”

She nodded, expression going soft as she looked at him. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it. But I’m just...embarrassed. Not of you, of the circumstances. Henry shouldn’t know the few details he does, he didn’t need to know even more. ‘Yes, we’re involved sexually’ would have sufficed.”

“Of course.”

“I’m not angry.”

“You seem angry.”

“I’m not angry with _ you _. I’m angry with Henry. He shouldn’t be asking you for details. It’s strange, uncomfortable. He shouldn’t care.”

“You stood in the hall for...most of that conversation, didn’t you?”

“I did.” She nodded. “Kept hoping you would both stop discussing it, but you didn’t.” She sighed. “It’s fine, Vic. Let’s just go home.”

She was embarrassed, and he supposed she had every right. He should have shut it down--Henry was just being argumentative today. He shouldn’t have been egging him on.


	43. Finances and Domesticity

Her mood seemed to improve soon after arriving at the practice, and while Victor was still worried about her reaction, he chose not to push the issue. Roe finished up what she’d been doing, patching a hole that he’d missed, apparently, and brushed her hands off on her skirts. 

“So this is the process of opening a practice, hm?” She chuckled. “Seems like a lot of paperwork and not a lot of trade.”

“It is, really.” He shrugged, flipping through the sheets. “Business applications, hospital networking, qualification tests...”

“It’s like university all over again.” She smiled. 

“It’ll be worth it when I can make some actual money off of it.”

“Vic, if you ever need--”

“No.” He looked at her. “I’m supposed to provide for you--not the other way around.”

“You...” She paused. “You realize how much people pay me for my curatives, right? Exotic stones are typically three pounds, but even the regulars are fifteen shillings, depending on the usual cost of materials. On top of my wages from the order--which are handsome at least, and extravagant at best, and my inheritance, I’m far from needing you to provide.”

He froze, looking at her. “...As much kratom as you’ve made me--how much did that cost you?”

She tipped her head. “More than you’d be capable of paying me back. Kratom is imported.” 

“You treat a lot of people who look far from well off.”

“Yes.” She nodded. “And the cost of that comes straight from my wages, so that I can continue to do so. I told you--I’m in this to help people.”

“As much as you’ve made me, I feel like I’ve probably cost you more than anyone else.”

“I wouldn’t say so. You didn’t need full treatments, just the occasional stone. I would say...” She tipped her head, going over the math in her head. “Well, surely it’s been no more than twenty-four pounds.”

“Roe that’s--” He sighed. “Granted, I live in tenements, it’s even cheaper there than most--and yet you’ve still just given more than half a year of my rent to me in the form of plant stones.”

“If you would prefer I just pay your rent, then we can arrange that.” She laughed. 

“That’s not the point.”

He started to speak again, but she interrupted. “You’re right. It isn’t. I don’t end the year on a loss, ever. It’s alright, Vic. Money isn’t exactly an object for me. I’m happier helping you than I am just saving it for, what, to add to the inheritance I already don’t use? Honestly.” 

“Then with this, I suppose we just don’t have to have you continue your work.” 

She laughed again, sitting on the corner of his desk. “You can rip my work from my cold dead hands, Victor Frankenstein.”

Roelia let him get back to his work for a while, eventually returning to the office, a bowl in hand. “Supper. I don’t care if you keep working, but it’s necessary for you to eat.” She set it down in front of him. 

“Henry’s going to be livid you made curry without him.” He glanced at her. 

“Henry can die mad. He’ll be lucky if I ever cook for him again. Even if I got the recipe from him, he’s not getting any after today.” 

“I really don’t think he meant that much by it.”

“Even so, I feel violated.” She tipped her head, then shrugged the notion off, smile returning. Victor wondered if perhaps she was much more frustrated with other things Henry had said than she was letting on. Regardless, she seemed to be taking great care not to take it out on him, or hold him accountable for something that, even now, he was sure was partly his fault. After all of his wholehearted attempts to keep her modesty proper as possible, he’d still managed to flub that the minute he was asked to discuss it. Roe left again, before he’d been able to voice the apology hanging on his mind. 

“You don’t have to do all that.” Victor frowned, leaning in the doorway of the washroom. Roelia stood from cleaning, turning to him. 

“You need clean clothes.” She shrugged. 

“I can take care of it myself.”

“But you don’t have to if I do it.” Roe smiled at him. “And I’m not busy.”

“You don’t have to settle into the housewife role, Roelia.”

She sighed gently, stepping closer, arms on his shoulders. “Vic, I’m not settling into anything. It needs to be done. I’m doing it. That’s all.”

“And you’re not going to resent me for it?” 

Roe shook her head. “Why would I?”

He couldn’t voice the concern. Lily had berated him over her household chores. Again, though, comparisons were not to be made between the two. “Nothing. So long as you’re doing it because you want to.”

“Of course.” She nodded. “You didn’t tell me to make you food, or clean your clothes. You don’t expect it. You have work to do.”

“Had.” He shrugged. “Finished now. Just got back from dropping it in the post.”

“All the better.” She smiled, glancing at the laundry. “I’ll be finished in, say, a few minutes? We could turn in early.”

“Suppose so.”

She raised a brow at him. “More to do?”

“Not particularly tired.”

“I wasn’t referring to your wakefulness.” She smiled. “Best you have  _ some  _ energy in you.”

  
  


Victor turned to her, and after getting over the fact that she lay there before him with not even a sheet, he spoke. “I--I ah--” He trailed off, unsure how to word his comment. “I wasn’t expecting--is that common?”

“Is what common?” Roe tipped her head as it leaned on her fist, propped up on an elbow.

“The ah--the use of your--” He shook his head. “Never mind.” 

She laughed. “You’re not allowed to be shy now, Vic. Can’t be having sex if you can’t discuss it.”

“I just--I’ve never heard tell of a woman using her--well, her entire throat, I suppose.”

She shrugged. “It’d be boring if it was all lips and tongues.” 

“I suppose I was under the impression that was all it was supposed to be.”

“I can refrain, if you’d prefer. I imagine it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.”

“No, I was just--surprised? Impressed?”

Roe chuckled, shaking her head. “I aim to impress, at least. Aside, where are you hearing tell of anything of this sort? How many lewd books have you been perusing?” She paused, her tone playful. “And more importantly, why aren’t you sharing your findings?” 

“None, not of late, and I assure you that if I was finding anything of interest, I’d let you know, but...between having brothers and being within a men’s dormitory--even in my work--I heard many stories about it all, and many a book shared, but I didn’t pay them much mind.”

“Does it live up to the stories?” Roe smiled. “Or are you disappointed?”

“Never disappointed. As I said, surprised, mostly. I once knew a young man who talked about it as if it was the only thing he’d spent his formative years planning for and taking part in. Others practically saw it as a chore.”

“Many men sleep with any woman who will sleep with them--and in our current climate, one doesn’t really have to listen when a modest woman shows disinterest. That, and quite honestly, a whore doesn’t cost all that much.”

“We were always taught to consider the first reaction from a woman as coyness and press further.”

“Yes, well, there’s a balance. As a woman we are always supposed to deny interactions like that. It’s what makes us more than a common whore who doesn’t cost that much. You say no, even if you wish not to, and then you continue to put yourself in positions that warrant the offers.”

“You...didn’t seem to be coy with me.”

“I don’t believe in it. I was modest, but certainly not coy.” She shrugged. “Victor, I didn’t--don’t--find myself wanting many men. If I wanted them, it would be known, and delaying the act was nothing but a waste of time. That coyness is the same notion that says that you should allow a husband to sleep with you only once a week, but honestly, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t complain if it wasn’t  _ at least _ weekly. I’ve known women who would complain if it wasn’t nightly. It’s the advice of someone who knows that it won’t be listened to. For women, it’s about the facade. So long as the public thinks you tell your husband that you feel ill rather than letting him get at you, you’re a proper woman. No one actually does that, though.” 

He knew the answer to the question before he’d asked it, but it still came out. “Were there others...before this?” Of course not. Roe had mentioned as such.

“No.” She shook her head. “There were men who expressed interest, but when I said no, after the baron, I meant it. I would defend it. They’d typically go look for plumper prey and leave me be.” She shifted, an arm now covering her stomach. “You understand, of course, Vic, that I’m traditionally not considered a great prospect. My height and thin structure give me a look that some consider sickly. Most men like a bit more meat.” 

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, Roe.”

“And I appreciate that you consider me as such--I’m just saying I did not have a lot of men approaching me. But I had friends, acquaintances that would tell me of ventures, and I’d always tell them the same thing--if he pesters you until you feel it’s your obligation to allow it, he’s taken advantage of you. They always thought I was strange in that. But you know the etiquette of a ball--if a lady says no twice, you shouldn’t press further. I think sex needs to be viewed in the same way. Once is coy, twice is crime.” She paused. “And...I suppose there was a twinge of coyness with you. If nothing else, I didn’t show explicit interest until I considered you healthy enough to be capable. Even once you expressed interest yourself, I attempted to tell you to go. Your situation just warranted caution rather than coyness.” 

“I didn’t mean to say you’d been improper.”

She nodded. “So, why bring up these stories you were told?”

“It’s just...they never mentioned the emotion of it all. Sometimes I feel as if I could cease everything and trade it out for spending this time with you. But it isn’t the act that excites me--the act is a consummation of the emotion.”

“For most, the act is about the act. That may be why you didn’t hear of it.” She paused. “You discussed it with Henry because he asked, but would you go off to any acquaintance and brag about this?”

“No--I care far too much for your reputation.”

“Right. They bragged and boasted. They didn’t care. That’s your difference.”

He nodded. “Glad for it, then. Holds much more value that way.”

“It does.” She smiled again, pressing her lips to his and nestling into his clavicle. 

“Do you think many people do this? Spend so much time afterward talking?”

“Does it matter?” She shrugged. “Would you rather we didn’t?”

“Not at all. I just feel that we talk more than most couples might.”

“We’ve always talked more than was probably appropriate, even as friends.”

He nodded. She was right. He wondered if there had been whispers from other students on campus other than Henry’s. Perhaps if any of their peers were to hear of this now, they’d say ‘Finally’ rather than express surprise. Thinking back on it, though, he’d almost be less surprised if he were them to find Roelia and Henry had become involved, considering their more open and loud friendship. But it had been Victor that she confided in behind closed doors, exhaustion from classes and embarrassment from her family. Henry was important to her in different, more platonic ways. Victor had been there when she needed to rest. He supposed that was what he wanted--to be a place for her to rest her head when it was all too much. She’d always given that to him, anyway.


	44. Packing

Victor paused, watching Roe as she tipped her head, looking over his notes as she paced from one end of his lab to the other. The moonlight trailed down in through the skylight, helping the dim lights just enough to create a soft white glow in the area she was working. She didn’t seem to notice him standing in the stairwell, watching her sip at her wine and place whatever she’d been reading into one of the crates. She’d insisted on helping him pack up the archives and move them to the practice. Victor stepped the rest of the way up the stairs, setting the crates he’d brought up on a table. Roe looked across the room at him, her eyes a bit glossed over. “How many glasses does that make now?”

She shrugged. “Two? Three? Not sure. Sorry, suppose it’s rude to drink so much while I’m helping you sort things.”

“You’re welcome to drink all you want. You seem far from over-intoxicated.”

“We’ve made quite a bit of progress today. We’ll be done in a couple more.” She frowned. “How old were those notes there? I’m having trouble filing them.” 

“Was something wrong with them?” He approached, picking the book up out of the crate. 

“No, just doesn’t read like your latest do. They’re more subjective.”

“Ah...yes. They’re barely older than my exit from college.”

Roe nodded, turning back to the chronological organization as she finished off what was surely only glass three. Victor looked around. The instruments of a passion project he had little interest in still hanging about, seeping with guilt and frustration. Or perhaps that was just him. “Perhaps I should just take it all down. Throw out more than the old notes.”

She looked up. “All of what?”

“The cords and fuses.”

“No more interest in your work?” Victor looked at her, considering it. He didn’t want to keep creating monsters, having to live with their sins. Hellsing’s words returned to him, a reminder that his work should not consume him, and that perhaps he’d met the same reason that his old mentor had been able to tame his science. Victor wanted to keep her safe, primarily, and secondarily, he wanted to focus on her for a while. Her expression changed as he didn’t respond, looking at him, slightly confused and more so sympathetic. “It’s not like you to give up.”

“I wouldn’t call it giving up. I still have interest in the veil that separates life and death. How can one get so close with death and not retain such a thing? I just...what good does it really do? Is it worth it to have the materials available?”

“That’s up to you. If you don’t transport all of the materials to the new lab then you’ll have to start over if you decide to pick it back up.” She shrugged. “Whatever you should choose, I’m happy to support and assist.” Roe went back to the crates intended for the practice, and Victor looked them over. 

“Why are you mixing them like that?”

“If you fill a crate with books entirely, it makes them too heavy. Makes more sense to put other things with them so that you don’t have to do all the lifting at one time.”

“Makes sense. I can handle some books.”

She tipped his head, poking at his arm. “Then those spindly arms of yours are stronger than they were before? Isn’t that how we met?” Roe giggled. “You tripped, dropped maybe ten of them?”

“I’m still impressed you stopped to help me.” 

Roe nodded. “Ruined my life, that little good deed.” The humor in her voice took away any sting of the response. 

“You think so?”

“Yeah, means I had to meet Henry. And got to the point I liked him? A true tragedy.”

Victor shook his head, smirking. “I suppose.” He went back to his packing, glancing over at Roe as she tapped a beat he didn’t recognize on a shelf as she packed it’s contents away. He didn’t spend a lot of time focusing on it, and soon enough she stopped, frowning. 

“Vic--is...sorry, um...what is this?” She glanced over at him, holding up a sketch. 

“Ah--” He paused, realizing quickly that he’d left it in one of his old textbooks, a drawing of Roe sitting with her parents in their ballroom, standing aside the piano with her father seated at it, her mother looking over from her work. “I...did that after we’d stopped speaking.”

“You never told me you drew things like this.”

“I didn’t--er, don’t, normally. That was such a common sight, it...burned itself into my head.”

“May...” She considered the question cautiously, but Victor already knew the answer. “May I keep it?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you...” She smiled at it, folding it back up, placing it in her usual bag. 

Once it was far too late to continue the work, Roe stretched as they sat at the table. Victor reached to grasp her hand, resting his head on her shoulder next to him. Such domesticity was almost unfamiliar. Roe seemed a bit distracted, and he wondered if talking about it would just make it worse. "Are you alright?" He decided on.

"A little sad. I miss my father." 

"He was always so kind to us when we came by." 

"He adored you." Roe laughed. "Henry was fun and quirky and exotic, but you were so much like him that he couldn't resist. Used to tell me, 'That friend of yours, Victor? He's everything I was at his age but a thousand times smarter!'. And then he would go about his usual ramblings as if I didn't tell him most of the things he knew about you." 

"Good memories." 

She nodded. "He'd be absolutely enthralled about our involvement. He scolded me for not showing interest in you in university." 

"Because he thought I was a good prospect?"

Roe paused. "Because my father knew every consideration I’d had about you. We had no secrets. He probably knew how interested in you I was even when it wasn’t a consideration for me."

"I gave up on romantic involvement with you when you did not appear interested in romantic endeavors." 

"I didn't know what that meant, honestly. I knew that you and Henry were my closest friends, and that I loved you a smidge more than I loved him. I knew the men my father sent to court me were either boring or cruel, so I assumed myself incompatible. I did not ever want to bring about the opportunity to ruin our friendship over some stupid romance that wouldn't turn out anyway." 

"I assume you do not still feel that way?"

She paused. "No. I'd like to think we are mature enough to handle our compatibility now. Your leaving university. My work turning to alchemy. The trauma of my parent's deaths. I feel there were many things in the past that would have torn us apart if we had been involved sooner." 

"And what of trauma in the future?"

"I hope we are both mature enough to handle it. We've already been through some together. I think it's a good chance to support each other fully." 

She may have been drinking, but Roe was as sober as he'd ever seen her. "When...when did you tell your father...or I suppose, when did you know you were interested in me in that way?"

"When you and Henry left." She sighed. "When your friendship was no longer there, I realized how much it hurt to leave you. I was so excited by the idea that we could rekindle the friendship that I had forgotten all about those feelings until the Alchemist's Ball. I know I do not make my intentions clear but...know that I never gave you advice that would sway you to me." 

"I know. If you thought it healthy you would have bid me to continue to give chase over Lily." 

"Chasing a woman is never healthy." She chuckled. "If we run, we do not want to be caught. But yes. If you had been involved with her I would have happily allowed that. Your happiness is what matters to me. Many women feel they need companionship. My life would continue on without it and I would be okay." 

Victor nodded. "I think I knew I loved you at the butterfly house. The first time we went, I went home and thought about you the rest of the night. I too couldn't bring myself to upset the friendship. And on top of that, I was a coward." 

"You still are! You have the heart of a rabbit!" She laughed. 

"You were the one to lock yourself away for a week rather than admit your feelings."

"And you said nothing for years." 

He smiled at her, a hand on the side of her neck. "I haven't felt the need to use the morphine in a long while."

"Think the kratom is working?"

"I think I'm just happy."

"Even better." Roe shut her eyes, sighing into his touch. “I think I know something that could help make you even moreso.” She seemed surprised for a moment before speaking again. “Oh, I almost forgot. We’d discussed a specific type of literature, yes? Annette thought it hilarious to leave such a book in my office. I found it while cleaning things up to start a new project, and thought, hell, it’s as if she knew about our pillow talk discussion.”

“And you’ve been looking?” He smirked at her, voice taking on a scolding, but humorous tone. “Roelia, how immodest.” 

She swiped a hand at him, waving his remark away. “It’s not as if I’ve been studying it.” She laughed. “I actually had no idea what it was until I opened it thinking it was something Nina left lying out. Then imagine my embarrassment when I realized that it was left with a note from Anette saying it was for ‘inspiration’. If she hadn’t returned to France yesterday I would wring her neck.”

He tipped his head at her. “And?”

“And I tossed it.”

“You--you what?”

“Oh, come on, Vic. Surely you’ve seen enough pornography in your day.”

“No, honestly. I didn’t take much part in things like that.”

“No adolescent skirt lifting?” She teased. “Suppose not.”

“I was a lot more proper than that.”

“I’ve met some very lewd proper young men in my day.” Roe chuckled. “I’ve met even more improper young women, though. They just do it behind closed doors. Annette always had a book of one sort or another. She was probably the biggest pervert I’ve ever met. Talked about men incessently. I found it exhausting.”

“Seems like that’s the reason you don’t like women in general.”

“I like women just fine. I’m not some sort of misogynist. I just feel as if we could accomplish more if our focus was on things other than marriage and children.” She sighed. “And in all honesty, I was quite fond of Annette when we were young. I just found myself annoyed with her overindulgence to her carnal senses.” She tipped her head at some notes, turning to him again. 

“What is it?”

“Honestly?” She shrugged. “I just don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

She seemed frustrated, if only a little. Not wanting to annoy her, he shrugged. “Done”


	45. Visitor

Roe was helping Victor screw the copper tub into the floor, Henry sitting on a worktable watching them, when she checked her watch for the eighth time that morning. 

“Waiting for something?” Henry frowned. 

“Mm.” She responded, barely making a noise. Roe stood, flicking through a small notebook from her pocket. She plucked a pencil from the table Henry was seated on, flicking to a page and looking it over. 

“Something wrong?” Victor glanced up, finishing up some wiring. “You can go if you’re busy.”

“I’m not.” She shrugged. “I just need to know what time it is.”

He tipped his head, but she flicked her eyes to note Henry’s presence, and he dropped it. 

It was about noon when Henry left, and Roe was still looking impatient and worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Agrippa sent word this morning that he was going to come by, but...” She sighed. “Something’s holding him up. I just hope something else didn’t happen.”

“What could have happened?”

“Anything, honestly. He’s making the rounds of the masters, but first he needs to check with the committee in London. He’s...very late.”

“Something may have happened to a member of the committee?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I know my job is to stay out of it and keep an eye out but--” Roe sighed. “Vic, I’ve been involved with these people for a few years now. It’s hard not to worry about them.”

“I understand.” He nodded. 

Eventually, Agrippa did knock at the door, pulling Roe out onto the street. She returned around an hour later, looking pensive and a touch upset. Victor watched her sink into a chair in the new lab, fist to her mouth, legs crossed. Victor stopped working on the wiring, crossing the room to sit across from her. “Bad news?”

“Very.” She frowned. “Three was found dead in her lab. Torn apart. She was an offensive alchemist--meaning she used her alchemy for combat.”

“I’m sorry.” He frowned. Roe had mentioned that there was one woman on the committee--and that likely, now there were none. 

“I didn’t know her that well, but--the implications from this...Some people are saying that she merely had a blowback incident, but with the murdered children--”

“You’re not buying it.” He nodded. “What can we do?”

Roe paused, looking at him. “ _ We _ aren’t going to do anything. Victor, you’re not an alchemist. This isn’t your problem.”

“But it’s yours.”

She nodded. “I have to be on guard. That’s all. My lab is defensive--Mr. Smear was a sigil alchemist, meaning he specialized in protective and concentration. The lab is protected through that.”

“And you?”

“Researcher.” She mumbled. “I’m the low end of the totem pole, and I don’t particularly think I’m in danger, it’s just...I knew Three. She wouldn’t have gone down without a fight, and she wouldn’t have fought for no reason. I’m concerned that these things are connected, and if they are, we’ve got something very concerning on our hands.”

“How does Agrippa read it? The same?”

“Yes. He’s outside putting protective sigils on the building as we speak--I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” He shook his head. Anything to protect Roelia was fine by him. 

“They’re connected to my stone, so I’ll know if they’re tampered with or crossed.”

“How does that work?” Victor frowned, an attempt to change the subject and lighten Roe’s mood. She noticed his effort, smiling. 

“We don’t really know.” She admitted. “Partially, I’m a human study on how the stone works. That’s why they call it the philosopher’s stone, you know? It can seemingly do the impossible. It’s the magnum opus of our work. As we know it, it’s vastly connected to what we consider the soul of a human. The spark of life is what separates us from the dead, and alchemists are said to have an extra spark. It’s what we use to cause transmutation. We don’t consider it mystical, because it can be detected--a sense of thought can be enough for one to accidentally transmute something. But the stone...it’s hard to view it without some form of mysticism. It feeds off of that extra spark, acting as a perpetual catalyst. It’s placed in the bloodstream for a reason, starting white and growing red over time. This connects it to my senses, in the same way that you can feel a cut. The remote connection between sigils I’ve connected to, or how I connect to them, I...” She sighed. “I can’t really explain it. I know I can do it, and at a certain point, I just have to accept that though I may not fully understand it, I should use it. The process of its creation is scientific, and the way it works may be too, but perhaps we just don’t have the tertiary knowledge to understand it. But as far as I’m concerned, if I see or feel it with my own eyes and hands, it will eventually be explained. It’s not as if I can just...assume it isn’t real, despite that, right?” 

“That’s fair.” He nodded. “I’ve...in the last few years, I’ve seen many things I would have never considered to be real. Most, even those involved in them, considered them wholly mystical.”

Roe nodded. “We’re scientists, Vic. It’s easy to want all the answers, but much harder to admit that we may not get them. Just think about how far science has come in twenty years. Think about how far it’ll come by the time the 1900s are in full swing. Maybe then, we’ll have the answers to what all that mystical magic bullshit is, but until then, it’s just an undiscovered mystery. And that’s okay. For now, I’m doing my part by practicing the use of the philosopher’s stone, and taking notes on how it affects me. I’ve got three notebooks full, if you’d like to read them.”

“I never turn down your notes.” He nodded. “That said, I do need someone to hold a ladder, if you don’t mind.” 

"Ah, of course." She nodded, standing. 

  
  


Agrippa wiped his hands on his coat, nodding at Victor as he had a quiet word with Roe. She nodded, stepping outside. To his surprise, Agrippa approached him, smiling kindly. “She’s checking the sigils is all. She’s just a touch better with unbroken lines than I am. Shaky old man hands.” He laughed. “I hope you don’t mind I’ve done this. They won’t be visible to the outside world unless in use, I’ve drawn them with a clear compound. They’re for your protection, I assure you.”

“You mean for Roe’s.” Victor nodded. “I’m for anything that can assist in that.”

“I’m sure you are.” He smiled. 

“What’s going on? She seems extremely concerned.”

“Ah--I am as well, make no mistake, Doctor. I’ve just had more years to learn how to hide it. The long and the short of it is that I don’t think she’s particularly in danger, not yet anyway, but Roe needs to prepare for when the day may come that she is. We’ve something brewing in our underground little society, and though I could tell you anything you ask, I don’t particularly want to implicate you.”

“I just want to know how much this is going to affect Roelia.”

He stared at Victor for a long moment before speaking. “It will either affect her barely at all, or it’ll be excruciatingly important to her. I will try to keep her out of the fray as much as possible, but...” He sighed. “Victor--may I call you that?”

“Of course.” He nodded. 

“Roelia is, perhaps, aside from me, the most success we have seen pertaining to the philosopher’s stone in hundreds of years. Not every body can withstand it. It’s an entirely symbiotic relationship between she and the stone, and she’s living entirely in tune with it. That’s good for you, of course, because it means she’s well past the point of worrying about if it’s hurting her. But--of course there’s a but, there always is--that means Roelia is a target for anyone wishing to replicate the experiment. In the society only a few people know she has the stone at all--the committee and two or three of her trusted masters--which means the only way that she’s a target is if one of those people are the one that’s causing the trouble. Otherwise, she’s safe.”

“But you suspect it’s a committee member.”

“I do.” He nodded grimly. “I suspect One, or at least someone working under him. The old man is kept watched every minute of the day--but that doesn’t mean he isn’t sending people out to do his work for him. You should know that I care deeply about Roelia. She’s exactly what alchemy needs, and she’s the best candidate for a stone I have ever met, but that kindness worries me, as well. I fear she’s too forgiving, too generous. That’s a serious concern in this line of work. But rest easy. If I can protect her or teach her what she needs to know to ensure her safety, I will.”

“I appreciate that.” He nodded. “Can you--she said she doesn’t know how the stone works--does she need to know that? Will it make it easier for her?”

“Not at all.” Agrippa seemed surprised. “I don’t even know how mine works. Well, I mean, I know how some functions work, translating the usual energy my body uses to live and burning off that energy just as you would when exercising, to say, heal or transmute things, but I don’t know how a lot of things work scientifically, and that’s alright.”

“We were just talking about it, so--”

“I see.” He nodded. “She’s a fellow stone carrier, so don’t worry. If she has questions, or I sense she should have a specific knowledge of something to do with it, I’ll be happy to share with her. I’ll remind her on my way out.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Don’t worry so much. With our society, we tend to know long before things start to blow out of proportion. Save for a huge worldwide distraction, usually nothing is enough for us to let something slip long enough to grow excessively dangerous.”

“Has that happened before?”

“Not that I know of.” He shrugged. “That’s why One is carefully watched, and not dead. Rest easy, Victor. I’ll be by every now and again to check with Roelia. I’ve got some final details to work out, but right now I’m setting up her next big thing. I’ll need to utilize her. I hope that’s alright.”

“Oh--” He shook his head. “I--I’m not sure I’m capable of stopping Roe if she chooses to do something.”

He laughed. “That does sound like her!” Agrippa tipped his head shortly, humming. “Hmm...Roe, then?”

“It’s just--a nickname, as it were. She’s told me she prefers it.”

“Yes, she does. I just--well, it’s funny, isn’t it? How someone can be so close to someone that I’m close to, without me ever knowing he existed. The world was so small when I was a boy. Times have changed drastically.” He seemed to consider this for a moment, before nodding. “Good day, Doctor.” 

“And to you.” He nodded, walking Agrippa to the doorway, where Roe nearly bumped into him on her way back in. 

“Leaving so soon?” She smiled. 

“Every minute that passes is a minute I’ve wasted.” He winked at her, nodding again to Victor and starting on his way. 


	46. Mysteries

Victor rose late the next morning, glancing down onto the street and finding Roe standing there with a young woman. She looked younger than them, even. She looked ragged, and Roelia seemed empathetically similar. She nodded, and the woman sighed, nodding back to her. Soon enough she was watching her stroll down the street, arms crossed against the cold. Victor descended to meet her in the foyer. She glanced at him, sighing quietly. “Sorry I slept in.” He mumbled. 

“It’s only nine. No worries.” She smiled at him, relocking the door. “Fellow alchemic master came by. They found her daughter dead a couple a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to let me know about the developments. It might not have had anything to do with the society. I suppose they aren’t sure how long she was kept.”

“What does that mean?”

“Young girls are kidnapped often in London. If they don’t want to work the brothels, they’re killed. There is little to no reason to kidnap a child in the alchemic order. To kill one, fine, it’s a threat, a warning, a retaliation, perhaps, even, but to take one captive? What does that do? What’s the point?”

“How do you know she was kept?” 

Roe crossed to the kitchen, sitting at the table. “Agrippa has a way about these things. I don’t know how he knows, I just know that he told the mother that she was.”

“So he thinks it’s just a classical crime?” 

“That’s the odd thing. Agrippa says he’s not convinced that it wasn’t still an in-society crime. I’m inclined to believe him. With Three’s death, we’re all on edge. Rightfully so.”

“Do investigations like this have to happen often? You seem like you know what you’re doing.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Agrippa has been involved in a few--like I said, we like to keep our business within our society--but I’ve never been involved in any of it. I’m just wondering what someone wants with the kidnapping of a child. At least within our society. Obviously there are people that do so for other reasons, but--”

“Perhaps you’ve just got someone amongst you doing things for those reasons?”

She shook her head slowly. “It’s an idea, but then why within the next while do we find Three dead? Were the children a distraction? Were they practice? Were they experiments?”

“Would...would alchemy leave a trace?”

“Depends on what’s been done. Unless it’s changed what they are in some sense, then no.”

“Do you think there was an attempt to transmute Three, she fought back, and they killed her instead?”

Roe smiled at him. “Look at you, using big alchemy words.” The joke faded quietly from her face. “No. If there had been fighting, Three wouldn’t be dead. I knew her. I’d seen her work. She blew up a raging bull in front of me once.”

“Blew up?”

“It exploded into blood and gore. Ruined a skirt--and you know how many skirts I own--they’re expensive to have custom made for my height.” She smiled at the memory, then seemed to shake it off. “Three was a danger to them. It would have been necessary to be considered a friendly face in order to get the best of her. She was untrusting and suspicious as all get out.”

“How did she feel about One?” Victor sat across from Roe, leaning back in his chair. 

She looked up at him, suddenly seeming surprised. “Vic, I--you don’t have to involve yourself in this.”

“I’ve not been able to flex my investigative muscles since deciding to part from Sir Malcolm and Mr. Chandler.”

She paused. “You don’t speak of them often.”

“I...no, I suppose I don’t.” He mumbled. “They were...harder times than this. I think I just considered moving on to be the next logical step.”

“If you involve yourself in the alchemic society, you’ll be back to harder times, sweetheart.”

“Can’t allow you to take it on by yourself.”

Roe nodded. “You really could.” She chuckled. “If you wanted, I wouldn’t so much as discuss it with you.”

“I’d rather assist.” He nodded. “Now, did Three and One get along?”

“Your curiosity is surprisingly persistent. They weren’t friendly--like I said, Three wasn’t friendly with anyone. But One would be able to visit any time.” She paused. “I can’t--it’s not my place to accuse him of such.”

“Is it not?”

“It isn’t.” She sighed. “Agrippa’s right. I need to let him handle it.” Roe looked up at Victor, a wry smile planted on her face. “Kate is--ah, she’s a friend of mine, sort of. I knew her daughter--just in passing. She had her very young--I think she was only fourteen. She’s only seventeen now. Still practically a girl herself.” Roe sighed. “Anyway, that’s why she wanted to talk to me about it. She needs someone she knows she can trust with the details.”

“Seems like a lot of people trust you. Why didn’t you reach out at the alchemist’s ball?”

“Too much to hide.” She shrugged, standing. “Tea?”

He nodded absently, staring ahead as he considered it. “What do you mean?”

“The stone--it’s a secret. Most of my work with Don was a secret. We were making strides and improvements that could be taken and plagiarized. Secrecy is the trade of an alchemist.”

“You seem...off today.” He turned to her as she passed him his cup of tea. “You aren’t usually this calm about these things.”

“That’s because I’m not.” Roe took a shaking breath. “Victor, I am so far from calm about this that I don’t even know how to handle it. It’s gone further now than some strange dead children. Now they aren’t just dead, but they’re taken, held captive. No one, perhaps aside from Agrippa, is safe or trustworthy, and he wants me to just sit back and do nothing about it. Three--the woman who showed me that alchemy could be used in order to protect oneself--is dead, Agrippa is so concerned he’s putting protective sigils on all of my feasible residences, and he’s checking on every alchemist with any sort of power--” She took a breath, attempting to calm herself. “I’m trying to exude the usual confidence--especially for Kate--but it’s difficult to do so when I don’t have the slightest ability to stop whatever it is that’s going on. It’s not my place to try, either.”

“If it’s going to put you in danger, as Agrippa thinks, it may be best to stand back.” He frowned. 

“And how am I supposed to do that?” She shook her head. “It’s not as if I can just take off.”

“We could.” He tipped his head. 

“Vic, we could go to the most remote jungles in the world and there’d still be alchemists who belong to the society there.” She sighed. “That aside, you’re working on opening the practice. You need to stay here--it’d look horrible on you if you ran off now.” She scratched her neck, sighing quietly. “It’s alright. It’ll be okay. I just need to await my orders. Try to return to my norm. The information I have needs to be as much of a secret as my work.” She frowned to herself, hand brushing her notebook on the table. “While you were working with your last group, I was learning the intrigues of an ancient court society. I need to start using those skills. Longer Andoniram’s gone, the easier it is for me to forget that I need to do things the typical way for an alchemist. I have a tendency to slip back into old Roelia habits. The benefit of the doubt. The judgeless charity. The selflessness.”

“Those are the things that make you yourself, Roe. I wouldn’t want you to suppress them.”

“They’re the things that hold me back as an alchemist.” She looked at him, face between serious and despairing. “I need to be able to put myself first. To judge those who may seem nothing but kind as if they’re a potential enemy, every time they walk through my door. To hide everything from everyone so that I’m safe.”

“I don’t think any of those things are mutually exclusive, Roe.” Victor placed a hand over hers, pulling it away from her notebook and cresting it into his own upturned fingers, brushing his thumb over the top of her hand. “You just have to know when to use each of them. You don’t have to harden yourself in order to continue your work.” He paused. “And I know you’d prefer not to, but--if you need to become something you’re not, or something that will hurt you to be, then stop doing alchemy. Leave the society.”

Roe looked at him, eyes glistening with frustration, mouth downturned. “I won’t. Not with all that’s happening.”

“Then continue to be Roelia. People trust you because you’re different from most alchemists. They consider you kind and open.”

“So what happens when that gets me killed?” She shook her head. 

“I won’t let that happen.” 

Roe stared at him for a long moment, opening her mouth to speak, closing it again, three different times before she responded. “Victor, no matter how badly you may want to, I don’t think you could stop that from happening, even if you gave it everything you had. Three is dead. If whatever or whoever killed her wants me dead too? I’m as good as a paste of blood on the floor of my lab, as well.”


	47. Outreach

Roelia had calmed down after a few hours, not looking near as conflicted as she packed her things to go back to her lab. Victor didn’t want to leave her alone after their previous conversation, but she needed time to think by herself, and he knew that. This had to be a terrifying prospect for her. 

Her comments bothered him, as much as he didn’t want to let them. Don had been a major influence on Roe’s life, and it was difficult for him not to feel envious of his influence on her. He was a dead man--there was nothing to be jealous over--and yet, hearing Roe use his full first name in conjunction with her insistence of his ways of alchemy being the correct ones made him feel as though there was something about Don that Roelia hadn’t moved on from. He scolded himself, reminding the voice in the back of his head that Roelia was not romantically inclined toward Don. Not to mention, he had very little right to complain about her grief over a lost loved one, after all of the time she spent listening to his. So perhaps he was more concerned that she thought so little of herself that her own way of doing things wasn’t enough. She’d mentioned before, many times, that her views were similar to those the Smears had, but there were apparently differences so vast that she considered them points of weakness. 

He’d never seen Roe’s selflessness as weakness. It was a difficult path to choose to put everyone else before oneself. She carried what he considered a healthy amount of suspicion, but didn’t use it as an excuse to toss people away. Her skills in her field were amazing, and she’d managed to do something for Victor that he never thought possible--she’d dragged him up by his ankles from the lowest point feasible. Roelia was a strong, talented young woman that had the intelligence and grace necessary to do whatever it was she needed. He needed to remind her of that. Roe needed to know she was right. She was doing enough. She was a success in her own right, not a successor to the Smear’s laboratory. Hearing it from him wouldn’t be enough, though. He needed to talk to Agrippa. 

Victor realized quickly that Agrippa was near impossible to find. He wondered where in the devil the man lived, because it clearly wasn’t anywhere in London. Travis was much easier to find, with a single glance at an address on an envelope in Roe’s lab. She’d been distracted with Pebbles, and hadn’t noticed him snooping through her mail, not that she probably would have minded. The Welling laboratory was a turret building in the west end. Victor noticed similar sigils on Travis’ door as the ones on his own, made by Agrippa. He knocked, and a slat opened, the eyebrow behind the hole rising. “Yes?” came a familiar voice. It was Missy. “Ah, Doctor Frankenstein! What brings you to the Welling place?”

“Sorry, do you work here?” He frowned. 

“I’m just visiting. Travis had me come get the door. Hold on.” There was a loud clunking of locks before the door swung open. “Come on in.” She tipped her head, smiling, checking their surroundings before closing the door behind them. The turret was like a massive library, single room with three stories of circular stairs. Victor could see that the last floor was an entire platform, probably the lab proper. It was impressive. “He’s upstairs.” Missy smiled, leading Victor up to the highest step. It looked bigger once they arrived than it had on the ground floor. Travis was bent over a worktable, sparks of flame zooming off into a dome. He turned, oversized leather gloves and massive goggles making him look almost comical. He sighed dramatically, smiling as he pulled the goggles to his forehead, shutting off whatever machine he’d been using. 

“Doctor Victor Frankenstein, here to visit the humble Welling Dwelling?”

“Is that what you call it?”

“It’s official name, even!” He smiled, lifting his arms to indicate the building. “Home sweet home.”

“I’m looking for Agrippa. I can’t seem to locate him.” Victor sighed, wasting no time. He didn’t like Travis, and he certainly didn’t intend on staying for tea. 

“Well, that’s because Agrippa lives in Germany.”

“He--” Victor frowned. “He what?”

“Agrippa is German.” Travis shrugged. 

“So where does he stay in London?”

“He usually just wanders. That man could make a home out of leaves and hail if he wanted to.” 

“I need to speak with him.”

“Now, Victor...” His voice was mocking. “What would you, a lowly surgeon, need to speak to Four, the second in command of the Alchemist’s committee about?”

“It’s about Roe.” He frowned, ignoring the comment. 

Travis feigned surprise, spinning a chair around and sitting in it backwards. He truly was just a more annoying Henry. “Of course it is.”

“I thought...if I knew more about the Smears, I may be able to help her understand that she’s doing well in her own right. She’s having insecurities about her work.”

“God, that again?” Travis sighed. “I swear, she thinks those Smears knew everything.”

“Do you disagree?” Victor frowned deeper, taking a chair. 

"Yes. Don was a vastly ambitious man, but he surely wasn't all that good at knowing his limits or being personable. He was good at alchemy, exceptional at alchemy, but far from the most intelligent man in general. I think Roelia has him beat in the logic category by leagues. She still idolizes them both, even though she's better at many things than they ever were. They never managed chimera near as good as hers. Her plant stones are impeccable." He paused. "I know I give her some hassle, but I really do commend her on her skill. There's nothing she has to worry about if it's about her skills."

"It's...more about her outlook, I think. She's worried that she's too charitable." 

"Because of all of the trouble going about? Can't blame her." Travis sighed. "Agrippa is staying in Don's old lab." He scratched an address on a sheet of parchment, passing it to Victor. "You can go speak with him about it if you want, but honestly, you may want to consider that she's just scared." 

  
  


Don's lab was much smaller than Victor had originally considered. Perhaps it was all the clutter and storage, but finding Agrippa among the crates was a matter of sound. A loud mechanical whirring was coming from the back of the lab. It stopped just as he approached, and Agrippa looked back at him over his shoulder. "Ah, hello, Doctor. How are you?"

"I came to ask you a bit of a favor, actually."

"Ask away." He smiled, turning back to his work.

“You said Roelia was exactly the kind of alchemist that alchemy needs, didn’t you?”

Agrippa looked over his shoulder again. “Yes, I did.” As he responded, the loud machine whirring began in front of him again. Victor had to yell to be heard over it. 

“But also that she worries you for being too kind? It seems she’s concerned as well.”

“Because of the murders?” 

“Seems so.” 

“I can’t tell you that isn’t fair, son.” The machine shut off and Agrippa cleared his throat. “Roelia is more weak hearted than most alchemists.”

“I disagree.”

He sighed, mumbling to himself. “ _ Tomaten auf den Augen haben _ .”

“I don’t speak German.” 

“Don’t you? Your name suggests otherwise.” Agrippa made an amused hum and raised his brow. “Hm. Regardless. You’re not seeing her the way that she is. You’re seeing Roelia with those wonderful rose colored glasses of romance. You need to view her as if she were a warlord, or at least an executioner. As far as an alchemic war is concerned, that’s the skillset she’ll need.” Agrippa sighed again. “Tell me, Victor. How likely is Roelia going to be to kill someone, even if it’s in order to protect herself?”

“Isn’t the point of the sigils to ensure that’s not necessary?”

“Precautions against someone sneaking in during the night and murdering her are not going to protect her if a real battle breaks out. We’re doing our best but...I do worry that Roelia is going to falter should it turn to violence. And, the way you’re talking, it seems like she’s worried about the same thing. It seems she feels adopting the brutality of Adoniram will protect her.”

“I had hoped you might be able to assist me in convincing her that she’s going to be fine as she is.”

Agrippa took a moment, hand rising to his mouth. “I...” He paused, shutting his eyes. “Roelia is very capable. She’s full of wit and intelligence and she picks up on alchemy as if it’s second nature. However, I think she’s right. She’ll need to learn to be less forgiving, more suspicious, and less charitable if she’s going to be able to stand up to any of the horribly brutal members of the committee--well, that’s assuming our working theories are right. One will bowl her over as if she’s nothing if she doesn’t harden herself.”

“Then relieve her from her duties to the committee. She feels bound by them. If you do that, she might be able to step away. Tell her that she can go if she’s going to get herself killed.”

“Make no mistake, Doctor.” Agrippa shook his head. “I think she’s perfectly capable. But I also think she’s right. She knows what she needs better than either of us do. If Roelia is to survive, she’ll need to be a lot more ruthless than she is now.”

“Was Don really that ruthless that she should need to emulate him?”

“Oh, certainly. Don would do anything for the advancement of his work.” Agrippa paused, considering something. “I’m...concerned about the things he must’ve done in order to do so. No matter, though. Why does it worry you so much for Roelia to do something to protect herself? Is that not what we all do when times grow difficult?”

“I just worry that she doesn’t think herself enough. She’s downtalking herself and her work as if her own methods don’t matter.”

“Don’t matter?” Agrippa shook his head. “No, not at all. It’s good to have a balance. She’s very talented. I thought you meant me to talk her out of being on her guard, which frankly, is just dangerous. If she needs a reminder of her talent, then I can certainly provide that.”

“I just...don’t want her thinking that she needs to be another Smear. She needs to understand that alchemists value her the way she is.”

“She’s plenty valuable.” He nodded. “Just inexperienced. She doesn’t need to drop her forgiving and kind traits. Adopting some of the Smears’ would be healthy, but changing herself entirely? Obviously that isn’t. Roelia just has much to learn, and it seems that she’s learning a lesson now, as well.”

“And what lesson would that be?”

“That during times of strife, we all have to become something we aren’t in order to survive. The next lesson will be  _ when _ to become that. You’re just here to suggest I guide her into that lesson.”

“If you’d be willing. She won’t listen to me.”

“Why not?” Agrippa tipped his head. 

“I’m not part of this side of her life. I’m merely an observer in it.”

“Nonsense, Doctor. You found me, didn’t you? You’re there for her when she needs to discuss her issues and research. You may not be an alchemist, but you’re a part of every facet of Roelia’s life because she wishes to be honest with you.”

“I still don’t think my saying it will do anything to help her.”

“Alright then.” He nodded. “Then I’ll meet with her and try to ease her mind a little. You’re lucky I like you, boy.” The old man laughed. “I don’t do favors for just anyone!” 

“Thank you.” Victor smiled at him, shaking his hand as he outstretched it. “Roelia...really looks up to you. It’ll be good for her to know she has your support.”

“This is really eating at you, hm?” He frowned. “Roelia is a strong young woman, but it’s alright for her to have a crisis of faith every now and again. You didn’t think she was without her insecurities, did you?”

“Of course not--” Victor sighed. “She just...I just want to help her to not be so concerned if I can.”

“I’m impressed, honestly. It’s good to see she has someone who cares so much for her. I’ll make it by in the next couple of days. You just do what you can to ensure she remains calm and uninvolved--her orders are to retain her status quo until further notice. Try to help her do that.”

Victor nodded, more relieved than he’d thought he would be. ”Thank you, Agrippa.”

“Of course.” 

  
  


Roe looked up, tipping her head. “You were gone all day. Something wrong?”

Victor shook his head, hanging his coat up and crossing to her. The practice was spotless. It seemed she’d been busy too. “No, I just had some business in town.” She nodded, going back to the bookshelf she was cleaning. There was a pang of guilt for going behind her back to talk with her colleagues, but Victor was sure she wouldn’t approve. Rather, she’d think it was unnecessary, that she didn’t need their assistance. She seemed in better spirits today, though, looking as if she’d gotten decent sleep. He’d left before she’d awakened that morning, so it was good to see her up and around. “I didn’t expect you to be here today.”

“I wanted to see you.” She shrugged. “It’s normal to see you. Gets my mind off things. I even stopped by to see Henry today, if you’d believe it. He was doing well--seemed like himself, offered me an umbrella.” 

“Impressive.” He smiled. Maybe he didn’t need to talk to Agrippa after all. She seemed to be moving back into her status quo as intended. He crossed to her, hands on her shoulders. “Stop cleaning for a moment.”

“This place is permanently dusty--can’t help it that I want it clean.” She chuckled, putting the rag down and turning to him. 

“Your hair’s down--if I didn’t know better I would say you were planning to go to bed without me.”

“I've had a bath already." She nodded. "And I was waiting for you to come home so that I could head that way." Roe looked him over again, shaking her head. "Something's wrong. What is it?" 

"I'm concerned about you, that's all."

"Nothing to be concerned about. I just needed to be able to think for a while." She smiled reassuringly, and it worked. 


	48. Invasion

Roe was nodding quietly as she and Agrippa spoke in the office, Victor having politely allowed them to lock themselves in, while not so politely watching them converse from across the doorway. Agrippa seemed to be giving her something between a lecture and a counsel, and she was listening intently, nodding now and again to ensure he knew she was listening. Victor frowned as she turned irate. Her voice raised and he could hear the beginning of her response. 

"If you intend for me to--" She seemed to catch herself, lowering her voice and sighing. 

Agrippa nodded kindly, smiling at her paternally. After a few moments, Roe seated herself and Agrippa bowed to her, stepping out of the room. 

"What was that?" 

"Hm?"

"She seemed upset."

"Oh. Yes. Roelia is concerned that she will be putting you in danger by letting her guard down. She wants you safe, of course, and in that, she feels she needs to harden herself in order to ensure that she won't draw unnecessary attention to you."

"She doesn't have to worry about me."

"And just because she doesn't have to, that means she will stop? Consider that."

"I--Yes, I know." 

"That said," He sighed. "She has agreed to let her worries go for now, until something else happens."

"And how much do you believe that?"

Agrippa tipped his brow skeptically. "About as much as you do, son. About as much as you do. Good day."

Roe had her chin in her palm, looking deep in thought when Victor joined her. "Why did you ask him to come?" 

"I--"

"If you lie to me, I won't forgive you." She sighed. "You don't have any right to sicc the committee on me." 

"I thought that Agrippa would be able to assist you in feeling as though--"

"And Travis? What does he accomplish for me? You realize that these people aren't just my friends, but my superiors, right? I don't need them to know about my concerns that I can't do my job, nor my personal concerns that I can't do enough to protect you against my work."

"I thought I was helping, Roe."

"And I can appreciate that, but it doesn't mean it was any less an invasion of my work. How did you even get ahold of Travis?"

"I found his address on your desk. I didn't intend to go to him, but I couldn't find Agrippa."

"I..." She shook her head. "I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm going to have to tell Nina you're no longer allowed in my lab. Out of all the people--"

"That's a touch harsh for my trying to help you, don't you think?"

"Well, where else are you going to go? How can I trust you not to go finding where One is and doing something stupid and ruining everything we've worked on up until now--"

"I wouldn't do that. I was trying to make you feel more confident in your methods."

"My overly trusting, open door policy, far too lenient methods? The same methods that allowed you to snoop into my alchemy affairs and involve yourself with them? Victor, you're going to get yourself killed, and it's going to be all because of those methods of mine that you're so desperate to retain!"

“Roe, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just concerned about your fatalistic talk. It was scaring me.”

"You should be more scared of the fact that whatever it is that's happening may catch you in the crossfire. I don't want that. That's why I've been working so hard to keep you out of it. It's why I realized I'm being too easy to attack. Don't put yourself on the end of the metaphorical barrel by getting personally involved with my superiors. People already know that you're connected with me. That's scary enough. They see you snooping into things? They'll assume it's whatever they're planning, and you'll be the first and easiest prey." She took a deep breath. "Look, Vic. Thank you for your concern and attempt at making things easier for me. I appreciate it, I really do, just--don't do it again. People are judging me on how well I'm handling this situation, and it's necessary that they don't see me as weak."

"I understand. I'm sorry."

“I especially...I don’t want you to feel I’m keeping anything from you. I don’t want it to be secretive, a part of my life that you just can’t know about--but it’s imperative that you don’t make yourself into a visible target.” She sighed. “So...ask me anything about this. Ask me about my work, about how to contact someone should you need to, ask me about Don or Agrippa or anything else, I’ll answer. Just don’t go snooping around by yourself.” Roe paused, placing her hands on his arms. “Don’t make me worry about you so much, Vic. I don’t want to be the reason you’re hurt. Let me do what I need to do in order to make things safe. For both of us. I trust you to protect me, do me the same courtesy.”

It was late in the day when the doorbell to the practice buzzed, and Victor answered, the young woman--he searched his head for her name, Kate--stood there, looking panicked. “Oh, um--I’m sorry, I was looking for Miss Deopham--she wasn’t at the curatives palace and--need to--can I--do you know where she is?” 

“She’s here.” He nodded, leading her in and setting his book down, leading her into the dining room, where Roe was already in the middle of tea. Kate stepped toward her, grasping her shoulders and pulling herself close. Roe looked at Victor, who shook his head. 

“Alright, first of all, you need to breathe, Kate.” She sighed, placing her in a chair. Kate nodded, but she’d gone from nervous to hysterics. Roe sat with her, nodding and patiently waiting for her to calm down, brushing a finger over her hand silently. Once she had calmed down, Kate glanced at Victor, then at Roe. “A moment, Vic?” She tipped her head. He nodded, leaving them to it. 

Roe exited the dining room, closing the door behind her after more than an hour. She sighed gently, shaking her head and leaning it on Victor’s shoulder. “She was upset.”

“For good reason.” Roe said. “One requested her presence. Wanted to meet with her. First thing he did was ask her how her daughter was. She felt like he was mocking her the entire time.”

“How long has she been in the order?”

“Not long enough that One should be asking to see her.” Roe nodded. “Your intuition is spot on. He was apparently showing her some of his work in order to assist in her learning. But what she thinks he was doing instead is dangling the death of her daughter over her head.”

“Why? What did he say?”

“Continually mentioning that the chances of her child being murdered would be lower if she was better at alchemy.”

“That’s--very uncouth.”

“One is not known for being polite.” She sighed. “But further than that, he lead her into a room where he was working on some projects that--” She sighed again, as if considering whether or not she should speak of it. “Well, they aren’t against the code, necessarily, but they certainly aren’t common practice. She didn’t know what to think of them. Her descriptions though, they...they sound like live transmutation on dangerous levels of consciousness--meaning, no sedation, no care taken toward the creatures and usually an overdischarge of alchemic energy leading to the chimera being damaged. However, it is also a way to seperate body parts without the messiness of sawing and--well, you’re aware.” 

“Yes.”

“But, one of the chimera she saw had something familiar about it to Kate. It’s eyes looked like her daughter’s.”

Victor paused, looking over at her. “How could she--what?”

“Human eyes look extremely unnatural in the sockets of other creatures. Her daughter was found without hers. Now, sure, it could be just a grieving mother, but--it’s still something that Agrippa should look into.”

“Why would he do that? Any of it?”

“Why else would he do human transmutation? To see if it works. The use of human parts is typically allowed so long as you get them from corpses who died naturally, but obviously using one who is alive works better--we’ve discussed this before with other animals.”

“Why do you know so much about it?” Victor frowned. 

“I always assumed that every budding alchemist studies it to an extent--if nothing else but to know why it’s dangerous and forbidden. I mostly refer to Don’s notes to learn about it.”

“Did he have an interest?”

“Not at all, at least, I’d never seen him work with it. I assume it’s all just precautionary research.”

“So...why did she come to you and not Agrippa?”

“She didn’t know who to talk to, at least, that’s what she told me. I’ll send her his way. She needed comfort for now.”

Victor paused. “Roe...how helpful would human transmutation be in the context of say, my work?”

She turned to him, voice stern. “Vic--”

“Purely hypothetically. Is it possible to use human transmutation to bring something back to life?”

She paused, considering it shortly. Roe turned to the doorway of the dining room and glanced back at him. “We can discuss this right after Kate’s gone, alright?”

Roe waited for Agrippa to take the young woman with him, sitting down with Victor in the study. “Human transmutation isn’t meant to do things like that. Up until you did it it was considered unnatural and impossible to bring things back to life.” She sighed. “We reinvigorate the things we transmute, but it’s an equal exchange of energy--Agrippa’s horse is an example of using living things to strengthen dying things--pig for a horse, it’s all the same with lesser creatures. But once something is dead, it’s gone. You can’t completely revive something without an excess of energy--”

“Yes, the electricity levels have to be extremely high.”

“Alchemists can’t make that with their bodies, likely.”

“So what is human transmutation, exactly? What is it used for? You told me about Golems--”

Roe shuddered. “Yes. Amalgamation is one method. Really, though, golems are weapons. The result of the torture that one has to put a person through is the human transmutation we talk about--the forbidden act. There are few gentle ways to commit alchemy on living things. The science of anesthesiology has brought about great strides. Before that, though, it was a matter of considering it for the greater good. I would have probably worked with metals and such instead before it was feasible to do things painlessly.”

“So...if you’re able to sedate the human, then--”

“Golems are tortuous things. They’re in constant pain and suffering. That’s why they turn violent so quickly. They’re usually in a constant state of bleeding out because they don’t have the energy to repair themselves when the flesh that’s attached tears. I--I’ve never seen one, only in journals and books, but--regardless, the other forms of human transmutation are just as dangerous. Humans are complicated, as you know. Harming living humans leads to psychological damage, and the notion of a soul is important as well. It’s considered holy to most practices, but to alchemy, it’s considered an untappable form of power. It would overload the user to attempt to conduit a soul, so instead, the transmutation either keeps the soul in the body it was in originally, or it destroys it.” She paused. “In theory, anyway. In practice, it comes down to the human intelligence being lost when a golem is created. That could be chalked up to trauma.”

“Could.”

“Regardless, I think human intelligence doesn’t bode well past trauma, and alchemy isn’t able to be precise enough due to our limited knowledge of the brain to avoid such trauma. If one were to attempt to bring someone back to life with it, that would result in catatonic states at best, and instant re-death at worst. Why ask?”

“I’m concerned that One might be practicing resurrection. Perhaps when he failed, the child couldn’t be returned, so he attempted to take identifying features to cover up--”

“The human eye sees in color.” Roe interrupted. “It’s useful in chimera, especially in the format of making nocturnal animals more capable in the light. It’s been done before. But if he was trying to cover up his crime, why not remove her teeth? Her face? Her hair, clothing, jewelry, anything that she was found in?”

“I...yes, so he needed the fresh eyes.”

“Or perhaps you’re right. He did use her for something more, and perhaps he damaged her--assumed that because she was already a corpse, he might as well use the rare material.”

“Perhaps someone brought her to him?”

Roe glanced at him, a finger pointed, tapping on the table. “Yes, that could be. He’s been amassing allies--if he’s attempting to teach them human transmutation, he would start them with small, less valuable subjects. That would mean...that would mean he’s not just amassing lackeys, he’s training generals.”

“But...why take an alchemist’s child?”

“I think we need to look more closely at alchemists who Kate allies herself with. The man who taught her, any peers she may have had during her lessons, anyone who knew about her daughter.”

“Should you mention it to Agrippa rather than dealing with this yourself?”

“I should.” She said in an unsure, lilting voice. “But maybe he has enough on his plate.”


	49. Exhaustion

“You’ve been busy. Did you do all this before I woke up?” Victor looked around the practice, the foyer’s wallpaper entirely replaced, windows scrubbed and chandelier replaced. 

“Sure.” Roe nodded. “You slept in really late.”

“It’s barely halfway through the morning.”

“Maybe I just woke up too early, then.” She mumbled, looking around. “Ah, well. Anyway, I’ve got some errands to run for the lab, and then I’ll be back sometime tonight. I shouldn’t be too late.”

“Would you like some help?”

“No no, I’ve got it. You take a day off for once.” She smiled gently at him, then grabbed her coat and took off. Victor watched her go, then stood in the middle of the room for a moment, confused and a bit listless. He supposed there was probably plenty more property paperwork he could work on. If he didn’t know better, he’d think Roelia was acting suspicious. 

Roelia hissed, watching the wound close and wiping away the blood. “Careful now. Don’t be so careless.” Travis crossed his arms. 

She shook her head. “It’s fine. This is the point.”

“Look, I could easily find you a fight club if you wanted to get the shit beat out of you, but--”

“I’d prefer a controlled environment--I’m taking notes.”

“Why do you need to be here? Can’t you do this in your lab?”

“Not where Vic can see.” She shook her head again, picking the knife up again, pressing it into her arm. She concentrated her efforts into the skin, envisioned it closing, and her energy followed the direction. It did seal, but it was no less exhausting than it had been before. 

“What’s the limit, you think?”

“Probably no more than ten times with wounds this size.”

“And ones that’re bigger?”

“It’s going to depend greatly on whether or not I’ve already done anything with the energy I have.” She tipped her head. “What I’ve already used.”

“If you cut off an arm, think you could get it back?”

“I once cut off my left pinky finger, it took 4 days to grow back.”

“Odd.”

She shrugged. “Suppose.”

“...So, why all this focus on healing wounds?”

“Just need to know where my limits are, in case I need to use it in this upcoming issue with One.”

“You could probably lay low and avoid it entirely, you know. Your companion is worried about you.”

“I know he is. That’s why I’m here.”

“Did you hear about Kate?”

“I didn’t.” She straightened. “What happened?”

“Apparently she’s working with One now. Frustrating.”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s...I wonder why.”

“We’ll find out eventually, I’m sure.” Travis sighed. “Agrippa said you and he were practicing sigil bursting this morning.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, opening her left hand, palm toward Travis. It flashed, a glowing triangle flickering and fading. “That way I can practice spreading my energy in a web. Pressed air out and spread glue and paper. Wallpapered an entire room with it.” Roe chuckled. “I’m surprised, it’s come rather naturally to me.”

“Weird how versatile things like that are. And with the sigil on your hand, you won’t need conduit gloves. Air particles are tough, though.”

“As long as you visualize it in sections, like one section hits another, it’s not too bad.”

“I’m just saying you caught on abnormally quick.”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything, going back to her work, the knife back against her arm.

Roelia didn’t mean to overstay and lose track of time, but she was walking into the practice in the early hours of the morning. She closed the door quietly behind her, a little more than tired. It’d seemed that Vic went to bed without her, so instead of disturbing him, she stepped into the study and picked up a book. She couldn’t concentrate on it, and soon felt herself doze off. 

Victor glanced into the study, surprised to find Roe sleeping in the chair there, book in hand. He approached, taking it gently from her hand, placing it on the desk. She looked exhausted--almost gaunt, skin ghostly and dark circles under her eyes. She’d not looked this unrested in--well, he’d never seen her look so tired. She stirred, eyelids fluttering open. She groaned, sitting up. “Sorry.” She sighed, sounding even worse than she looked. “Took it too far, I suppose.”

“Took what too far?” Victor frowned, kneeling next to her. 

“I...needed to do some things for Agrippa, but I think I pushed myself too much. I feel drained even now.”

“I thought the stone kept you from being ill. One night’s sleep is usually enough to cure anything for you.”

“Under normal circumstances, yes.” She nodded, turning her arm over and looking at her wrist. No scarring--that was good. She had wondered if it would. “But if I go to bed too tired, it won’t completely cure me. I need more rest when this happens, and I slept fitfully.”

“What did he have you doing?” Victor frowned more deeply, concern growing more clear on his features. “You were quite late.”

“Prepping some work for some lessons he’s teaching. It’s imperative that I learned what he did in order to know his teaching was going to work.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, she decided, trying to look reassuring. “I’m alright. I’ll just get some more sleep and be good as new.”

“Sure hope so. You don’t look well.” 

Roe nodded, standing and weaving just a bit on her feet. “Promise.” 

Truthfully, after seeing herself in the mirror, she wasn’t too excited about the way she looked. She’d gone past her limit. She wondered if the stone would be able to recover. If she pushed herself any further, would she kill herself? It was something to seriously consider. There was no guarantee that she could improve her limit--what it was now could be as good as it ever would be, and that may not be enough. Her mind drifted again to Don, his warning about the stone--that if she overuses it, and it uses all of her energy, she would die. She shook the feeling off and went to bed. 

“She does look bad.” Henry nodded, shaking his head at Victor as they stepped back out of the room. “You’re right. Hardly see anyone who looks like that and isn’t dying--just you.”

“Don’t say things like that.” Victor snapped. 

“What? You always look like you’re dying.”

“Not that.” He sighed. 

“Okay, I mean, she doesn’t look like she’s dying, but she looks just entirely drained. You said she was doing things for that Agrippa guy? That’s concerning. He shouldn’t be using her like a workhorse.”

“Perhaps she’s really just ill?”

“If she’s ill, Victor, she’s got some sort of plague, and, thanks to you, now so do I. You’re the doctor.”

He shook his head. “That’s just it--it’s like she’s totally fine, aside from the inherent lack of vigor.”

“Some sort of blood disease?”

“Perhaps. Next time she wakes I’ll have to ask her if she’s having other symptoms. Some chores shouldn’t have her like this.”

“Yes. Well, I need to return to my work. Good luck.” 

“You’re so sympathetic.” Victor frowned at Henry, but walked him out anyway. 

Roelia slept through the day, and then the night, rising with the morning sun--for Victor’s part, he couldn’t get a wink of sleep. Surprisingly, though, by the time she was up, Roe was looking healthy as she ever did. She washed up, stretching and yawning loudly, opening the window and leaning onto the sill, unkempt hair blowing against her face. 

“You seem better. I’m surprised.”

“Told you. Good night’s rest.”

“You slept for twenty hours, Roe.” 

“Long night.” She shrugged. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. Stone just had to recharge.” 

“Are you sure that you’re not ill?”

“Unless you gave me syphilis or something, I’m completely fine.” She chuckled. 

“You’re sure?” He frowned. “I’m worried.”

“Please don’t do that. I promise, I’d tell you if something was wrong. I don’t like to keep secrets from you, Vic.” Roe sighed gently, turning toward him, grasping his hands in hers, starting a small two step to a hummed melody. He didn’t know if that was convincing. It concerned him that she might be lying to him even so. Still, he owed it to her to trust her, didn’t he? 


	50. Recharge

Roe was stirring in her sleep, and Victor’s worry had him still awake well into the night. He rolled over, watching her. Her nails were digging into the skin of her hand, teeth grinding, muscles tense. Just as he was about to wake her, her eyes snapped open and she shrieked in a gasp, taking long, deep breaths as she got her bearings and sat up. 

“A nightmare, Roelia. You’re alright.”

She looked at him, flicking her eyes around the room and placing her fingertips over the place where her stone was. She looked terrified, confused. She took another deep breath and then nodded. “Right. Yes. Nightmare.”

“What is it?” He frowned, sitting up and placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“My dreams are usually rather pleasant.” She smiled weakly. “It’s difficult to say exactly, but...trauma can cause memory loss, can’t it?”

“It’s very common.”

“Right, well...the procedure to implant the stone in me had to be done while I was conscious, but that didn’t mean I remembered much of it. Apparently it’s somewhere in my memories, still, though.” She shook her head. “I’m alright. Sorry to wake you.” 

“I’ve not been able to sleep.” 

“Are you alright?” She frowned, placing a hand on his arm. 

“Yes. Just been a long few days.”

“I hear you.” She chuckled. “Hey, Vic...I--you know that I love you, right?”

He stared at her for a moment, but realized she was awaiting his answer, so he nodded. “Of course.”

“No matter what happens, you...you know that I wouldn’t do anything intentionally that hurt you, right? Even if things go...terribly, horribly wrong, everything that I might do is for me--not against you.”

“Roelia, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing!” She gave him a weak smile that was far from convincing. “It’s just...my life is so frequently more complicated than it looks on the surface. I don’t do it intentionally, but there are many things I do in order to keep those parts of my life under wraps. And with the recent developments, I--there’s a chance that I’d have to become more independent for your safety. I never want you to think that it’s because of you.”

“I would prefer you not to lie to me.”

“And I won’t!” She waved her hands. “This is...it’s so hard to actually explain without...” She straightened. “No, it’s better this way. I need to improve my control over the stone. I need to push it’s limits, and I need to be a stronger alchemist than I currently am. I’ve been hard at work doing that, but it means doing things that are dangerous and--things you’d probably rather I don’t. You just care about me far too much.” She sighed. “But for now, just let me do what I need to in order to complete that goal.” 

Victor really didn’t like the idea of doing that, but Roe had made up her mind already, and from his previous experience, there wasn’t a thing he could say to change it.

  
  


Roelia was packing up quite a few tools into her bag that morning, and Victor knew he shouldn’t question it, considering their conversation last night. Instead, he sat down across from her as she packed away a roll of knives. “May I ask you something?”

“Of course.” She nodded. 

“If I’m not going to like what you’re doing, I’d like to at least know what that means.”

She stood, turning to him and frowning, conflict clear on her brow. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Surely,  _ anything _ that you’re doing, it’d be better to have a medical professional around, don’t you think?”

Roe’s voice hitched. “I--Vic. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you, as a doctor, don’t believe in the things that I’m doing. They’re medically impossible, without explanation. All an alchemist requires is proof, and I can do it with my own flesh--that’s proof enough for me.” 

“As I said before, I believe in many things now that have little explanation.”

“But the point is,” She frowned. “You can’t do anything medically to assist me in a way that the alchemists aren’t already capable of. You’re phenomenally skilled, and very gifted, but Vic, that’s in your  _ own _ field. Leave us to ours.”

“You’re saying I’d be in the way.”

“I’m saying that you’d feel helpless, and that’s even worse than feeling left out. Just trust me, alright?” She sighed. “Look, if you’d like to see what’s going on, feel free to stop by. But understand that...that you’re not in a position of power there. You won’t stop me--nor convince my colleagues to stop. I just worry that it’d be too stressful for you. Your time is better spent here, taking care of normal things, like rental papers and picking out art for the practice. It’s more productive, and less worrisome.”

“Don’t be surprised if I do show up, then.” He sighed. “It makes me feel better to know that’s an option.”

“I’ll be gone a couple of days.” She smiled. “Don’t worry--if something happens, surely someone will let you know.”

“Can I assume that nothing should happen?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I really do need to go. I love you, Vic.”

Her affection almost caught him off guard, but he nodded back to her. “I love you too, Roe. Be safe.”

  
  


He took her advice for one day, but by the time the next afternoon rolled around, he couldn’t sit there and worry about her safety any longer, so Victor locked up and headed toward her lab. 

As Victor entered, Nina looked up and waved at him. He nodded back. “Where’s Roe?”

Nina pointed toward the back hall. She placed her hands together and hinged them open, implying that the room she was in would be open. 

Victor nodded, heading toward the back hall, and he felt Nina’s concerned expression on him the entire time. He saw Agrippa and Travis standing around a stone slab in the red room before he could see what was on it, so he announced his presence in case what they were working on was delicate. “Don’t want to surprise the two of you.” 

Travis looked up at him, then back at what Agrippa was working on, immediately realizing who he was and stepping over to him. “Whoa there, chap. You’re gonna want to take a few steps back.”

He frowned, watching Travis block the doorway, and by connection any sight he had previously. “Something dangerous?”

“Something like that.” He mumbled. “Look--”

“Is Roelia here? Does she know you’re in her lab?”

Agrippa looked over his shoulder. “Quit wasting time, Mr. Welling. I could use a hand.” 

“He really shouldn’t be involved with this, sir.” Travis sighed. 

“It doesn’t matter, Travis. I need you here, now. He’s the one who made the decision to be here, if he wants to see what we’re working on, then so be it.”

“I don’t think that’s wise.” Travis narrowed his brow, but unlike his usual mocking tone, it seemed to Victor as if he was genuinely concerned. 

Agrippa cleared his throat and Travis sighed, stepping back over to the stone slab. Victor followed him in, and felt the blood drain from his face. Roelia was laid there, chest cavity lying open, rib bones placed to the side of her, the stone--along with her organs--completely exposed. Worse, she seemed fully conscious, though not mentally present, and in excessive pain, eyes screwed shut and sweat sticking her hair to her scalp, hands gripping her restraints. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you doing?!” He snapped, turning to Agrippa. 

“What did I tell you? I knew he was gonna freak out.” Travis sighed. “She’s fine, it’s fine, Victor.”

“I wouldn’t call this ‘fine’, Travis. She’s--she’s not even sedated!”

“Well yes, it doesn’t work if she’s unconscious.” Agrippa shrugged, placing a finger against the stone in her chest. “Worry not, I’m in full control.”

“Stop, let me assist.” He shook his head. “What are you doing?”

Travis snorted. “Back away, Doctor. We’ve got it. She’s in capable hands, I promise.”

“Mr. Welling, we need that top rib sawn off as well, can you handle that?”

“Sure.” He nodded, stepping away. 

“Would you two fucking stop?!”

“Well, if we did that, she’d probably die, so, no.” Agrippa smiled that kindly elderly smile at him, but Victor wasn’t having it, and the notion of him shooing him away like a wise grandfather enraged him.

“What do you mean, she’d die?!”

“Well, her stone is only active at the moment by my energy at the moment. The process started when I touched it.” 

“Look, if you fools were going to do some--some half-assed surgery, you should at least let me assist. You need a rib cut, I can do that, just explain to me why.”

Agrippa seemed surprised. “No one told me you were  _ der chirurg _ .”

“I told you, I don’t speak German, despite my name.”

“You perform organ procedures?” 

“Yes, I’m a surgeon. That’s what that means.”

“Hm. No one told me the word for  _ chirurg _ is surgeon. Learn something new every day. Very well, hand  _ him _ the saw, then, Mr. Welling.”

“Again, why do you need another rib sawn off?”

“Access. I need to remove the stone from it’s sac to recharge it, but to do that, Mr. Welling will be inputting his own energy as a stand in conduit, to ensure she lives. Can’t risk cutting the sac itself, though. It’ll take forever to heal if we do, even in spite of the natural healing properties of the stone. The sac itself takes three months to grow.” 

Victor sighed, shaking his head, a hand on Roe’s head. To his surprise, her eyes snapped open and looked at him. “I told you that you wouldn’t like it.” She rasped through clenched teeth. “It’s not as bad as it looks--no pain receptors past the main flesh.” 

“You--really shouldn’t be speaking.”

“Quite the contrary.” She mumbled. “It’s been ten minutes. I’m checking in, as is normal for this procedure--that said--” She whinged. “This  _ does  _ hurt. So the sooner you can slice that rib off, faster this’ll go. If you don’t mind.”

“Don’t worry, Victor. The biggest worry for us while the stone is still in her is if it starts to mend her before we finish and we get our hands trapped in there.” 

“Look,” he sighed. “You’re not even using the right tool for this. You know that there’s more surgical tools for bone cutting than a hacksaw, right?” Victor turned to his bag, shaking his head. This was completely surreal. He’d think it a nightmare if it wasn’t so out there that he didn’t think his mind could dream it up. He found a bonecutter, turning back and snipping the rib away, placing it with the others. “There.”

“Look at you, with your fancy tools. You make it look easy. Stronger than you seem.” Travis smiled. “Alright, remove it from the sac, I’ll take over.”

Agrippa nodded, gingerly lifting the stone from her chest, and just as he did, Roelia shrieked, as if the full force of pain had just now hit her. Travis shoved his palm against the place where the stone had been, a soft white glow flowing from it and into her veins. She calmed immediately, catching her breath and shaking her head gently. “Sorry about that, dear.” Agrippa frowned sympathetically, shutting his eyes. The stone flashed a bright red, then separated, suspended in the air between Agrippa’s outstretched hands. 

“We’ve got about ten seconds before this fucking thing tries to eat me, Agrippa.” Travis drawled. “Hurry it up.”

“I’m working as quickly as I can, I assure you.” He nodded. The stone returning to its previous shape. He stepped forward again, placing it back into its place in her chest, just as Travis pulled back. Bloody tendrils reached up to grasp the stone, pulling it back into the sac, surrounding itself with blood and flashing again. “Good. Just going to stitch you up and you’ll be fine, alright? Better than before.” Agrippa smiled at Roe, who nodded weakly. Victor watched as he placed each rib back in place, transmutation flashing as they resealed, and he did much the same for the flesh of her chest, resealing it with not even a scar, sighing gently as he finished the procedure. “Good. You alright there, Miss Deopham?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Seems you didn’t even black out this time.”

“You’re faster and more skilled than Don. No surprises there.” She laughed, sitting up and rolling her neck. She did indeed, look healthier than she had in weeks, but now that the adrenaline had stopped rushing through Victor, he felt like he was going to be sick. The alchemists--all three of them, including the one who’d just been cut open and had surgery performed on her while awake--were laughing about how simple Agrippa had made it seem as he handed her a towel. The two men left her to redress, though, and Roelia didn’t really seem bothered about what had just happened. “Thanks for convincing them against the saw--I told them that it was antiquated.”

“Roelia.” He shook his head. “You understand just how insane that was, right?”

“Second time I’ve been through it. Much stranger the first time.” She shrugged, tightening her corset. 

“Roe, this is--you said what you were doing wasn’t something I would like, but--I never thought that it included  _ waking surgery _ .”

“Well, I didn’t expect it to, originally.” She was passively buttoning her blouse, now. “Mostly mad that Travis’ assistance meant he got to see my chest, honestly.”

“You’re entirely missing the point. You don’t think that you might want to let me know if you’re going to be doing something this dangerous? You think it’s not completely backwards to be secretive of something like this?”

“What’s backwards about it?” She frowned at him, tying the back lace on her skirt. “You’re completely losing it over this--and this is normal alchemical business--well, advanced alchemy involving the philosopher’s stone, but relatively normal. If you hadn’t walked in, you would have been able to tell no difference. Keeping this sort of thing from you is better, all in all. It doesn’t matter.”

“You lied to me, Roe. That matters.”

Roe frowned, stepping out into the main office, where the others were waiting. “I didn’t lie, Vic. I just didn’t tell you everything.”

“A lie by omission is--”

“Not a lie. It’s careful speech. Caution isn’t a lie.”

“It’s still unacceptable, Roe. I can’t--”

“Now, hold on there, Victor.” Travis spoke up. 

“No one asked for your input.” He frowned. “This is between us.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s my fault. I suggested Roelia not discuss it with you, especially this. Roelia requires improvement, she needs the training. The stone can’t stay stagnant. It needs to grow, and if she doesn’t use it, it’ll begin consuming her, which is what’s been happening to her. Roelia has been seldom using the stone for its full potential, and in that, she’s allowing it to eat at her own life energy. However, that meant that when she started using it, she was discharging energy at a rate that it wasn’t used to, and it was still in the mode where it was slowly eating away at her. It required a refill of alchemical energy in order to work as intended in the future. As it grows, the stone will require her to discharge more energy. She’ll die if she doesn’t learn to control it. It’s a difficult process, and may require that we recharge her stone with our energy more than just this time while she adapts to using it. That said, she’s now capable of sending the energy directly to a wound, closing it automatically. She grew back a 10cm by 4cm piece of flesh yesterday, in minutes. It’s working--but I knew seeing her cutting pieces off of herself wasn’t going to do anything but worry you, so I suggested she keep it to only other alchemists. I’ll take the blame. It was an order from a higher power than she.”

Victor shook his head. He wanted to argue, but how could he? Travis was right--he wouldn’t have been able to watch her do that. “Fine. But if you’re going to be cutting her open again, let me know. Didn’t I say it’d be a good idea to have a medical doctor around?”

Roe chuckled. “I assumed you were more likely to faint than to actually be any assistance, honestly.” She looked across the room. “Nina, do you think you could help Agrippa clean up?”

The girl smiled and nodded, heading into the other room. Victor sighed. “It’s...very stressful to have things like that kept from me. I want to be involved.”

“You’re not an alchemist, Doctor.” Travis frowned. “Best for you to stay out of our business. We’ve no use for a man of traditional science--you’ll only serve to be in the way.”

“Be that as it may, I’m not going to leave Roelia to do something life threatening without my assistance.”

“Still here.” Roe mumbled, leaning on her desk. “And still of the opinion that I’m not putting you in danger.”

“It would be against everything that’s important to me if I wasn’t there to protect you to the best of my ability.”

“That is not your duty, Vic. You’re not supposed to stand in front of me like a human shield.” Roe shook her head. “I never asked for that, and I don’t want it. Perfectly capable of protecting myself--much more so than your pistol is. At least from this.”

“If there’s a wild boar or something, we’ll be sure to let you know.” Travis sighed. “But as for now, we’re fighting a centuries brewing war between alchemists, or at least preparing for one, and the last thing we need is to have Roelia’s mind on anything but the mission at hand.”

“Is that what you want? For me to step away?” He looked up at Roe, seated atop her desk. “Because...I can do that, but...” He couldn’t finish the thought. It was a terrifying prospect, but he had to put his foot down somewhere.

“If I ask you to step away from this danger, you’re not capable of staying by my side, right?” She said, voice soft and empathetic as usual. 

“That’s not fair, son. She’s trying to protect you from a world that isn’t yours.” Agrippa stepped into the room, eyes hard as steel. “It isn’t right to hold your affections hostage because she knows what she’s getting into--and knows that it’s not something you should get into with her.”

“No.” Roe sighed quietly. “I understand. We shouldn’t have portions of our lives that are secret from one another--our entire friendship has been based in honesty, and our paramour even moreso. It isn’t fair of me to ask you to sit on the sidelines and retain that.”

He shook his head. “So, what’ll it be?”

“I don’t know.” She said, and she sounded just as unsure as her words implied. “I suppose I knew this conversation was coming, actually, but I still don’t know what the answer is.”

“This is bullshit.” Travis snarled. “You’re preventing her from doing her job--which you signed on for when you chose to romance her--and punishing her for wanting you safe. I thought how she treated Don was bad, but that’s just cruel. I told you, she kept the training a secret on my orders--”

“That doesn’t matter, Trav.” Roelia shrugged. “He has a right to feel hurt that I’m cutting him out of this side of things.”

“No, he doesn’t, you daft bitch--” The entire room glared at Travis, but he paid it no mind. “--he’s being unreasonable. You can’t just step away from the war, and we can’t involve some stranger in it. It would be irresponsible of her to allow you to attempt to protect her--”

“Even still, I don’t fear death, and if that’s what it would require to ensure you live, Roe, I would welcome it.” 

“And that’s the problem. I can’t allow you to die for a cause that isn’t your own--one that you’ve no stake in.”

“I do have a stake in it, Roelia. You.”

Agrippa sighed loudly. “ _ Kinder _ . The lot of you. Let me lay this out for all three of you, in its entirety. Mr. Welling--this is a fair argument between them. No one would want their partner in danger like this, especially while they’re forced to sit at home and wonder if they’ll come home alive. But, Miss Deopham, it should be noted that while you understand how he feels, you should already have prepared a response for the poor man--especially as you knew that he’d be asking when you began keeping him out of things. On your part, however, Doctor, you must understand that it’s not an easy decision on her part--alchemists are secretive by nature, and she doesn’t wish for you to die any more than you wish as such upon her. She knows the dangers and has devoted her attention to them, but that doesn’t mean she’s signed you on for such dangers by connection. So, as I see it, Mr. Welling has made his point and should remain silent, Doctor Frankenstein is slightly misguided but rightfully hurt, and Miss Deopham, you owe him a response, and you should consider that his interest in your safety means that, whether he is particularly useful, he will be a loyal ally to the cause, and we will welcome him, should you allow it.” He sighed dramatically. “Honestly, it’s been so long since I was young, I forget how difficult it is for you to navigate such matters.” 

Roelia didn’t look up from her gaze at her own lap, so Victor spoke up. “I’m not going to be blindly throwing my life away, Roe.”

“I fear that it won’t matter.” She shook her head. “A skilled alchemist could tear you limb from limb without even thinking about it--and One is far more than skilled.”

“I would rather stay with you and take a chance against it than watch you walk that path alone.”

Roe sighed, shaking her head again. “Fine. But don’t be surprised when you don’t feel that either of us are safe.”

“Better to be in danger together.” He nodded. “Thank you for not forcing me to leave.”

“Well...” Agrippa smiled. “Sounds like it’d be a good time for you to start thinking about where your skills are most useful. For now, be glad that you’re not in the dark any longer.” He shrugged. “I’m just glad the tension’s out of the room. Was practically drowning in it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 50!! Wow! Can't believe this fic has gotten this far. My google doc has this chapter at page 202, and we've broken 100,000 words. That's like a novel! Thank you for all the support, especially from a fandom as old as Penny Dreadful.


	51. Preemptive

“I’m sorry.” Roe mumbled as she eased into bed that night. 

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I do, though. I should have been more open about it. Honestly, they tell me very little as is, and I...suppose I didn’t want you to worry.”

“I’m going to worry regardless. Better to know what to worry about.”

Roe nodded slowly, staring up at the canopy. Victor frowned, reaching for her hand and pulling it to his lips. “Either way, it’s going to be nice to know I have someone on my side in this.”

“Travis is talking like the war already started.”

“I suppose, to him, it has.”

“How so?” He frowned, thumb grazing over her nails as he ran it across her fingertips. 

“Travis’ father, Mr Welling, Two--the Two before him may have been killed by One, or whoever he sent to kill him. He took it with a lot of grace, but...I dunno, it’s always been hard for him, filling his father’s shoes, trying to avenge him and his lost works. It’s why I give him so much leeway.”

“I wasn’t aware.”

“Yes, well, he didn’t even consider his death being an inside job until this whole thing started, but now it’s all he can think about. Mr. Welling passed of mercury poisoning--common in alchemists, but not common with his usual field. Then, we found that he’d been working closely with One on a project, and it included a lot more mercury than what’s usual.”

“It takes quite a bit to be toxic, does it not?”

“Yes. Alchemists used to drink it for healing, but...obviously that’s not a thing anymore.”

“No, not drinking it.” He smirked. “And certainly not in high doses.”

“Regardless, no one thought anything of it. We assumed it to be accidental, fumes, you know? But One is known for working with dangerous methods and substances, and if Two had argued with him on something, he might have killed him. Since Agrippa mentioned it, Travis acts like we’re already fighting a war that hasn’t yet started.”

“Don’t borrow trouble. It’d be better to wait until things are actually dangerous to get yourself into it.”

“You’re right. I know. Still, I’d like to improve on my practice regardless, and even if we don’t go to war for another, what, fifty years, it doesn’t change the fact that mastering my craft is what I’m interested in.”

“So, even that bloodbath in the red room--”

“It was necessary, yes. I would have done it regardless.”

Victor nodded slowly. “I didn’t want to give you an ultimatum like that. I just...you don’t want to hear this, but, the secrets, it’s how it starts, you know? The constantly going out, not telling me what you’ve gone to do. I just, I have trouble with it. It feels like you’re trying to escape me.”

She nodded, humming in affirmation. “Like Lily.”

“I’m sorry, I know--”

“No, it’s alright, Vic.” She chuckled. “Sorry to tell you, though. You got rid of me when you two left University, but you’ll have to try much harder if you want to be rid of me again.”

“That’s the opposite of what I want. You know that.”

“I do. I’m sorry if you felt I was trying to distance myself. It was far from the intention. Well, I suppose not.” She paused. “But not from you--for you. I wanted you to be safe from this, should it go south.”

“I understand, especially seeing the risks you’re willing to take to ensure that you’ll have the upper hand.” 

“It wasn’t that much of a risk. Travis and Agrippa knew exactly what they were doing and how to do it.”

“Clearly not. They were ripping your bones apart with a saw.”

“I really should invest in some more modern tools, shouldn’t I? I never really considered it.”

“I’d prefer anyone doing surgery on you be an actual surgeon. I’d prefer it to be me.”

She laughed. “I suppose that’s fair. Slicing me open is now your responsibility, should it need to be done again.” 

“That really shouldn’t be an issue. It’s surreal.” He shook his head. “You know, for a long time I...it seems odd now, but there was a time when I thought, well, after I graduated, I would have my father write that letter to yours.”

“Letter?”

“He offered that Christmas you joined my family for, you remember? He offered to write your father and request a union on the stance of class. I told him that it wasn’t like that, of course, but...I dunno, for the last while we were together there, I thought that perhaps he was right, and I would graduate and ask him to write to your family. Then at least, you wouldn’t have to be courted by every asshole your father thought might work out.”

“They weren’t all assholes.” She chuckled. “For the most part, I’m just rather picky. I dislike a man duller than I am, but if they see themselves as too smart, they treat me as less than themselves. If they take me to tea, they’ve no idea women like anything else. If they take me to a theater they’re interested in my father more than me.”

“Well, I thought, I suppose, that it made sense. Thought that I might like to be with you. So perhaps, I could have courted you myself.”

She smiled, glancing over at him. “It’s a nice thought. Our lives are a lot different now than they were then.”

“Do you wish they were more normal?”

“Sometimes, I suppose, but...Vic, my life was never normal to begin with. Always been cursed with extraordinary bullshit.” 

He laughed. “Suppose so.” Victor paused again, looking her over, considering her features, a surprisingly good mood on her face. “There were moments, too, where I thought, well,” He sighed. “Thought I’d probably lose my virginity to you.”

Roe glanced at him, sighing quietly. “Really?”

“I mean, I figured, if not to you, who else, right? I didn’t interact with many women, as was.”

“Well...I never got a say in mine, so.”

He froze, gripping her hand tighter. “Roe, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“No, honestly. It’s fine. Long time ago now. Even my family’s gone now. Can’t exactly have your father write to mine.”

“No. Looks as if I’ll be doing this on my own.”

“Doing what? You’ve already got me hooked.” She laughed. 

He nodded. “It’s frustrating, though. Sometimes I regret it. Wish it’d still been you, like I thought originally.” 

She paused, nodding slowly, before gently taking her hand back, placing it against his scalp and brushing her thumb across his ear. “Wish I could take it back for you. But that isn’t how these things work, and without our experiences, we’re far from the same people we are now.” She sighed. “The cup, Victor. With all of it’s little cracks and dents.”

He smiled. “Seems so long ago that I first walked into this lab. Would have never thought it’d lead to this.”

“Just some old friends catching up.” She nodded, turning to nestle against his shoulder, breath on his neck. “Glad you kept coming back, though. I love you dearly. Likely always did. Had you asked me, I might have obliged.”

“I...so doubt that.”

“There was always something that nagged at me. Was always just too busy to consider it. And then you left. I graduated. I started more, wilder extraordinary bullshit.” She chuckled. “Regardless, it doesn’t matter. We’re here now.”

“Well, I can’t reverse your virginity, but, what I can do...” Roe sat up, twisting to sit atop him. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever have you this close and not feel my heart in my throat.” Victor laughed, annoyed by his own nervousness. 

“Nothing wrong with that. Means you still like me.” She tipped her head. 

“Normally, I’d say anything strenuous would break your stitches, but--”

“Yeah, don’t exactly have those.”

“Agrippa’s very good. At the alchemy, I mean.”

“He is. So, Doctor, am I allowed strenuous activity?”

“Perhaps we should--ah, switch. Just in case.”

She sighed dramatically, shaking her head. “You with your missionary.” 

“Purely for medical purposes. Precautionary.”

“Sure, sure. Certainly not because you want to control the pacing.”

“It helps to draw it out.”

“Wouldn’t that just be more strenuous activity for a longer period of time?”

Victor sighed, nodding. “Suppose so.” 

  
  


Roelia had begun the day long before Victor woke, playing piano in her quarters as quietly as she could. Victor stood, padding over to her, draping his arms over her shoulders. “Morning.”

“Mid afternoon. Figured I should let you sleep.”

“Is it really that late?” He sighed, sitting down next to her. 

“You’ve been sleeping late more often lately. Everything alright?”

“Sure. I think I was just relieved.”

Roe nodded, not missing a single note as she turned to kiss him. “No need for all that. I would have never been able to leave you in the dark forever.” 

“Never know with you.” He shrugged. “I should mention, last night was...surprisingly pleasant.”

“Dare to be a little adventurous and you find something you like, hm?” She laughed. “Anytime, sweetheart.” 

Victor sighed, turning to kiss her again, pressing himself against her. Just as he placed a hand on her waist, a loud rumbling came from the main lab, and Roe shrieked, apologizing quickly for Victor’s ears, before standing and trotting out into the doorway. 

“You stupid little bastard!” She shouted, and Victor dressed in a hurry to join her in the lab, where she was swinging at Travis, who was howling with laughter. “What were you trying to do, give me a goddamn heart attack?!”

“You--ha, you--” He could hardly breathe between his laughs, let alone talk. “You screamed--so loud, Roelia! Ha! I mean, the rumor’s that you’re afraid of thunder but, I never thought a thunder board would get you!”

“Fuck you!” She snapped. “Fuck you, Trav! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Just--we made it, Missy and I made it.” He laughed even harder. “She like, accidentally put too much give in it, and now it--” He waved the metal board he was holding, and the rumbling noise rang through the lab. “I thought, this is loud enough to make an entrance with, I--”

“Get--Get out, Trav! Get out of my lab!”

“Whatever, Roe, whatever.” He sighed, finally regaining composure. “How are you holding up, did we put your organs back in the right spots?”

Roe sighed. “Well, whether you did or not, they’re all in spots where they seem to be working.”

“Good enough, then.” He shrugged. 

“I mean it, go.”

“Why, was I interrupting something?”

“And if you were?” Victor spoke up from the doorway. 

“Ooh, chap’s got a bite now, hm? What did you do to him?” Travis smirked over at him, unfazed. “If you must know, if I were interrupting something, I would tell Roelia that she needs to send over the materials we discussed at her nearest convenience, and tell her to get back to what she was so...engaged with.” He grinned. “And, since obviously that’s the case, guess I’ll be off.” 

“I don’t have them.” Roe spoke up. 

“...Sorry?”

“I don’t have the materials.”

Travis frowned. “You understand how important this is, right?”

“I gave them to Agrippa. He’s finishing the project.”

“...Roelia, this is  _ my _ work.”

“You’re getting too involved. You need to step back. His words, not mine.”

“I’m just as much a part of the committee as Agrippa.”

“Then take it up with him.” She shook her head. “Regardless, I don’t have your materials.”

Travis sighed, shaking his head. “Fine. Suppose you can’t exactly argue with him, even if I can.”

Roe shrugged. “Suppose not.” 

“I’ll see you around, then.” 

“Agrippa thinks he’s getting too involved?”

“Travis has been working nonstop. It’s not good for him.” Roe nodded. 

Victor frowned. “What’s he working on?”

“Flesh restructure. Quick transformation of organic cells into a different shape.”

“To what end?”

“Easier healing methods.” She paused. “Have you given any thought to what Agrippa asked you to do?”

“Yes, well...even when I was working with my last group, I found myself less than useful. It’s difficult.” He shook his head. “I’ll consider it further, it’s just--”

“No worries.” She nodded, smiling. All else fails, you’re my backbone.” 

“I’m barely my own backbone, Roelia.” 

She laughed. “You’ll give me something to come home to. A reason to keep at it. That, and while I’m fine to heal myself, the others could use a medical professional, regardless. You’ll be far from useless, should it come to physical fights.”

He nodded slowly, still unsure. 

  
  


Agrippa laughed boisterously as he stepped into Roe’s office, turning to her and clapping her on the back as he noticed her at the work table. Victor looked up from his seat at her desk. “I saw Nina and Pebbles on the way in. They’re looking very good, both of them. Playing in the halls like normal creatures. You’d be an excellent parent, I think, Miss Deopham.”

“Nothing like that in the cards yet, Agrippa.” She smiled. “Or perhaps not ever, if I’m honest.”

“Of course, no rush, you’ve plenty of years to waste--well, all things considered, more than most!” He shook his head. “So, Two needs you to accompany him and Missy to China. You’ll be meeting with Nine to check on his progress. Have you met?”

“Once or twice before. He’s Hong Wei, yes?”

“Yes, that’s the boy. He’s a few years your junior, but I assure you he’s an amazing alchemist. He’s working on some salves that I think you’ll really enjoy studying. He’ll also be helping you with some sigils, if you’re up for more training in that.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve met with him. The last time was the committee showcase.” She frowned. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt...too badly.”

“Don’t worry, these ones won’t be too painful. You’ll even be able to hide them. Nothing like the inked tattoos on your ankles.”

“It isn’t the pain that bothers me, Agrippa.” She chuckled. 

“Can you go, then?”

“I can.” She nodded. “For how long?”

“Just a month or so, including the journey to and back.” He turned to Victor. “Think you’ll survive without her, Doctor?”

“I’ll do my best.” He smiled, nodding at Agrippa. 

“Sorry you’ve got to go third wheel with Travis and Missy.”

“Oh, are they involved now?”

“It’s mostly a game for Missy, I think. She’s a little inexperienced.”

“You could tell, Four. This is your eighth wife.” Roe laughed. 

“Fifth!! Don’t make me sound like such a dog.” He hissed, then burst into laughter. “My lord, Roelia. Are you alright with being away from your new favorite person for that long?”

“I’ll be fine.” She laughed. “He’s not new, by the by. He’s been my favorite for many years now.”

Agrippa looked up at Victor and raised his brow. “High compliments, Doctor. And you know it, too, look at that smile on your face.”

Victor shook his head, “Good mood is all.”

“Good, good.” He nodded. “Oh, take Pebbles.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll mail you the details and tell Travis to leave you alone for a while. Take some time off.”

“You sure?” She frowned. 

“Order from the committee. You’ll need the rest.” 

“Should I be prepared for something to happen?”

“No, but it’s a long journey.” She nodded, and turned back to her worktable. “Ah-ah! What did I just say?” Agrippa scolded, rolling his eyes. 

“Am I not even allowed to clean up?” She laughed, and Agrippa pushed her away, shoving at her shoulder toward Victor. 

“Take her somewhere, Doctor. Can’t have her overworking. She’s not to return to this lab until she needs to prepare for her travels.”

“I think I can manage that.”

Roe sighed, shaking her head. “Fine, sure.” 

“Good. Now go.” 

“Kicked out of my own lab.” Roe sighed, sinking into an armchair in her home’s library. “Now what am I supposed to do?”

“As he said, rest. Have you been to China before?”

“I’ve not. Hong Wei and I have only ever met when he came to meetings here. He was a teenager when we met. Liked to fold these little paper birds. Very quiet.”

Victor smiled at her quick acceptance of all those she interacted with. It reminded him of University. She was so kind that from anyone else he would think it was false. “It’ll be sad to see you go.”

“It won’t be long.” She shook her head. “I’m honored that he’s sending me.”

"Is it that big of an honor?" 

"Don always wanted to be trained in sigils. He was enamored with the idea of having such complicated alchemy at the tips of his fingers. The fact that they’re furthering my learning in them is really impressive."

"Can you explain more about them?"

"Skin marks of alchemical symbols. You've read about my transmutation circles, they're like that, but localized on my body. It's tier twelve alchemy, very advanced but common in the East." 

He nodded. "Are they dangerous?"

"They can be. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Honestly, the danger for me is more in the fact that if I heal too much, they’ll have to be redone. The symbols have to be perfect."

Victor paused, considering his question before he spoke again. He’d been careful to avoid the subject for a long time, but it wasn’t going to stop nagging at him until he voiced it."May I ask you something?"

"Of course." 

"I'd like to know more about Don."


End file.
